JESTIE'S NOTES : Holy shit feggets we got some reviews up in this bitch. Two of them were all encouraging words but one was all "You gotta be more descriptive" so go do that. Describe the scenery better, your literary genius is at stake. Also focus more on specific characters, you're slipping asshat. We gotta be PURFECT.
Also sorry we were gone so long Stein's graduating soon so turn up for that.
Stein's Notes : -MY HONOR HAS BEEN ATTACKED!- (jk) To be fair, do recall I don't backspace until after I submit, and even then they are usually minor changes, and then I need J3stie to physically change the document since idk the account password, which she usually doesn't do. I'll go down the criticisms and regard an explanation at least. I may still be wrong, but eh, I usually wing it if you haven't noticed.
"story is very dialogue heavy. It's not as descriptive as I would like"
My goal (I guess it's a goal?) is mainly to have something always happening. I'm pretty well read thanks to Lang and Lit courses, and I still find myself always bored by environment descriptions. Environment is important when it plays a key role (IE ; Pink-Orange sunset cue romanticism) but in scenarios where they're just all together and I don't really care for the environment, they could really be anywhere. Dialogue gives it that something is always happening without any sort of hidden meaning (probably). If this were more like an inner monologue or a POV story yea description would play a much heavier part. But this is mostly on interactions as far as I know. So yeep.
"You have them all going back and forth and you don't concentrate very well on most of them; they're one dimensional."
Yes they are in fact one dimensional (to an extent). You already have all the necessary information from the anime. My goal isn't to deepen a character whose depths are understood. The only implications I take with me are "It's been a year I can probably mess around with that shit and still keep it in character." If I wanted to enhance a characters dynamic it'd be easier to start my own comic strip again, but I don't wanna find my tablet.
"I believe you made Minori too radical with the end of the chapter; she wouldn't do something like that"
"It's been a year I can probably mess around with that shit and still keep it in character."
Kushieda's character is a generic archetype for Hyper qualities called "Genki", as I recall.
It's been a year I think it's safe to say that Ryuuji, Kushieda, Kitamura, and Ami's relations have escalated since Taiga has left.
As I recall Kushieda has no problem with promiscuity, as Kitamura walked into a room once with a towel. Not even wearing a towel, just kind of awkwardly holding it. She also took pictures. Anyway yea.
I really wanna thank that specific viewer for his content in the review as (s)he seemed to have the most analysis going on, and I appreciate that. I wish I could give you a more astute piece of literature, but I'm writing fanfics. am sorray
Anyway let's get this gravy train moving.
- NOTE BREAK -
"Hey Ryuuji, what do you think of my breasts?"
The question had knocked both Kitamura and Ryuuji off their chairs.
"WHAT ARE YOU ASKING AT SUCH A WEIRD TIME?!" Ryuuji shouted.
"We were naming rooms…" Kitamura groaned in the background, injuring himself from the fall.
"Well I mean like, are they… er… nice?" Kushieda replied. She realized this could only lead south. "Why the hell did I think THIS would be how I approach this? Oh man oh man gotta think fa-"
"Honestly…" Kushieda looked up to see Ryuuji resting his head in his hands. "This isn't the kind of question I should be answering." He stated.
Kitamura began sliding back toward his chair as well. "Indeed, in fact, this isn't the kind of question any of us should be answering! We all just graduated!" he began, with his composure regained.
"G-guess you're right." Kushieda said, embarrassed.
"Also…" Kitamura started. "Ryuuji will probably never be inclined to answer such a question. As I recall him and Taiga ran away and eloped." The face he made was stern and serious, as if he had made a major discovery or accusation.
The declaration made Ryuuji red in the face and look to the side.
Kushieda had noticed this. "Good. Good sign for the Operation…" she thought to herself.
"Although…" Kitamura began again. "It's been over a year. I guess they used protection! Ahahahahaha!" His trademark laugh seeming to echo itself.
"H-hey! We didn't do anything weird like that!" Ryuuji said, evidently embarrassed of such a thing.
Kushieda and Kitamura froze at the notion, the same thought ringing through their heads.
"We didn't do anything weird like that!"
"Weird?" Kushieda asked. "Aren't you two like, in love. Wouldn't it be weird to not do such things.
"Yea." Kitamura agreed. "Even students much younger than us do it. Some of our own underclassmen, even! Nothing weird about it!"
"Hey! Quit comparing me to them!" Ryuuji shouted back. "What about you two! You two aren't even in a relationship!"
Kitamura's trademark laugh had returned, starting from a humble chuckle to his regular bellow. "Ahahahahaha! I'm saving myself for America!"
Ryuuji knew immediately what he meant, so he turned his head to Kushieda. His gaze stared her down, saying "what's your excuse?"
"I work THREE Jobs!" Kushieda announced happily, spinning about.
Ryuuji fell to his knees, defeated by these two. Their reasons, brought swiftly and soundly, had crushed his entire accusations.
"Wow!" Kitamura began. "So all of us are virgins then?"
"WE SHOULD START A VIRGIN CLUB!" Kushieda thought.
Ryuuji rose up from the floor he was kneeling on.
"That is a terrible idea…"
Just then, one of the staff members walked into the room. "I've come to update you on the situation." He said in a rather snobby accent.
The three of them then huddle around the tall man, listening for confirmation on whether they can go or not. "Mistress Kawashima and 'Taiga' have both left the master bedroom and headed into one of the guest beds. We haven't heard from them since."
"… What?" Ryuuji asked. "What do you mean you haven't heard from them since?"
"Well sir," the butler-looking man explained. "After seeing what the 'Taiga' could do, I'm afraid most of the staff, myself obviously included, aren't exactly the most keen of operatives to partake in her company."
"… I literally cannot tell if that was an insult or if he's just relaying what's going on." Kushieda stated, confused due to the heavy nasally accent.
Kitamura started laughing heavily at this, but for the most part he was ignored.
"I assure you, ma'am, it is not an insult. My goal was simply to update you on the happenings of the household. The goal is complete. Although, if you would allow, I must say it is getting rather late. If I were you raucous rascals, I would get my youthful tide to sleep!" He stated, as he walked away. "'Tomorrow, youths!" With that, he was gone.
The three hadn't noticed how dark it had gotten, there was practically no light outside since Ami's manor was so far off into a forest. They proceeded to head to the room Ami and Taiga were last seen. The hallways were lacking any sort of light, and seemed to go on for eternity. The trio used their phones light in hopes of illumination. Nothing. In spite of this, they kept going.
"I-its kinda creepy…" Ryuuji stated.
-SPLURT-
Ryuuji and Kitamura froze in place. Ryuuji turned to Kitamura, who began sweating, despite the stupid smile on his face. As the two turned around, the source of the splurt was found to be Kushieda.
Her nose had begun bleeding.
"C-c-creepy? Sp-sp-spooks? I'm s-so scared…" She stated, with a heavy blush evident on her face.
"R-Really, Kushieda…" Ryuuji began. "Is this the t-time for that? I-it's only us here anyway…" He was still jumpy from the sudden noise.
"S-sorry" Kushieda stuttered out, as they continued walking.
"You'd think a place with a hallway this long would install some light bulbs…" Kitamura said in a hushed whisper.
"Hold up. This is the door." Kushieda stated as she took the lead, stopping by the second door off their right. They could only see her eyes through the darkness.
"How are you so sure?" Ryuuji asked her.
"I can smell Taiga." Kushieda said, taking a big whiff of the air.
In normal circumstances this would be completely normal for Kushieda, but in the dark hallways with no light, and the only visible thing of hers being her eyes, the event was rather terrifying.
The three then stood around the door for what seemed like hours.
"… Is anyone going to open it?" Kitamura asked.
"No way I've gone and spooked myself with that whole smelling thing". Kushieda responded. "I'm pretty sure I sucked all the blood back into my head too. Gross, right?"
"… Well, I guess that leaves me." Ryuuji said, apprehensively. "We do this with speed and grace, OK?"
The two behind him nodded in agreement.
"1, 2, 3!"
At the call the three swiftly rolled in, Ryuuji down center and Kitamura and Kushieda at diagonal angles. Upon entering they found the room empty, but with several lights on in the adjascent bathroom and shower.
"Dude her guest rooms have Houston rooms as well what the hell?" Kushieda stated, examining her surroundings. Despite the fact that this was a guest room, it seemed more like the entryway to an apartment. It had its own lobby, which they were currently lying in, and what appeared to be a master bedroom in front of them. A kitchen to the right, along with a separate bathroom and shower, and even what appeared to be a shoe cubby.
"This might be better than the whole building I'm renting!" Ryuuji stated under his breath.
Upon saying this, a cupboard in the corner of the master bedroom had opened. Still spooked from the trip in the hall, Ryuuji slipped and fell backward, followed by Kushieda, then Kitamura.
"Aha! We're a people sandwich!" He whispered, somehow while still afraid of the cupboard ghost.
"Idiots! What are you doing! Get in here!"
As the three looked up to examine, their hunches were correct. Ami was sitting in the closet.
A thud could be heard from the bathroom.
"Hurry!" She commanded.
The three then dove into the cupboard. After some squeezing, the four of them sat with the knees over their chin. This way, there was still enough room to move around, and no one was really block anyone.
"Ami! Why have you summoned us?" Kushieda asked.
"Shh!" She retorted, pointing to the slit of an opening within the cupboard. The three looked out, and the source of the thud in the bathroom was found.
- NOTE BREAK -
Good enuff. I'll continue dis l8ur
OH GEE I WUNDER WHAT THE FUK THE SOURCE IS
I NO RITE OH THE SUSPEENZ
You sed Peenz.
I said Suspeenz. U sed peenz. Feqqet.
As a lady I'm allowed to love my some Peenz.
2bad u neber git NE
U just jelly that even as a ladeh I swim in moar poon tehn ya scrawny Asian ass.
We all know dats false.
Well then you're jelly I don't swim in as much dick. As I recall on opposite day some dude hit on you.
Because I have hips that don't lie.
You know it's not fair when you take your faults and brag about them.
It's not a fault. I'm just perfect.
If you're perfect I'm beyond that.
If that's your best comeback you really aren't.
You know what fuck you.
As if I'd lower my standards that far.
I'm fucking done we're turning this in.
