And so off he went, two days later. It was only a matter of time before it would all fall to pieces. And if he didn't know something was wrong, then he would soon enough. But I definitely made it way too obvious that something was bugging me about the whole thing. After he had told me about "cousin Jade" he slept sound. It took a lot of restraint to keep myself from violently shaking him awake and say... well, I don't know. The truth? Mostly I needed to know if it was the same Jade. It couldn't be, right? No... it couldn't be. He might've been out like a light, but it took me hours to fall asleep.

In the morning I was queasy and exhausted. John didn't wake up until later. I sat and thought. Thought about a lot of things. Mostly I thought about every possible scenario that could ever occur over the next few days. He started to stir, making me flinch a bit in surprise. John smiled at me, and I struggled to smirk back. And then I waited. Be cool, be cool. I waited while he got dressed. I waited while he brushed his teeth, and while I threw Pop-tarts into the toaster.

"So," I said as easily as possible, though I ended up sounding choked, "What's your family over there like?" He shrugged. I hardly heard him explain that his grandfather liked hunting and that most of his family did. His dad had moved away, kind of being the black sheep of the family. I could hardly hear him through the blood pumping in my ears. I tried to think of Jade mentioning hunting and plenty of examples hit me. Her bragging about catches. Her talking about getting a new rifle. Oh God, oh God. Why was this happening? Jesus.

"So are you and Jade close?" John shrugged and shook his head, swallowing his sip of milk before speaking again.

"We don't really talk except our visits. We don't have too much in common. Well... everyone kinda says we look alike. But that's about it." I swallowed and mustered a grin. I needed to know what she looked like. I already felt doomed. But I needed to be one-hundred-percent doomed.

"Looks like you? So she's hot then?" His face flushed.

"Dave!" He squealed, covering his face. It made my heart plummet. God, I was going to lose him, wasn't I? He composed himself, and I attempted to do the same. "I don't really see it. I mean... sort of but she's tanner and her eyes are green and stuff. Heh, I'm rambling." It felt like I was choking on air.

That was my Jade.

Holy shit, that was my Jade.

That was my Jade and John was going to go visit her. I could imagine them both, sprawled out in sleeping backs, Jade talking in a hushed voice about her sweetheart boyfriend. She'd tell him my name. And his eyes would widen, he'd straighten up. And he'd hate me.

I needed him not to go. I needed to get this sorted out. But this time I knew it was out of my hands. I couldn't handle this. I'd been juggling for too long and two of the pins were about to hit me in the face.

Over the course of the rest of the day and Sunday I got even worse. "Do you have to go?" I texted him. "Like seriously I'm going to be so bored." He responded quickly.

"God, don't worry. It's not like I'm going to be gone forever." I threw myself down on my bed. sighing and rubbing my eyes with my thumb and forefinger. He was going to be gone forever. At least he'd want to spend that long having nothing to do with me. I considered breaking up with Jade. No, then she would be upset about her boyfriend breaking up with her. And there was even more of a chance of the both of them finding out. I couldn't do it.

When John left, I didn't have the strength to move much. I sat around the house. I watched stupid reruns of shows I hated. I stuffed my face full of Doritos and Pepsi. And Monday rolled by. It was hard to sleep. I ignored texts. I got a few from John, which nearly made me have a panic attack. But they were only updates like "Almost there!" or "Man, the traffic is crazy!" By the end of the day he was either too busy or too angry to text me. Sleep was difficult for the third month of the day.

Tuesday inched by. I watched more television, screwed around on the internet, ate more crap. A message from John. "How's your vacation?" I told him it was boring. Boring was not even remotely the correct word for what was going on. I needed someone to talk to.

Oh. I ruined my friendship with Terezi. And Bro? I wasn't going to tell him about all this. I had no idea what I would even say, or how he would respond. I shakily held my phone and scrolled down to Terezi's contact. I felt like crap. Now I needed her. Now I wanted her help. I turned off my phone.

Wednesday was creeping by. I could hardly manage to eat. There was a huge lump in my throat, and I felt even more nauseous. Then, the afternoon hit.

Oh God did the afternoon hit. One message from John. Two, three, four. A message from Jade, then more, before I could even get the message app opened.

EB: what the fuck

EB: dave
EB: we need to talk

EB: like

EB right now

I blinked and swallowed and opened Jade's messages.

GG: dave?

GG: dave!
GG: you better be there!

GG: we have something to talk about. right. now.

I shakily held my phone, hardly breathing. I blanked out, not able to move. It didn't hit me. That I'd messed up. It couldn't be real.

It couldn't be happening. I couldn't be losing John. No, no, no. I looked away from the phone, burying my face in my knees. I gritted my teeth, a wave of hatred washing over me. I groaned loudly, clenching my phone tightly still. It began to ring. I stared at it for two more rings.

John.

I carefully picked it up and held it up to my ear. "H...hey."

"I can't believe you," he hissed. I swallowed, knowing it was time, for once, to tell the truth.