A lot of people have been waiting for this moment! It's "the show down" for a lack of better words. Last chapter I gave you a small glimpse inside of Jax's head so you guys had a complete sense of where both of these people stand on the subject matter. Going into this chapter, remember a few things: Jax is confused and in shock. His mind is a bit all over the place because he just found out about Lana's pregnancy and he doesn't know anything else about it except that he's the Father. Lana has decided she's keeping the baby under any circumstance, and she's a little scared that Jax is going to consider this situation a threat to his life and family with Tara. Lana doesn't want to ruin Jax's life. Hope you all enjoy! Thanks for sticking with me!
Chapter 7-
Lana moved inside, leaving the door open as an invitation for Jax to come in. Her heartbeat began racing again as he closed the door and flipped the deadbolt lock. Her palms started sweating, and she quickly wiped them on her yoga shorts. She didn't dare turn her back to him, fearing that he might lose his temper at any second. She felt like she was in the pit with a bull that just might charge her at any moment.
She knew that she would have to face him after he had caught her and Tara in the kitchen, she just didn't expect him to come to her house so soon. She had hardly enough time to process that he knew she was pregnant, and just moments before she had been fluttering around her apartment like a confused butterfly unsure of what her next move should be. Hell, she still wasn't sure what she should do next!
Her place was small, and she saw her open suitcase from where she stood in the living room. She should have just went through with it and left when she had the chance. Now she felt trapped...and scared. Jax stood just a few feet away from Lana, and she found it hard to read his expression. His eyes looked sad, but they burned with fire. His nostrils flared with anger and his mouth was set in a scowl. The silence was suffocating her.
"Jax," she started quietly, not trying to get a rise out of him but unable to take his judgmental glare for any longer. She still wasn't sure how he might react to everything. "Jax," she repeated, "I'm...I'm sorry..." "Tell me what I came here for, Lana" he interrupted her, "I need to hear it from you."
Her eyes searched his face, and for the first time she could see that he was just as lost as she was. He looked pained, and she felt a tug from deep inside. The friend in her wanted to reach out and comfort him, but then she remembered why he was there, and a lump formed in the back of her throat again. Lana took a deep breath and closed her eyes when she spoke, "I'm pregnant, Jax. It's your baby...but I know you've figured that out by now." She squeezed her eyes tighter waiting for whatever blow back Jax was sure to cause now, but nothing happened. She slowly opened them and found him with his head hung, nose pinched between his thumb and forefinger.
Lana felt like her chest was tightening from the anticipation of his response. Her head was a whirlwind of activity as she said, and re-said, over and over in her mind exactly what she had just told him. This was all happening right now, and even though she wasn't as prepared as she wanted to be, she'd have to pull it together and lay it out on the line. It took her almost a full minute to realize she had stopped breathing, and gasped out for air. It caught his attention and he glanced her over, pursing his lips.
"Shit," Jax mumbled before sitting hard on Lana's couch, "damnit." 'Well', Lana thought to herself while still trying to catch her breath, 'he's not breaking anything.' She moved slowly to the couch. Jax was tensed, and looked like he could pounce at any moment. She had to be careful. Although this wasn't happening like she had planned, this would have to be her chance to explain all those things she had rehearsed over and over in her head. She sat as far opposite him as she could out of caution.
"Jax," he didn't look at her, "I was trying to find a way to tell you, I swear." He rested his head on his hands. It almost looked like he was vibrating, but he still wasn't talking so she continued. "I told Tara that I had a one night stand, and that I really don't want the father to find out..." He gave a slight nod, "you keepin' it?" He still didn't look in her direction and his voice was strained. Lana wiped her sweaty palms again, "I, I..." it was really hard for her to say it out loud to him "...I am, yes. I decided a few weeks ago that I would keep it."
"You decided," he snarled, making Lana put back up her defense and cower away. "I don't get any say in the decision then?" Finally he turned to look at her, brows furrowed. "I made the decision KNOWING I'll have to do this alone, Jax." "What the fuck, Lana?" his voice grew, "how can you make all these decisions, these...these assumptions without even talking to me first? Do you even know what you're doing!? Did you not just tell me that it's my kid too!? That it's OUR kid, and not just yours!? Jesus..."
Lana shrank back into the couch, listening as Jax stood and began to pace the length of her living room. There was the Jax she had imagined in the scenerios in her mind. "A baby isn't a fucking puppy that you just get to have without any repercussions on anyone else's lives. Babies are hard work, Lana. Having a kid is a huge decision to make by yourself. I mean, what do you want me to do? I have a wife and two boys at home, this shit is going to ruin a lot of lives once it gets out! And you just decide to keep it and hope for the best without even telling me? Like how I might fucking feel about it all doesn't even matter? It's my kid too!"
She felt the tears well up in her eyes and her lip began to quiver. The way he was talking to her really hurt her feelings. She had thought long and hard about what she was doing and she was confident in her decision. But, she realized then, she had been so focused on Tara's reaction that she hadn't even thought Jax would want any kind of say in anything to do with their baby outside of forcing her to get rid of it. With the tears starting to fall, Lana stood to defend herself, "I didn't ask for this, Jax! Do you think I wanted to get pregnant? Do you think I want to lose Tara and have my entire life turned upside down? I made the decision on my own, just like I'll raise this baby. I don't care how hard it might be. I don't need you at all, and that is why I didn't tell you!"
She lied through her teeth. She knew she just hadn't told him because she was terrified of what his reaction might be, but she wasn't about to admit that right now while they were arguing and he was already tuned up. He shook his head, "I knew I shouldn't have slept with you. God damnit! I knew it. I knew something like this would happen, but I was too focused on hurting Tara to give a shit. I should have just left you alone." He sat back on the couch, breathing heavily.
Lana stood in the middle of her living room with her arms spread in a shrugging motion, "it took both of us to do this. I chose to sleep with you too, like an idiot, and this is our karma. But it doesn't have to ruin..." "You don't understand, Lana," he growled, interrupting her again "...I did this. I wanted to have sex with you to hurt Tara for leaving with my boys. I planned it the second you showed up at my house."
She furrowed her brow, "you...seduced me on purpose?" Jax nodded as Lana felt the tears springing back up in her eyes. Normally she would have been irate, but in her current hormonal state, she was more sad than anything. She was stuck here. Between the rock and a hard place was where she lived now, and it was all for some little ploy to get back at Tara?
"Why would you do that to me?" she began to cry, sinking down into herself and wrapping her hands in her shirt above her tiny growing bump. Jax had been in her house less than twenty minutes and she was crying for the second time. This was definitely not how she had planned on breaking the news to him.
Lana didn't notice his arms wrapping around her, and she only became vaguely aware of his presence when her nose filled with his scent. His warmth surrounding her came second. 'No' she thought 'get off me.' She started pushing at his chest, "don't touch me." He let his arms drop in defeat. "Listen, Lana," he started, obviously trying to repair some damage, "I'm sorry, a'ight? I don't know what I was thinking...a man can do some dark shit when his head ain't right. But I got you into this shit, and I won't let you dig your way out alone." She just shook her head, walking back to her couch.
Lana wasn't accustomed to feeling used, but right now she felt so awful. She had a moment of weakness and Jax had preyed on her. Her life had become so complicated because she was only human and he needed a revenge fuck. "How can you keep doing it, Jax? How can you just...how do you cheat on Tara over and over? How can you do it out of spite?"
The way his mouth twitched made her tense. She knew she hit a chord calling him out, but right now she didn't so much care. He had just dropped a bomb on her and she wanted to return the favor. Sure, technically Tara had left Jax at the time she had hooked up with him, but that didn't excuse a handful of other times Tara had caught him in the sack with someone else. "She loves you, and you just betray her...how can you keep living with that?" The tears had stopped flowing, but they remained in her eyes as he replied, "how can you?"
It was like a punch to the gut. He was right, that was the worst part. She criticized him for sleeping with other women, but hadn't she made the decision to sleep with him too? Of course she had. "Shit" she whispered, sitting back on her couch and placing her hands on her stomach again. They had both messed up. Maybe she really wasn't alone like she had thought. Lana had come to terms with what she had done to Tara, maybe it was time to give Jax the benefit of the doubt, especially in her current state. "I'm sorry, Jax. I didn't mean to say what I did..." she trailed off. She was starting to get a headache.
Their conversation had taken a serious turn, and she didn't need to be talking about the infidelity that she herself was also guilty of. "Look," Jax read her mind, "I'm not here to talk about any of that shit right now. If you want to talk about how bad of a person I am later then we can, but for now there's more important shit we need to talk about, a'ight?" He was right, again. They hadn't accomplished anything while he was here except for some yelling and blaming.
At twenty-eight and thirty-three, Lana felt like they should be able to discuss their baby as adults. She nodded her head in agreement and he blew out a long breath, deciding to sit back down next to her. "What kind of medical bills do you have?" he asked, clearly trying to take the high road. His tone was calmer but Lana could tell he was still a little worked up. They were both still shaky, but for the sake of their sanity, they were going to try and focus on the matter at hand. All the blaming and yelling in the world wouldn't change the fact that Lana was pregnant.
She leaned forward and grabbed the small stack of mail off of her coffee table. She sorted through it and grabbed the two bills from her OBGYN. One was from her initial blood work and sonogram to determine her pregnancy, and the other was from a more recent visit to make sure things were going along smoothly. She handed them to him, "that's all for now. I go back next month to find out what I'm having."
He took the pieces and shoved them into the hidden pocket of his kutte without so much as glancing at the amounts, "I'll take care of them. I'll figure out somewhere for you to send the rest that's under the radar until we can figure out our next move." He was going to pay her baby bills? "You don't have to do that, Jax. My brother offered to help me..." "Does he know?" he cut her off "...that I'm the Dad?" She shook her head no, "nobody does. I'm just sticking with the story I told Tara." He nodded again, "ai'ght, well...he doesn't need to help you now. Make up some bullshit reason to tell him he's in the clear, I don't care what it is, but I'll take care of any expenses you rack up because of the kid." Jax paused for only a breath, "I don't know what you expected from me, but I'm a man and I handle my own business." "We're not your 'business'. At least we don't need to be. I don't want to ruin any lives, Jax. Especially the boys..." she trailed off, anxious for his response. This is the stuff she had been so keen to talk about.
Jax sat still for a moment, clearly still processing all of this new information. He ran a hand over his face and exhaled, "The club...we're involved with some dangerous shit right now, because of what I have to do to lead us out of this bloody battle." Lana sat quietly listening to Jax lay it all out to dry, "I haven't been the husband Tara deserves, like you so graciously pointed out, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't go to drastic measures to keep my family intact. Everything I do, I do for them with the ultimate goal being to get the Sons back on track to running legal and minimizing any kind of danger or harm that might come to the people that I love most. The last thing I want to do is lose them...Tara, the Club...both are my priorities, but my boys are my world..."
He trailed off as Lana realized she had leaned forward, anticipating the let down with every word, half hoping he would change his mind and walk away while being half thrilled he seemed interested in being involved. Jax sat back as he continued, "...the baby is mine, too. I love my wife, but my kids...my kids mean everything to me. I don't want to lose Tara, but if you're set on keeping the kid, then I can't just let you go off with my son or daughter and never even know their name." He wanted to help her, Lana realized.
Jax wanted to be there for his child. He didn't want to destroy his family, but he couldn't live with himself if he just shipped off his own blood like it was meaningless. "I don't know what to say..." and she didn't. It felt like a release valve had been turned on and the weight that had been unknowingly crushing her flew off. The air seemed lighter even though Lana knew there was still so much they would have to go through. The feeling that maybe she wouldn't be alone after all was elating!
"I can't ever give you that happily ever after though, you know that right?" Jax interrupted her happy train of thought. Of course she knew that. If there was a way for Jax and Tara to work out their differences, and her baby still have their Father then that'd be the most ideal situation. "I know," she answered simply. As kids, family had always been the most important thing to both of them. Lana had never expected that she'd be in a situation where she would be a single Mother. She had always thought that maybe she'd get married someday, settle down and have a couple kids with a loving husband. She wasn't raised to accept any other way, but here she was now, knocked up by a powerful biker with a family of his own and stuck on the idea of keeping her child.
Jax searched her face for a second before cracking his knuckles, "you're an awesome girl, Lana, that's got nothin' to do with it. Under different circumstances, who knows..." "Jax," she interrupted while placing a hand on his arm, "I said that I know. Tara isn't going to want anything to do with me once she finds out...but you're her husband, she'll do whatever she can to keep you guys together." 'I hope' Lana added on in her mind., "and I already told you that I don't want to come between that."
Jax wasn't reacting violently or out of sorts because he was reassured that Tara would't go anywhere, and that Abel and Thomas would grow up in a happy home. If Lana let on that she was just as nervous and unsure about Tara's reactions as he was, she wasn't so sure he'd be remaining so calm. Hell, it was already taking her everything to hold it together at the thought of losing her best friend, the last thing she wanted to happen was another shouting match like earlier.
Jax sat thinking for a few minutes before running a hand through his hair, smoothing back a loose piece, and opening his mouth again. "You don't deserve this shit, Lana. I'm sorry..." he turned toward her, grabbing her hand in his and rubbing her palm with his thumb "...you're a good girl, you've been nothing but good to my family." He sighed a heavy sigh, "I'm sorry it's gotta be like this, but I'm sure you'll be a great Mom under any circumstance. You've been amazing with my boys, and I bet they'll be happy getting a new brother or sister." He trailed off again, looking past Lana as he delved into though, "I'm gonna be a Dad...again..." He still held her hand, but he had stopped rubbing her palm with his thumb. Lana placed her other hand on top of his, comforting them both.
Over the next few months her and Jax would have to become closer than they had ever been before. They both knew their friendship would have to develop again if they were going to get through this pregnancy, and Lana wasn't opposed to accepting Jax as her closest friend if she needed to in order to provide some sort of stability for her baby. It was so far fetched, but maybe she wouldn't have to leave Charming. Tara didn't have to be her friend, she didn't have to forgive Lana for her mistake, but if she could forgive Jax and accept his son or daughter then that would be more than enough. That is, if she didn't fall off the deep end after finding out the truth. Which brought Lana full circle in her conversation with Jax. It was her turn to sigh heavily.
"Jax..." he glanced up from the floor "...how are we going to tell Tara?"
So Jax is (mostly) on board! How do you think they should break the news to Tara? How do you think she might react? Please leave me a review, because I absolutely LOVE hearing from all of you! Feel free to PM too if you want! I try to respond to all of my PM's, as some of you know!/ Thanks again everybody, and stay tuned for "part 2" of Jax and Lana's conversation!
