Chapter 7
Letters
"Claire, honey, this came in the mail for you," Mom announced one afternoon the week before school started, and I stared at her.
"Really?" I asked, accepting the envelope, and did not recognize the handwriting at all. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd gotten a letter from anybody...in fact, I don't think I ever received one my entire life. Strangely, the envelope didn't have a return address, either, so I had no clue what to expect. I pulled out a single piece of fine paper, and realized at once who had written me.
Dear Claire,
I hope this letter finds you well and happy, and I miss you very much. The few weeks we spent together in New York were wonderful, and I wanted to say I am proud to have you as my daughter.
I apologize if I seemed to be distant in regards to certain subjects, and I want you to forgive me, sweetheart. If I thought the timing was right, I would have sat down with you and told you everything about myself, everything about Peter, and how it all started. Unfortunately, it is a very difficult situation at the moment with the election, and everything I do or say is monitored exceptionally close. I am even taking a risk writing, but I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since you left.
What happened between your mother and I that day when I came to see her in Texas has nothing to do with you personally. When I saw your photo on her cell phone, my heart nearly broke. I wanted to find you at once and take you home with me. I have not made myself the most approachable, but you are not at fault, and I never want you to think otherwise. What is happening right now is dependent on so many things, a lot of which are too complicated to explain in detail.
I love you, Claire, and I will be there for you, always. I know you are feeling lost and scared, but I hope you will take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. Please write to me as soon as you are settled in school, and tell me how everything went. I wish I could be there. The boys and Heidi say hello, and are desparate to have you back.
Nathan
I read the letter more than once, feeling tears well up in my throat. God, I missed my father so much. He would be very busy with the campaign over the next couple of months, I knew, but the fact that he wanted to start a regular written correspondance with me meant a lot.
As soon as I had a moment, I brought the letter to Peter, who looked very impressed. "You've really charmed him, Claire," He told me. "Nathan is willing to drop everything to write you a letter. That means a lot."
I beamed, glad to hear the words. "I'm going to miss him," I said quietly, and Peter suddenly noticed my sparkling wrist, and held it up. "Oh...West got me that," I said, my cheeks warming a little.
"What's next, an engagement ring?" he teased, and I stuck out my tongue.
' "So how are the wedding plans going?" I asked, and Peter made a face. "That bad, huh?" I asked, and he took a deep breath.
"Slowly," he muttered. "You would think it's next week the way she goes on and on about flowers, where we should have the reception, her dress, and honestly, does she really think I have an opinion on what colors the bridesmaids gowns should be? I've never even heard of half of them! Oh, and we've been to six different Catholic churches in the city and she still can't make up her mind. Six, Claire."
"Jeeze." I grinned. "well, she wants the day to be perfect. It's completely natural."
"Eventually I'm going to wind up in a fetal position sucking my thumb before it's all over," He muttered, and I laughed, placing my hands on his shoulders.
"Be a good sport," I begged. "It'll all be worth it."
"I know," he agreed. "I love Caitlin so much, and that's the only thing that's keeping me from strangling her in her sleep."
I rolled my eyes. "You would never do that," I said. "And if she needs a second opinion, I'm always available. Or at least, whenever my school schedule will allow."
Peter chuckled. "That's right, you start next week. How nervous are you?" He went to the fridge and pulled out a soda, handing it to me without even asking. He of all people knew about my caffeine addiction, and I had to keep my doseage up.
"On a scale of one to ten? Seven," I admitted, and Peter laughed. "I know I'll be fine, and considering what's happened in my life the transition from high school to college should be nothing at all."
"It's a life change," Peter told me. "It's perfectly normal for you to feel anxious. But once you're settled, everything will turn out all right."
I nodded, checking my watch. "Well, I should go...I have to get some more packing done, and I think Mom wanted to take me out dorm room shopping tonight."
Peter gave me a hug, and watched as I left the apartment.
I got home, and Mom whisked me away to the local shopping center, where we browsed Wal-Mart for sheets, a comforter, all sorts of bathroom supplies, and I replenished my school supplies as well. My head was spinning by the time we went to grab dinner...Dad and Lyle were fending for themselves.
When we returned, I found Dad in the most interesting mood. He was muttering under his breath, and looked about eight shades of purple. Mom asked him what had happened, and he immediately whisked her away into his study. As always, Mom revealed to me that Nathan had offered to pay for my tuition, room and board, and managed to secure a private suite for me instead of having to deal with a roommate. "Dad felt obligated to accept?" I asked, and Mom smiled.
"I think he had no choice," she admitted. "By the time Nathan called the deal was set. I smoothed it over for now, though, and reminded him we still have to put Lyle through college. It would not hurt to have an extra hand, and I think a private suite would be preferable given your circumstances."
"True," I said, rolling my eyes a little, and eventually padded up the stairs to my room. I pulled out a piece of lined paper from my desk, and decided to write a letter back to Nathan. Certainly not as elegant, but I normally relied on e-mail or text messaging as my main form of communication. Strange that I literally received one from him that day, though I had a feeling I should keep his letters a secret from Dad. I didn't want him burning them out of rage.
Nathan,
Thank you so much for your letter...it meant a lot to me. I'm doing very well, though I am pretty nervous about going to college. I will definitely write and tell you everything in as much detail as I can remember about my first day, though I wish you could be there in person to see for yourself.
I completely understand that you can only talk about so much with me right now. I am sure you don't know anymore than I do about what is happening to us.
I had a great time in New York this summer, and I can't wait to come next year. Tonight Mom took me dorm room shopping, which is slightly overwhelming. Oh, and I wanted to say that I appreciate that you are paying my tuition. It wasn't necessary, but I know you're trying to make up for seventeen years, and I think you've done a pretty good job so far. Not that I expected anything more than just to be allowed in your life, which you have done. I just wish I could see Meredith more often, and I am sorry that she moved to New Mexico. I have text messaged her about you, and she is extremely happy that you changed your mind.
By the way, I think I'm going to have to make regular checks on Peter. Caitlin seems to be scaring him with her excitement over the wedding, and I'd hate to see him do something rash. I know he'll go through with it, but he looked ready to hide under the table the second I brought it up.
Anyway, otherwise, I am just trying to enjoy what is left of my summer...only a week, and it's definitely weighing on my shoulders that school is starting again. Ugh.
I love you so much, and I hope to see you soon!
Claire
The move in day came so fast, I couldn't believe it. Mom, Dad, Lyle and Peter helped me get settled into my suite, and were impressed by the size. "I thought all dorm rooms were match boxes," Peter complimented as he set a box down on the floor, looking around. Once we got everything into the room (I promised I would handle the unpacking later), Mom insisted we go out for lunch.
"Oh thank God...I'm starving," I told her. "Last real meal before I start facing college cafeteria food."
Dad smirked. "Clairebear, it can't be that bad," He said, and I looked at him.
"School food in general is bad," I said, and he put a hand on my shoulder, leading me through the front door. We sat in a small but very good café about twenty minutes from campus, and I felt slightly homesick looking at everyone. It didn't matter that I would be coming home on the weekends; I would be living in a dorm room with complete strangers for most of my college career. I never had many friends growing up...well, I thought the girls on my Odessa cheerleading team were, but I found out otherwise.
I thouht about Nathan's letter in my pocket, that I kept on me for good luck today. Maybe that sounds corney, but I couldn't stop reading the letter...it made me feel so good about everything. I wished Nathan could be here, too, but it was impossible.
After lunch, Mom and Dad dropped me off at school, and both hugged me long and hard. "You'll be fine," Mom promised, staring into my eyes. "And if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to call, okay?"
I nodded, chewing on my lower lip. "Be careful," Dad warned, and Mom gave him an irritated look, but said nothing.
Once my parents left, I walked into my dorm, holding my head up. When I was safely in my suite, I pulled my cell phone out and dialed Nathan's number. He picked up immediately, and my heart started thudding in my chest.
"How's it going?" he asked, and I sat down on my narrow bed, glancing around.
"It's going," I replied. "I just finished having lunch with my parents and Peter...and I'm officially a college student on my own now."
"You'll be fine," Nathan promised. "What's the room like?"
"Amazing," I insisted. "You'll be getting a letter from me soon, but I wanted to thank you in person for helping out with tuition."
"Claire, it was the least I could do," Nathan told me. "I wish I could be there, but unfortunately..."
"It's okay," I said. "I know."
"Listen, sweetheart, I have to go, but I'm glad you called. I'll talk to you soon, okay?"
I felt tears welling in my eyes, and tried not to loose it. "Yeah," I half-whispered. "I love you."
"I love you too."
We hung up, and I stood, heading towards the window, and peered out over the UCLA campus. Kids were already walking around aimlessly, getting their bearings before classes started on Monday. I was staring through a set of beautiful, tall trees in the center of my dorm grounds, when someone awfully familiar caught my attention.
"Oh jeeze," I muttered under my breath, and realized I'd locked eyes with the Haitian. My Dad was relentless...I hoped the haitian (never figured out his name) wouldn't creep students out by hanging around visibly too much. I text messaged Peter The haitian's here, and watched as the message successfully went to my Uncle's mailbox.
Trying to be normal comes with a price, Peter replied, and I rolled my eyes, flopping on my stomach on the bed with a groan. Unfortunately, for people like us, that would be the case more than likely until the end of time. "At least you're not alone," I told myself, before I slung my purse over my shoulder, and decided to make the best of it.
