New, full chapter, on the one-year anniversary of this project. yippy yippy yay... I finally have time to complete a chapter of this after a 7 month break, and I'm guessing that itll be another 6 months before i have time to think about a chapter 8. unless i get like 3907598379 reviews. then ill start thinking about it in 5 months. So normally I would tell you to stay tuned, but that might be a waste of effort in this case.
For those wondering, chapter 7 takes place sometime during FMA chapter 44. Chapter 8 is where i will start to deviate from the manga plot, and this story starts becoming a real 'fanfic'.
Now have fun reading
it. And review it, especially if you dont like it. Being put down will
only make me stronger... and whinier. thank yew so much for reading RE,
and see you all in may.
- kaizen
nov27
Chapter 7.0 – Try Honesty
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ,7. Done, take the backup...1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, reload...1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. She's still there... 21 shots... 21 hits... and she still stands there. Still breathing. Casually wiping away the blood as though someone had just accidentally spit on her.
What are these, tears? You're in the middle of a fight...why are you crying? Fight it, fight it... fuck it. I've done all I could. 21 shots and she's still there. That thing... that thing took Roy away from me... I had 21 clean shots, and she's still here... and Roy, where are you?... I failed you, Roy. I wish you were here, here so that you could here me say I'm sorry, sorry that you trusted me with your back, because I didn't get the job done. Get away from me, Alphonse. Let that thing do what it wants to. Nothing really matters anymore. Go away, Al, you're in the way... dammit, I said go away! GO AWAY!
"GO AWAY!" Riza half-yelled out loud. Then she opened her eyes.
Down the hall, a few of the nurses and patients threw curious glances at Riza Hawkeye. As Riza straighted herself up, the stares of the people around her made her blush slightly. As the onlookers sensed that there would be no follow-up to the sudden outburst, they slowly turned their attention back to their own business. Feeling stiff, Riza massaged her left shoulder with her right hand. I fell asleep... she scolded herself mentally, as if she had done something shameful. Those homonculi might come back any second, I can't sleep; she got up and streached her legs a little. She looked down and saw a few drops of a watery substance on the front of her uniform. Is... that better not be drool, she thought to herself. She then looked at the clock in the middle of the hall... I must've slept for at least 3 hours... how come nobody woke me? She strained her memory to try and recall whether she had dreamed of anything during her slumber; she could not remember anything in particular. As she stood there, the door directly in front of her opened, and out stepped Kain Fuery. Seeing Feury suddenly snapped Riza back to her senses and reminded her of the severity of the situation. The Fuhrer might be involved witht he homoculus. And Havoc was paralyzed from waist down.
"You can go in now if you want." Fuery said in a small voice.
"Have we had any new developments?" Riza enquired.
"Not much, really." Fuery said while scratching his head. "Havoc's in there," he gestured toward the room; "Falmans filing his report on how he was 'held hostage'. And the Colonel is having a checkup to see how his wounds are coming along. It may take awhile, he took the map that you guys were looking over earlier with him. Breda's with him."
Riza smiled and looked down toward the floor. She felt encouraged that this wasn't a dream; Colonel Roy Mustang had saved them all and defeated the homonculus. He was alive.
"I was going to wake you up when we saw you sleeping half an hour ago." Fuery continued; "But Colonel Mustang told us to leave you be. He said that if a woman doesn't get her beauty rest, they'll wake up cranky and intolerable, and that the first lieutenant was usually intolerable enough as is."
As Fuery chuckled while recollecting what Roy Mustang had said, Riza could only allow herself a bitter smile. If the Colonel had gone back to doling out dry humor again, he must be well... I should be happy... but am I really intolerable?
"Eh, he was joking." Fuery quickly added once he caught a glimpse of Riza's facial expression; "In any case, why don't you give Havoc a visit?"
With that, Fuery started walking down the hall toward the reception desk of the floor.
"Where are you going now?" Riza asked as he walked away.
Turning around for a seconds, Fuery scratched his head and half-bowed apologetically. "I'm going to get the Colonel a clean uniform, like he requested... then I'm going to check up on Black Hayate." He was out of sight after a few more steps.
Satisfied with his answer, Riza refocused toward the door in front of her, which was slightly open. She already knew what she was going to see inside, and it pained her to think about the state that Jean Havoc was in right now. However, she was not cruel enough to ignore him just to keep herself comfy. With a deep breathe, she siezed the knob with her right hand while knocking on the door twice with her left. Then she entered the room.
There were two beds, one which was currently unoccupied. On the bed closest to the window, Jean Havoc sit on his bed with his back propped up against a pillow. Light streamed in from the window and illuminated his bed as though a spotlight had been cast on his position. Small particles of dust could be seen wafting in the air around him; the sunlight bounced off the metallic rails of the bed and almost blinded Riza, who switched her gaze momentarily from the glare of the light to the world on the outside. It was a beautiful day.
"Hey there, lieutenant." Havoc said, acknowledging Riza's presence for the first time.
"Hi." Riza answered with a smile. She sat down on the chair next to his bed; she was glad that Havoc seemed to be in high spirits. "Did you make a decision yet?"
"Not really, but I guess everyone knows the answer already." Havoc answered. "Did you get his uniform yet?"
"It's been sent for, yes. Fuery has it covered."
"So he's really going ahead."
Sensing that the conversation was heading toward a negative direction, Riza tried to be supportive. She could not imagine working without Havoc also being around, but at the same time she also felt the need not to pressure him toward any particular direction. Riza had known Havoc for many years now, and occasionally in the past they would strike up a short conversation, which was more than she could say for the rest of the staff at HQ, except maybe Fuery. She knew that beneth the womanizing, smoke-drenched exterior was a highly intelligent and mentally sharp man; that was the man who was lying before her now. Before she could say anything furthur, Havoc seemed to read her mind and spoke first.
"You told me the last time you saw me that he isn't going to throw me away. Well, quitting would be a horrible way to repay the Colonel after he puts faith in me."
Riza smiled; that was exactly the answer she was hoping to hear.
"I'm glad the Colonel convinced you to try and rehab."
"There's something about Mustang, you know," Havoc said while shifting his eyes from Riza to the empty bed; "when I... when I told him to leave me be, I really meant it. I really thought it would be best that I get out of the way of you guys and just retire."
Havoc's eyes then met Riza's; he pained smile was one that did not look familiar on Havoc's face, but it was one that Riza could empathize with, as she had grown accustomed to wearing the same sort of look on her face lately. A small breeze moved the curtain by the window, and more light came into the room, temporarily blinding Riza again. Havoc continued to speak in a soft voice.
"But there's just something about Colonel Mustang... when he said that he would leave me I thought it was over. But when he said he would wait for me at the top... I might have still whined about what a stubborn person he is, but I knew right there an then that either by crawling or walking or whatnot, I would have to catch up to him eventually."
This time it was Riza's turn to stare toward the empty bed.
"The Colonel really has a way with people, you know."
Havoc gave Riza a puzzled look; "Are you okay, lieutenant?"
Riza turned her body back toward Havoc, suprised by the sudden personal question.; "I'm fine. Why do you ask?"
Havoc chuckled a little but maintained eye contact with Riza; "Like shit you're fine. I've known you long enough to know that your game face has somehow been disrupted. What's with it?"
Riza squirmed in her seat, trying to think of an answer to give Havoc. It would be easier to give him an answer if he hadn't just read me like a storybook...
"You're worried about Mustang, right?"
All the voices in Riza's head spoke at once. Deny it!... but he's right...Well that's no reason to show weakness, deny it with a witty comeback, just like we've done a thousand times before...but he's right, and he knows it... Well, smother him with his pillow!...shut up, I can't think straight...
"Yes."
Havoc looked pleased with himself; "And you have feelings for him, right?"
"Yes."
Havoc was now stuck in a corner; he had not expected Riza to admit to this so easily. Before he could think of a suitable follow-up question, Riza spoke.
"You probably knew for awhile, didn't you?"
Havoc sighed, as Riza was now wearing a look of resigned defeat. All cheekiness and any attempts at jokes would be useless now; honesty would dictate the conversation from now on.
"Well, I figured out as much. Me and Breda use to joke about it alot, but these few weeks have really opened my eyes. What happened to you?"
Riza did not feel like telling Havoc that Roy had shown up to her door not too many nights ago, but even though she was able to keep that certain piece of information to herself, a wave of mized emotions was loosening her tounge and the secrets her mind had so fiercly guarded for a long time.
"Nothing much... just a few insignificant things..." She whispered. Her hands clutched the bottom of her uniform.
"That almost exactly what Mustang said when I asked him the same question." Havoc said with a smile. "A few days ago I was bored and I asked him whether he had feelings for you at all, since you and him have known each other for so long. He gave me the the same kind of non-commiting answer, mimbling 'It's complicated' and shit like that." Havoc then used his arms to prop himself up a little higher; "It's almost as though he couldn't outright deny it because he was afraid of the consequences."
Riza gave Havoc an uneasy look; she did not feel comfortable with the direction this conversation was going, but at the same time a part of her longed to hear what Jean Havoc had to say about all this.
"It's funny how one needs to be so close to losing it all to fully realize that there are things worth risking everything for."
"Enough!" Riza stopped Havoc with a sharp outburst. Havoc stopped speaking, but refused to look away from her as she continued.
"You saw for yourself, the things we're up against! Anything that I unnessesarily do or say will only complicate things, the Colonel is exactly right! You should know as well as anyone that as army officers we set our priorities straight..."
"Well," Havoc answered; "it seems that the lack of communication between you and the Colonel might be hampering your preformance."
Riza was close to tears again; she wished Havoc would look away from her, but his gaze did not waver. The man was watching the pieces of her mask disintegrate with no emotion. The light from the outside covered half of his face from view, lending him a mask of his own.
"Then what should I do?" Riza asked with a hint of genuine helplessness. She normally didn't ask anyone for advice, but this situation could hardly be called normal; "Do you have any answers for me?"
"I actually don't know. I can't answer anything because I don't know the question." Havoc said, finally looking away from Riza. He turned his head toward the window and closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of the sunlight across his face. "Have you ever considered just being honest and just saying whatever comes to mind first?"
Riza didn't answer immediately. She had fantasized about doing that with Roy many times, but now the thought of actually doing it to Roy's face terrified her to no end. The last time Roy had shown up in front of her in private, she had spoken with purpose and preparedness; she could not predict what would happen if she didn't prepare what she was going to say.
"That's just a crazy suggestion. You don't have to if you don't want to." Havoc said without looking back at Riza. "All I'm saying is that I'm tired of seeing all your sad and confused faces. No more lies... no more witty comments... just speak to each other as human beings instead of barking at each other like army dogs. What you feel for each other is there and isn't going to go away on it's own, so deal with it instead of pretending it doesn't exist. Then, you'll probably have a good chance of getting answers. Asking me anything is useless, only one person can answer all those questions in your head."
I don't have to if I don't want to, huh... Riza suddenly got up from her seat.
"Get some rest, Havoc. Rehabbing injuries is never easy." Riza briskly stepped toward to the door and opened it. "I'll check up on you later."
"Wait, I don't even get a thank you? No 'thanks for giving me advice, Jean'. None of that?" Havoc whined and raised his arms.
"I'll thank you once I'm done." Riza then exited the room and closed the door gently.
A small breeze blew through the room after Riza left. It was a warm day, and the breeze was a welcome guest in the stuffy room. Havoc allowed himself to slump a little bit downward; the light continued to pour through the window, now illuminating all the objects in the room and giving Havoc an unexplained positive feeling. He had come to terms that he couldn't move his legs by now, but he was also tired of thinking about himself and pitying himself all the time. There wasn't that much to be down about, in any case; the sky was bright and almost cloudless; in the yard outside, children, accompanied by a few nurses, played and ran around in the sunlight. It was a beautiful day. As he looked out the window at the blue sky, Havoc spoke out loud to himself.
"Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy...you son of a bitch...I wish I had a smoke right now..."
Two floors down, Roy Mustang sneezed.
"Are you okay?" A nurse asked.
"Yeah, yeah." Roy said while rubbing his nose.
