Chapter 7 - Despair

The days, and nights, were certainly passing slower than ever. Lily woke up panting, and sat up with a start before she realised where she was. The dark walls of the dormitory seemed to close in on her as it quickly dawned on her that it wasn't exactly morning yet. Far from it actually, she reasoned, looking up at the intensely black night. The stars outside shone calmly, mocking her flushed and panting figure sat up poker straight on the bed amongst the other quietly sleeping girls. Nobody around her was stirring, which was a good sign at least. At least she hadn't been screaming again. She sighed and sunk back down onto the fluffy pillows that surrounded her. Things couldn't go on like this.

"Hey, Alice? ALICE!"

Alice turned to see a panting boy running towards her from across the courtyard. It seemed strange now to see him without the chubby little boy who was usually perched on his hip these days. He looked a little lost, even, as he ran his hands through his hair, trying to catch his breath.

"Er, can I help you James?" she peered around him to see Remus sitting on a low wall a little way off on the other side of the yard, bouncing the baby on his knee good-naturedly. "I didn't hear you shouting…" he laughed, still a little breathless.

"No bother, I guess I just wasn't loud enough or whatever." trailing off, he straightened up properly and cleared his throat. "Can we talk? It's sort of important." he nodded back towards where Lupin and Harry were sat, and gave her a tentative smile.

A few minutes later, Alice was sat with Harry on her lap, laughing at his tentative attempts to produce more sensible sounds than his usual babbling, encouraged by James and Remus. She left James soon, and returned to lessons determinedly. Their conversation played over and over in her head, and she knew that she wouldn't be able to silence it until she talked it over with somebody - and she knew who that somebody should really be.


"You know it makes sense Lils." Alice stroked her friend's hand as they sat by the fire, lily staring deep into it's depths, looking slightly distraught.

"I don't know anything about babies though!" she burst out, looking around at Alice desperately.

"And James does? It's only for one day." She smiled reassuringly at her. "Just take him for a walk or something, feed him and he'll be happy. He doesn't need much."

The red-headed girl sighed and shut her eyes. She'd known that she couldn't avoid this forever, not with James getting more and more insistent every day. She should have known that it was only a matter of time before he'd gone behind her back and appealed to Alice, or one of her other friends. Although saying that, these past few days had seen less and less of her so called friends acknowledging her smiles or returning her waves in the common room. Only Alice remained, and it was Alice that she turned to now, laying her head on her shoulder and shutting her eyes in defeat.

"Fine. Tell James I'll take him at lunch time, if I really have to."


The Great Hall quickly filled with bright sunlight and student's voices almost simultaneously as lunch time approached, both bringing with them the cheerful optimism that always seemed to hover in the air in springtime at Hogwarts. Heavy cloaks were flung from carefree shoulders as hundreds of young witches and wizards piled into the room and hurried to the long benches where food was already beginning to appear on the huge tables. Soon the air was filled with chattering and homely smells, transforming the grand and imposing hall into a warm and friendly place. Baby Harry had never seen so many people before, and as he sat awkwardly on Lily's knee, it took all of her concentration to stop him from toppling over into the bowl of mashed potatoes that sat in front of them both. Alice sat nearby nervously, glaring at the first year students nearby who were whispering and pointing at the unlikely pair. Most of the students were actively avoiding looking in Lily's direction however, something she was almost glad for. She made another desperate grab at Harry as he almost wriggled himself free, and finally stood up, gathering him up clumsily in her arms.

"Ali, I'm going to take him upstairs" she shouted back over her shoulder at Alice who was now deep in conversation with a friend of Franks. She looked up startled to see Lily still wrestling with Harry who seemed to want to be anywhere except her arms. Her long red hair swung free of it's hair band as she hurried around the huge wooden doors and into the relative calm of the entrance hall. She struggled over to the staircase, and sat down heavily, placing Harry carefully beside her on the bottom stair. He paused in his wriggling and looked up at her, their bright green eyes meeting for a few moments. It unnerved her how comfortable he was staring straight into her eyes like that. Lily watched carefully as his face began to screw up in an unsightly manner, signalling his imminent crying fit. His eyes never left hers once as he began to bawl, until she shut her eyes and buried her head in her hands, trying to block out the shrill sound. She sat quietly, watching through her fingers as he slowly got more and more agitated, obviously distraught at her disinterest. Lily looked up at the doors leading into the Hall, and hearing the benches starting to scrape against the floor as the students finished their lunch, made a split second decision. Dropping the blanket that she was holding in her arms, she stood up and raced up the stairs, leaving a howling Harry behind on the top step. He sat, alone and frightened as Lily disappeared around the top of the stairway, hair swinging wildly and panting heavily.

Alice was one of the first out of the Great Hall, and her footsteps echoed on the marble floor of the entrance hall as she stepped through the doors, chattering away to a friend. The cries rang out equally loudly across the marble, catching her attention immediately, and she sprinted over to the staircase where the small boy sat, fists clenched and seemingly giving his very best mandrake impression. She scooped him up, blanket and all, and spun around to face the crowd of people gathering behind her. She saw Sirius first, playfully shoving Peter, his face twisted into a laugh that she couldn't hear over Harry's cries. Then Remus, on his own for once, looking rather pale and a little withdrawn. Finally, she found the boy she was looking for, and as soon as her eyes found him, he seemed to finally hear the pitiful screams of the baby. He raced across the entrance hall, eyes blazing, pushing students out of the way as he made his way through the slow moving crowd, many of whom had stopped to stare at the unfolding scene.

"What the hell is this Alice?" he asked, taking Harry from her immediately, soothing his cries a little. "Where's Lily? Why is he so worked up?"

"I don't know! I just found him on the stairs here, all on his own!" Alice's own voice was raised in anger, and for the first time, she could not find it in herself to defend Lily's actions. "I don't know what she was thinking, he could have crawled off or gone outside or been trodden on or- where are you going?" she cut off, as James strode up the stairs clutching Harry close to him, who had now contented himself with grizzling quietly and twisting James' shirt in his fist. She followed him up the stairs, jogging slightly to catch up with him as he practically ran up the huge staircase. "James!"

He didn't stop, or even glance back. He simply strode on, with one purpose in his mind - he needed to find Lily.


Alice and James burst into the common room with similar intentions. Both of them forgot them immediately when they saw Lily in the corner. All of the anger seemed to melt away from James as he looked at her, curled up and crying almost as hard as Harry had been just a few minutes earlier, though thankfully not as loudly. He handed the baby gently to Alice without a word, and walked over tentatively to Lily. She turned her face away as he approached, and shrunk back from his arm as he sat down next to her. They sat in silence until Lily had finally stopped shaking with the sobs that racked through her, and James had felt the last of his anger seep away from him as he heard the desperation in the small girl's crying. It was definitely true, they both realised - things couldn't go on like this.


Hey there :] hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I promise things will be lightening up soon! Thanks, as always, for your lovely reviews and comments, they are far nicer than I deserve ^_^