Genesis placed his wrist over his eyes, book forgotten in his hopelessly rumpled sheets, still smelling of Sephiroth. He contemplated cleaning them to lose himself in a menial task, but he simply couldn't…or wouldn't. He wanted to have at least a part of Sephiroth still with him, no matter how trivial it was. Still, his mind couldn't focus on anything but that man. How he'd stormed into his apartment, his heart, literally breaking it when he left just as abruptly. He'd had a part of Sephiroth he never really expected to have, but at the same time he felt like he was holding onto nothingness. Sephiroth was like a ghost, coming into his world unseen, unknown. Nothing else mattered, he realized. He realized what he was using as a bookmark was an old newspaper clipping of the three of them: he, Angeal, and Sephiroth. He was standing close to Angeal, his hand resting on his shoulder. It bespoke their kind of closeness, but Sephiroth….though he was also standing next to them, could have been standing miles away. His eyes were downcast. What was he seeing? His body language was that of helplessness, looking lost in his own reverie. Every picture of him looked lonely. It was then that he realized how lonely the man's existence was, even with his two best friends.

Why did Sephiroth feel the need to distance himself? Genesis wondered. Clearly there was something about his past he didn't know. The way Sephiroth behaved tonight made that very clear. There was so much of Sephiroth that was hidden, yet he had allowed Genesis to see glimpses.

Part of him wished he could have just accepted Angeal when he came to him with his feelings. It would have been so easy. They knew each other so intimately. Angeal had been his first kiss, his first everything. His life in Banora had been so lonely, and he often lived vicariously through the other boy. He went to school, while he had been home schooled by the governess who made her way to him every day to teach him about the past, about his future. She was older than him. He still remembered her smell. She was comforting, too, and their relationship had turned into more than just governess and student. He partook of her, too, just like he had of Angeal. It was easy, and it helped ease his loneliness. She had traveled the world teaching students, privileged youths like Genesis. She was worldly and beautiful. But she wasn't Sephiroth. Neither was Angeal.

He still remembered the governess fondly. The way her eyes crinkled when he mastered his studies. He was smart—she could see that, and despite their age difference, their relationship was something that comforted him. He had been fourteen when they had their first sexual encounter. The previous summer was when Angeal had expressed his feelings and couldn't really return them. It wasn't that he didn't like Angeal, but he didn't want to hurt him. Still, Angeal had said it wouldn't hurt. What a bad liar his friend had been. The first time they had sex, Angeal had cried. He tried to hide it, but Genesis knew. How could he not? The governess was different. She seemed to understand what they were. He confided in her where he couldn't with Angeal at first. He told her about Sephiroth. How his heart belonged to a boy who didn't even know him. He showed her the letters, Sephiroth's tight small script devoid of any frills, his words beyond the years of just a simple teenager. He liked to believe Sephiroth was schooled much like he was—by someone who was hired to show him a world he had simply dreamed of. But he knew Sephiroth traveled. He had seen evidence of it in the papers—Sephiroth standing next to important people in pictures, looking like a lost old soul trapped in a teenager's body.

The governess helped him with his letters, often composing them with him in his bed, naked. And then she was gone. Genesis's parents found out about their little trysts and had her fired. Genesis was both relieved and feeling empty once again. He confided in Angeal then, telling him about how they would spend their time pouring over those letters. They lay in the grass beside the Banora White tree, talking about Sephiroth, about the governess, and Angeal kissed him then too. It became a frequent thing that they kissed beside that tree, doing more occasionally. Genesis's heart felt broken, although Sephiroth was just a phantom to him. Angeal helped dull the ache. He knew what he was doing, knew he was using him, but he didn't care. His heart hurt, and he felt lonely, much like he imagined Sephiroth felt too.

Angeal was too understanding. It made him mad often.

"Why do you let me use you?" He'd ask, anger in his eyes.

"I'm yours to use. My heart belongs to you," he'd shrugged. This only made Genesis angrier, but he didn't stop using Angeal. He'd often picture a different set of hands touching him, a different mouth claiming him, a different voice telling him that he loved him. His heart felt heavier, more broken for it. He knew Angeal's heart was broken too. There was nothing in Banora for the both of them, so they both decided to join Shinra together. He knew Angeal was partly joining him to be close to him, but knew his destiny lay at the heart of Shinra too. His father had been a military man, and they often dreamed of SOLDIER because of destiny. Angeal was always one foot out of Banora because of his tie to his sword, his father having died serving men who did not care about honor. But they didn't know that then. They simply dreamed of different lives, both of them tied to Sephiroth, to serving him. Their fates were decided when Sephiroth made the title of General at fifteen. But they would have to wait a year before they joined Shinra, both being a year too young to join. That was when they met Professor Hollander.

Hollander was a man wrapped in mystery. Gillian knew him for many years. There seemed to be a secret between them, and Genesis always wondered about it, but dared not bring it up to Angeal. Genesis was always envious of Angeal's sword. His father had gone broke making it, and it was a sight to behold. The steel was fine, and the handle was wrapped with the finest leather. It had an elegance and savagery to it, just like the man who wielded it, like the man Angeal was becoming.

It wasn't that Genesis didn't like Angeal. He was certainly attracted to him, certainly jealous of his easy grace despite being a large young man. He was powerful, his muscles came easy to him, where Genesis's did not. Ever since he was small, he was a lithe form, and his muscles did not come easy. It was only after the mako injections started that they began to fill out, whereas Angeal was muscled from the start. He often did hard labor, planting and tilling land to help Gillian pay for the mortgage on their simple little home. Genesis loved Gillian like a mother. Her home cooking was always made by her hearthstone, and she was easy to love too, but she didn't come without her secrets.

Hollander started injecting them with mako a year early before they joined the military under the pretense of a bridge program. He was in direct competition of Professor Hojo, who normally oversaw the mako injections of SOLDIER operatives, and they were no SOLDIER, but Hollander stated that they were going to be. They would be admitted to Third Class directly when the time came. Just like Sephiroth had been.

Mako changed Genesis's eyes from a grey-blue to the color of the sky. Angeal, who had stormy grey-brown eyes, changed to the color of stormy blue skies. If it was at all possible, he became even more muscled. Genesis, for his part, was still lithe, but he had power to his form too. He lost any baby fat he had, his cherub cheeks becoming lined cheekbones. If it was possible, Angeal loved him more. And he still only craved that one man who was unattainable, but who was becoming more tangible.

Genesis remembered the first time he met Sephiroth in person. They were still fifteen. Sephiroth was the youngest member of SOLDIER then, the youngest General in the history of Shinra. He had already won the war in Wutai. Genesis had grown since the mako injections, and was very near Sephiroth's height. Angeal was taller than the both of them. Mako made everything easier but the weight of Genesis's poor heart. He expected it was the same for Angeal, who often looked at him longingly.

"Your eyes are lovely like this," he remembered him commenting when they had turned. Genesis had smiled and repeated the sentiment about Angeal's eyes as well. He really did have lovely eyes, even before the mako, and hoped that one day someone would look into those stormy eyes and claim them, tame those rolling oceans for him.

He remembered when he first saw Sephiroth's eyes up close. No one in SOLDIER had eyes that color. No one had grey hair like that. He was one of a kind, so beautiful it hurt Genesis's heart. His beauty was otherworldly, making Genesis feel plain and ugly in comparison.

"Don't worry," Angeal had whispered. "You look beautiful together. Two halves to one whole. Fire and ice," he'd said. Genesis almost didn't believe it. He'd grown up feeling like he didn't belong in Banora. He often felt like he didn't even belong to his parents, who looked nothing like him. They were older than Gillian, and he often suspected he was adopted. It explained a lot, at least. His mother wasn't The slightest bit maternal, often cold. Though she was beautiful, there was a haughtiness about her, and her eyes were grey. His father's eyes were brown. They made some excuse that the grandfather Genesis never knew nor had any pictures of had had blue eyes. It was easier to think of himself as adopted, as he had no love or attachment to his parents.

Sephiroth was accompanied by Hojo when they met, whereas the two others were accompanied by Hollander. Hollander and Hojo were completely different scientists. Hollander treated the two boys as wards, whereas Hojo was cold and distant with Sephiroth, but obviously possessive. He'd had his hand against the small of Sephiroth's back, and though he was shorter than the teen, there was some resemblance. High cheekbones, shining black hair, and dark eyes glittered behind the scientists's wire-rimmed glasses. Hojo would have been handsome if he wasn't so sallow, so chronically sleep-deprived. Genesis wondered if Sephiroth would have had black hair if he hadn't had mako injections since birth. Or at least, that was the rumor—that he'd been born in a mako tube, or at the very least placed there shortly thereafter.

Sephiroth wasn't an easy man to meet—he was a boy really, like them, and he was taciturn. Hollander and Hojo put them to swords almost immediately. They met like that the first few times before they were put to lessons together. Genesis had been eager to try out Rapier. His father had had it made by a master weapons maker in Mideel. The man was a former member of SOLDIER, someone well-versed in the art of Materia. Rapier had ancient runes running down its red blade, Genesis's favorite color. It was rich in the abundance of fire Materia, and Genesis found that he could inately conjure those runes to wield fire without real Materia being slotted in the weapon. It was said that Sephiroth had no Materia attached to his sword, that he could just conjure without it. That he shared this ability with Sephiroth, even with just one spell, was something that made Genesis feel special. As for Angeal, he was woefully inadequate with Materia, but he made up for it by being very well-versed in the art of sword fighting. He had had a basic sword given to him by Shinra, claiming he did not want to rust his father's weapon, though he always carried it.

Genesis didn't know how long he was ruminating on the past until the light of dawn was streaming through his window. There was a buzz at his door and he rose to dress in his pajama pants and silk dressing gown before opening the door. There stood Angeal, waiting patiently.

"I'm sorry it's so early. I only wanted to know how you were doing," Angeal said softly. "It's been a few days since I've seen you."

Genesis smiled warmly and allowed the man in.

"I'm fine," he lied.

"Bullshit. I know you saw Sephiroth the other day and now you're brooding in your apartment. What's happened?"

"Everything," Genesis breathed, allowing Angeal to walk passed him into the living room.

"Well, start from the beginning."

Genesis ran his hand into his hair and looked lost for a moment before he began. "I saw Sephiroth at the festival, and we tore at each other like animals. We kissed, we did more….but he left me. Then I saw him the other day and we had sex. Just before he was here, too, and he….he let me have sex with him, but it was like he was imagining someone different." He almost felt guilty admitting that last part, knowing how Angeal might feel about it. They hadn't kissed or had sex since they made it to Midgar, but there was still a world of tension between them. Angeal was easy to go back to, but he didn't want to do that, not with Sephiroth in their lives.

"I see," Angeal sighed. "Is there another?'

"I doubt it's current. I think it's someone he used to be with. He admitted that Hojo knows about us and is not too thrilled, to put it mildly. He wants me dead or something."

"Or something," Angeal repeated, eyebrow raised. "You'd better be careful."

"I know," he commented. "But a part of me doesn't care. As long as Sephiroth doesn't care."

"Does he truly not care about your wellbeing?" Angeal questioned. "That doesn't sound like Sephiroth. Though your friendship isn't easy, it's clear to anyone who can see past the rivalry that he does care. He cares about both of us. We're his only friends. He loses weight every time we go on long missions."

"I know," Genesis said carefully. "He tried to warn me. He said…well I got the impression someone he cared for was taken from him by Hojo. There was Gast. He died because of Hojo. Do you think it was him?"

"You think Sephiroth was lovers with a man twice his age?" Angeal asked incredulously. Genesis shrugged.

"He claims they were friends. I just don't know who else it could be. But Angeal, I think he was raped."

"Raped?" Angeal asked, his voice incredulous again.

"The way he was…you'd have to have experienced it. He promised me he was broken, and that I'd never take him. But there he was, telling me to just fuck him without any lubrication, and he even bled, he was so tight. He just…he told me he wanted it to hurt and he refused to let me cure him after."

"That's strange," Angeal admitted. "Did you really take him like that? Without any lube, making him hurt?"

"He wanted it. He wasn't hard at first, but then he was, and he seemed to want it very badly. Like I was cleansing him of the past. But also repeating it."

"Huh. Strange. Did you enjoy it?"

"Half yes, half no. I didn't like being imagined as someone different. But it was my name on his lips, so he was present."

Angeal only looked at him sadly. Of course he understood. He had been there, and probably still was in love with Genesis. It made something clench in Genesis's belly, the way Angeal looked at him.

"Are you happy?" Angeal asked. "That you have something physical with Sephiroth finally?" It was a question which had no easy answer. Angeal was supposed to be easy. This felt like anything but.

"I wish I was happy. Instead I'm sad."

"I see," Angeal sighed. "Does he know you have feelings for him?"

"Yes. I told him. That first night, when we were playing chess. I told him then. We kissed. He kissed me. He said nothing. He's still said not much. Just that he wants me. But dies he really?"

"I wonder. You two have always been like a storm, passing in the night, leaving destruction in the morning for me to clean up."

"I'm sorry," Genesis said, bowing his head. "I know it's not easy for you. Seeing us like this."

"I wish he'd just see your heart, how it breaks for him."

"You wish I'd see how your heart breaks for me, too," Genesis said. "How easy it'd be. But I never wanted easy. I'm…a terrible friend."

"You're not," Angeal sighed. "I don't hold it against you that you love another. I did…at first. But I've grown."

"You did?" Genesis asked, surprised, though really he shouldn't have been.

"It always hurt, seeing you pine for someone else. But I'm passed that now. I've come to believe that love is just not meant for me, that my work, my destiny is in my honor."

"Oh Angeal," Genesis sighed. "My dear Angeal…don't say such things. There is no hate, only joy…for you are beloved by the goddess. Hero of Dawn, Healer of Worlds…."

"Loveless again?" Angeal asked fondly.

"You truly are beloved by the goddess. Be patient, friend."

"My legendary patience grows thin," Angeal admitted wanly. Genesis only smiled sadly.

"You'll find someone perfect for you….just wait."

"Oh Genesis, but I already have. You see that, don't you?"

Genesis sighed and stood, leaving Angeal to dress in his room in his uniform. Angeal was already in his Second Class uniform.

"Let's go spar, friend, it will take some of your pain away."

"And yours," Angeal added.

The two friends left the apartment and went to level 49, hoping their tiredness would leave their bones and lighten their hearts a bit.