Chapter 7. Envy, the Jealous
Envy was still shaking as they fled through the never-ending corridors of the Briggs Fortress.
If Kimblee had been any other human then he would be dead by now. No one had ever spoken to them like that (aside from their siblings) and lived. It was a general rule that they did not tolerate humans, but Kimblee had always been... different. But that was over now.
The realisation that this might well be the end of their working together hit Envy harder than they cared to admit, but any confusing feelings were quickly masked by anger.
As they emerged out into the crisp mountain air, Envy immediately assumed their preferred appearance without so much as changing pace. The first impact of their nearly bare feet on the snow should have been jarring, but they were so consumed with rage that they were barely aware of the cold.
Things had been fine between them, good even, until Wrath had sent that stupid girl up. That stupid, beautiful, perfect girl who Kimblee had been unable to take his eyes off. That girl with the lustrous honey blonde hair and big, azure eyes coated in thick dark lashes. That girl who represented everything Envy would never be, but craved more than anything…
Envy kicked irrationally at the snow, trying to rid themselves of the monstrous images of their true form which streaked through their mind. It was disgusting, they were disgusting. Despite working so hard to make their outward form so pretty, lithe, muscular… cute, Envy would never be anything more than that thing.
They shouldn't have been surprised that Kimblee would rather talk to her. It was a self-pitying way of thinking which Envy would never normally have indulged in, but seeing Kimblee so enamoured with someone else, attentive in a way Envy had thought was reserved just for themself, brought out Envy's darker nature. After all, they had been named for their jealousy. It was all encompassing and it threatened to swallow them up into a pit of despair. But their anger was still too raw, too powerful. They pushed all thoughts of jealousy aside, because admitting it would mean admitting that Kimblee's attention mattered…
…Which brought them to another thing.
'You stayed because you thought that's what I wanted?' Kimblee had said. His words echoed around in Envy's head, mocking their weakness, and despite their anger Envy couldn't help but feel bothered that they couldn't provide a satisfactory answer to his question.
XXX
Envy had been walking for at least an hour before they cooled off enough to wonder where they were actually going.
The mountainside was covered in at least two feet of glistening snow; it was a beautiful, if harsh, landscape. But Envy was in no mood to appreciate it. As the dusk settled, the temperature dropped even further, and in the low light, it was getting more and more difficult to avoid the deep snow drifts.
After falling on the uneven ground for a second time and ending up waist deep in a drift, Envy resolved to turn back. It was cold, and they were tired and hurting. Kimblee had exposed their weakness, he knew he was... important to them, and that made it even more difficult for Envy to pretend that he wasn't. The need to return to him and set things right was matched in intensity by the fear and anger which had compelled them to run away in the first place. But there were no words Envy could think of to undo the damage, even if they had wanted to—which I don't, they added harshly. No, they would simply return in a new disguise and take a car back down the mountain. There was no need for Kimblee to know.
Envy pulled themself up out of the snow and backtracked a few steps before realising that the light wind had disrupted the snow's surface enough that most of their tracks were obscured. Great, they thought, spinning on the spot, trying to make out any distinguishing features in the terrain to indicate the way back to Briggs. Snow-covered peaks loomed in all directions, and to Envy they all looked the same in the low light.
Kimblee would know where to go, came an unbidden thought. Kimblee and his photographic memory would definitely be able to point out the correct path back to the mountain fort. But Kimblee wasn't here, and Envy was alone.
With no other options, Envy set off again. The chill in the air continued to increase, and the cold was becoming almost unbearable. Envy crossed their arms around their body for warmth and gritted their teeth. They could walk for days up here and not come across civilisation. In theory, that wasn't a problem for a homunculus with nearly unlimited healing power, but Envy had never dealt well with being cold.
Snow began to fall softly and soon Envy's hair was covered with the stuff. Their fiery anger from earlier was now fully extinguished, and the inevitable shivering had set in. The sky was now pitch-black, and away from the big city lights, the carpet of stars shone more brightly than Envy had seen since… since those nights in the Ishval desert. With him.
Without the mask of their anger, thinking about Kimblee was painful. Envy hadn't realised how much energy it had taken to bury their growing attachment to the alchemist.
Memories of that night in the hospital, which Envy had tried desperately to forget, flooded back. For the first time, they were able to admit that they had been scared for him, lying unmoving on the bed while his life bled out. It reminded them of how fragile and human Kimblee really was, and yet despite that, being nestled up against him, taking comfort in feeling his heart beneath their hand… it had been sort of… nice.
Envy continued to shake but now it was only partly from the cold. A strangled sob escaped their lips. What was happening to them? Had they gone soft? What would their siblings say… what would Father say?
XXX
At some point in the middle of the night, Envy became aware of a few lazy red sparks moving over their body. It was unexpected, because finally, after hours of walking in the snow, Envy had finally stopped shivering and couldn't feel the cold any more. Strange that they would begin to heal after they had finally started to warm up.
Hypothermia, their brain supplied after a momentary delay.
Could a Homunculus even get hypothermia? Before today Envy would have guessed no, but their symptoms seemed to fit. They supposed that in the extreme cold of the North they just couldn't heal fast enough; still, it would be fine as long as they could just get somewhere warm to heal up fully.
Envy continued walking, trying to pick up their pace, although they stumbled more frequently now, as if they weren't fully in control of their coordination. They were also aware that their breathing had slowed down.
If I could just lie down for a moment…
Envy shook themself; even with their Philosopher's Stone slowly healing them, falling asleep out here could still be fatal. Lust's death had proved that their stones weren't infinite, in the most devastating way.
Several times they tripped over the rocky outcrops, which resulted in a couple of deep, bloody gashes across their legs; tears stung at their eyes as they picked themself up after each tumble, although Envy refused to let them fall. They may be a pathetic mess right now, but even that wasn't enough to totally extinguish their pride. They would find something soon, they told themself… maybe they'd accidentally circled round and would come face to face with Briggs again? It was a foolish hope, but it was all they had to cling to…
Envy was becoming concerned about how slowly the lacerations seemed to be healing now. Was it that their stone was too preoccupied to even handle a few cuts and grazes? They shook their head forcefully, trying to dislodge the fog which seemed to have seeped into their mind. Snow was flung in all directions as their dark hair streaked out around them, but other than that it didn't have much impact. Envy felt vaguely panicked; how long could they continue like this?
A feeling of sick fear settled in the pit of their stomach. What if they didn't find anywhere safe? What if their stone was expended here, in the wintry desolation of the mountains? Would anyone ever know…?
Would anyone ever care?
XXX
After the longest night, a weak sun finally appeared above the mountain line. Early morning rays lit up the valley, adding a glittery sheen over the white snow.
Through blurred vision, Envy could make out buildings in the distance. They knew they should feel relief, but feeling anything right now felt like too much effort, and it was all they could do to place one foot in front of the other.
Envy could taste blood in their mouth as they approached what they assumed to be a moderately sized town. The mountains had not been kind to them, and their legs were covered in smears of red from the numerous falls. Envy was used to blood, but not their own, and it bothered them more than they would have imagined. Not only because of the pain (although that was bad too), but because of the weakness it represented. Humans bled; it was humiliating to be reduced to their level.
Finally, Envy made it to the border of the town. It had an eerie feel about it, and a sort of dense and heavy silence hung in the air. Envy vacantly wondered where the inhabitants were, but they didn't have enough energy to bring themself to really care.
They wandered through the maze of abandoned buildings looking for a source of warmth. The healing sparks were crackling constantly over them now, working overtime to keep their body temperature above freezing and retain some level of functional awareness. Somewhere in the complex network of the town's intersecting paths, Envy spotted an open window. With significant effort, they pulled themself up and tumbled through it, landing in an unceremonious heap on the floor. Envy's energy was close to spent. They crawled a few more feet to the corner of the room and curled up into themself. Their eyelids were so heavy that Envy barely noticed the dusty interior before their eyes slipped shut; Envy was gone in seconds.
XXX
"... Don't hesitate. Pull the trigger as soon as you get him in your sights…"
"... Neatly and quietly…"
A gasp.
"... Surely we don't have to kill him?..."
"... He's too dangerous…"
Envy heard the voices first. They didn't catch the full conversation, but it was enough. Whoever was in the adjacent room was plotting an assassination.
They opened their eyes quickly, and squeezed them immediately shut to protect against the now-midday sun which flooded into the room.
"... Can't we prevent him from using his alchemy?..."
Alchemy? Who were these people and their unsuspecting alchemist target?
More cautiously the second time, Envy opened their eyes, giving them time to adjust to the daylight.
The room they were in was sparse: a few empty cabinets stood against one wall, and a table which had definitely seen better days had been pushed against another. It seemed as though anything of value had been removed long ago, and the dust looked undisturbed, save for the trail of blood leading from the window to Envy's small corner.
Envy stretched out their pale legs and surveyed the damage. There was none, as far as they could tell. It seemed as though the rest and the slight increase in the sun's temperature had been enough to allow them to fully heal up.
They tried not to feel too relieved; it was far easier to lie to themself about how pathetically they had acted the previous night.
"... We'll need you to distract him while we get into position, can you do that?"
Envy zoned back into the conversation taking place in the next room, trying to figure out where they were and what they had stumbled into the middle of. They wanted nothing more than to escape these godforsaken mountains, but if it would be possible to avoid a fight then that would be greatly preferred.
"I suppose," came a second voice. Envy recognised it instantly: it was the annoying Fullmetal kid.
What's he doing here? Envy had thought Kimblee's plan was to retain the Elrics to use in carving the crest of blood; why would he cut them loose, here of all places?
"And don't tell any of the soldiers from Northern HQ; we don't know how loyal they are to Kimblee."
Realisation dawned swiftly like a punch to the stomach. The target was Kimblee.
Envy's thoughts ran faster than they could keep up with. Why was Kimblee here? (Where even was here?) Did he know about the treachery being planned by the Briggs soldiers?
Moving into a cat-like crouch, Envy crept across the room and positioned themself in front of the door leading to where the voices were coming from. All of their instincts screamed at them to kick it down and kill every last one of them.
But Fullmetal was protected... for now. Envy shuddered to think of their fate if they killed one of Father's precious sacrifices before The Promised Day.
Besides, since when had Envy been interested in saving lives?
It was Kimblee. He had gotten inside their head and was slowly claiming more and more of Envy's mind. It was abhorrent and unallowable, and Envy wished they could sit here passively and let him die. But it just wasn't possible.
The sounds of boot heels scuffing the floorboards snapped Envy out of their deliberations as the party of Briggs soldiers began to make ready to leave.
As they filed out of the building and onto the deserted streets, Envy, filled with self-loathing, made their way to the top of the building and hopped along the rooftops, making sure to keep out of sight.
It wasn't long before a tall, raven haired man with a majestic bearing and a crisp white suit came into view.
Envy watched the oldest Elric brother engage him in conversation— the distraction, they assumed. But where were the snipers? Envy cast their eyes over the nearby buildings, looking for a good vantage point. A telltale flash of reflected light caught their attention from a nearby window.
Gotcha.
With a sense of burning urgency, Envy swung themself over the side of the ledge they had been perched on and landed with a roll onto a lower rooftop. Recovering quickly, they ran across the top of the building, displaying an inhuman balance, and skidded to a stop above the offending window.
From their new position ,they could hear the voices of both the snipers and their target. Kimblee was talking dispassionately to the younger alchemist; Envy heard Scar's name and immediately tuned out, choosing instead to listen to the more pressing conversation.
"Sir, he's in our sights, but Elric's there too."
"Can you make him?"
There was a pause.
"Yes, Sir!"
"Good…" Envy could hear the smile in the soldiers voice. "Do it."
A metallic click sounded as the weapon was readied. Their hand was being forced, the time they needed to weigh up the consequences of this decision just didn't exist.
Envy inhaled deeply, preparing themself for the pain of another death, and dived off the side of the building just in time to catch the bullet squarely in the chest.
Just like Hughes… Envy thought dumbly as the searing pain pierced through them.
As they plunged down into the snow, Envy was aware of the crack of an alchemical explosion, and the snow seemingly rising to meet them in a billowing cloud.
Kimblee had known all along… of course he had known.
A/N Sorry this is a long one but there was a lot I needed to tell from Envy's POV. It was fun to write but I apologise for how angsty it got (...sorrynotsorry)
It's amusing that I wrote a whole chapter for a Kimvy fic where neither Envy nor Kimblee actually has any dialogue! But I think (/hope) my writing is improving…?
Also shoutout to Sixty-four K for beta'ing!
Thank you lovely readers!
