The Next Morning…

When I wake up in the morning I'm no longer in Quinn's hold. I roll over to find her on her back, one arm over her head, the other resting on her stomach, her mouth open and breathing loudly. I roll on to my side to face her and just watch. I think about last night, if it was a dream or if it actually happened. I don't know which one I'm wishing for. The things I was feeling…the things Quinn was making me feel…

And then there is the thought that if it was real, then that means I make Quinn feel that way too. Shit…if that's true then I completely understand her need to withdraw. And then I remember what I felt in my pajama shorts.

No wonder she gets so freaked out. Hell right just the sheer thought of it happening is making me have chills again and my first instinct is to freak out and take a cold shower. I can't feel this way with Quinn. Can I? I don't know what she is thinking, but she isn't running. She's just here…sleeping.

And now she's rubbing her eyes…oh crap…now she's turning to me. I'm staring and now she's looking at me. There's no time for me to divert and look away, and that's a good thing because she's smiling at me. I smile back.

"Hey." She says groggily.

"Hey."

She shifts on to her side to face me and asks, "You okay?"

I don't really know how to answer so I just shrug my shoulders. "Are you?"

"I think I will be. You sleep okay?"

"Mmhmm…very." And I really did. I was so comfortable in her arms and I don't remember moving until I first open my eyes this morning. "How about you?" She answers in the form of a cheeky grin and a slight nod.

We just kind of awkwardly smile and stare at each other for a few seconds when she chimes in with her next question. "Rach, are you staying in the dorms next year?"

I really hadn't even thought about it. I guess I just assumed that I would. I'm staying here through the summer and I just imagined I would keep my dorm through the next school year as well. "I don't know," I say.

"Would you consider moving in with me?" she asks.

"What?" No really…what? She has a one bedroom…we cuddled…does she want to…what?

She interrupts my internal panic with, "We could start looking for two bedrooms today, I mean. We spend so much time together…it makes no sense paying for two places or going back and forth. It could be fun."

It really does sound practical. I actually feel stupid for not thinking of it sooner. We'll have a two bedroom with two beds and two separate spaces in the same place. Yes…"Yes." I say out loud.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. It'll be great." And how could it not be? Last night was just a fluke and I was overcome with the emotions of the day. That's it. We'll spend our summer together, find an apartment and it'll be very best friend like.

"Perfect. Now let's get up and start looking." She rolls out of bed and that's when I notice she was only wearing a pair of boy-short briefs with her t-shirt. Good god…the chills rack through my body again as I watch her pull on her jeans. I feel like a teenage pervert as I lick my bottom lip to prevent the drool from running down my chin. What in the world has gotten in to me?

Quinn is focused on finding an apartment and all I can think about is how she was sleeping in her underwear…holding me. Friends can do that…right?

Get a grip, Berry. I shake off the perv and get up to get ready to go apartment hunting apparently. Quinn is bubbly and gets ready quickly leaving me uncharacteristically lagging behind. I don't even know if I should talk to her about last night, and if it means risking the mood she's in right now I don't think I want to. Apartments…focus on apartments.

And focus on apartments we did. We found a real estate agent who looked up some listings for us and was available to show us some places over the weekend. We didn't fall in love with any place that weekend and we agreed to keep looking over the coming weeks. We had finals to prepare for so our time was limited.

Quinn didn't pull away after that night in my bed, but instead it seemed as though she was just inching closer. Preparing for finals meant spending even more time together. I don't know if Quinn was still seeing Lucas, but if she was then I don't know when she had time. We spent every possible moment together that week and during study breaks we'd look at some of the apartment listings our agent sent us. Quinn was calm and collected about this roommate idea while I was constantly trying to suppress the easily over-excited side of my personality.

Quinn has had a lot more time to process everything surrounding our relationship, and it shows. She seems to have reached a conclusion in her head and she's accepted the now closer than ever dynamic between the two of us. I still shiver at the thought of where her fingers had been on Friday night, and I'm not even ashamed to admit that I'm excited over the fact that it might happen again.

Maybe this whole roommate plan is an idea to keep us in the same place without being in the same room. I shake myself of the over-analytical thoughts and just appreciate the fact that I'll have a roommate that I actually like for the next year.

We're at the coffee shop right now as I sit and think about the revolutionary week we've had. On Tuesday afternoon she found me in the practice hall rehearsing a song for my vocals final. She quietly entered the room, sat on the floor leaning against the wall and pulled out her books to study. I smiled at her as she looked up; she smiled back and then casually returned to her studies. Once I was done practicing I just joined on the floor to get some studying in myself. We'd chat casually and then after we got tired we'd go our separate ways.

On Wednesday afternoon I found her in a practice room, but as I entered a look of surprise flashed across her face. She missed a note and I could see her grow uneasy. I shot her an apologetic look and gestured to the door to show her I could just leave, but she just shook her head and then slightly nodded to encourage me back into the room. I took my spot on the floor and Quinn didn't miss another note. It was probably a mistake going to listen to her while I studied, because the only thing I retained was what Quinn looked like as she played.

Thursday was a repeat of Tuesday, but instead of studying when I finished rehearsing, I took Quinn out for dinner. We mostly used our time to pick out a few apartments that we wanted to visit over the weekend, and we found a few places that looked promising. That night ended the same as the two before with me reluctantly parting with her well into the evening.

A big part of me always wanted Quinn to invite me to stay over. That night a week ago in my bed she seemed so eager to show me what it felt like to be "comforted" and she hasn't shown even the slightest recognition that the event even occurred. This is what she does though. Big moments happen and then she leaves me wondering if anything occurred in the first place. Was it all a dream? I fall asleep each night pondering that very question.

And here we are a week later, sitting across the table from each other with our noses buried in our books. I look up every so often to sneak a glimpse of what Quinn might be reading and as I go for my third peak I catch her watching me. I idly wonder how many times she's looked my way, but just smile to her and myself as we both return to studying.

It's getting close to dinner time now and as I wonder what we're going to do this evening Quinn interrupts my thoughts. "Hey, Rach?"

I finish the sentence I was writing and look up to acknowledge her.

She asks, "Do you want to get out of here? I bought stuff to cook dinner and rented some movies. Do you want to come over?"

Perfect. I nod and say, "Sounds great."

As I'm packing my bag I steal a glance at Quinn doing the same and catch her quickly looking away from my direction.

"What are you thinking about?" she asks as her eyes are focused on her bag.

I must look like an idiot when she meets my eyes again.

"Uhh…I'm not entirely sure." I answer with a dumfounded smile of utter cluelessness.

She lets a tight-lipped smile stretch across her face as she continues packing up her stuff. It's almost as if she knows something I don't. She even has the nerve to let out a shy chuckle.

"What are you thinking about over there, huh?" I toss a crumpled piece of paper at her with my question.

She looks up at that with the smile gone and nothing but a seriously calm expression, deadpans at me and simply says, "You." with a slight shrug of her shoulders.

All I can do is pray that the blush on my cheeks and the shiver that wracked my spine weren't noticeable as I quickly gathered my things. "Let's go…I'm hungry."

It's weird…the things that happen to me when a single syllable is uttered from the mouth of Quinn Fabray. After all of these years I can't imagine how I'm supposed to get used to it. I don't even know that getting used to it is a viable option considering it's her.

The walk to her apartment and the dinner that soon followed shortly after went by without much attention; just a few shy glances and some pointless small talk. Now we find ourselves simply sitting on opposite ends of the couch watching whatever movie she picked out. I haven't really been able to concentrate on anything since our moment earlier. I'm not even sure I'm looking at the TV anymore. I hear the faint sound of Quinn clearing her throat and snap out of it. I turn to her and find that she has a somewhat…tired expression I suppose.

"Rach, are you tired?"

"A bit…maybe it's time for me to head home."

"Oh…I guess…I guess I thought you'd just stay here." She mentions quietly.

"I'm not entirely sure that's a good idea."

"Why's that?"

I give her a pointed look to prove that I'm very well aware she knows why. She has the nerve to raise an eyebrow in return.

"I just…I have to get an early start in the morning."

"I'll set the alarm."

"I wouldn't want to disturb you."

"I wouldn't care if you did." She deadpans.

I swallow thickly at that. What game does she think she's playing here? She's just staring at me now. Her eyebrow doesn't move, and her lips don't budge.

"Well…I would. I really should be going." I'm up and off the couch before she is able to answer as I gather my things. I'm reaching for the door handle when a soft hand wraps around my wrist.

"Please?"

I barely hear it, and I'm not sure if it's because I'm afraid to listen or because she's afraid to say it loud enough. I turn to her then and her eyes are one level of dilation away from begging. I let out a sigh of surrender and just nod my head enough for her to see it.

God knows I want to share her bed with her again, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to. It's just easier to let her decide, and as I try to make my way over to the couch she pulls me back. I could swear that an almost devilish smirk is on her lips as she turns to lead us to her bedroom.

"I don't have my toothbrush," I say as we enter her room.

"I bought you one a week ago."

"I don't have my pajamas," I plead as she makes her way to her closet.

"That's okay." She turns to look at me with that.

I choke on my own dignity as I swallow whatever ounce of it I had left. I open and close my mouth a few times before she throws me a t-shirt and some shorts.

"Oh…thanks." I try to pretend that I knew all along that she'd have some for me. She grabs her own and heads into her bathroom. I change quickly so I can be in bed and under the covers before she returns. Oh right…my teeth.

She walks back into the room and mutters, "All yours."

I sputter and cough a bit until I realize she meant the bathroom.

When I come back to the room I find Quinn sitting up in bed with a book. I'm trying to remain as calm as possible so I simply head to my side of the bed without an ounce of effort. Surely she didn't notice the fact that I nearly tripped over my own shoe. I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be nervous around Quinn without looking like I'm nervous. I don't even know why this is so hard to begin with. I shake my head and I can't help but laugh at myself. I wanted this, and now…I'm here in disbelief of it being a reality. I never thought about what I'd do when I was here again.

"You know, I used to be pretty good at guessing what you were thinking about at any given moment."

I jerk my head up at her as I try to settle under the covers. She didn't even lift her eyes from her book as she said it. I don't say anything in hope that she'll elaborate. She seems to release an uneasy breath as she sets her book atop the nightstand.

She looks at me before continuing with, "And now I'm afraid of knowing and also hoping that I'm guessing right."

"I'm not sure what you mean by that." I reply as I rest my head in my hand that is propped up by my elbow in an effort to face her.

"Can we just not talk tonight?"

"Okay…" I only pray the fear isn't audible.

She stares at me for bit before burying herself under the covers and nodding in a way that suggests I should turn and face the other direction. I don't let myself hesitate to comply.

I can feel her shift closer and then slight pull of my t-shirt as she slides her hand under it and around to rest at my stomach. I'm not to blame for the shaky breath I exhale as I try to remember what breathing is. I only wish that I could feel an ounce of the confidence that she seems to have with this. She's just tracing lazy circles across my hipbone like she was always meant to while I'm trying not to suffocate from holding my own breath. Let shaky exhalation number two be heard.

Did she just chuckle? I feel the bed shake a little and yeah…she actually chuckled. I'll be damned if I let her believe she can toy with me. I swiftly turn myself around so quickly that she doesn't have time to retract her hand. The convenience of its previous placement allows it to be placed nicely on the side of my ass now that I'm facing her. I seem to have the shock value now as she looks utterly stunned.

I can feel her try to remove her hand, but I'm faster than her and just place mine on top of hers. Out of decency I move them to a more appropriate location before I start this conversation.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"I thought we agreed not to talk?" she replies.

"You're laughing at me."

"I'm laughing at us."

"Why?"

She laughs a bit more and says, "Because I have not a clue as to what the fuck I am doing."

Neither one of us reacts immediately after that. Our eyes are locked on for a moment before I find the strength to move her hand to my lower back and under my shirt. I release her hand and place my own in the same position on her back. I don't know if it's a way of saying follow my lead, but it feels like it as I trace my way just under the waistband of her shorts and she does the same to mine. It isn't until I close my eyes and release a sigh that we break eye contact.

"Can you just…" I felt her hand at my hip again and she seems content with pushing me so that I'm lying flat on my back. I'm ashamed to at admit that I was close to having a handful of her ass cheek before she made me roll over.

She doesn't stop her hand though. She goes back to tracing around my hip bones before becoming brave enough to approach my rib cage. In an attempt to relax I take one of my hands and rest it behind my head while the other draws circles on the bed sheet. This is normal, right?

It's impossible not to notice when her fingers climb higher and higher as they count my ribs. I feel her middle finger glide up my sternum as her thumb and pinky brush against the inside of my cleavage. I probably should be wearing a bra considering what happened last time, but then again no, I shouldn't. She just keeps repeating this. Up and down my sternum as if she's trying not to touch something she really wants to. Her strokes become firmer each time she passes. Before I can even think I reach in with the hand that was previously tracing circles on the sheets and guide her hand over my breast.

I don't know why I did that. I shouldn't have done it. I didn't know what I was doing.

She's completely still now. There is nothing but the sounds of our ragged breaths as we both try our hardest not to panic. I'm afraid to look at her but I turn to her anyway. She's staring at me and I have no clue what her face is saying.

"I…" I try to speak words.

And then she surprises me by lightly grazing her entire hand back to my sternum before moving to the other breast. All I could do was throw my head back and suck in my lower lip to stifle the moan that neither of us was ready for.

She repeats this for a while; back and forth. I'm not certain how I'm supposed to not squirm or try to hump something in this moment. This is not very best friend like.

She moves to the left breast one last time before she stops completely. I can hear both of us trying to breathe without being heard by the other. She moves her hand down slightly and it's like her index finger just noticed that my nipple was excited, because she stops and applies the slightest bit of pressure.

I really can't help myself from reacting and the noise I make is not decipherable. No…this is not normal.

"I…I have to go to the bathroom." I try to do so gracefully, but her hand gets caught in my shirt as I get up and it falls lazily back to the mattress and I stumble a bit.

"Rachel, I'm so…"

"I just…I just have to pee." I dismissively wave my hand about and laugh lightly. I know I'm not kidding either of us.

I close the bathroom door and just grip the sink for dear life. I'm just staring at myself in the mirror in disbelief. That was…Quinn was just…I'm getting aroused again. Shit. What am I doing? I'm not sure how much time has passed, but it must be too much because there is a soft knock on the door.

"Rach? Are you okay?"

I whisk open the door without thinking, throw on my best show face and practically scream, "I'm fine." I'm sure the idiot grin plastered across my face appears normal to her too.

"You sure about that?" she smirks.

I clear my throat and bring my voice back to a normal volume. "I'm good. Too good maybe." I realize what I've said and look at her surprised and she's just smiling.

"I really should go home, Quinn. We shouldn't be…I mean…this is…I should go."

"Is that what you really want?" she asks as she leans against the wall behind her and starts picking at her fingernails.

"I don't know, honestly."

"This doesn't have to be confusing, Rach. Its college…kids experiment or something." She actually rolls her eyes and waves a hand about nonchalantly.

"Is that what this is? I'm an experiment?" There really was too much bite in that question, because I think we're both aware it's not an experiment. However, this seems like as good of an opportunity as any to storm off and avoid this situation. I move out of the bathroom doorway in a huff and make to collect my stuff so I can just find somewhere to breathe. I can practically feel her follow me.

"Rach, wait. Where are you going?" She says panicked.

"Home. I'm going home because I don't exactly feel like being one of Quinn Fabray's little experiments."

"Then don't just be an experiment!"

I stop my movement and just relax my shoulders with a huff. I don't have the courage to turn around and face her so I just stand there and shake my head at myself. I feel her hand reach for my shoulder and I shrug it off before I even realize how it might hurt us both.

"Fine. If this is what you want, then just go."

I don't want to go. I didn't even want to get out of the bed. Apparently my body doesn't know that, because before I'm even aware I'm out the door and in a cab. I never even turned around to face her.

I tried to avoid thinking about anything even remotely related to Quinn for 2 days. Naturally that meant all I thought about was the light touch as her fingers danced across the entirety of my chest. I thought about how aroused a simple gesture could make me. I thought of the tears that were probably in her eyes when moments later I was storming out of her apartment. I thought of the tears I cried all the way back to my dorm. I thought of how neither of us has made any effort to even find the other. I thought of how much I wanted what was happening and I still can't figure out why I stopped it. I thought of how quickly a fragile situation can turn into something entirely unrecognizable.

It's been 2 days of silence and I haven't been functioning well. I had foolishly hoped that she'd chase after me or would call me relentlessly. That's how it's supposed to work after all. Big dramatic moments deserve a good run down and endless phone calls. I have to laugh at myself as I'm reminded that Quinn Fabray is the person I want to do the chasing. When it clicks that I'm going to have to be the one to fix this I pull out my phone.

Hey. Can we meet and talk about this?

That text was sent 3 hours ago.

Please. I'm really sorry for just leaving. Can we please talk?

That one goes unanswered as well. Great.

I can't just sit around and stare at a phone so I make my way to the practice halls, because with finals only weeks away surely she's practicing. I've been frantically opening every door and peaking in every window looking for her. I've apologized to half a dozen strangers in my search when I find Lucas in one of the rooms.

"Lucas! Hey…have you seen Quinn?"

"What? You lost Quinn? I thought you two were attached at the hip." He laughs at his own little idea of a joke and continues his practicing.

"Seriously Luke…have you seen her?" The way he looks at me this time tells me he notices the unshed tears in my eyes.

"No. I'm sorry, Rach. I haven't seen her."

With that I turn and abandon the practice halls and head back to my room. As I'm settling in to sleep I fire off one last text in hopes that I'll awake to find a reply in the morning.

Quinn, I'm so sorry for leaving you the other night. I was completely wrong in doing so. I just am really confused about all of this and I'm pretty sure it's because I'm actually NOT confused and I probably should be. You're my best friend and I miss you like crazy. Please just call or text or come over. Whenever.

When morning comes after a rough night I check my phone to find nothing. Not one missed call or text. I shouldn't be surprised really because I woke up every 30 minutes to check the damn thing.

"This is ridiculous." I say to myself and just throw off my covers and get dressed.

20 minutes later I'm standing in front of Quinn's apartment building. 21 minutes later I'm lightly knocking on her door. 22 minutes later I'm frantically knocking on her door. 23 minutes later I'm pulling out my key to unlock the door so I can just search for her myself. I run through the place frantically, but she isn't anywhere to be found.

"Quinn?!" I desperately shout one last time. As I'm walking back in the hall one of the neighbors comes out and gives me that look that tells me I appear as insane as I feel right now.

"Hi. Sorry…have you seen the girl that lives here?" I smooth out my hair and wipe my tears in an attempt to both look and feel normal. She just shakes her head and goes back in her apartment. How friendly.

I quickly make my way back down to the street and press the button most often used on my speed dial. The other line picks up and I let out a sigh of relief…"Quinn, thank God!"

"Hey, this is Quinn. I'm busy so leave a message and I'll more than likely just text you back."

It's irritating that I know she just ignored my call. I leave a quick message begging her to get back to me, but something tells me it's useless.

I cry all the way back to my room and for the rest of the day and some days after that. I send emails that come back minutes later. I wait on the stoop of the stairs at her apartment, only she never shows.

When the class we shared let out yesterday I thought I caught a glimpse of her blonde hair as she ducked out of the back row. I fought through the other students to try and catch up with her. I shouted her name, but I never could catch her and she never did turn around. I think I see her almost everywhere, but every time begin to chase her she is just gone.

I camp out in the practice halls, but she is never there. I thought what we had built was stronger than this. I thought I knew her better and that she knew me. Maybe the fact that she disappeared from the planet proves that she does know me and how hard I would try to find her. I thought I was the dramatic one.

I guess this is what happens when you turn down Quinn Fabray. She makes it like she was never even an option.