She let her back press against the shower, closing her eyes as the hot water poured over her. It wasn't fair. Showers always made her feel better, as if she had washed away all the harsh words and hateful actions that she had said or done. Tonight was different; there wasn't enough hot water in the world to ease her troubled mind.
She hadn't meant to snap at Conrad the way she did. She didn't mean it. She did love him, even if she wasn't very good at showing him. But in the heat of an argument she had told him that she never loved him. It was stupid. It was childish. She just wanted to hurt him. But she ended up hurting herself.
The car ride was silent. Stifling. She was frozen, unable to look at Conrad. Instead, she stared out the window, trying to use her peripherals to catch a glimpse. From what she could tell he didn't look her way. He wiped his eyes, making her wonder if she caused that. Deep down, she knew she had.
Hours later and he hadn't uttered a word. She didn't blame him. What good was it? She told him she never loved him so what use was it to get angry and fight? They always fought like two people in love. Now there was no need. Or so he thought.
She wanted to apologize but she hated apologizing. She was still angry that he had leaked personal information to her father. He may have had her best interests in mind, but he had betrayed her in the process. Couldn't he see that?
She tried to piece together what she would say as she got dressed, silently rehearsing a sincere apology. She owed him that much. She opted for a shorter nightgown, covering it with a silk robe in case the kids were home.
She found him in his study, alone. He looked up but didn't say anything, glancing back down to his paperwork as he sipped the brown liquor. He casually pushed his paper to one side, giving her a chance to jump on the desk. She crossed her legs as she took his glass, downing the alcohol in a weak attempt at liquid courage.
"I owe you an apology," she started.
"Nonsense. You owe me nothing, my dear."
"I lied. Earlier. I lied to you."
Conrad stopped and slowly rose. He let his hand rest on her knee but there was no heat in his touch, only hurt.
"Don't do this, my dear. I shouldn't have pushed you with your father. I thought I was protecting you but I only hurt you. It's a vicious cycle that I can't seem to overcome. And you lashed out, a vicious cycle of your own. You don't need to apologize. You can't change how you feel. Maybe it's time we both call a spade a spade, hmm?"
Victoria could feel her heart sinking. Had this been the straw that broke the camels back? Was her marriage truly over?
She jumped up, running towards him.
"It wasn't true. I didn't mean it!" Her voice wavered. Conrad pretended not to notice. She apologized so rarely that he wanted to get the chance to play hard to get like she always did. He didn't know how she did it, because it was breaking his heart to see her so distraught.
"What are you saying, Victoria?" He asked. She ran her hand along his cheek before letting her lips crash into his. She backed away, looking him in the eyes. She was unable to understand his expression.
"Say it." He growled.
"Please, Conrad." She begged as she untied her robe. He wrapped his arms around her waist, carrying her towards the desk. She left kisses on his neck as she wrapped her legs around his torso.
"Not until you say it." He said as he placed her down on the desk. The realization hit Victoria. He wasn't angry. He was blackmailing her into admitting her feelings for him. She wanted to be angry at his mean trick, but she wanted him desperately.
"Conrad-"
"Say it. Three words is all it takes to make it happen, my dear." She sighed.
"I love you, okay?" She said. Her tons was half angry and half desperate but he didn't care. He needed to hear those words. He leaned her back, easing her onto the desk before following suit and repaying the favor by giving her what she needed.
