Seven
Bad Dreams and Hungry Babies
"What a shitty day," Varric lamented, sighing. He unscrewed his flask and took a long drink from it. Solas caught the way his brown eyes darted to Tal, checking on the young elf. To his credit, Tal didn't ask for a drink. He had sipped water at dinner and managed not to drink. Solas didn't miss the telltale shake in his hands setting in though.
"My sentiments exactly," Cassandra agreed in a snarl. "I have never liked Avvar. Leliana tells me they are kin to Andraste." She pinched her lips together. "It is hard to see much of a resemblance to the Maker's Bride."
"Is it, though?" Varric rejoined, chuckling. At her glare he lifted a palm to pacify her. "Hear me out, Seeker. Andraste conquered half the continent and came close to razing Tevinter, right? After what we saw today, is it really hard to believe?"
Cassandra frowned and made a noise that was both disagreement and consideration. She didn't speak again, but she did poke at the fire where they were boiling a kettle of water for changing wound dressings.
It was now nearly twelve hours since Rosa was injured. She had not woken, which was worrying. The caravan had one healer and she agreed with Solas' earlier conclusion that it was too early to close the fracture in her skull. It was a waiting game now.
Unfortunately one thing that would not wait was Eliana. Almost exclusively breastfed still, the baby quickly became fussy with hunger. The group was a tumultuous mixture of embarrassment, pragmatism, horror, and humiliation as they faced the awkward challenge. Eliana had to eat and, although the healer suggested goat's milk and rice-flour with honey as a substitute, they had no means to feed her aside from partly exposing Rosa and helping the baby latch on. Cassandra found the task repellent, tantamount to violation of the unconscious mother. She wanted no part of it. Varric was the same, literally saying, "Whoa, count me out!"
Solas, for his part, was equal parts embarrassed and pragmatic, yielding to Tal's greater knowledge and stronger opinions. It was Tal who dismissed the idea of sending a runner to the nearest village for goat's milk. "She won't drink that shit," he argued. "And Rosa has to nurse her or her milk will dry up or it gets…sort of constipated and it'll hurt her." No one, least of all Solas, knew enough to contradict or agree with him.
So, giving in to pragmatism, Solas helped Tal get Eliana situated to nurse despite her mother's nonresponsive state. They kept a blanket over the feeding baby, to preserve modesty just as Rosa would have while awake—at least in the midst of the humans. Solas made every effort to avert his gaze out of respect. It was one thing if Rosa nursed the baby while awake, but unconscious…it did feel odd. Eliana, however, was unbothered by adult sensibilities and nursed eagerly. She needed little help other than being placed on a naked breast.
Solas had hoped Rosa would waken before Eliana grew hungry again, but they were not so lucky. He and Tal had to repeat the same process multiple times just in the evening alone. Eliana was ever-hungry. He knew before that Rosa fed Eliana often, far more frequently than she ate meals herself, but the knowledge set in anew now. If Rosa didn't survive…how could he and Tal possibly meet Eliana's nutritional needs?
Now, with those dark thoughts on his mind, Solas cleared his throat and said, "We must acquire goat's milk as the healer suggested if Rosa does not waken tonight."
Across the fire, Tal lifted his head, brow furrowing. "She isn't going to drink that piss."
"She will if she is hungry enough," Cassandra said.
Tal frowned, anger flashing. "She's going to wake up. She's tough as a high dragon."
Eliana was currently tucked in the sling Rosa so often wore, but now Solas had it. She was sleeping at present, little puffing breaths soft as duck down. Solas checked on her often, anxious about her wellbeing. He didn't know what signs Tal cued off to tell when the baby was hungry, wet, or whatever other needs she had. He needed to learn. Fast.
In case…just in case…
"We must prepare," Cassandra said, quietly. "For the child's sake, Herald."
Tal glowered at the Seeker from across the fire. His eyes glittered with tears. He jerked his head away, staring unseeingly into the dark. "It should've been me," he muttered.
"Herald," Cassandra said, her voice softening. "Do not blame yourself."
"Why not?" Tal snapped, looking back at her. "If I wasn't fucking hung-over I could have fought with her. I could have stopped that asshole Avvar from hitting her."
They were silent. No one knew what to say to that. It was true.
Solas checked on Eliana, happy for the excuse not to meet Tal's gaze for fear the other elf would see…well, resentment. If Rosa died…perhaps it was Tal's fault in no small part. Solas would have to work hard to rein in his own grief and loss to avoid putting that blame on Tal's shoulders. It was unlikely Tal would ever recover from that much shame and guilt.
"If she dies," Tal said then, words wavering with emotion, "I'm going to go with her."
"Stoic," Varric protested immediately, an awkward smile on his lips that was both anxiety and loss and not humorous at all. "That's grief talking. Violet wouldn't want that."
"He's right," Cassandra said. "Do not lose hope." Her chin wrinkled with emotion. "I…I lost my brother when I was young. We were close, as you and your sister are. I was very bitter about his death for many years." She let out a sad chuckle. "Sometimes I still am. I will never stop missing him, but I also knew he would never want me to spend the rest of my life miserable. More than that, Herald, this world needs you."
Tal covered his face with his hands, shoulders shaking. "Fuck this world, Seeker…"
Now Solas straightened his spine and took a turn trying to bolster their floundering, grief-stricken Herald. "Herald," he started, clearing his throat. "Tal. They are correct. You are needed here. Not just by the people of Thedas. But Eliana. You are her uncle. She needs you." He managed a wavering smile. "You are more a father to her than I have been. Rosa fought to save you both. Honor her wishes, lethallin."
Tal let out a shaking breath and didn't answer.
Into the silence, marked only by Tal's wet breathing, Cassandra said, "I have faith Rosa will recover. We all do, Herald." She closed her eyes and then began to speak in a soothing voice, repeating the Chant. "My Maker, know my heart: Take from me a life of sorrow. Lift me from a world of pain. Judge me worthy of Your endless pride. My Creator, judge me whole: Find me well within Your grace. Touch me with fire that I be cleansed. Tell me I have sung to Your approval…"
Lavellan clan was assembled around her. A large and prosperous clan, Rosa spotted young and old, men and women of all ages. Dozens of faces adorned with vallaslin stared at her. All of them frowned, repulsed as they stared at her. Arms crossed over chests, brows furrowed, and lips curling in silent snarls.
Confusion inundated Rosa for a moment. Her head swam with dizziness and pain. And then the memory leapt to her. Yes. She had sought to join this clan in the Free Marches. Solas told her they were in need of a properly aged First, and even a Second. As with many clans in the Free Marches, too few gifted children had been born in recent years.
Tal sat beside her, head bowed and hands fidgeting in his lap. He came with her from clan Manaria, escorting her and keeping her company from the threat of grief and shame that was ever at her back. Her hand lay over her abdomen, already aware of the small swell of the unborn child growing there.
Deshanna sat in front of her, scowling. The middle-aged woman clucked her tongue and shook her head. "You showed such promise, da'len. But this…" She lifted both hands and gestured at Rosa's middle like she was shooing away a fly. "This is a great disappointment. You shame our people. How can you expect us to take you in and care for you when you will only be adding another mouth to feed? And worse! You came from a Circle. The babe may be no elfling at all but some demon Templar get."
The clan hissed their displeasure, nodding in agreement with Deshanna. An old man spat at the ground only a few feet from her. Another woman muttered insults under her breath. "Templar fucking whore."
Rosa flinched, remembering the Templar who had abused her, though he never took her by force, only groped her and beat her. Still, those hard, callous hands pinching at her breasts and ass still stung. The cruel, malicious look in his eyes returned to her, making her shake.
Yet, stubborn pride stayed in her chest, firm and powerful. She squared her shoulders and clenched her jaw as she lifted her gaze to meet Deshanna's challenging look. "My child's father was an elven mage, another prisoner in the Circle. You said I showed promise. You were proud to take me in when it was just me, a Dreamer mage. My child's father was a Dreamer, too. Your clan will not want for mages for generations to come if you allow me to join you. Magic runs strong in my lineage."
"A flat-ear's spawn," someone said and snickered mockingly.
Rosa's cheeks burned and she almost shouted at the speaker to correct them with the truth before she bit her tongue and stayed silent. She glowered at Deshanna, waiting to hear what the Keeper would say.
"A flat-ear mage or a templar," Deshanna said, shaking her head. "What difference does it make? The child will be an outcast, but there is no need for you to follow it in shame and exile." Deshanna dug into the belt at her waist, producing a pouch of herbs that she extended out to Rosa.
Rosa recoiled, feeling nauseous. The pain in her head pounded in time with her heart.
"Take these," Deshanna told her. "And I will admit you as my First. We welcome you, but no one will wish to take in templar get or flat-ear's spawn."
"You should take the herbs," Tal told her from at her side. "It's your only choice. Revas isn't coming back and without him you'll never convince this clan or anyone else."
Snarling, Rosa lashed out and knocked the pouch of herbs into the dirt. "No," she growled. "I am of the last Elvhen. Never shall I yield." She had committed herself to saving this child, unwanted as it began. Her vallaslin honored Dirthamen, a god of secrets but also one who was devoted to his brother—to family. Rosa would not cast aside that ideal just because this child was inconvenient.
The clan around her booed and hissed in reaction, but as Rosa glared back at them, the elves about her wavered and faded into shadows. Tal at her side grinned, leering. A cold wave of air radiated from him and his eyes turned black. Rosa blinked, baffled and alarmed. What's going on…?
And then a new scene started and she forgot the first.
In the morning, when Eliana woke them with hunger cries, Tal and Solas helped her nurse again. Solas checked Rosa's wound while the baby suckled. She had not woken, but no fever had set in. Her skin had better color and her breathing was even, albeit slow. Solas pushed her eyelids back while Tal watched silently. The pupils reacted to light but stared unseeingly.
"She is trapped deeply within," he murmured somberly. "But physically she is showing improvement."
"She needs to wake up so she can eat and drink," Tal whispered. "Or her milk will dry up." He had not tried to handle Eliana, leaving caring for her to Solas with only minor supervision and guidance. Part of that was likely guilt, but at least some of it was due to his shaking hands. The withdrawal from alcohol had begun quickly.
When the healer returned to check on their patient later that morning she helped try to feed Rosa and get some water down her. It was a dangerous process and slow work, with little reward. Ultimately she had dozens of other wounded scouts and soldiers to attend and instructed them not to try and feed or water Rosa without her. The risk of accidentally choking her and causing pneumonia was too great.
The Inquisition caravan restarted by midmorning, despite Tal and Solas' protestations that moving Rosa might be a bad idea. Cassandra made as many concessions to their concerns as she could by ordering one of the supply carts be turned into a mobile pallet. They lined the bed of the cart with canvas and bedrolls, cushioning Rosa as much as they could—especially her head. Tal and Solas took turns staying with her, holding Eliana to let the baby take comfort in her mother's presence. It also made her frequent feedings much easier.
If there was one positive in this situation for Solas it was that he learned by force very quickly how to read his daughter. Changing her diapers was soon an easy chore he could finish quickly without Tal's guidance. Some of her fussiness started to come clear to him as hunger now rather than the need for a changed diaper, sleep, or entertainment.
As the sun began to drift toward the western horizon, marking more than a full twenty-four hours of unconsciousness for Rosa, Solas found more conflicting signs of both despair and hope. He saw hope in the way Rosa's skin appeared bright with life and that she lacked a fever. Her pupils still reacted to light when he checked them. The wound in her head seemed to be healing well, though it would be terribly painful if she ever woke. But for all the hope he saw, he also despaired. The fact she still had not wakened, even for an instant, was a very bad sign. Without the mind to guide it, the body would swiftly die in a mortal.
But, during his last watch as the sun set, Solas saw Rosa's eyes begin to move beneath her lids. Dreaming. He checked her pulse and found it faster than before. A tap to her cheeks and calling her name didn't rouse her, but her breathing was faster, too.
When Tal came to check up on him, looking wretched from withdrawal, Solas asked him to watch Eliana and reported his findings. "She's going to wake up then?" Tal asked, brightening slightly.
"Possibly," Solas told him, smiling tightly. "But I fear she has strayed too deep in the Fade to find her way out in her present state. A demon may have trapped her." He explained this as he stretched out flat on the cart bed alongside Rosa. He laid his clasped hands over his stomach and shut his eyes, willing sleep to come to him. Considering how fatigued he was from travel, tending Eliana, and worrying over Rosa, it didn't take long to dredge up.
"You're going to get her out?" Tal asked him. Solas was already feeling lightheaded when he heard Tal's voice.
"Yes, if I can," he replied and let himself slip through the Veil.
Whimpering cries echoed in Solas' ears before he opened his eyes. Taking in the dreamscape, Solas saw it was deep at night. The air held the crisp scent of autumn. Leaves rustled overhead in a breeze that smelled faintly of salt from the sea. Hearthfires burned low with coals and elves sat huddled around them here and there, speaking quietly in subdued voices. The aravels were arranged in a circle and Solas saw elven figures, lithe and silent, patrolling beyond the land ships.
When he turned his head, gazing sidelong at the figures, Solas saw they were made of Fade ether. Some had unclear features, generic or fuzzy. They were here to populate the scene and set the mood. Solas could feel a demon lurking nearby. Fear.
More whimpered cries came from behind him. Solas turned and saw an aravel with a fire burning outside it much like all the others, but this one's hatch was propped open. An older woman appeared at the hatch and hustled out through it. She was unfamiliar to Solas but wore Keeper armor, marking her as likely being this clan's leader. Was this Lavellan then? Or was this Rosa's birth clan?
The Keeper hurried past him. One of the other elves sitting scattered around the various campfires stopped the Keeper, calling to her. "How is it going?" she asked.
"Poorly," the Keeper replied, sounding strained. "The child is large. It will be a difficult passage. One or the other may not make it."
Solas frowned as realization dawned. This was a memory from Eliana's birth. Yet the presence of the demon in this scene told him it may not be an accurate reflection. The demon would twist and warp the memory to induce terror in Rosa. And if Rosa hadn't yet dismissed the dream she must have been taken in by the ruse.
Despite the tremor of disquiet and discomfort—the wrongness of invading this dream-memory—Solas stepped into the aravel's hatch. Inside the air was stuffy despite the open hatch. Candles had been mounted along the aravel's wooden walls, flickering. In the wavering light Solas saw Rosa's form slumped on a pallet at the far end of the aravel. A middle aged woman he recognized as Ashani, Lavellan clan's healer, crouched at Rosa's feet while an unfamiliar man sat at her right side, clutching her hand. Rosa strained, her face wrenched in agony. Her chest rose and fell, fast and erratic. Sweat gleamed on her skin and even in the poor lighting Solas could tell her color had gone gray.
Ashani felt over Rosa's distended belly and shook her head. "The child is breech. It won't come."
"What does that mean, mamae?" the man at Rosa's side asked. The man had a square set to his face, blonde hair, and hazel eyes. This must be Mahanon, he thought—though he knew it was far more than that too. This was the shape the fear demon chose to wear.
"I'm afraid there's little that can be done," Ashani said, choking. "The babe is unlikely to pass this way. Feet first, it might die before its head emerges."
Rosa cried out, clutching at the furs around her and grabbing at the fear demon version of Mahanon. "No," she said through panting breaths. "I'm not…giving up."
As gently as he could, Solas called her name. "Rosa."
She didn't seem to hear him over her frenzied panting. But the demon turned hazel eyes toward him, glowering yet also somehow sad. "Must you interfere, Pride?" it asked in a keening, high-pitched voice nothing like the man's voice it used moments ago.
"You are not helping her by shaping this dream," Solas told it patiently. Some demons, while seeking to possess mages, also engaged in a warped attempt to help or better them. Fear demons enjoyed exposing their quarry to some of their greatest fears, as though that would make them tougher when they endured. It may also just as likely have been a ploy to trick Rosa into agreeing to possession. She wasn't able to pierce the ruse of the dream in her present state, it seemed. The blow she took to her head in the attack had left her sense of reality weak enough that the demon could manipulate her.
"I can improve her life. I can make her strong enough to fight her greatest fears." The demon turned back to Rosa, still holding her hand. "It's all right, vhenan. I am with you. I will always be with you."
She nodded and the Mahanon-demon tenderly brushed her sweat-soaked hair from her forehead with his free hand. Rosa offered a wan smile, opening bleary eyes to look at him. She seemed blind to Solas, showing no reaction to his presence. She whimpered once more, shifting uncomfortably on the pallet. "It's coming again," she said and then strained, muscles in her forehead and neck snapping taut.
Ashani pushed the furs aside, exposing Rosa's bare legs and reaching between them. Solas averted his eyes, heat flushing his cheeks at this invasion of privacy. Had Rosa invited him to witness this he would have accepted. Fathers helped create life. They should be present when that life truly enters the world. Even hotheaded, coldhearted asses like Elgar'nan were present during births to support the mother. Yet now, when she was not in her right mind, it was an intrusion. He had not been invited to share in this intimate moment, though he regretted not being present for the true event.
"That's right, Pride," the fear demon said in its shrieking voice. "You are not welcome here. She would not wish to share this with the coward who left her to fend alone for herself and the child, clanless in the Free Marches."
Solas gritted his teeth and glared at the demon. It was reading his fears now, too. His fear that he was not worthy of any relationship with Rosa or Eliana, that he did not deserve them. "Change the memory to be accurate," he ordered the demon.
Rosa's cries grew into screams until she bore down again. She shook with the enormous effort and pain. The demon stared at Solas, glaring. From Ashani there was an anguished cry and a flurry of activity. She pulled a floppy form from between Rosa's legs. Rosa went limp on the pallet, exhausted.
Ashani scooted away and rested the lank, lifeless baby on the pallet. She daubed and rubbed vigorously at it with the furs. "Please, little one, fight…"
"This was not what transpired," Solas growled. "Release her from the lie."
"Ashani…" Rosa called weakly. "My baby…?"
Ashani shook her head, frantically stimulating the tiny unmoving body. In the wavering candlelight Solas saw the baby was gray-blue. His daughter's hair was plastered to her and looked too dark. Tears glittered on Ashani's lashes. "Please," she prayed. "Sylaise'enaste. Give the mother strength. Please, Mythal'enaste, save this poor babe…"
"You do not know what happened," the demon reminded him. "You were not present. You left her and the child to die."
"I did not," Solas snarled. He left them, yes. But he didn't know about Eliana. And he didn't leave Rosa to die. He made plans specifically to protect her when the Veil came down.
"But without you the child is vulnerable," the demon taunted him. "And Rosa walks unknowingly into the fire."
"Ashani," Rosa said, mustering up more strength now from somewhere. "The baby…?" The dread and pain wracking her face tore at Solas like a dragon's claws.
"Enough," he growled at the demon. He lifted a hand as he reached out and connected with the Fade. "Be gone." He waved a palm and not-Mahanon vanished, fading into nothing but ether that swiftly dissipated. In the same moment Solas willed the ether-construct of newborn Eliana to breathe. The infant sucked in a sudden strong breath and let out a piercing wail.
Ashani gasped and began to laugh and cry. "She's all right! Da'len…" She grabbed at some blankets and swaddled the baby, then moved to clamp the cord. The infant's cries slowed and quieted once she was swaddled. "You have a beautiful girl," she told Rosa. "Hurry now, take her to your breast."
Rosa struggled to sit up and, without considering it, Solas stepped forward to help her, gripping one hand and sliding an arm behind her back. She was blind to his presence still, focused entirely on the newborn Ashani passed to her. Tears streamed down her cheeks and her lips trembled. She touched the baby's nose and ears reverently. A tiny little laugh left her, brittle but real. "You're so beautiful…" She let out a sob and brought the baby closer, nuzzling her. "I thought I lost you!"
Now, at long last, she turned to him, a wavering smile on her lips and each breath ragged with emotion. "Han," she said and then the smile fell away and her violet eyes widened, glittering with tears as she focused on him properly for the first time. "Solas?" she asked, stunned. "You're here…?"
"Yes," he said, his voice hoarse with emotion. It may have just been a dream and perhaps nothing like the actual event, but witnessing this dream birth still moved him. Eliana was easily recognizable, albeit much smaller than the current infant. Yet she clung to her mother's loose clothing with strong fists. Her face was scrunched and her eyes shut, but Solas could still see the resemblance to himself clearly. Something inside his chest ached, wishing he had known and stayed with her for this moment. It should have been him seated beside her on this pallet in life.
"How did you get here?" she asked, croaking.
Solas shook his head. "This is a dream, lethallan. A memory, I suspect. Although I wish I had been here in actuality, I was not."
"This is a dream…?" she asked, turning her head around to examine the aravel. Ashani stared at mother and child, love shining in her face. The candles flickering on the walls caught the sweat on Rosa's brow and the glint of blood on the pallet from the umbilical cord. The scene was entirely lifelike, as far as Solas could tell. The smell of blood and a strange salt scent as well as sweat filled his nose. The only thing that gave this away as the Fade was the Black City outside and the underlying sensation Solas felt in the back of his mind that told him he was sleeping. With her injury, Rosa must have lost that sense.
"This is a dream, yes," Solas told her softly. "In the waking world you were injured. An Avvar warrior struck you in the head."
Rosa's eyes flicked to his with alarm. "Is Elia okay?"
Solas nodded. "Yes. Tal and I have cared for her. She is unharmed."
At his words Rosa let out a shuddering sigh of relief and clutched the dream version of newborn Eliana to her. She shut her eyes, staying motionless. The baby made little wet wheezes as she breathed.
"A fear demon had you trapped here," Solas told her.
"This doesn't feel like a dream," Rosa told him, eyes still shut. "I'm so tired. Everything hurts. But…" She lifted her head then, frowning as she brought one hand up to her temple. "You're right. My head has been pounding. Right here…"
"That is where you were injured," Solas said. "I came to free you, if I could. You must waken to eat and drink." He reached out tentatively, laying a hand on her forearm. "Your brother needs you. Eliana needs you." He pinched his lips together to keep from adding that he needed her as well. More than she knew.
She seemed to sense the unspoken words, anyway as a strange expression stole over her face, both tender and pained. "I…I think I remember something now," she started. "I pushed you away. I told you Eliana was my daughter and Han's, not yours at all. I wanted to hurt you." She frowned. "That was cruel of me. I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that."
"You have every right to be angry with me," Solas murmured. He motioned at the aravel. "I should have been present for this. I should have kept my promise to you." He clenched his jaw and averted his gaze. "It is to my shame that I did not."
"You're here now," Rosa said, smiling slightly. "And I should give you more credit for that than I have."
Solas drew in a small breath, trying not to feel the sudden swell of longing and affection in his chest. While he welcomed her words it sounded a little too much like she was preparing for the worst—that she might never waken. Better to redirect her energies to the future; to survival rather than regrets.
"Thank you," he told her. "But that is not important now. You must try to rouse yourself." His hand on her forearm squeezed reassuringly.
"I'll try," she promised. A shudder passed through her. The ether-shaped infant Eliana made a little whimpering cry as the Fade rippled around them. Rosa was reaching out, trying to connect consciously with the Fade and will herself out of it.
And then, as Solas held his breath in anxious anticipation, Rosa's dream self went blurry and transparent. The infant she'd held vanished with her. The dream washed away, collapsing as she woke.
Solas let out a long breath of relief and willed himself awake after her.
It was only a few minutes since Revas laid down on the cart bed beside Rosa when Tal saw his sister stir. His heart leapt at once into his throat and tears sprang into his eyes until he seemed to be crying a waterfall. He cuddled Eliana close and the baby whimpered, faintly understanding something was wrong but not knowing what.
Rosa groaned, her head rolling, lifting the injured temple into the air. "Fenedhis," she croaked weakly. "I feel like the Dread Wolf himself mauled my head."
Tal let out a faint laugh that turned into a sob. He reached for her hand with the arm that wasn't holding Eliana in the sling. Rosa's eyes moved sluggishly toward him until she locked gazes with him. A small, feeble smile curled her lips. "Da'isamalin," she greeted him.
Still sobbing heedlessly, Tal bent down over her, cuddling close to her uninjured side with Eliana. "I missed you," he told her, choking on his tears. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry! What happened—it was all my fault!"
Rosa's only answer was a tiny hum, croaking.
Revas stirred then, sitting up promptly from his prone position. "Herald," he said, "Rosa should eat and drink now. She may not have much time awake."
"Yeah," Tal blubbered, sniffing. He sat up and gestured across the cart. "My rations bag is over there."
Revas twisted and snatched up the bag. Tugging the top open, he pulled out a bit of salted meat rations. Shuffling on his knees to be closer to Rosa, Revas extended the meat. Rosa's hand moved, grasping the meat. She sluggishly rolled her head so that her face was up rather than sideways and brought the meat strip to her mouth. Her arms were shaking.
Tal reached out and supported her forearm, holding it in position. Rosa tried to bite the meat but it was too chewy and dry. In addition, chewing made her whimper with pain as the muscles along her jaw flexed up at her injured temple. It was only a few moments before she let her head roll away and dropped the food on her chest as her wrist went limp.
Revas wore a grave expression. "Please," he entreated her. "You must endure the pain and eat."
Tal cursed under his breath and let his sister's hand fall back to her chest. "No," he grumbled. "She doesn't have to." Snatching up the meat ration, Tal aggressively tore off a chunk and began to chew vigorously. Eliana gurgled and lazily pawed at his neck and chin, wanting a piece. Tal kept the meat out of her grasp, chewing fast and hard.
Understanding dawned on Revas' face as he watched. Nodding his approval, the older man reached out and gently prodded Rosa's shoulder. "Please, try to stay awake until you have eaten."
Rosa hummed an acknowledgement. Her throat bobbed as she swallowed. "How long was I…?"
"A little over twenty-four hours," Revas told her. "Another day and I believe it will be safe for us to heal the fracture. The danger of brain swelling will have passed then."
"If I don't come back again," Rosa said in a slow, dry croak. "Elia is yours. Tal will teach you. Promise you'll protect her, Solas?" Tears glittered in her lidded, sunken eyes.
Tal frowned, hearing Rosa use a different name for the other elf. Was it a nickname? A pet name they shared as lovers? He noticed Revas tensed when she used the name but he quickly wiped the reaction away.
Pushing that curiosity aside, Tal shifted Eliana in the sling so he could lean low to get his body mostly parallel with his sister. He moved his head to align with her and then pressed his mouth to hers, pushing the chewed and softened meat into her mouth. She was responsive enough that she understood what he was doing and swallowed.
Sitting back again, Tal shoved more meat in his mouth. Revas, sitting across the cart from him, wore an appreciative smile. To Rosa he said, "You have my promise, Rosa. I will always protect Eliana." He turned and found a water skin, crawling forward to help her drink from it. Rosa drank with more enthusiasm than her eating attempt, swallowing most of the water skin before Tal shifted again to push more food into her mouth.
They went back and forth like this until they had gotten a full water skin and a good meal of meat rations and bread into her. But eventually Rosa slipped back into unconsciousness, going limp and no longer wakening when Revas or Tal shook her.
"She's going to wake up again," Tal said, staring fixedly at his sister's face, willing her with everything inside him to meet his desperate expectation. "She's going to make it."
"I believe you are correct," Revas murmured, smiling softly. "She is through the worst of it."
Eliana whimpered, hungry again. Tal made a soothing noise and rocked her as he shot Revas a look across the cart. "She's eating more often, I think." He frowned, worried.
Revas, however, for his part, appeared confused. "She is?"
"Yeah," Tal said, still rocking her. "I think so, anyway. Could mean Rosa's milk is already trying to go, so she isn't getting much when she nurses."
Revas turned his head, as though sheepish. It was both irritating and amusing for Tal. This man undoubtedly had seen Rosa's breasts before, albeit in a very different light. Yet breastfeeding seemed so foreign to him that it made him uncomfortable. Humans might be able to afford that kind of attitude, but in Tal's experience elves universally could not. Breastmilk was free, which made it the baby food of choice for impoverished elves in alienages. Revas should have grown up with nursing mothers. Tal certainly had. So, how had Revas become so uncomfortable around this very natural thing?
He had a lot of evidence that Revas was not some wandering apostate flat-ear and was instead an Elvhenan survivor, or the son of one. Yet neither his sister nor Revas seemed willing to give up the obvious truth. But perhaps that background explained Revas' reaction here, too.
Deciding to play a trick on Revas, or to try to trick him anyway, Tal said, "Why does Elia nursing bug you so much? Did mothers not suckle their babes in Arlathan?"
Revas' head jerked back toward Tal, eyes narrowing. He was silent, glaring for a long moment. Then he said, "I would imagine the noblewomen of Arlathan may have used wet nurses, much as human nobles now do."
"Ah." Tal nodded, smirking. "So that's why you're so freaked with it."
"I am unsure of your implication," Revas said.
"Cut the shit," Tal snapped. "I know you're not Dalish or half-Dalish or some wandering apostate. You're a survivor from Elvhenan, or you were trained by one. Have to be to know the sleep spell you used on me back when I stabilized the breach. Or whatever the fuck you did to me in Val Royeaux to make it so I couldn't drink."
Revas said nothing, merely stared at him for a long moment. Then, deliberately, as Eliana started whimpering again, he cleared his throat. "She is hungry. We should help her eat."
"And you should tell me the truth," Tal retorted.
Revas ignored him, reaching for Rosa to uncover the blanket they'd put over her chest. Tal waited a moment and then pulled Eliana out of her sling. He laid her on her belly over Rosa and the baby, clever and motivated with hunger, found the exposed breast with ease.
Into the near-silence, broken only by the crackle of hearth fires from camp and the chatter of the Inquisition people going about their evening routines a short distance away, Revas sighed. Tal's heart hammered quickly with triumph as he realized the other man was giving in.
"You are not wrong about me," Revas admitted. "But I am sure you can understand that I do not wish this widely revealed. Can I rely on your secrecy?"
"Of course," Tal said, smiling genuinely. He leaned forward then, letting his smile turn a touch darker. "One condition though…"
Revas narrowed his eyes with disapproval. "Which is…?"
"Teach me," Tal said, grinning now. "I want to learn all the esoteric spells you know from the old days. I never finished training properly so I'm always looking for mentors. Rosa's great but now that she has Eliana she's so busy she rarely has time…"
Revas' expression eased with warmth. "It would be my pleasure to mentor you, Herald." He chuckled then and added, "Though in return I would also enjoy learning more about caring for Eliana. Even simple things are unknown to me. I have much to learn."
Tal lifted his accursed left hand and spat into it. "Let's shake on it." He extended it out to Revas, waggling his eyebrows.
Revas hesitated, disgust curling his lip. "Perhaps we might use a less barbaric—"
"I'm Dalish," Tal interrupted him. "Not Elvhen." Well, he corrected internally, I'm half-Dalish anyway, but you don't need to know that. "That means I like roughing it. All the dirt, sweat, blood, and spit you can stand."
Revas heaved a longsuffering sigh. "I seem to recall Rosa giving me a similar admonishment. Something about how fun wrestling in a mud hollow was."
"Oh," Tal said, drawling out the single word with exaggerated pleasure. "Fuck yeah. Mud hollow wrestling is the best. You gotta try it sometime." He motioned with his spitty hand. "Now, are we shaking on this deal or not?"
Revas grimaced but started to reach for Tal to shake his hand—until Tal stopped him. "Ah-ah. You need to spit in your palm first."
"No," Revas growled.
Tal laughed. "Mythal's tits," he whined. "You are no fun." Extending his hand again, he said, "Fine. No spit shake for you. But I'm still doing the right thing. The spit lets you know how much I seriously honor this agreement, Revas." Not to mention it's way too fun to make you squirm. He tried to keep himself from giving that away with an obvious smirk. "You're hurting my feelings not swapping spit with me. This is sacred spit, man. It means something. Have a little respect."
Revas wasn't buying it judging from the ongoing sneer of disgust. Still, he clasped Tal's hand with his own. They interwove their fingers together. Tal squeezed hard before letting go. He grinned mischievously as he saw Revas quickly wipe off his palm, still scowling with revulsion.
"Seriously," he said, shaking his head. "It's spit. That's nothing. Just wait until Elia starts burping up her bits all the time or has a real blowout of the number two variety."
Revas let out another sigh but said nothing.
Next Chapter
The man pivoted, noticing their arrival and…he was golden, with a manicured mustache and clean hair and skin and clothes. Tal immediately felt himself flush hot with attraction—but also embarrassment. He was fully aware he must look like halla shit compared to this human. The last time he saw his reflection he still looked haggard from his last hangover mere days ago and not to mention the gut-wrenching worry and guilt over Rosa. His skin must look waxy and drawn beside this flawless specimen. And his hair might as well be a rat's nest. Sure, it was clean…ish…but nothing like this guy's.
"Ah good," the man said, smiling at them, a glimmer in his brown eyes. "You're finally here. Now, help me close this, would you?"
From almost the very start of this story I had this chapter in mind of Solas rescuing a lost and confused Rosa from nightmares, particularly one about Elia being stillborn. I hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Partly I wanted to give Solas a glimpse of what Rosa went through and give him a chance to express his guilt that he wasn't there. But also this tied in so well with Rosa's refusal to yield parental rights to Solas. And it lets Solas get full access to Elia so he can prove himself.
And, of course, I got to make Solas squirm with the reality of breastfeeding. He's utterly clueless about all things baby, but he wants to learn. So he will. Solas' struggle to "dad" is going to make a U turn because Rosa's attitude has dramatically changed after this. And let's be honest, for a guy named Pride, legitimacy is important to his ego. Having Rosa not acknowledge him as Elia's father has been sticking in his craw.
Thank you to everyone who read and favorited, but a huge thanks to everyone who took the time to review!
CynicArchon, Tal isn't really inspiring right now, no. He's not meant to be, but as he is the one with the Anchor, he's what Thedas is stuck with. Right now I figure Cassandra is actually the leader of the Inquisition. Alcoholism is a disease and I can't just have Tal switch off completely, short of some tricks from magic ala Solas. Tal flirted with alcoholism in Rosa Stands Tall, but there he didn't have all this responsibility foisted on him. Here he does, and he's used alcohol too often to run away from it. Now he has to dig himself out of the addiction.
Cookie, awwww thank you! Yes, I think way too much about the characters of this game, especially Solas. And embarrassment will continue *evil laughter*
Frogbutton, thank you for reviewing! Yes, Rosa was very motivated to kick ass last chapter! LOL. Her baby was at stake, as was her brother, who is also sometimes her baby these days. You know what they say about messing with mothers who have babies to protect! Those Avvar never knew what hit them!
