Chapter 7

One evening came. Andy was playing with Hardon and Butt. Butt's hand was under the front of Hardon's pants, making an up and down motion. Andy's was just about to enjoy it even more when his mom came into the room.

"Hey," she said. "Since we're almost done with the move, I thought we could go to, I don't know, Porno Planet?"

Andy was surprised. "Porno Planet? Oh cool!" he shouted before throwing Butt on top of Hardon and leaving the room. The toys got up, with Hardon getting Butt's hand out of his pants, and went their separate ways. Hardon was overhearing the conversation between Andy and his mom.

"Can I fuck a few toys with me?" Andy asked.

"You can fuck one toy." She answered.

"Just one?" Andy asked, sadly.

Hardon was shocked and whispered, "One toy?" He then looked at Butt, who was currently licking Hardon's cum off his hand.

Hardon turned away and sniffed some cocaine. Then he saw an 8-ball.

He picked it up. "Will Andy fuck me?" he shook it and saw the answer: Don't count on it.

Hardon yelled. "Don't count on it?!" Like a baby, he threw the ball behind him, hitting Butt, who flew outside of the window.

The toys ran to the window. "BUTT!" Hardon ran to it first.

"Butt!" he yelled, before seeing Butt drop out of sight, into a pile of bushes.

As the other toys went to the window, Hardon backed away.

Stoney yelled, "I can't see him! I think he fell into Sid's yard!"

Al screamed, "NO! BUTT!"

Something caught Potato Head's eye and saw a toy mime trying to say something.

"Hey, look! Mr. Bean is trying to tell us something!"

Stoney shook his head. "Um, that's Charlie Chaplin."

Potato Head shrugged. "Who cares? Playing charades with either of them will be entertaining!"

The Chaplin doll pointed to Hardon and pointed to the 8-Ball.

Potato Head said, "I think he knows what happened. Someone knocked Butt out thought that window... but who?"

The Chaplin doll went up and Hardon and pointed.

"Who could it be?" Potato Head wondered, taking off his moustache and scratching it.

The Chaplin doll jumped up and down, as he is still pointing at Hardon.

"I guess we will never know who pushed Butt out the window. I guess it's one of nature's greatest mysteries." Al Gore sighed.

Chaplin had enough. He snapped. "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? ARE YOU IDIOTS ACTUALLY MORONS? IT WAS HARDON WHO PUSHED BUTT OUT! JESYS CHRIST! YOU FUCKING PEOPLE ARE FUCKING IDIOTS!" As he walked away, Chaplin smiled and said, "Thanks for listening."

Potato Head shrugged, "So, it was Hardon. I never would have guessed."

All the toys looked at Hardon, who shook his head. "Oh, come on. You really don't think I would mean to push Butt out the window, do you? Potato Head?"

"That's Potato Head to you, you Creed junkie!"

Hardon laughed. "Oh, it was an accident. You gotta believe me."

Stoney yelled, "We believe you, Hardon." All the toys looked at Stoney, who looked at Al Gore. "Right, Al?"

Al was scared. "I don't like confrontations! This is 2000 all over again!"

Suddenly, Nash, the soldier, comes out of nowhere and yells at Hardon. "YOU FUCKING DOUCHE! YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE DISGRACE! IF I WASN'T THE SIZE OF WEE-MAN FROM JACKASS, I WOULD KICK YOUR ASS!" Since Nash was Canadian, Hardon had no problem kicking him, literally, out of the room.

Potato Head pushed him. "So, you push Butt out because you were jealous he was taking over since he got here!" Hardon looked behind him and saw that he was at the edge of the window. "What happens if Andy starts fucking with me, huh? Are you going to knock me out of the window too?"

Hardon rolled his head and laughed at the question but stopped when Pork got a knife and went next to Hardon. "I don't think we should give him a chance."

Suddenly, the Canadian soldiers surrounded Hardon with guns and grenades. The rest of the toys were saying, "KILL! KILL! KILL!"

Nash, whose face is smashed up, pointed at Hardon and yelled, "Fire at will!"

The soldiers look at Nash, confused. One of the soldiers said, "Who is Will? This guy's name is Hardon!"

Nash looked at him, went to the soldier, took his gun and smashed it into the owner's face. "NOW GO DIG YOU FUCKING GRAVE!" The soldier nodded, as he got a shovel and went to the toy graveyard, digging his grave between Heath Ledger and Brittany Murphy.

Nash yelled to the other soldiers, "Ready! Aim!"

But just as the soldiers were about to go 2pac on Hardon, they heard Andy's voice.

"Wait, Mom! I have to go get Butt!"

With this, all the toys went back into their positions, with no Butt.

Andy was back in the room, puzzled that Butt wasn't there with Hardon.

"Mom, have you seen Butt?" he asked, looked under his bed. She replied no.

While Andy was looking for Butt, Hardon looked at Potato Head and Pork. Potato Head held a belt that was tied in a noose. Pork held up a picture of David Carradine. Hardon was scared when he saw these images.

Andy's mom yelled, "Andy, I'm getting out the door!"

Andy complained, "I can't find Butt anywhere."

"Take another toy with you, come on!"

Andy sighed, "Okay." Taking Hardon with him.

Andy walked outside towards the car, head down, gloomy. "I couldn't find my Butt. I looked everywhere I can't find it."

Mother saying, "You'll find it, you'll see."

Butt was in the bushes looking around. Peeking out, he saw Andy go towards the car, holding Hardon.

Butt was furious. "I let my hand down your pants and this is how you repay me?"

The car started and Butt went towards it. He was about to jump but the exhaust pipe sucked him in.

Butt sighed as the car drove away.