Chapter 6
Still Walking After You
Sometimes people become attached to another person, so attached that they are entirely blind to the fact. Their attention is handed out carelessly to other people, but the person who needs it most receives only small fractions of it.
Ashley sat at the dark, wood table in the middle size dinning room. All the lights where off except on lit candle resting in front of her on the table. She rested her arms on the cold table and pushed her back against the chair watching the candle flicker light across her face. She was sitting their in a pair of pink Victoria Secret pants and a white cami. Her hair hung down in front of her face, creating a veil between her and the outside.
She had put the children to sleep hours ago, and she had lain down with Aiden a little after that. She was consumed by racing thoughts. Unable to go to sleep, the brunette headed down to rest at the table.
i Lying all alone and restless, unable to loose this image
/i
Her mind was stuck on the blond girl who had just showed up out of nowhere after five years without any contact. Her mind couldn't get the girl out; the once innocent girl, who had been dancing around her thoughts, was determined to stay there. As much as Ashley wanted to shake the girl, Spencer was still the only drug that Ashley was addicted to.
Spencer had become Ashley's unspoken weakness. She had left a scare on the brunette's chest, from ripping her heart out when she left. To Ashley's luck, the blond didn't take her heart with her. She left it there for the older girl to put back in her chest. Ashley had slowly stitched up the large cut over the years. Now, she had a long, dark scar on her chest. It was identical to the one Aiden visibly wore on his chest.
Ashley stared at the flickering candle light, memories flooding to the girl's eyes.
i This portrays a striking resemblance to incidents that I've, I've endured before. /i
The night of the shooting, one night that had fucked everything up. Aiden had got shot in the heart by a stay bullet. The boy had taken the invasive piece of metal that would have destructively hit the blond. Ashley had witness this scene in pure shock. She remembers that minutes later she was pulled from her shock as the lights from the oncoming ambulance flashed in her face. Quickly, the girl had helped the broken boy up and quickly rushed him to the EMT that was on his way toward them. She knew she should have simply told Spencer that she would be right back, but the thought had lost its way in her mind. When Ashley had come back several minutes later, the blond was gone. Only a few drops of crimson liquid and Kyla rested in her place.
Ashley stared at the light, watching the memories flicker by her eyes as she tried to watch them.
The first week after the shooting no one had told Ashley any news on Spencer. Ashley was running around the hospital a complete mess asking everyone if they saw Spencer Carlin. Her mind convincing her that her blond lover was dead due to the fact no one had told her anything. The fraction of that thought had spread through her body creating the realness of the situation.
She thought her lover was dead.
All her hopes where dead along with her.
After a week, Paula had told the young distraught girl that Spencer wasn't dead. They had no idea where the blond was, but she was no where to be found. This had spark determination into the brunette. Ashley tore the city apart in a matter of days; she was determined to find the blond.
Ashley chuckled at her willpower to find her love. She remembers the thought of once she had found her she was going to hug her, then yell at her, and lastly fuck her brains out. The determination of a teenage girl was strong and untangled with.
Ashley had tried everything she could to find the girl. She searched all of California. When she came back with no information, she and Arthur hired a private detective. The blond was gone, and no trace of her was found. When the detective had delivered this news to them, Ashley completely broke down.
i
And you walk away you take everything you own for granted.
And you take everything you own for granted. /i
Ashley tapped her fingers on the table softly. The memories of her in complete break down mode were still sketchy for her. She remembers she had closed the curtains to the bright California sun, making the room extremely dark. She felt like she had been Alice in Wonderland, tumbling down the rabbit hole. Her existence had slipped between her thin fingers, and she had become a shell. She sat on her bed, in the large room, alone. The only thing comforting her was the memories she had of Spencer.
One night, Aiden had come into the room. He had let a small amount of light in that made the girl 'hiss'. She was lying across the bed, her hair was a mess and she was pale. He had come in there to get her to eat something. He knew the pale, ill, girl needed something to keep her alive. Ashley had gone off on the poor injured boy. She had cussed the boy out, screaming profanities at the boy and screaming that it was his fault. She had screamed that she had hated every fucking one. Ashley had turned into a tornado of destruction out of pure sadness. She had ripped down any picture that had been in her sight, tore up any thing that would remind her of Spencer.
i Although everything I said was just a picture in my head.
I think we can make it. /i
Ashley chuckled at herself. She was amazed how tangled she had gotten. The short lasted relationship between her and the blond had left a long lasting impression on Ashley. The small high school fling was more than anyone thought it could ever be. She was reading a book one day, something that Arthur had told her she should read. It was a book on poetry and proverbs. In one poem, the girl had written, 'when you have someone stuck in your head, maybe they are supposed to be there. When you are young and naïve, things get 'stuck' in your head a lot, but the ones that become a drug to you, the things that feed you, the things that you feed off of…that is when you know you are in love.' The small little poem had said so many things that Ashley needed to read, that she felt. Ashley was young, yes, but she knew that she had fallen in love with the blond.
Arthur was the only one to get to talk to the girl. Actually, he had done most of the talking. He had turned into a father figure in the girl's eyes in one night. He had told the girl that she had to break loose of these ties that she had bound herself of. He gave her rules, and most of all her gave the girl understanding.
It took the young girl a long time to heal her wounds. She had to transcend from a wild child to someone who could depend on themselves in a time of chaos. After that year, Ashley had come back to normal. Yet, the girl wasn't the Ashley she had been prier to the events. She was more mature. She had a powerful persona that couldn't get knocked down anymore. Ashley had turned into stone.
i And this looks exactly like something that's happen to me before.
And the letters you've written will never get here./i
Ashley stood up from her seat; the hard chair wasn't appealing to her anymore. She broke the link to her past memories. They didn't have their grasp on her anymore. They didn't make her feel guilty about choosing Aiden or having a family. They didn't anger her as much to think about the year of desperation she experienced. They where just memories, something insubstantial that could take her back into the past and recreate the scene. Each time though, she would never have the same reaction she had the original time the memories was crated. Ashley had changed. She was cautious, strong, and more mature.
Ashley wasn't going to lie to herself. She had chosen Aiden out of the only fact that she knew Spencer wasn't coming back. She choose him because the fact that she needed someone to take care of her, and he was the only one there doing it. When they had first gotten together, you couldn't tear the two apart. In the beginning it was all about clinging to something real. The relationship was fair. Aiden got the girl and the sex was incredible. Ashley got someone who loved her and protected her.
i And when you walk away you take everything you own for granted.
And you take everything you own for granted./i
Ashley didn't want to take it so far thought that she ended up pregnant and married. She would b never/b regret her children. That didn't mean she didn't regret marrying Aiden though. She still had unconditional feelings for the blond. She had never verbally spoken that to the dark haired man, but it was a known fact. He knew that going into the relationship. That made him resent the girl so much now, made him dislike the blond because he knew if Ashley had the chance she would run back to her in a split second.
Ashley walked into the living room. The curtains were opened and the night sky lit the room. There was a doll tossed on the floor and a random Hot Wheels car on the floor. Pictures filled the room of the large room. Ashley couldn't help looking over the pictures that depicted a happy family. There were pictures from her wedding, to Ashden's birth and first step, to Teigue being born in Ms. Carlin's car, ending with a big family photo of the Carlin-Davies-Dennison families. She smiled at how close she had gotten to the Carlin's.
i I'm burning up
My face is flushed
Ohh my fever is rising./i
The girl stayed close to the family. The girl had multiple reasons to stay close to the family: Spencer, Clay, Chelsea, Siena May, Arthur, and the fact that they had accepted her, Kyla, and Aiden in as their family. Even Paula had taken a liking to the young girl once she had gotten to know her. Arthur and Paula were grandparents to her children, and they were always cheering her on when she needed it. Ashley was lucky to have them in her life. Deep down though, it came back to the blond. If she stayed close to the Carlin's, it was being close to a part of Spencer that was still present.
She knew that it was a wonderful thing that she was so close to the Carlin's was when Spencer walked into that house the other day. At the moment, the brunette was pissed at the girl. Her former lover had walked in with a child and changed. She wanted bher/b Spencer to return to her. All these emotions was clouding her head the whole time Spencer was there; love, hate, anger, happiness, want, and fear. She didn't know how she should react. She could feel the scar on her chest being ripped open and red liquid beginning to pour out.
i Muscles weaken, and I'm leaping at opportunities to touch you.
And it's becoming blaringly obvious that I'm still walking after you/i
The scar continued to get deeper and bigger the day at Spencer's home. The wonderful, sunny day had turned into something that wasn't entertaining. Both girls had so many unsolved problems with the other, and the yelling didn't help. Ashley had been so angered and hurt, and the blond had been the same way as they yelled at each other in the blond's kitchen. Ashley knew that they both truly wanted the same thing. They just didn't know how to achieve it. They could talk, but what about the other obstacles. They had children. Ashley had a husband.
Earlier that day, Ashley had wanted to talk with Spencer so bad. She needed to tell her everything she felt. She needed to be in the girl's presence. When the girl had said 'no', the older girl was devastated. She wanted to make things right so bad that it hurt.
i I'm still walking after you.
I'm still walking after you.
I'm still walking after you.
After you, after you./i
Ashley sat on the large gray couch and grabbed the cream colored through that was lying across the back. She tangled herself in the blanket and laid her head against the back of the couch. She had pulled her feet up to her chest. She reached for the universal remote lying on the side table and turned on the radio. The low sound of The Spill Canvas escaped the speakers. She fell into a restless sleep.
"Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" the hyper three year old boy said jumping onto the couch.
The morning sun was shining into the light colored room as the little boy found his way onto the couch and shaking his mother.
Ashley let out a loud yawn and stretched her whole body before opening her eyes to the bright room. A smile immediately came onto her lips as she saw her son smiling brightly. She had dreamed the most incredible dream that she had ever had in the last five years helped the smile grow bigger on her lips.
"Mommy, daddy told me to come get you to eat breakfast!" The little boy said to his mother. His hair was messy on his head. He wore light blue pants and had no shirt on. His skin was naturally tanned due to his father's skin tone.
Ashley stood up from the couch and the little boy jumped into her arms. She laughed as she followed the smell of bacon into the equally lit kitchen. She saw her two year old daughter in her high chair playing with some fruity cheerios. The little girl's hair untidy, and her hands banged on the high chair happily when she saw her mother.
Ashley smiled at her daughter as she set her son down in his blue booster seat. She walked around the island to where Aiden was cooking breakfast. Ashley stood on her tippy toes to give him a chaste kiss on the check before going over to the coffee pot and getting her a cup of coffee.
"You fell asleep on the couch again?" Aiden asked the brunette.
Ashley nodded from her spot next to him. This had been the fifth time she had fallen asleep on the couch since Spencer returned. She was always so tangled in her thoughts at night to sleep. By the time she had fallen asleep, she was on the couch listening to music.
"Why didn't you come up to bed?" Aiden didn't look at the brunette, but kept his eyes on the food.
Ashley shrugged her shoulders. Aiden continued, "Ashley, I'm worried about you."
Ashley said monotonically, "Don't be."
Aiden slammed down the spatula that he held onto the floor and yelled, "You're my Goddamn wife! I can fucking worry about you anytime I fucking want!"
The sudden rise in noise caused the three younger Dennison's to jump. The two children became teary eyed and the youngest busted out in a loud cry.
Ashley furrowed her brows at him before running over to tend to her children. She took Teigue out of her high chair and cradled her in her arms, bouncing the little girl and cooing her reassurances. Ashden kept his head down, staring down at the table. Ashley ran her free hand through the boy's hair in an attempt to calm the child. She looked at the man who stood ashamed.
"Don't you ever talk like that in front of bmy/b children," Ashley said in a strong, yet steady voice. She didn't want to scare her children. "That was uncalled for and you know that Aiden."
Aiden looked at Ashley with regret, "I am so sorry, I have no idea what got into me."
Ashley shook her head, "I know what got into you and it was uncalled for, Aiden. You scared the children."
Aiden walked over to his son and touched him, "Hey, buddy, daddy didn't mean to yell."
The boy flinched under his touch and moved away. Aiden took a step back to look at his wife. Ashley held the now hiccupping baby against her shoulder. Teigue's little arms was tight around her neck.
"I'm sorry," Aiden said once more to Ashley.
Ashley took her seat next to her son at the large breakfast table. She smiled at the little boy who smiled softly back at her.
Quietly, the family got through breakfast without making a word. Toward the end of the mean, Aiden spoke up, "Spencer called before you woke up. She wants you to meet her at her office for lunch, and then you'll need to meet Chelsea at the dress shop with the kids."
Ashley's head popped up at the information. Aiden continued in a strained voice, "I told her that you would meet her there at twelve."
Ashley didn't let a smile come across her face. In a monotonic voice, she replied, "Thanks."
This wasn't what I had expected, sorry if it wasn't that good. I just woke up and wrote this. Lol, but it was something. The song in here is by the Spill Canvas (love them), its called Still Walking After You. I was listening to this and had to put it in! So, I hope you guys like it and I should make lots of updates over the weekend. BUT I tell you guys, there must be some feedback. You know I crave that shit like my cheesecake…mmm…cheesecake….mmm on Mandy boobies…..Oh sorry guys ADD moment, lol. Anyway tell me what you think. Thanks to EVERYONE who replies back to my fic! I love you so much!
