Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive

Chapter Seven: Island Hopping

AN:Sorry for the long wait.
I've noticed some folks leaving an offer to write CR6 in their reviews. Let me please remind you that Generation X7 is a lock for writing CR6 and Mustang Driver is confirmed for CR7. So, you might want to try writing a side story or something.
When I started this fic, I had selected the characters from "Gilligan's Island" to be in this chapter. Sadly, we lost Bob Denver while I was working on it. Removing the scenes on the island would not have been possible, so I decided to leave them in as kind of a tribute.

XXXXXXXXXX

At a gas station in New Zealand, J filled the tank of the Lusso XT while Bruce filled the tank of the Boost.

"The Cannonball officials sent vehicle designs to each of the teams." said K. "They assigned a vehicle to every team that entered."

"So, the race officials somehow got their hands on our plans." said Matt. "Did they say where they got them?"

"They said that someone on the internet sold them for a decent amount." said Mulder. "Maybe they know who that would be."

"Thanks for your help." said Gloria. "We'll keep an eye out."

Bruce and J finished filling their gas tanks.

"Bruce, we have a lead." said Matt.

"I heard." said Bruce. "It was someone on the internet. I think we should ask Chloe for help tracking down the culprit."

"If she'll help." said Gloria.

XXXXXXXXXX

"We have now blasted through three, count 'em, three continents." said David Spade.

"However, there is still an ocean and four more continents to go before the end." said Phil Keoghan. "We have quite some time before we find out the winner, or do we?"

"That's right." said David. "We are on the phone now with one of the 4400 who happens to be a clairvoiant."

Phil put the phone to his ear and listened for someone to pick up on the other end.

In Seattle, NTAC agent Diana Skouris answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Yes, is Maia Rutledge there?" asked Phil.

"Hold on." said Diana. She handed the phone to her adopted daughter, Maia Rutledge, a clairvoiant nine-year-old who was one of the 4400. "It's for you. It's the race officials for the Cannonball."

Maia took the phone and said "Hello?"

"Hello, Maia." said Phil. "If you've been following the race, you know that the first three continents are out of the way. What we'd like to know is this: who do you see winning the race?"

"He wants to know who I see winning the race." said Maia.

"Do you have an answer?" asked Diana.

Phil listened to the answer. "Thank you." he said. He then lowered the phone and told David "She said 'I can't tell you. That would be cheating.'"

"Okay, try this." said David.

"What's he saying now?" asked Diana.

"He's talking with the other guy." said Maia. "Wait." She listened to what Phil was telling her. "Now, he says they'll give me ten thousand dollars if I tell them."

Phil listened to Maia's response. "She says 'I'm nine years old. What am I going to do with ten thousand dollars?'"

"Give me the phone." said David. "I'm gonna tell her what she can do with ten thousand dollars!"

Phil held the phone away from him. "Thank you for your input, Maia." he said. "I think you're right. It would most likely be better if we were surprised."

"No problem." said Maia. "By the way, go easy on your visitors. One of them isn't as bad as he seems."

"Okay." said Phil, a little confused by her statement. "Thank you and goodbye."

Phil hung up the phone while David walked over to a big screen television. "Ladies and gentlemen, we have another interview with one of the racers. He is coming to us on the road right now."

The television turned on to reveal Cary Ford riding along. Phil joined David.

"Hi, folks." said Cary.

"Hi yourself, Mr. Ford." said David. "You seem to be doing well."

"Thanks." said Cary. "After the mess up in Australia, I'm kind of glad to be here."

"Can you tell us where you are at the moment?" asked Phil.

"Right now, I'm somewhere outside of Wellington, New Zealand." said Cary.

"Really?" said Phil. "Well, you know I happen to be from New Zealand. How do you like it?"

"It's a nice country." said Cary. "Reminds me of home."

"Thank you very much." said Phil.

"So, I understand you have a rivalry going with another racer." said David. "Is that true?"

"It is." said Cary. "It won't be long before I show him."

"I guess it won't." said Phil. "We'll let you concentrate on the road now. Thank you very much."

The television shut off.

"So, what's going on now, David?" asked Phil.

"We've got a murder!" said David.

"WHAT?" asked Phil.

"Of Crows." said David. Phil slapped him in the chest. "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Counting Crows with Sheryl Crow."

Sheryl had taken to the stage with the Counting Crows.

"Okay, we thought this would be an appropriate song since the racers are now heading through the tropics." said Sheryl.

"And so, here we go." said Adam Duritz.

David Bryson and Dan Vickrey got on their guitars while Sheryl and Matt Malley took to their basses. A second later, Jim Bogios started up his drumwork. After they played through the opening, Adam joined in on vocals.

Got a surprise especially for you.
Something that both of us have always wanted to do.
We've waited so long.
Waited so long.
We've waited so long.
Waited so long.

Sheryl then joined in on vocals.

I'm gonna take you on a trip so far from here.
I got two tickets in my pocket, now baby, we're gonna disappear.
We've waited so long.
Waited so long.
We've waited so long.
Waited so long.

Adam went back to singing.

I've got
two tickets to paradise.
Won't you
pack your bags, we'll leave tonight.
I've got
two tickets to paradise.
I've got
two tickets to paradise.

I'm gonna take you on a trip so far from here.
I've got two tickets in my pocket, now baby, we're gonna disappear.
(You know why)
We've waited so long.
Waited so long.
We've waited so long.
Waited so long.

I've got
two tickets to paradise.
Won't you
pack your bags, we'll leave tonight.
I've got
two tickets to paradise.
I've got
two tickets to paradise.

-"Two Tickets To Paradise" by Eddie Money

"And we do have paradise coming up." said David. "We'll be back in a bit.

XXXXXXXXXX

Outside, the Sentinel was parked among the warehouses of Dodge Island. Tanner, Everett, and Cam were dressed in black sweatpants and sweatshirts with black ski masks.

"Target's in sight." said Tanner. "We're going to have to make this fast. My source says the race officials are planning on moving race headquarters to another undisclosed location."

"Got it." said Cam. "Look, there's something I need to bring up. Back in '86, I took part in a bank heist with three other guys. I got arrested for it two weeks later. They said they identified me because we used our real names. I think we should come up with some kind of pseudonyms or something."

"Okay." said Everett. "During this heist, I'll be...uh, Mr. Sanderson and you will be...uh, Mrs. Esterhouse."

"No." said Tanner. "For the duration of this heist, I will be Mr. Yellow. Everett, you will be Mr. Purple. Cam, you will be Mr. Red."

"Uh huh." said Everett.

"I see." said Cam. "Our pseudonyms are colors."

"Yeah, that's the way they do it in the big ones." said Tanner. "'The Taking of Pelham One-Two-Three', 'Reservoir Dogs', 'Clue'."

"Okay, let's do this." said Cam.

"Hold on." said Tanner. "I have to coordinate our actions with the Hunters. I couldn't reach them before."

Tanner took out his cel phone and called Korpi.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Yeah, we got the cars DeMarco sent us." said Korpi into his cel phone. "Real winners this time." He looked at the cars. Except for a Toyota Supra street racer, all of the cars were lowriders.

Korpi hung up his phone and turned to the other Hunters. "Okay, here's your vehicle assignments." He pointed to a red '61 Lincoln Continental with orange pinstripes. "Darden and I will get the Blade."

He then pointed to a black Lincoln Mark III with blue flames. "Max and Joe get the Remington."

He then pointed to a purple pickup with orange flames. "Paul and Feliz get the Slamvan."

Finally, he pointed to the Supra which was painted light blue with blue stripes. "And Johnny and Lance get the Jester naturally. According to Johnny, we have a new target. It is the Citroen police car driven by that police inspector from San Francisco. Johnny says he is working with the race officials, no doubt as an undercover protector. What we have to do now is find some way of drawing him out so we can destroy him."

"How about if we kidnap one of the racers?" asked Joe. "That's sure to attract his attention."

"That's not a bad idea." said Korpi. "Okay, people, let's hit the road."

Paul walked with Joe and Max to the cars. "So, what were you guys doing in Connecticut?" he asked.

"Hey, I'm still trying to figure out how we got there." said Max.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Asia, Yuri and his army were cleaning up after being attacked.

"I thought those troops would never leave." said one of his Initiates.

"Those Cannonballers did a lot of damage as well." said Yuri.

"Perhaps we should take some time to rebuild before doing anything like that again." said the Initiate.

"No, those Cannonballers are a force to be reckoned with." said Yuri. "I think we should recruit some of them."

"But, sir." said the Initiate. "What if the Allies attack us again? Or the Russians?"

"We can hold them off for now." said Yuri. "Scramble a fleet of Floating Disks and Boomers. The Cannonballers should be crossing the Pacific Ocean by now."

"As you command, sir." sighed the Initiate.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the betting parlor, the members of Blues Traveler were checking in on the current results.

"How's the 1971 Bestia doing?" asked John Popper.

"It's currently in eighth." said Nessa.

"What about the Amata Crescendo?" asked Chan Kinchla. "One of the team members shares my name."

"Fourth place and gaining." said Nessa.

"And the Victory?" asked Tad Kinchla. "How's that doing?"

"You can find that in twelth." said Nessa.

"How's the Knight holding up?" asked Brendan Hill.

"Not well, I'm afraid." said Nessa. "It's in twentieth."

"Sorry, man." said Ben Wilson. "And the Crusero Magnifico?"

"Holding a strong second." said Nessa.

"Behind who?" asked John.

"The Fripon X." said Nessa.

Hal and Lois were watching at home when they heard the news.

"Did you hear that, Lois?" asked Hal. "The boys are in first place!"

"Ha! I knew it!" said Lois. "I told you Malcolm was the boy for the job."

"Why are you praising Malcolm all of a sudden?" asked Hal. "Just a few days ago, you said he was grounded."

"Oh, I always say that." said Lois. "I think it's starting to lose its meaning."

"Mom! Mom!" yelled Dewey as he ran into the living room. "Jamie's climbing the stack unit!"

"He's WHAT?" yelled Lois. She ran off to do some mothering. "You get down here this instant, little man!"

"I still can't believe he got up there!" said Dewey. "I only showed him how to do it once!"

While his wife and son were otherwise occupied, Hal snuck over to the phone and started dialling. Chloe picked up on the other end. "Cannonball Run betting pool. Chloe speaking. How may I help you?"

"Ah, yes. Hello." said Hal. "Three of my sons are in the race. My name is Hal..."

He was interupted when a loud crash came from the back room. "Don't worry, it'll grow back!" said Dewey.

"So, anyway." said Hal. "I'd like to place a bet on the Fripon X."

"Minimum bet is ten thousand dollars." said Chloe as a drum beat started to fill the air and get progressively louder. "How much would you like to wager, Mr...Travis, you can't do that on the mezzanine?"

She turned to face the source of the drum work, Better Than Ezra's Travis McNabb, who stopped playing. "The acoustics are all wrong out there." he explained sheepishly.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Torrida pulled into a research station near the bridge from New Zealand. MacGyver climbed out.

"Thanks for the lift." he said.

"No problem." said Buffy. "If you need anything, just call. You have my number, I assume."

"Of course." said MacGyver. "I'll see you later."

"Bye." said Willow.

"Alright, let's wait until he plants the bag of poop before we go." said Xander.

Just then, Kid pulled alongside the car and stopped.

"I wonder what this guy wants." said Willow.

Kid climbed off the Cohete and walked over to the window. "Hey, you're that vampire killer or whatever."

"Guilty as charged." said Buffy.

"You seem to be doing quite well so far." said Kid. "How do you do it?"

"Well, I'm glad you asked." said Xander. "We're giving a Cannonballing seminar after the race. Since you're the first person to ask, we'll let you in for free."

"You know, how about a little side challenge?" asked Kid. "We'll race to Tonga."

"You're on." said Willow.

"Yeah!" said Buffy.

"Hold on." said Kid. "Let's make this a little more interesting."

A minute later, Buffy gripped the handlebars of the Cohete while Kid took the wheel of the Torrida.

"Ready?" she said.

"Ready." replied Kid.

"Go!" yelled Xander from the Torrida's back seat.

XXXXXXXXXX

Knuckles was behind the wheel of the RSMC 15 on the bridge from New Zealand. "If we keep this up, we should be able to leave the others in the dust." he said.

"Oh yeah, that's something I like to do." said Sonic. "Leave the others in the dust."

Under the surface of the ocean up ahead, another of Yuri's units, a submarine called the Boomer, waited.

"Sir, there's a Cannonballer approaching on the bridge." said the sonar chief.

"Excellent." said the commander. "Set the plan in motion."

The Boomer maneuvered towards the supports for the bridge.

"Ready, now!" ordered the commander.

The Boomer fired torpedoes at the bridge supports, blowing them both out. The bridge itself started to buckle.

"Sonic!" yelled Tails. "What's happening?"

"The bridge is starting to buckle!" said Sonic.

"What do you expect?" asked Knuckles. "It was made by Bluth Construction."

The Boomer fired another torpedo at the next bridge support. This one collapsed completely, causing the bridge to start listing.

"Something tells me this wasn't the fault of George Sr." said Sonic.

"We have to do something!" said Tails.

"On it." said Knuckles. "Tails, take the wheel."

Knuckles jumped out of the driver's seat and into the water. Tails took his place.

"Knuckles!" yelled Tails.

"Don't worry, Tails." said Sonic. "He's got that Air Necklace to let him breathe. He'll be alright...I hope."

Underwater, Knuckles swam towards the Boomer. He had his Hammer Gloves on. He started to pound on the hull.

"Sir, we seem to be under attack." said the Boomer's helmsman.

"By what?" asked the commander.

"It appears to be an...echidna?" replied the helmsman.

Knuckles continued to pound on the hull of the Boomer until he caused a hull breach.

"Whoa! Hull breach!" yelled the helmsman.

Knuckles swam back to the surface as the Boomer came apart. The RSMC 15 was waiting for him.

"Knuckles, are you alright?" asked Tails.

"I'm alive, aren't I?" asked Knuckles. "Sonic, you won't believe this. There was a symbol of some kind on the sub that took out the bridge supports. Guess what? That symbol was also on the creature that attacked us in Asia."

"It was the same guys?" asked Sonic. "Wait'll the race officials hear about this."

XXXXXXXXXX

In Tonga, Jarod filled the tank of the Vortex 5 at a gas station. "So, how's the race going for you guys?" he asked.

"Well, I'm sure you know about the incident with the food." said Richard Parker. Larry was filling the tank of the Ascent next to the Vortex. Bernie sat in the back of the car, as usual.

"How's the race going for you?" asked Larry.

"Not bad." said Johnny 5. "We took care of a couple of baddies and here we are."

"Look who's here." said Jarod as the Torrida and Cohete pulled into the station. "Tell me, what's wrong with this picture?"

The Cohete rolled to a stop ahead of the Torrida. Buffy took off her helmet and Kid climbed out of the car.

"Damn, girl!" he said. "You ride that almost as well as I do!"

"You're not bad yourself." asked Buffy.

"I'll definitely keep an eye out for you." said Kid.

"Same here." said Buffy as she handed the helmet back to Kid.

"Way to go, Buffster!" said Xander.

"Sorry I kicked your asses." said Buffy. "Just let me tell you it was nothing personal."

Behind the Vortex, George sat on the hood of the Super Taxi reading the Midnight Star (a tabloid from home) while Stanley filled the gas tank.

"Hey, Kuni, what's your horoscope?" asked George.

"Pisces." said Kuni.

George read his horoscope for today. "Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus. You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say."

The Pirahna PDQ was at the next pump. "What about Gemini?" asked James.

"Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence." read George. "Your love life will run into trouble when your fiancee hurls a javelin through your chest."

"What?" yelled James.

"The stars have it." said Jessie. "So, what does it have for Leo?"

"Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face." read George. "Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Qwik."

"Is not!" yelled Jessie.

"What does it say about Scorpio?" asked Annie.

"Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window." read George. "Work a little bit harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak."

"How about Virgo?" asked Oakley.

"All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent..." read Goerge.

"Ha!" said Oakley.

"...except for you." continued George. "Expect a big surprise today when wind up with your head impaled upon a stick."

"You can't be serious." said Oakley. "This is bogus, right?"

"Let's see." said George. "Ah, here we are. 'You may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.'"

"What's Sagittarius?" asked Meowth.

"All your friends are laughing behind your back. KILL THEM!" read George. "Take down all those naked pictures of Earnest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den."

Meowth jumped onto George and rapidly swiped his claws at him. A few seconds later, the paper was ripped to shreds and Meowth jumped off.

Behind them, the Stadt and Amata Crescendo were parked. Sushi X was just finishing up refueling. Hsu and Chan were wrestling with Jesse and Chester.

"What were you thinking?" yelled Chan as he had Chester in a full nelson. "Sneaking us marajuana in cooked dishes!"

"I'm sorry!" yelled Chester. "It won't happen again!"

"Not only did you endanger our lives," said Hsu as he had Jesse in a headlock and dug his metal claw into his head "you also cost us several hours we could have used to hammer out some details on our Cannonball game!"

"Need a playtester?" asked Jesse.

"Oh sure." said Hsu as he handed him a card. "Just call this number and leave yours. We'll call you when we're ready to playtest. Now, back to the torture."

Richard and Larry watched this take place after paying for their gas.

"Want to join him?" asked Larry.

"Nah, it looks like they're laying into them pretty well." said Richard. "Besides, notice that they finished just as we were pulling in?"

"Yeah, we can pick up a few positions." said Larry. "Shall we?"

"Let's." said Richard as they got back into the car.

Across the street, Darden and Korpi watched as the Ascent pulled out.

"Here comes one." said Darden.

"Good." said Korpi. "Let's get him."

He started the Blade while Max started the Remington behind him. They took off after the Ascent.

XXXXXXXXXX

"I've heard there were ghosts in these islands." said Louis Tully as the Ghostbusters drove through Fiji. "If they're near you when your picture is taken, you die."

"Good grief, I don't even think they have that one at that urban legends websiteanymore." said Peter.

"Hey, what's that?" asked Winston. One of Yuri's Floating Disks started to fly in.

"Back at the Australian roadhouse, I was talking with Artemis Fowl." said Peter. "He said he and his team were attacked by one of those."

"Who is it working for?" asked Winston. "That psychic madman in Asia?"

"That would be my guess." said Louis.

The Floating Disk started firing its laser bolts at the Modo Prego. Winston swerved around the shots.

"I can't keep this up." said Winston.

"Don't worry, I'm on the job." said Peter as he took out his proton pack and turned it on. "Time to see what a particle stream will do to one of those."

Peter leaned out the window of the car and aimed his particle stream thrower at the Floating Disk. The stream connected with the Disk and sent it spiraling out of control.

"Nice shot." said Louis.

"Brace yourself." said Winston. "It's gonna crash."

The Floating Disk tried to stay in the air, but it was no use. The engines finally gave out and the Disk crashed into the ground right in front of the car.

"Look out!" yelled Peter.

Winston couldn't avoid the crashed Disk. He hit one side of the crater, jumped the wreckage, and slammed back into the pavement.

"You guys alright?" asked Winston.

"Yeah, I'm fine." said Louis. "Hey, why does it smell like a dentist's office in here?"

Little did he realize, the car's harsh landing had ruptured the nitrous line...inside the passenger compartment.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Ascent drove along the bridge after leaving the gas station. Richard was driving.

"How's the engine holding up?" asked Larry.

"Pretty good." said Richard. "It's showing some great endurance. How about Bernie?"

Larry looked back at Bernie. "Still dead." he said. "Wait, who's that behind us?"

The Blade and Remington were right behind them.

"Okay, head in on an intercept course." said Korpi. "Take them alive. This goes double for the rich guy in back."

"No sweat." said Joe.

The two lowriders raced up behind the Ascent and tried to box it in.

"It's those guys that are trying to stop us!" said Larry. "It must be!"

"Hang on, I'll try to lose them." said Richard.

He floored the accelerator. The Blade and Remington took off after him.

"He's trying to make a run for it." said Korpi.

"Think we should warn him about the Slamvan?" asked Darden.

"I think we're losing him." said Richard.

"Yeah, keep it down." said Larry. "Whoa, what's that?"

The Slamvan appeared in front of the Ascent and Paul trained the EDB on the car. He then fired upon the car and it ground to a halt.

Darden and Korpi jumped out of the Blade with their guns drawn. Joe and Max did the same, only they jumped out of the Remington.

"Get 'em up!" ordered Korpi. Richard and Larry put their hands up in response.

"Alright, let's jumpstart this thing and get it back to the fort." said Darden.

As the Hunters pulled the men out of the car, someone watched the action from a pirate ship not far out. "Well, it appears someone is in need of a rescue." he said.

XXXXXXXXXX

Winston blinked to try to stay awake.

"Winnie, you alright?" asked Peter.

"I feel really tired for some reason." said Winston.

"Maybe we can find a place to stop and rest." said Peter. "Louis, can you find a place on the map?"

Louis picked up the map until it hit him in the forehead. "Nope, can't see anything."

"Yuo know, that dentist's office smell is really becoming promininin, uh," said Peter "prominenenen...prominononon...uh, noticeable."

"I tink I know what the problem is." said Louis. "I thank the nitrous line is broken and leaking nitrous oxide into the cabin."

The team took a second to process the information. Then, they laughed.

"I suppose we should call this in as a distress signal." said Winston.

"Guess we better." said Peter.

Winston picked up the microphone for the CB radio and pushed the button. "This is Winston Zeddmore for Team Ghostbusters. We appear to have a nitrous oxide leak and are experiencing some intoxicating side affects. I mean EFfects. Can you believe I almost said 'AFfects'?"

While Boomhauer drove the Jones J450, Hank and Bobby listened to the report on the radio.

"Ah, jeeze." groaned Hank. "Not this again."

XXXXXXXXXX

In Kentucky, Wario and his team sat down for a night of television.

"So, what are we watching?" asked Waluigi.

"It's a horror film I taped last night." said Wario.

"It's not too scary, is it?" asked Waluigi.

"There wouldn't be too much point in watching it if it weren't." said Wario.

Bowser sat down next to them with a bowl of popcorn. Wario pushed play on the VCR's remote.

Creepy music was heard, then an equally creepy voice. "Welcome. You are about to witness a tale of such horror, you might not be able to last the entire film. This is the story of the murders of a group of co-eds on their college campus. All committed by..."

Suddenly, the movie was replaced by Ellen DeGeneres and the set of her talk show. "Hello, people." she said.

Waluigi screamed and hid behind the couch before realizing that the change in scene wasn't to reveal the killer. "What?" he said.

Wario was similarly confused. "What happened to the movie?" he asked.

"Uh oh." said Bowser. "I think I may have taped over it by accident."

"You taped over the movie?" yelled Wario.

"It was the only tape I could find!" said Bowser.

"With 'Ellen'?" asked Wario.

"Dennis Hopper was the first guest!" said Bowser.

"I have to get TiVo." groaned Wario.

XXXXXXXXXX

"What's going on now?" asked Danny as he rushed into the command center at race headquarters.

"We've got another kidnapping." said Chloe. She showed him a video screen on her computer. It showed Korpi in a room on an old World War 2 warship.

"Is this thing on?" asked Korpi. "Oh. Hello, Cannonballers. I don't know if you've heard or not, but we've got one of your teams. That's right. We have successfully kidnapped a team of Cannonballers. We are holding them for a ransom of ten million dollars. We have one of them with us right now."

Korpi walked over and dragged over Bernie in a chair. His hands were tied behind his back.

"Yes, that is Mr. Bernie Lomax you see here." said Korpi. "You are to pay us the ransom in three hours or else you can expect some breakage during shipment. For example, this could happen." He kicked Bernie in the shin. "Or this could happen." He hit Bernie in the chest with a right jab. "Or even this."

He hit Bernie across the face with a left cross. This one was so powerful, it knocked Bernie over. He fell in such a way, that his feet swung up between Korpi's legs and hit him in the groin.

Korpi dropped to the floor holding his crotch. "Three hours." he gasped.

Chloe closed the video.

"That Bernie must have a high threshold of pain." said J.J.

"We now have two hours and fifty minutes at this moment." said Brock.

"Why did you wait ten minutes to tell me this?" asked Danny.

"Well, most of that time was waiting for Chloe to stop laughing." said Nessa.

"Ten million, that's more reasonable than what the homicidal maniacs were asking for." said Victor.

"I know, but we're still not paying them." said Mr. X. "My organization has a strict 'no negotiating with terrorists' policy."

"So, what are we doing?" asked Danny.

"Nash is organizing the racers into a rescue effort." said Brock. "I think you should coordinate it with us."

"Can we find out where they are?" asked Danny.

"Already did." said Chloe. "They're on the bridge of a World War 2 Japanese battleship called the Ishikawa if the sign in the back is any indication. According to Japanese records, the ship ran aground in the Fanning Islands. We've pinpointed the location."

"Okay." said Danny as he started to leave. "I'll get right on it. Oh, Chloe."

"Yeah?" asked Chloe.

"Can you run that guy through our facial recognition system?" asked Danny.

"Sure, no problem." said Chloe.

"Thanks." said Danny "Now if you don't mind, I've got a rescue to coordinate."

On his way out of the command center, he passed Tanner and Cam hiding in the shadows.

"Looks like Korpi's plan is working out nicely." said Tanner.

"Yeah, this might be just the distraction we need." said Cam.

XXXXXXXXXX

Boomhauer got on the CB. "Hey, yo. This there Boomhauer looking for them there Ghostbusters. Come back."

"This is Malcolm in the Fripon X." came the response. "We are keeping pace with the Modo Prego. We're currently on Kwajalein in the Marshall Islands."

"Thank you." said Boomhauer.

Hank, Dale, and Bobby were in the bed. "Okay, here's the plan." said Hank. "Boomhauer is our most seasoned driver, so he remains behind the wheel." Boomhauer flashed a thumbs up. "I sell propane and propane accessories and Dale is an exterminator, so we're experienced with dangerous chemicals. That makes us the natural choice to enter the car and bring it under control."

"I still don't understand what we're doing." said Bill.

Hank sighed. "For the last time, Bill, Boomhauer will get us as close to the Ghostbusters' car as he can." he said. "Then Dale and I will board the car and attempt to get it under control."

"We're gonna do wha?" asked Dale.

"Hey, guys!" said Bobby as he pointed to the Modo Prego and Fripon X ahead of them.

"Okay, it's go time!" announced Hank.

Boomhauer pulled alongside the Modo Prego.

"You go first, Dale!" said Hank.

Dale got ready, then jumped onto the Modo Prego. Unfortunately, he bounced off the roof and tumbled onto the hood of the Fripon X.

"Whoa!" said Reese.

"Don't brake." said Malcolm. "He'd want us to keep going."

"This is why I sent him first." said Hank. He got ready to jump onto the Modo Prego. Malcolm and his brothers watched intently with Dale. Hank then made his jump and landed on the Modo Prego's roof. He grabbed onto the front edge and held on.

Malcolm, his brothers, and Dale all cheered.

Hank then knocked on the driver's side window. Winston rolled it down and said "No one's home!"

Hank took a deep breath and climbed through the window. He found the gearshift and put it into neutral, then turned off the ignition. He then sat up and steered the car until it ran out of momentum. Then it stopped.

Malcolm and his brothers cheered. Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer followed suit.

"Way to go, dad!" yelled Bobby.

"Thanks." said Winston. "I completely forgot how to do that."

Hank let out the breath he was holding. "Don't mention it." he gasped.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Nash, you there?" asked Danny over satellite phone.

"Talk to me, bubba." said Nash.

"How's the rescue effort looking?" asked Danny.

"Pretty good so far." said Nash. "We've put together a sizable group. Team SCUMM, Lara's Team, James Bond, the Ninja Turtles, Stone Cold's Team, the Angels and those guys from the basement show, Michael Knight's Team, those guys from the Satellite of Love, Tommy Vercetti, and...those two morons."

"Heh heh." laughed Beavis. "He's talking about us. Heh heh."

"Okay, it sounds like you have the situation in hand." said Danny. "Just in case, I'm sending Sky Captain and the Gyro Captain to assist."

"Thanks." said Nash. "We'll be waiting for them."

Nash closed his phone and turned to the group. "Okay, guys." he said. "This is for real. Chloe ran a facial recognition program on the guy on the tape. His name is Dane Korpi and he runs with a group called the Highway Hunters. We've got maybe an hour and a half before they start inflicting harm on Mr. Lomax. In a worst case scenario, he might even leave the battleship dead. Guarding him and his teammates are quite a few dangerous individuals. This could be really dangerous. If anyone wants to back out..."

"Okay, I'm outta here." said Bernard. He then turned and started to leave.

"Bernard, don't be a tunahead!" said Nash. "What if it was you? Wouldn't you want Mr. Lomax to come to your rescue?"

Bernard thought about his statement for a few seconds. "Okay." he said and returned.

"Now that we're all on board," said Nash "we have a rescue to plot. B.A. and Murdock are working on building a landing craft to assist in an aquatic assault. Chloe sent the ship's blueprints to my cel phone. We're about ready to perform a rescue on a scale never seen before."

"What's that?" asked Dylan.

"We're mounting a rescue force so big, the next kidnappers are gonna think twice." said Nash.

"No, that!" said Dylan as she pointed.

"What the hell?" asked Nash as he looked at what she was pointing at.

The pirate ship started to sail towards shore. The observer of Bernie's abduction was on the bow.

"Okay, who ordered Long John Silvers?" asked Raphael.

The pirate hopped off the ship and approached the group. "I'd ask where the lot of you are from, but I can't quite imagine where you'd be at home." he said.

"What can I do for you?" asked Nash.

"I assume you're friends with the chap who I saw being kidnapped." said the pirate. "Perhaps you'll need help mounting a rescue. Captain Jack Sparrow at your service."

"We might need help mounting a rescue." said Nash. "Some of these guys have trouble mounting a bicycle."

"I think I will assist you then." said Jack. "I will give your troops a quick training lesson. I think I can also help with an attack by sea."

"Thanks for the offer." said Nash. "We've got a few guys who could use some pointers and we are planning two if by sea. They might need an extra gun."

"Michael, we've got a small problem." said B.A. as he and Murdock walked over.

"What's wrong?" asked Michael.

"The drivetrain we got off that truck was all wrong for the boat." said Murdock. "The engine was missing pieces, the transmission was rusted through, and the drive shaft was shaped like a banana."

"He's right." said B.A. "He even tried to peel and eat it. We need to find another drivetrain somewhere."

Michael looked at the Knight.

"Michael, I'm reading your vitals." said KITT. "I don't like what they say."

XXXXXXXXXX

Another of Yuri's Boomers attacked another bridge. This one was being crossed by Mario and his team.

"This is starting to get dangerous." said Link as the bridge started to twist.

"I know." said Luigi. "I hope Mario can get rid of that thing quickly."

Underwater, the Boomer took aim at another of the bridge supports. Meanwhile, Mario swam around it in his Frog Suit.

"Ah, here's the weak point." he said. He took out his monkeywrech and used it on the Boomer's roof hatch. Within seconds, the hatch started to leak and fill the Boomer with water. He then swam to the surface.

At the surface, Mario hopped up onto a small island and then jumped to the bridge. Luigi pulled up in the Saikou and Mario jumped in.

"Is it down?" asked Link.

"Si, si." said Mario. "She's-a sleeping with the fishes."

"We have to report this to the officials." said Luigi.

Link picked up the radio and called out. "This is Link from Team Mario. We have just been attacked by one of Yuri's submarines in the area of Kiribati. Advising caution. Over."

Not far away, Artemis Fowl and his team heard the report.

"Artemis, isn't Yuri the one who sent that UFO after us?" asked J.D.

"Yes, and I have the ideal solution." said Artemis.

XXXXXXXXXX

Tanner and Cam made their way to the vault and found the safe. Cam took one look at it and said "Damn, you didn't say it had a retinal scanner!"

"That's a problem?" asked Tanner.

"Only if you want to get into this thing!" said Cam. "This is an option which you have to specify. Bypassing it could take days. However, we can open it within seconds if you can get someone whose eye matches the scan."

"I think I know who that might be." said Tanner. "Hold on, I'll be right back."

Tanner left the vault and made his way to the operations center. He saw David onstage.

"We have just received word that a tragedy was just averted in the Marshall Islands." announced David. "One team had a small mechanical problem which led to a small medical problem. However, another team came to the rescue and everything is fine now. Pamela Finkelstein is on the scene. Pamela?"

The television next to him turned on and showed Pamela on an island with Hank and Louis. "David, we are here with Louis Tully, one of the members of the team that suffered that mishap." she announced. "We are also here with Hank Hill, one of the team members who came to their rescue. Hank, what exactly happened?"

"Well, Pamela." said Hank. "When we heard their distress call, they had a ruptured nitrous line and we had to act quickly. With Boomhauer behind the wheel, Dale and I boarded the Ghostbusters' car and got the situation under control. They're fine now, but it's gonna take a while before they can drive again."

In the background, Peter threw up.

"I see." said Pamela. "Thank you, Hank."

"Ah, it was nothing." said Hank.

"Louis, how are you and your team doing?" asked Pamela.

"Well, we're still feeling the effects of that nitrous leak." slurred Louis. "Yeah, as soon as this buzz wears off, we're gonna fix that broken nitrogen line, get back on the road, finish the race, get married, have kids, and die...possibly in the order I juss said."

"I see." said Pamela. "And how are doing with that recovery?"

"I don't know. I don't know." said Louis. "We're just gonna sit here, kick back, relax, lay about...where was I going with this?"

"Well, as you can see, the Ghostbusters have some recovery ahead." said Pamela. "Until then, our hopes are with them. This is Pamela Finkelstein signing off. Back to you, David."

"I wanna kiss you." slurred Louis.

"Something familiar about that." said David. "Hold on, I've just been informed that we've got a call from a friend of one of the teams. Hello, you're on."

"Hi, this is Moe Szyslak from Moe's Tavern in Springfield."

"How are you doing, Moe?" asked David.

"Oh fine, I guess." said Moe. "A regular of mine, Homer Simpson, is in the race with his family. He won last year."

"I'm still wondering how he pulled that off." said David.

"I just want to say that the entire town of Springfield is rooting for Homer." said Moe. Just then, an electronic tone was heard. "Hold on, I've got another call." A click was heard, then Moe said "Moe's Tavern, how can I help you?"

"Uh, yeah." said the other caller, obviously Bart. "I'm looking for a Mr. Jablome, first name Heywood."

"Hold on, I'll check." said Moe. "Heywood Jablome? Anyone, Heywood Jablome?"

The other bar patrons laughed.

"What? Why you little..!" yelled Moe before David ended the call.

"Okay." said David. "That guy has a few things to work out. We however, have some music for you. Take it away, guys."

On stage, Beck and the members of Better Than Ezra were set up.

"Okay, we're set to perform." said Beck.

"Before we get started," said Kevin Griffin, "my bandmates and I would like to dedicate this performance to the victims of Hurricane Katrina, many of whom are our friends and neighbors."

With that, Kevin and Beck started on their guitars and singing.

Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey!

Tom Drummond joined in with his bass and Travis took to his drums.

Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey!

Kevin took to solo vocals.

When you're on a holiday,
you can't find the words to say.
All the things that come to you.
And I wanna feel it too.

Beck rejoined him on vocals.

On an island in the sun,
we'll be playing and having fun.
And it makes me feel so fine,
I can't control my brain.

Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey!

Beck took his turn on vocals.

When you're on a golden sea,
you don't need no memory.
Just a place to call your own.
As we drift into the zone.

Kevin joined in on vocals again.

On an island in the sun,
we'll be playing and having fun.
And it makes me feel so fine,
I can't control my brain.

We'll run away together.
We'll spend some time forever.
We'll never feel bad anymore.

Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey!

On an island in the sun,
we'll be playing and having fun.
And it makes me feel so fine,
I can't control my brain.

We'll run away together.
We'll spend some time forever.
We'll never feel bad anymore.

Hey! Hey!
We'll never feel bad anymore.
Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey!

No no.
Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey!
We'll never feel bad anymore.
No no.

-"Island In the Sun" by Weezer

"There will be more action later, so stick around." said David.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Now, your leader, Mr. Bridges, says you all need some extra training." said Jack. "So, I will train you all in the art of sword fighting."

"Yar! Heh heh!" laughed Beavis. "Shiver me timbers. Heh heh."

"Huh huh." laughed Butthead. "Walk the plank. Huh huh."

"Our first student, Bernard." said Jack.

"Wow, I'm honored." said Bernard.

"Very well." said Jack. "Raise it. We fight."

Bernard raised his wooden training sword and Jack immediately started to spar with him. Bernard countered most of Jack's swipes on instinct. The others he jumped away from in fright. However, he didn't get in any offensive strikes.

"You fight like a dairy farmer." said Jack.

"How appropriate." said Bernard. "You fight like a cow."

Jack was stunned by Bernard's witty response. "Touche." he said.

"He said 'tushie'. Huh huh." laughed Butthead.

Bernard then went on the attack. He tried to land a few overhead strikes but Jack easily countered them. Finally, Bernard tried a sideways swipe and Jack knocked the sword out of his hand.

"I can see you need more training than I can muster." said Jack. "We shall relegate you to a strategic position."

"If you say so." said Bernard.

Nearby, Nash was overseeing the construction of the landing craft. The Knight was mounted in the center of the craft with its drive shaft connected to the propellor.

"Not bad." said Nash. "You guys do impressive work."

"And we validate parking." said Murdock.

"Michael, when I get out of this, you are a dead man." said KITT.

"Relax, buddy." said Michael. "I'm sure B.A. will fix you up good as new."

"He'd better or I'm wiping out your black book." said KITT.

"Looks like we're just about ready to strike." said Nash.

"Nash, do you think Captain Sparrow is really gonna whip those guys into shape?" asked Stone Cold.

"Maybe not." said Nash. "Those guys could really use some long-term fight training, unlike you. Say, have we met before this? I could swear I know you from somewhere."

"Can't imagine where." said Stone Cold.

Joe and Monk came back from a scouting mission.

"Nashman, we've got a problem." said Joe.

"What is it this time?" asked Nash.

"You know that battery-draining super weapon?" asked Monk. "It's guarding the Ishikawa."

"Small change in plans." said Nash. "Hold on, I have to inform Mr. X of what's going on."

Nash called Mr. X on his cel phone.

"So, we can count on a rescue shortly." said Mr. X. "Great, I'll talk to you later."

As he hung up, Tanner put him in a headlock and said "Either you come or your eyeball does."

XXXXXXXXXX

"This is Artemis Fowl calling anyone within range of my radio. If you can hear me, please respond."

"This is Corvax in the Schneller V8 responding. Over."

"This is Buckaroo Banzai responding to Artemis Fowl's call. Come back."

"This is Chairman Kaga responding. State your business. Over."

"My fellow Cannonballers," said Artemis "you may have noticed that the forces of Yuri have returned to take on the racers. Specificly, you may have noticed the Floating Disks attacking. However, we have managed to defeat one in Asia and we have a solution. This solution comes with a price, though."

"Explain this price of yours." said Kaga.

"If you insist." said Artemis. "Those of you who wish to use the information I am willing to sell you must repay me and my team by ceasing to race for no more than one hour."

"What?" replied Corvax. "You are asking us to give you a healthy advantage!"

"If you are attacked by a Floating Disk and you do not possess this information, you could be taken out of the race permanently." explained Artemis. "I give you one minute to decide."

"What are we going to do?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"I say we refuse his offer." said Sydney. "Calculate the odds we will be attacked by a Floating Disk, then the odds that we can come up with a solution ourselves, and then the odds that taking the penalty would be better."

"It's one hour, the Hyperthruster can make that up with little trouble." said Buckaroo. "Hold on, I've got a plan." He picked up the radio and said "This is Buckaroo Banzai calling Artemis Fowl. I accept your offer."

"Corvax and Chairman Kaga, please turn off your radios." said Artemis. After hearing the signals that Corvax and Kaga had turned off their radios, he said "Doctor Banzai, the solution is rather simple. If a Floating Disk is to attack you, quickly aim a mirror at it and try to get the laser beam to hit the mirror. The beam will be reflected back at the Disk and possibly destroy it. That is all."

"Oh, we could have figured that out!" said Sydney.

"We couldn't be sure." said Perfect Tommy.

"You know we have to do this." said Buckaroo. He pulled off to the side of the road and parked.

"How is this part of your plan?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"Watch." said Buckaroo.

Corvax and Chairman Kaga turned their radios back on.

"So, gentlemen." said Artemis. "Doctor Banzai has already taken my offer. Do you also acceed?"

Buckaroo quickly got on the radio and said "If you're attacked by a Floating Disk, use a mirror to reflect the laser beam back at the disk. You'll take it out."

"Why, thank you, Buckaroo." said Corvax.

"Arigato, Banzai-San." said Kaga.

"No problem." said Buckaroo.

"I didn't think he'ddo that." said Artemis.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Okay, here's the plan." said Nash. "There's eleven teams and Sky Captain and the Gyro Captain will be joining us. We have an advantage in numbers, plus the Hunters don't know we will be making an aquatic assault. On the other hand, the Hunters still have that weapon that can disrupt the electrical activity in a car battery. I'm afraid our best option would be to lead them away using a decoy. Any volunteers?"

"We'll do it." said Mike Nelson.

"Tom, Crow, Gypsy, are you with him on this?" asked Nash.

"I am." said Tom.

"Me too." said Gypsy.

"Uh, can I change teams?" asked Crow.

"I salute your bravery, Nelson." said Nash. "So, most of the rest of us will infiltrate the Ishikawa, namely our team, Lara's Team, the Angels, Stone Cold's Team, the Turtles, and James Bond will be going in. Tommy and Max Payne will provide cover fire, the Knight Team will attack from the sea with Captain Sparrow, Team SOL will draw the battery drainer away, and Team SCUMM and Beavis and Butthead will stand by just in case."

"Tommy, do we have any guns with which to provide cover fire?" asked Max Payne.

"Are you kidding?" asked Tommy as he opened the trunk on the Veloci.

"Whoa, I like what I see." said Max as he took a sniper rifle out of the trunk.

"I thought you would." said Tommy as he took out a PSG-1.

"Alright, people." said Nash. "It's go time. The deadline is nearly upon us and Sky Captain and the Gyro Captain are on the way. Let's go!"

Paul and Feliz were standing guard over the Ishikawa in the Slamvan.

"We've got a powerful weapon here." said Paul. "So, why don't we just use it for something serious?"

"Because DeMarco's paying us a freaking fortune." said Feliz.

Both men looked when the Emu drove down the road and parked in front of them. Gypsy stuck her head out of the sunroof and said "Hey, the Cannonballers want to know why you two are sitting around on your lazy butts. Do you two have anything worthwhile to do or are you just sitting around being worthless?"

Paul and Feliz got mad quickly and Paul fired up the EDB.

"Just wondering. Bye." said Gypsy. She pulled her head back into the car and said "Okay, I got his attention! Get us the hell out of here, Nelson!"

Mike floored the accelerator and raced off. Feliz drove after him in the Slamvan.

"Front door's open." said Nash. "Let's go in."

XXXXXXXXXX

Tanner marched Mr. X into the vault. "This guy should do." he said.

"What is going on here?" asked Mr. X.

"Shut your mouth, open your eyes!" ordered Tanner.

"Okay, just guide him to the scanner and I'll do the rest." said Cam.

"Just try it." said Mr. X.

Tanner just tried it. He grabbed Mr. X's head and guided it to the retinal scanner. His index and middle fingers on his right hand were holding Mr. X's eye open. The retinal scanner read his eye, then beeped.

"How much longer before you open that?" asked Tanner.

Cam opened the safe. "Would you like to see that again?" he joked. "And there's our bounty." he added when he saw a gray suitcase with black straps.

"Huh?" asked Tanner.

"The prize money." said Cam.

"Oh, THAT bounty." said Tanner. "Yeah. Wait, are you sure?"

Cam picked up the suitcase. "Feels heavy enough to be two hundred and fifty million dollars." he said. "Should we leave?"

"I dunno." said Tanner as he pointed his gun at Mr. X. "Should we?"

"If that's what you came for, go with it." said Mr. X. "Just don't hurt anyone."

"Okay." said Tanner. "Nice doing business to you."

Tanner and Cam left with the suitcase. Mr. X watched them leave, then took out a walkie-talkie.

"Danny, this is X." he said. "You're not gonna believe this."

XXXXXXXXXX

Nash and the rescue group snuck into the ship. "Okay, the Captains will be rendering assistance shortly." he said. Angels, Mr. Bond, and Stone Cold will search the aft section. The rest of us will check the fore section for Bernie and his team."

"Got it." said Natalie.

Outside, the launch was cruising towards the ship.

"There she is." said Jack. "Quite a vessel she is, too. Shame she's in such terrible condition."

"If it makes you feel any better, Captain Sparrow, I'm almost in that condition myself." said KITT.

"An interesting concept." said Jack. "A vehicle that can engage in conversation."

"Yeah, an interesting concept." said Michael. "But the reality is so much different."

Just then, the Rustler and the Gyro Captain's copter flew in for an attack run. Murdock held his arms open for them. "Baby, I'm here!" he called.

"Hey, Nash?" said Joanna. "Do you hear that?"

"Sounds like our backup is on its way." said Nash.

Joe looked out a porthole. "Uh, Nash." he said. "You you see those power lines?"

"Yeah, I hope they don't mess up the attack runs too much." said Nash.

"Sky Captain to Gyro Captain, you read?"

"Oy." said the Gyro Captain. "Preparing for attack run."

"Ready, go." said Sky Captain.

"Now." said Tommy as he and Max were perched on a hill.

"Now." said B.A. as Jack prepared to fire a cannon he had brought from his ship.

The two planes, crime lord, disgraced cop, and pirate captain fired on the Ishikawa.

"What did that?" asked Darden.

"We're under attack." said Johnny.

"Guys, there are Cannonballers storming the gates!" said Lance. He pointed down at Beavis and Butthead and Team SCUMM.

"Ooh, that ship kinda reminds me of that one level of 'The Infernal Machine'." said Bernard.

"The 'Indiana Jones' game or the computer you run it on?" asked Sam.

"Good point." said Bernard.

"I was just thinking about Bernie's Team." said Ben. "Is their car running?"

"Yeah, let's check it out." said Max the Rabbit.

Beavis and Butthead just laughed to each other.

"Where the hell are Paul and Feliz?" asked Joe Osbourne.

"I'm trying to get them on the radio." said Korpi.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Slamvan chased the Emu onto a deserted island.

"If I can just get a clear shot." said Paul.

Korpi came over the radio. "Feliz, are you there?" he asked.

"Yeah, what's going on?" asked Feliz.

"Get your ass back here." said Korpi. "We're under attack."

"Shit!" said Feliz. "Paulie, we're going back."

"One last shot." said Paul.

Mike held his fist out of the Emu's window and cheered. "Just try to stop me! You can't outdrive the Nelsonator!"

Paul fired the EDB at the Emu and left it coasting lifelessly. They then turned around and drove back to the Ishikawa.

The Emu finally stopped next to a lagoon. Mike stared at the blank instrument panel in dismay.

"D'oh." groaned Tom.

"Mike, you couldn't outdrive Billy Joel." said Crow.

XXXXXXXXXX

Lance and Johnny were searching one of the hallways on the ship.

"Do you really think anyone could have gotten onboard already?" asked Lance.

"Doubtful." said Johnny.

"Excuse me." said a voice. Johnny and Lance turned to see it belonged to Lara with her jumpsuit unzipped. "Can you help me out?"

"Sure thing, babe." said Johnny. "What do you need help with?"

"I'm looking for my friends." said Lara. "The two weird guys and the rich guy."

"Them?" asked Lance. "They're in the captain's quarters in the back of the ship."

"Thank you." said Lara. "Chun Li? Cate?"

Chun Li jumped into action and somersaulted over Lance's head, coming down on his back with a Neck Flip. Cate aimed at Johnny with her CT-180 and fired a tranquilizer dart at him.

"Nice work." said Joanna. "I feel almost useless."

"We'll find something for you to do." said Lara as she zipped up. She took out a walkie-talkie and sent out a call. "This is Lara. We have a location on Mr. Lomax and his teammates. They're in the captain's quarters in the back of the ship."

"This is Bond. We've found the captain's quarters, but they have a chain and padlock on the door."

Jaws picked up the chain and bit it in half.

"Cancel that." said Bond. "The door is open."

James and Jaws entered the captain's quarters and found Bernie, Larry, and Richard.

"Oh, thank God!" said Larry.

"I thought you could use some fresh air." said Bond.

Jaws started to untie Richard and Bond started to untie Bernie.

"Poor lad's passed out." said Bond when he saw Bernie.

"Let me help you with him." said Richard as he got up and ran over.

"Stop right there." said Joe Osbourne as he walked in with his gun drawn. Max Campisi had his out as well.

"You know you can lose an eye playing with those." said Bond.

"Don't even think of trying to escape." said Max.

"Believe me, that's something I don't need to think about." said Bond. "Luckily, I think there's a rescue in the works." He held up his walkie-talkie with the transmit button pushed.

"Max, cover the door." said Joe as he went to apprehend the British agent.

Suddenly, Nemesis ripped through the wall and roared. Stone Cold and Rob Zombie followed.

"Oh no." said Max. A second later, Nemesis grabbed him.

"Here's one from the Rattlesnake!" said Stone Cold as he charged Joe.

Darden and Korpi were next on the scene and saw Nemesis and Stone Cold fighting with Joe and Max.

"What are these guys doing?" asked Korpi.

"I dunno, but we have to get in there." said Darden.

Stone Cold threw Joe to the wall. Joe bounced off and ran back towards him, only to be caught in Stone Cold's clothesline.

Nemesis charged Max again and punched him. He then picked him up and tossed him to the ground.

"Okay, who needs someone?" asked Darden.

"I do." said Wayne as he walked in behind them. "Any last words?"

"Prepare for pain." said Korpi.

"What now?" asked Garth.

"I don't know." said Wayne. "I didn't really plan past the threat."

Just then, the Angels ran in to help. "I told you they should've waited in the car." said Dylan.

Natalie rushed in and launched into a flying kick. She connected with Korpi and knocked him to the floor.

Alex followed up with a roundhouse to Darden's shoulder. He blocked it, but Alex quickly took him down with a foot sweep.

Stone Cold dropped Joe throat first on the edge of the table, his infamous Stun Gun finishing move.

Nemesis picked up Max by the head and prepared to impale him with one of his tentacles. Rob stopped him, however.

"Uh uh." he said. "That's not nice. Didn't momma teach you not to play with your food?"

Nemesis dropped Max and roared.

"Alright!" yelled Stone Cold. "We just kicked the Hunters' asses! That's the bottom line, because Stone Cold said so!"

"Okay, let's get out of here." said Alex.

"Wait up." said Larry as he and Richard carried Bernie out of the room.

Bond got on his walkie-talkie again. "This is Bond. We've rescued the hostages and we're getting out."

XXXXXXXXXX

In Hawaii...

"I think Korpi and Darden are wasting their time." said Mia.

"I agree." said Linda. "I doubt concentrating on this Bridges guy will help our efforts any."

"Are we almost done?" asked Mitzi.

"No, we ARE done." said Nichole as she stepped away from a sign. It read "Cannanballers detour. This way to avoid Yuri."

"Are you sure this is going to work?" asked Kim. "I mean, didn't someone try this last year?"

"Yes." said Mitzi. "That's why they won't suspect it a second time."

"Perhaps we should give it a chance." said Linda. "Are we done here?"

"Yes, we are." said Mia. "Let's go make that call."

"Agreed." said Nichole. "We have to call her...just in case."

XXXXXXXXXX

"We probably set ourselves back a few hours." said Nash as he ran out with the rest of the rescue team. "We have to make up that time."

"Right." said Lara. "Get the cars fired up."

"Sky Captain, this is Nash. We need some more cover fire."

"I've got the drive shaft reconnected." said B.A.

"Good, let's see how it works." said Michael as he climbed into the Knight.

"Thank you for your help, Captain Jack Sparrow." said Murdock.

"If you need anymore help, just track me down." said Jack.

"Come on, crazy fool!" said B.A. from the Knight's passenger seat. Murdock ran over and jumped in the back.

"Stop them!" yelled Korpi from the ship. "They're getting away."

"I'm all lined up for a pass and WHOA!" said Sky Captain before noticing the power lines and breaking off his attack run. "I'm coming around for another pass." he announced.

As he came around, he noticed the Gyro Captain flying between the power lines and dropping some bombs on the ship. The Hunters scattered.

Richard and Larry ran back to their car and found Ben and Bernard looking it over. "What are you doing?" asked Larry.

"Hold on." said Bernard. He turned the key in the Ascent which started right up. "Good, it works."

"Thanks, now leave." said Richard. Ben and Bernard ran back to their own car while Larry and Richard threw Bernie into the backseat.

"Looks like the racers are getting out of here." said Max Payne.

"Yeah, and they're leaving without us!" said Tommy. "Come on!"

The Turtles returned to the Cocotte. "Total bummer, dudes!" said Michaelangelo. "We didn't get to do any ninja-ing!"

Thee Slamvan returned with the EDB aimed towards the Cocotte.

"Happy now?" asked Raphael.

The Knight raced around from behind the ship and towards the Slamvan.

"Turbo boost, KITT!" said Michael as he hit the switch.

The car shot into high speed straight towards the Slamvan. Paul and Feliz jumped clear of the truck. The Knight crashed head-on into it and ripped it to shreds.

"Go! Go!" yelled Nash.

Everyone had returned to their cars and were racing off. The Hunters ran out of the ship.

"We can't let them escape." said Darden. "Let's get moving."

Sky Captain and the Gyro Captain made one last pass to survey the situation.

"Situation seems to be under control." said Sky Captain. "By the way, that was some fancy flying back there."

"Why, thank you." said the Gyro Captain.

"Just tell me one thing." said Sky Captain. "How did you manage to fly through those wires?"

The Gyro Captain looked at him confused. "What wires?" he asked.

Nearby, the Lone Wolf surveyed the situation himself. "This was an ambush." he said and took off after the others.

XXXXXXXXXX

"It just won't start!" groaned Mike.

"Well, I guess we're going to have to go out and look for help." said Tom.

"Good idea, Tom." said Mike. "You and Crow go out and look. Gypsy and I will maintain base camp here. If something goes wrong, just holler."

"Got it." said Crow. "Let's see what's out there."

"Watch out for snakes." said Tom.

XXXXXXXXXX

Nash raced down a road on Johnston Island. The Blade and Jester were hot on his tail. Lone Wolf was behind them on the Nousagi.

"Hey, Nashman, can we lose this guy, please?" asked Joe.

"Workin' on it, bubba." said Nash.

The Blade and Jester raced up behind Nash. Darden and Lance, who were in the cars' passenger seats, tried to aim their sidearms at the Paris Cop Car.

Lone Wolf had other ideas. He revved up the Nousagi and did a wheelie as he raced between the two cars. They both swerved to avoid him and the two gunmen messed up their shots. As they readjusted their aim, Lone Wolf pulled his rear brake handle and sent up a cloud of dust. Korpi and Johnny tried to break free of the dust cloud, but ended up spinning out.

"The solution presents itself." said Monk.

"Absolutely." said Nash as Lone Wolf pulled alongside. "Thanks for your help."

"Better watch yourself." said Lone Wolf. "It looks like they singled you out."

"Thanks again." said Nash.

Lone Wolf raced off.

"Looks like you've got your own guardian angel." said Monk.

"I already like him better than the last one." said Nash.

Suddenly, the car was rammed from behind. "I thought he took care of those guys." said Joe.

Nash looked behind him. "It's not them! It's that black van that's been terrorizing everyone!"

"Get us out of here anyway!" yelled Monk.

Nash tried to do as Monk said, but the car got rammed again and started to spin. Nash struggled to correct the spin, but the van rammed the car again before he could even it out. The impact sent the car off the road, where it rolled over several times. The van drove off as the car finally came to a rest.

"Everyone alright?" asked Nash.

"I'm fine." said Joe. "Don't know about Monk." Monk was frozen in shock in the backseat. Joe hit the cage and woke him up.

"Come on, let's inspect the damage." said Nash.

The three men climbed out of the car and surveyed the wreckage. Nash handed Joe a small flashlight and used one of his own to check under the car.

"Nash, why is your flashlight bigger than mine?" asked Joe when he saw that Nash had a Maglite.

"Because it ate its vegetables." said Nash.

Monk ignored both of them. He was transfixed on the car's roof lights. Of the four lights, both of the blue lights and one of the amber lights were broken. The other amber light was still completely intact, though.

"Okay, I've got a bent axle and a broken brake line." said Nash. "What about you?"

"Leaky fuel tank." said Joe. "I don't think this car's going anywhere."

"Damn!" said Nash. "We're out of the race!"

"There goes one level of protection." said Joe.

"Well, I guess I'd better phone this in." said Nash as he handed the Maglite to Joe and took out his cel phone.

"Unbelievable." said Joe to Monk. "DNFed just like that."

"You're telling me." said Monk. "Joe, could I have that flashlight, please?"

"Sure." said Joe. He handed the small flashlight to Monk.

"No, the other one." said Monk. "The Maglite."

Joe handed the Maglite to Monk.

"Thank you." said Monk. He turned and used the Maglite to smash the still intact amber light. He then handed the Maglite back to Joe and said "You'll thank me later."

XXXXXXXXXX

Tom hovered through the jungle while Crow walked with him.

"Tom, there's nothing on this island." said Crow. "What does Mike think we'll find?"

"Crow, we've only been searching for two minutes." said Tom as they reached a clearing. "There's something here, I can feel it."

"Are you absolutely sure?" asked Crow as he started to slowly descend. "Because I think...help, help me, I'm sinking!"

"Whoa!" said Tom. "Quicksand!"

"Really now?" asked Crow. "Could you get me out of it, please?"

"Just relax, Crow." said Tom as he hovered around. "I gotcha. Okay." Tom grabbed a dangling vine. "You ready, Crow?"

"Oh sure. No rush." said Crow. "Just sinking to my doom."

"Here's what we do." said Tom. He lowered the vine to Crow. "First, I want you to get a tight grip on the vine."

"Got it." said Crow as he grabbed onto the vine tightly.

"Then, I want you to give it a strong pull..." said Tom.

"Okay." said Crow as he gave the vine a sharp yank.

"Whoa!" yelled Tom as he tumbled out of the air and fell into the quicksand.

"Tom, you okay?" asked Crow.

Tom turned his head until his mouth was clear of the quicksand and started spitting it out. "Crow, let me finish what I was trying to tell you." he said. "I want you to give the vine a strong pull AFTER I TIE IT TO A TREE BRANCH!"

"Well, darn." said Crow. "I guess there's only one option now."

"What's that?" asked Tom.

"MIKE!" screamed Crow.

"Good idea." said Tom. "MIKE!"

"Quicksand!" yelled Crow.

"Quicksand?" yelled Mike. "Hang on, I'm coming!"

"Mike's coming! Woo hoo!" cheered Tom.

"We are..." said Crow.

"Hang on, guys!" yelled Mike as he ran into the clearing, hit his head on a tree branch, and stumbled into the quicksand.

"...doomed as doomed can be." said Crow.

"Uh, Mike?" said Tom.

"Yeah?" said Mike.

"There's quicksand." said Tom.

"Oh." said Mike.

"Does anybody have any other ideas?" asked Crow.

"Nothing comes to mind." said Mike.

"I'm gonna miss you guys." sobbed Tom.

"I'm gonna miss you too." said Mike.

Suddenly, there was a rustling from the bushes.

"What's that?" asked Mike.

"Somebody's coming!" said Crow.

"But WHO?" said Tom melodramaticly. "Who is IT? WHOOOOOO ARRRRREEE YOUUUU?"

The somebody stepped into the clearing.

"No." said Mike.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Blade had gotten back on the road and was now in pursuit of the Interna.

"Can't you catch this guy?" asked Darden.

"I'm trying." said Korpi. "He won't get away."

In the Interna...

"I've almost got this thing installed." said Beavis as he worked under the dashboard.

"Where did you get that radio?" asked Butthead.

"I took it out of Bernie's car while those fartknockers were trying to get it restarted." said Beavis.

The two cars swerved around the Baja Buggy.

"Hey, wasn't that those two teenage morons?" asked Highway.

"Yeah, I think it was." said Max.

"Don't you think we sould help them?" asked Highway.

"Of course." said Max.

"Come on, heh heh." said Beavis. "Lose this buttmunch."

"Uh, okay." said Butthead.

Highway aimed a shotgun at the back window of the Blade. "Steady, steady." he said.

"Now, let's get him." said Korpi as he edged the Blade closer to the Interna.

Highway fired his shotgun and completely blew out the Blade's rear window.

"Son of a bitch!" yelled Darden.

"Who's that guy?" asked Korpi.

"I don't know, but he wants to play." said Darden.

The Interna raced ahead of the other two.

"There's a bridge!" said Butthead. "Floor it!"

"What are you telling me 'Floor it'?" yelled Beavis. "You're driving, dumbass!"

"Shut up, Beavis!" said Butthead.

The Interna raced onto the bridge. Unfortunately, another of Yuri's Boomers was taking aim at the supports.

"Target in sight, sir." said the gunner.

"Fire when ready." said the captain.

The Boomer let loose with a few torpedoes, taking out the bridge support.

"Wait, cease fire." said the captain.

"What's wrong?" asked the gunner.

"The racer already crossed the bridge." said the captain.

On the island, the dust was starting to clear.

"Uh oh, problem." said Max.

"The bridge is out?" asked Highway.

"No, it's only partially collapsed." said Max. "But the bridge is down to one lane."

"There's no way we're both gonna make that gap." said Darden.

"That's why we have to get to it first." said Korpi.

Both Korpi and Max floored their accelerators and raced for the bridge. Both were side by side.

"Let us go first!" yelled Korpi.

"No, you!" yelled Max.

Suddenly, the Blade blew a tire and Korpi struggled to maintain control. He failed.

Thee Baja Buggy raced onto the bridge. The Blade careened off the side and dropped into the ocean.

"Another racer." said the Boomer's gunner.

"Take out the bridge." ordered the captain.

Just then, the Blade slammed onto the top of the Boomer and breached the hull.

"On second thought, get the repair crew." said the captain.

XXXXXXXXXX

After being rescued from the quicksand, Mike and the bots cleaned themselves off while their rescuers looked on. Mike turned to the man in the red rugby shirt and sailor's cap and told him "Thanks for saving our lives, Gilligan."

"No problem." said Gilligan. "You know, that's the first time anyone's actually said that to me."

Professor Roy Hinkley looked under the car's hood.

"I'm still impressed with that Geiger counter you rigged up." said Tom.

"Thanks, but I'd really like to determine what's wrong with this engine." said the Professor. "I'm not exactly up on technology of the past twenty or so years."

Mary Ann walked over with a couple of banana cream pies. "So, what are you doing here?" she asked.

"Oh, we're taking part in a race around the world." said Mike. "We're currently on the Pacific Ocean leg on our way to South America."

"Wow, that sounds exciting." said Gilligan.

"So, tell me." said Crow. "How is it you can build a nuclear reactor out of coconuts, but you can't build a boat?"

"You wouldn't understand." said the Professor.

"Of course, then the guy hits us with that electric thing and the car just stops." said Mike.

"Well, Mr. Nelson." said the Professor. "Your battery is completely drained. It's like something just sucked all the power out of it."

"Must've been the weapon they hit us with." said Gypsy.

"Is there anything we can do?" asked Mike.

"There is." said the Professor. "Back at the camp, we have a few generators built into bikes that we use to recharge the batteries in the radio every once in a while. We can get those and be back within ten minutes."

"Great." said Mike. "Let's do that."

"Okay, let us take you there." said Mary Ann.

"Right." said the Professor. "We wouldn't want you falling into any other quicksand pits."

"Mike, are you gonna take that from 'and the rest'?" asked Tom.

"Right now, I have to." said Mike.

XXXXXXXXXX

Tanner dragged the suitcase behind him. "I think the big problem with this heist is getting off the ship with the take." he said.

"Maybe we should call on Mr. Purple." said Cam.

"Good idea." said Tanner. He pushed a button on his walkie-talkie and said "Mr. Purple, we need a distraction to get off this ship."

No response.

"Mr. Purple, do you copy?" asked Tanner.

Still nothing.

"Captain Everett?" asked Tanner.

Nothing still.

"Mr. Sanderson?" asked Tanner.

"Mrs. Esterhouse?" came the reply.

"I think we're gonna need a distraction to get out of here." said Tanner.

"Okay." said Everett. "I read you loud and clear."

Tanner and Cam made their way to the top deck and got ready to make their way past the guards. Tanner spotted Everett and waved.

Everett hit the switch on his remote control, setting off a series of smoke bombs.

"What's going on?" asked Danny.

"I think that's our intruders' escape distraction." said Chloe.

Another smoke bomb went off on the side of the ship. Yet another went off near the doors to the lounge. Another went off right underneath Everett's rear. (He'd forgotten where he was standing.) Cam watched him running around in shock.

"Why did we bring him again?" he asked.

"I'll tell you later." said Tanner. "Let's get out of here."

Tanner, Cam, and Everett ran for the gangplank and made their way to the Sentinel. Danny and Mr. X ran out on deck to survey the damage.

"Looks like they used smoke bombs to cover their tracks." said Danny.

"Which is kind of ironic considering what they stole." said Mr. X.

"I wish I could be there when they open that suitcase." said Danny.

XXXXXXXXXX

Mike and Mary Ann pedalled on the generator bikes which were hooked up to the Emu's battery. Crow sat in the car's front seat getting ready to start the car. The Professor kept watch on the generators.

"Professor, I'm starting to get a little tired." said Mary Ann.

"No problem, you can take a break." said the Professor.

"I'll take over for you, Mary Ann." said Gilligan.

"Thanks, Gilligan." said Mary Ann. She climbed off the bike and Gilligan climbed on.

"How's it looking?" asked Gypsy.

"Looks like it's recharging nicely." said the Professor.

"Can't believe you outlasted Mary Ann like that." said Gilligan.

"Yeah, I used to work out every day on the satellite." said Mike.

"Bet you can't outlast us both." said Gilligan.

"You're on, little buddy." said Mike.

Mike and Gilligan started pedalling even harder. In fact, Gilligan was pedalling so hard, the supports on his bike started to shake.

The Professor watched over the generators for a few more seconds. "Crow, try it now." he said.

Crow turned the ignition key. The Emu's engine roared to life. The bots all let out a cheer.

"We did it!" yelled Mike.

"Yeah!" yelled Gilligan. Suddenly, the supports on his bike gave out and his bike fell to the sand. He pulled away from the generator and rode down the beach and into the lagoon.

"Thank you, Professor." said Mike. "We owe you big time. If there's anything we can do to repay you, just say so."

"Oh, it was just nice having visitors..." said the Professor before something dawned on him. "You said you were on a race around the world, right?"

"Yeah." said Mike as he walked back to the Emu.

"How did you get onto the island?" asked the Professor.

"Oh, the race officials built a series of bridges across the ocean." said Mike. "We took one here and are taking another one to Hawaii."

"Thanks." said the Professor.

Mike climbed into the Emu with the bots and Crow drove off. Gilligan walked out of the lagoon and joined the Professor and Mary Ann.

"Gilligan, Mary Ann, did you hear what he said?" asked the Professor.

"Yeah, the race officials built a couple of bridges to the island." said Gilligan.

"Does that mean what I think?" asked Mary Ann. "We're finally getting off the island?"

"Yes, it does!" cheered the Professor.

"Well, it's about dang time!" said Gilligan.

"Come on, let's get what we need!" said the Professor.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Cocotte, Veloci, and Zender Alpha raced down the bridge with the Remington hot on their tails.

"You know, a little gunfire could make a world of difference here." said Tommy.

"I agree." said Max. "You keep driving. I'll shoot."

"Looks like our companions are getting ready to party." said Lara.

"He could probably use some help." said Joanna.

Max and Joanna climbed out of their windows and took aim at the Remington.

"Oh look." said Joe. "They're going to try to take us out."

"I'd like to see that." said Max Campisi. "Don't they know our windows are bulletproof?"

"What about the rest of the car?" asked Joe.

"I took care of that!" said Max. "I heard about last year."

"What about the tires?" asked Joe. "I don't think bulletproof tires exist."

"Yeah, right." said Max. "Try hitting something that small."

Max Payne and Joanna fired upon the car. Although they scored many hits, no damage was done.

"The car appears to be bulletproof." said Joanna.

"Do they have such a thing as bulletproof tires?" asked Max.

"I don't think so, but good luck hitting them." said Joanna.

"Who needs luck?" asked Max. "I can do this."

Max concentrated his aim and time slowed down. He took aim at the Remington's tires and let a couple of shots fly. Both shots hit the tire, causing a blowout.

Joe tried to maintain control over the car, but ended up spinning out and rolling it several times.

"Nice move." said Max Campisi.

"What's that smell?" asked Joe.

"Burning gas!" yelled Max.

"Run!" yelled Joe.

Both bailed out of the car and made a run for it. After they had made it a respectable distance, the car exploded.

XXXXXXXXXX

At Bluth Construction, Gob was still watching the race on television. He had seen the Remington explode and laughed as Michael walked in.

"What did I miss?" asked Michael.

"One of the Hunters' vehicles just exploded on the bridge." said Gob.

"That can't be good for the bridge!" said Michael.

"Ah, these things happen all the time." said Gob as a dust cloud started to form around the bridge support.

"As you can see, Schwag," said Frankie on television "another Hunter vehicle has bitten the...HOLY CRAP, SCHWAG!" The bridge support had buckled and collapsed.

"You gotta be kidding me!" yelled Schwag as the bridge started folding like a house of cards. "The bridge is collapsing! The BRIDGE IS COLLAPSING!"

"Oh my GOD!" yelled Michael. Gob just stared in wide-mouthed shock.

XXXXXXXXXX

Max Payne and Joanna returned to their cars as they passed the Cocotte.

"Tommy, do we have any nitrous left?" asked Max as he looked at the collapsing bridge in his rearview.

"Yeah, but I'm saving it for a special occasion." said Tommy.

"Is a collapsing bridge special enough?" asked Max.

"Hell yeah!" said Tommy. He quickly hit the nitrous switch and the Veloci rocketed down the bridge.

"Lara, I think we should also hit our nitrous and...uh, never mind." said Chun Li.

"Donatello, hit the nitrous!" yelled Leonardo.

"I can't!" said Donatello. "We're out!"

"Remind me never to build a race car with you!" snapped Raphael.

Suddenly, the bridge fell right out from under the Cocotte.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Raphael.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAA!" screamed Michaelangelo.

"HELP USSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" screamed Leonardo just before the Cocotte plunged into the sea.

"Floor it, Lara!" said Cate. "Floor it!"

"I'm giving it the best I've got!" said Lara.

Just then, the bridge fell out from under them. The Zender hit a section that was angling out of the water and jumped off it. It then hit the water at such an angle to skip right off repeatedly like a stone. Finally, they reached another section that was sticking into the water like a ramp.

The bridge had finished collapsing. After the dust settled, the Cocotte floated past the carnage.

"Whoa, we're totally floating!" said Michaelangelo.

"Good, that means the floatation system I built into the car is working." said Donatello.

"But I thought vehicle transformations were illegal this year." said Raphael.

"Did you see anything change shape?" asked Donatello.

"Ah, sharp thinking, Donatello." said Leonardo.

"Awesome!" said Michaelangelo. "Then let's fire up the outboard and boogie on over to Waikiki."

"Sorry, Michaelangelo." said Donatello. "I didn't have the time or resources to install a propulsion system."

"So, what does that mean?" asked Raphael. Donatello handed him and Michaelangelo a pair of oars. "I had to ask." hegroaned.

At one end of the bridge, Gilligan, the Professor, and Mary Ann looked at the destruction from the pedal car Gilligan was driving.

"Well, back to the drawing board." said the Professor.

XXXXXXXXXX

At Bluth Construction, the television showed the collapsed bridge.

"As you can see, a five mile section of the bridge has collapsed." said Frankie on television. "Fortunately, we have no reports of fatalities..."

Gob tried to support his head with his hand. "I've made a huge mistake." he moaned.

"Relax, Gob." said Michael. "Just relax. Maybe it isn't as bad as you think. Look."

On television, Big Schwag was standing with Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker. "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here with a friend of one of the Cannonball teams." he said. "Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, towhat do you attribute this bridge collapse?"

Beaker gave out a long explanation.

"What Beaker said is that the cause is rather simple." said Dr. Honeydew. "When the Hunter's car exploded, it sent a shockwave through the support pillar which weakened its structural integrity. As you saw, the car was right on top of the pillar when it exploded, so the damage was concentrated there. After the pillar crumbled, the two cantilevers of the bridge fell with it. After that, momentum resulted in the collapse of the following sections of the bridge until that momentum ran out. Thus, you have it."

"See? We're in the clear." said Michael as Beaker explained something else to Dr. Honeydew.

"Although Beaker also says that the bridge probably would have held together if it wasn't so shoddily constructed." said Dr. Honeydew.

"Okay." said Michael.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Okay, we're almost ready to go to the new locations." said Nessa. "Chloe just has to pack up her computer equipment."

"We've paid the owners of the Sea Phantom for the rental." said Brock. "We also threw in a little to compensate for the smoke damage."

"Okay, we've got the tickets to Phoenix and you guys have your tickets to San Francisco." said Mr. X.

"Think we should do one last broadcast to acknowledge the heist?" asked Victor.

"We might as well." said J.J.

"Brock!" yelled Big Schwag as he ran in. "We just got a call from the Crusero. Something's up."

"Patch it through." said Brock.

The viewscreen came up, showing Bugs, Daffy, and Wile E. standing next to the sign Mitzi's group had put up.

"What's going on, Bugs?" asked Brock.

"Boy, you're never going to get anywhere with a greeting like that." said Bugs. "Take 'What's up, doc?'. Now, that's a greeting."

"Why are you calling?" asked Brock.

"Well, we found this sign here." said Daffy. "At first, we thought it was official, then we noticed a tiny flaw."

"I see it." said Frankie. "'Cannonballers' is misspelled. It says 'Can-NAN-ballers' instead."

"Who put that up?" asked Brock.

"They were gone when we got here." said Bugs.

"Brock, I think I have an idea." said Danny. "The Highway Hunters were all busy taking Mr. Lomax hostage. It's doubtful this fits into the M.O. of Yuri, those cops, or Foyt and the Warrior. You know who that leaves."

"You mean those alien girls Nash warned us about?" asked Brock.

"Bingo." said Danny.

"Bugs, take the sign down." said Brock. "I don't want anyone falling for this trick a second time."

"Wait, did Chloe pack up her stuff yet?" asked Danny.

"I don't think so." said Brock "Why?"

"What if someone did fall for this a second time?" asked Danny.

XXXXXXXXXX

Marcus and Regis drove off the bridge to...somewhere.

"Where are we?" asked Marcus.

"I wish I knew." said Regis. "Wait, there's other Cannonballers."

The Alarde and 1971 Bestia were parked in front of them. Marcus brought the car to a halt and the two climbed out.

"What's going on?" asked Regis.

"We just checked." said Memphis. "There's no bridge leading off this island, only the one we came in on."

"That's highly unusual." said Super Dave. "Plus, the area itself is pretty desolate. I'm not sure we can get through this overgrowth."

"You guys get the feeling we've been bamboozled?" asked Marcus.

XXXXXXXXXX

On a Hawaiian beach...

"Hey, look what's going on here." said Kermit.

"It's a luau!" said Fozzie.

"LUAU! LUAU!" cheered Animal.

"Maybe we should stop for a little bit." said Gonzo.

"Mmm, I don't know." said Kermit.

"We haven't stopped to eat anything in a while." said Fozzie.

"And look." said Gonzo. "Other Cannonballers are here."

The ice cream truck and Tokyo Cop Car were in the parking lot.

"Okay." said Kermit. "Let's stop and chat."

Kermit parked the Modicum and the Muppets climbed out.

"Hey, welcome to the luau!" said Shaggy.

"How's the food?" asked Gonzo.

"Great." said Fackler. "The buffet table is right over there."

He turned to point and knocked over a surfer. The surfer stumbled over a couple who were eating and threw his surfboard into the back of the chef. The chef fell hands-first onto the grill and burned his hands. He ran around screaming and fell into the sand.

"Get it while it lasts." said Fackler.

Johnny and Lance drove along in the Jester. "Johnny, look!" yelled Lance.

"Two teams and a group of protectors in one place." said Johnny. "This is too good to pass up. Let's get 'em."

At the luau, Kermit was talking with Daphne and Velma. "And after that, hosting 'The Muppet Show' was a no-brainer."

"So, tell us more." said Velma.

"Yeah, what's it like working with Miss Piggy?" asked Daphne.

"Where do I begin?" asked Kermit.

Animal sat with Zed laughing. "ZED!" he cried.

"Yeah, yeah." said Zed. "You know, I-I feel we have this connection like no one else."

Suddenly, a gunshot rang out. Everyone turned to see Johnny and Lance.

"Well, looks like a party." said Lance.

"You may continue." said Johnny. "We're just here for the Cannonballers."

Offshore, the Cocotte floated towards the beach.

"I think we're caught in a current." said Leonardo.

"Good, we can ride the wave into shore." said Donatello.

"You heard him, Michaelangelo." said Raphael.

"I'm on it, dude!" said Michaelangelo. He climbed onto the roof and took a surfer's stance.

On the beach, the Cannonballers had their hands up.

"Uh, if my friend tells you a joke, will you let us go?" asked Kermit.

"Perhaps." said Johnny. "Let's hear it."

"Okay." said Fozzie. "Why did the Hawaiian chef spank one of his dishes? Because he was a bad poi. Wakka wakka!"

"Him first." said Lance.

"Fozzie!" yelled Kermit and Gonzo.

"Well, I thought it was funny." said Fozzie.

"What's that coming in on the wave?" asked Freddie.

"Is that the Turtles?" asked Hooks.

"COWABUNGA!" yelled Michaelangelo as he rode the Cocotte to shore.

"Leonardo, look!" said Raphael.

"Two of the Hunters." said Leonardo. "Time for action."

The Cocotte touched down on the beach and the Turtles sprung into action. They all took ninja stances.

"The Turtles!" yelled Johnny.

Lance turned to shoot at them and Raphael threw his sai at him. The sai stuck in the barrel of his gun, but he fired anyway. Not surprisingly, the gun exploded.

"Let's see." said Raphael as he caught the sai. "He's got a gun, but there's nowhere for the bullet to go. So naturally, he pulls the trigger."

"Turtle power!" yelled Leonardo. The Turtles jumped into action.

Meanwhile, Shaggy and Scooby Doo checked out the Jester.

"Look, Scoobs." said Shaggy. "They left the keys in the car."

"Reah!" said Scooby. "Ret's do romething rith it."

Johnny tried firing a few shots at Donatello, but the Turtle managed to dodge every shot fired. He finally reached Johnny and knocked the gun out of his hand with his bo staff.

Hooks and Fackler engaged in hand-to-hand combat with Lance. He was able to twist out of every hold and attempt to box him in. Finally, he came face-to-face with Zed who knocked him on his back with a scream.

Johnny duelled with the Turtles some more when Fozzie came up to him and said "Hey, where's your car going?"

"I don't know, where is my car going?" asked Johnny.

"I thought you knew." said Fozzie.

Realizing Fozzie wasn't telling a joke, Johnny looked to see Shaggy and Scooby Doo driving off in the Jester.

"Boy, they don't look happy." said Shaggy.

"Ruh huh." said Scooby.

"After them!" yelled Lance. He and Johnny jumped into the Tokyo Cop Car, started it, and drove off.

"They're stealing our car!" said Hooks.

"No problem." said Freddie. "There's plenty of room in ours."

The remaining members of Mystery, Inc. and the police officers climbed into the ice cream truck. The Turtles and Muppets climbed into their respective cars. All of them took off after the Tokyo Cop Car and Jester.

"Raggy, rut are re roing?" asked Scooby.

"I don't know, Scooby." said Shaggy. "I'm just trying to...ZOINKS!"

He plowed on the brakes and stopped just before a lava flow.

"I guess we can't go this way." he said.

Just then, the Tokyo Cop Car pulled up behind them and Johnny and Lance jumped out. "Give us back our car." said Johnny.

"Rokay! Rokay!" said Scooby as he got out.

"Okay, we'll give you back your car and no one gets hurt." said Shaggy as he followed.

Then, the ice cream truck, Cocotte, and Modicum pulled in.

"Freeze, sleaze!" yelled Raphael.

"Back off or...or..." said Lance.

"Somebody just realized he doesn't have any weapons." said Daphne.

"Okay, take a hike." said Fackler. "Or else."

"Okay, okay." said Johnny. "We'll leave."

"You haven't seen the last of us." said Lance.

The two hoodlums left.

"Boy, that was scary." said Shaggy.

"Well, at least you made it out unharmed." said Leonardo.

"And we managed to recover an enemy car." said Kermit.

"Sure did." said Fackler. He leaned on the Jester's spoiler. Suddenly, the car rolled towards the lava flow.

"Ruh roh." said Scooby.

"I think I forgot to set the brakes." said Shaggy.

The Jester fell into the lava and started to sink and burn. It exploded soon after.

"On the plus side, I think the lava cleared up my sinuses." said Fackler.

"And so, another Hunter's wheels bites the big burrito." said Michaelangelo.

"Come on, we've got a race to win." said Fozzie.

XXXXXXXXXX

The L.A. Cop Car, 1971 Bestia, and Alarde parked in a clearing. All their occupants exited the vehicles.

"Does anyone know where we are?" asked Dominic.

"I don't." said Fuji. "There's something familiar about it, though."

"Uh, guys." said Marcus. "I was just talking with Regis and I think we might know where we are."

"Where are we, then?" asked Memphis.

"Last year, two of our cohorts blew up the bridge from South America to Antarctica." said Regis. "They then built a new bridge which took a few teams to Isla Sorna."

"That is the location of the infamous Jurassic Park." said Marcus. "And that is where we are."

"Oh, get real!" said Dominic.

"What?" asked Regis.

"Well, think about it." said Jesse. "Your cohorts did that last year. They failed. When Plan A fails, you go to Plan B. You don't do Plan A recycled."

"Besides, this can't be Jurassic Park." said Super Dave as he stood in a giant shadow. "We've been here for three hours and we still haven't seen one dinosaur." Everyone looked at him in sheer terror. "What?" he asked.

A loud roar was heard. Super Dave looked up at the gaping jaw of a ferocious tyranosaurus rex.

"Oh." said Super Dave a second before the T-rex stepped on him.

"Super!" yelled Fuji.

"Run!" yelled Memphis. He and his teammates returned to their car.

Boom boom!
Acka lacka lacka boom!
Boom boom!
Acka lacka boom boom!
Boom boom!
Acka lacka lacka boom!
Boom boom!
Acka lacka boom boom!

Fuji ran over to retrieve Super Dave. He found him reduced to a helmet with feet and picked him up. "Super, are you alright?" he asked.

Boom boom!
Acka lacka lacka boom!

"I'm okay, Fuji." said Super Dave. "I'll probably miss school Monday, but I'm fine."

Boom boom!
Acka lacka boom boom!

Fuji ran back to the Alarde. "I thought I left Japan to get away from this." he said.

Boom boom!
Acka lacka lacka boom!

Marcus and Regis returned to their car and found a spitter sitting on the hood.

"Hey, get outta there!" yelled Marcus.

Boom boom!
Acka lacka boom boom!

The spitter opened its frill and spat a glob of venom at him, hitting him in the face.

Regis fired his shotgun at the spitter and knocked it off the hood.

It was a night like this forty million years ago.
I lit a cigarette, picked up a monkey skull to go.
The sun was spitting fire. The sky was blue as ice.
I felt a little tired, so I watched "Miami Vice".

"We're outta here!" said Memphis as he climbed behind the wheel.

Suddenly, the T-rex grabbed the Bestia in its jaw and picked up the car.

I walked the dinosaur.
I walked the dinosaur.

"Are you okay?" asked Regis.

"I can't see shit!" gasped Marcus. "You're gonna have to drive!"

Open the door, get on the floor.
Everybody, walk the dinosaur.
Open the door, get on the floor.
Everybody, walk the dinosaur.
Open the door, get on the floor.
Everybody, walk the dinosaur.
Open the door, get on the floor.
Everybody, walk the dinosaur.

Fuji jumped into the Alarde and dropped Super Dave into the passenger seat.

"Hit the nitrous purge!" said Dominic.

Boom boom!
Acka lacka lacka boom!
Boom boom!
Acka lacka boom boom!
Boom boom!
Acka lacka lacka boom!
Boom boom!
Acka lacka boom boom!

Memphis hit the nitrous purge and sprayed it right into the T-rex's mouth. The T-rex gagged and spit out the car.

Memphis raced off with the L.A. Cop Car right behind him. Just as Marcus suggested, Regis was driving.

I met you in a cave, you were painting buffalo.
I said I'd be your slave, follow you wherever you go.
That night, we split a rattlesnake and danced beneath the stars.
You fell asleep, I stayed awake and watched the passing cars.

The racers raced through the jungle towards the bridge they'd come in on.

A velociraptor jumped out in front of the Alarde. Fuji screamed and swerved around it.

And walked the dinosaur.
I walked the dinosaur.

The velociraptor clawed at the Alarde as it passed.

The Bestia rammed into the raptor and sent it flying into the air. It came down on the roof of the L.A. Cop Car. Marcus poured a bottle of water into his eyes and washed out the venom.

Open the door, get on the floor.
Everybody, walk the dinosaur.
Open the door, get on the floor.
Everybody, walk the dinosaur.
Open the door, get on the floor.
Everybody, walk the dinosaur.
Open the door, get on the floor.
Everybody, walk the dinosaur.

Fuji raced down the dirt roads of the former theme park. Memphis followed in the Bestia.

Regis, on the other hand, handled the journey with expert skill. He managed to hold each turn without loosing speed. He was able to avoid hitting any dinosaur that jumped out at them. He also was able to close the gap with the Bestia and pass it.

One night, I dreamed of New York.
You and I roasting blue pork.
In the Statue of Liberty's torch.

A flock of pterodactyls attacked the racers. Fuji managed to scare them off with a flare gun.

The pterodactyls circled to stage another attack. They broke it off when the T-rex stomped through the area.

Elvis landed in a rock-rock-rocket ship.
Healed a couple of lepers and disappeared.
But where was his beard?

A triceratops charged the Alarde. Fuji swerved one way and Regis swerved another.

Memphis charged the dinosaur head on and cut away at the last second. The triceratops stumbled about and the T-rex had to work around it.

A shadow from the sky, much too big to be a bird.
A screaming, crashing noise, louder than I've ever heard.
It looked like two big silver trees that somehow learned to soar.
Suddenly, a summer breeze and a mighty lion's roar.

The racers finally came to the bridge. The Alarde raced onto it quickly.

The L.A. Cop Car followed and passed it. The Bestia was right behind them.

I killed the dinosaur.
I killed the dinosaur.

The T-rex stomped onto the bridge, but it stepped so hard, the bridge broke apart and it fell into the ocean.

The T-rex thrashed about and tried to get back to shore.

Open the door, get on the floor.
Everybody kill the dinosaur.
Open the door, get on the floor.
Everybody kill the dinosaur.
Open the door, get on the floor.
Everybody kill the dinosaur.
Open the door, get on the floor.
Everybody kill the dinosaur.

-"Walk the Dinosaur" by Was (Not Was)

Dominic looked over his shoulder. "No wonder they're extinct." he said.

Marcus was also looking over his shoulder. He turned to Regis and said "Those were some incredible moves! Where'd you learn to drive like that?"

"What happened? I blacked out." replied Regis.

XXXXXXXXXX

Ethan was driving the Monstruo along the bridge.

"Not a lot of radio stations out here, huh?" asked Snake.

"No, doesn't look like it." said Ethan. "Let's see what's on the satellite radio."

"I think I'll check the race coverage." said Snake. He turned on the radio and managed to pick up the race coverage.

"After that, we believe the men managed to escape with the suitcase." said Danny over the radio. "We did some checking and discovered it was NOT the prize money as we had previously thought."

"Thank you, Danny." said Phil over the radio. "Once again, we have been the victims of a mysterious burglary. The burglars have stolen a gray suitcase with black straps. It was previously believed to contain the prize money for the race, but that has been disproven."

"Gray suitcase with black straps?" asked Ethan. "Isn't that the suitcase we put the explosives in?"

"I think it is." said Snake.

"Don't you think there's a chance they could set off the explosives by accident?" asked Ethan.

"Not really." said Snake. "They can't set that thing off without a class two detonator. Oh yeah. Or if they use a cel phone within a hundred yards."

XXXXXXXXXX

"I thank you for your help." said Tanner as he and his crew were parked at a scenic overlook. "We're going to go divvy up the take. We'll call you when we finish."

"Thanks." said Cam. "You have my number, I assume."

"Of course." said Tanner. "Until we meet again."

"Got it." said Cam. He walked away.

"Shouldn't we call DeMarco as well to tell him we got the prize?" asked Everett.

"Yeah, we should." said Tanner as he took out his cel phone. He looked at the screen and said "No signal."

He and Everett walked away from the Sentinel. A hundred yards later he said "Finally."

He dialled the number and hit the send button. Just as he did that, the Sentinel exploded in a massive fireball. Tanner and Everett looked back at the car in shock.

"Hello?" asked DeMarco over the phone. "Hello?"

Tanner put the phone to his ear and said in a very raspy voice "Hello, Dave."

"Who is this?" asked DeMarco.

"Is that Dave?" asked Tanner.

"No, there's no Dave here." said DeMarco.

"What?" asked Tanner. "Put Dave on."

"I just told you." said DeMarco. "There's no Dave here! I think you've got a wrong number."

"Okay." said Tanner. "Goodbye, Dave." He hung up.

In memory of

Bob Denver

Farewell, little buddy.