She is unable to select an outfit, before she returns to the bathroom. Once again she locks the bathroom door behind her.
She screams, and fights as she lies on a bed in a hotel room, on a Tuesday afternoon. She pulls his hair, and scratches, and tries to wriggle loose. Her efforts prove futile. He removes her undergarments in one swift move. She finds herself underneath of him struggling to get free.
She leaves the hotel. She drives away, but not towards home. She pulls into a parking lot. Before exiting the car she flips open her visor. She looks at herself in the rearview mirror. She wipes away smeared mascara. She takes a deep breath, and exits the car. She enters the building. She approaches the desk. A nurse looks up at her. She smiles, recognizing her.
"Can I help you Miss?"
"Yes," she admits.
"Miss..." the nurse begins to say her name.
Kathryn quickly cuts her off, as she shakes her head, "Jane."
The RN furrows her brow. "Jane?"
"Smith," Kathryn responds.
"How can I assist you today?"
"I... I..." she is unable to form enough intelligent words to string together a sentence.
The nurse studies her appearance, "Take your time."
Kathryn spells something to her in ASL. The nurse watches her fingers. She doesn't miss a beat. She comes out, from behind the desk. "Come with me."
She leads her into a private exam room. She closes the door behind them. She holds onto a clip board. Kathryn's heart feels as if it going to beat out of her chest. She breathes heavily. The anxiety overtakes her. She looks over at a trashcan that is nearby. She vomits into it.
She sits on her knees, on a rug, on a tile floor, in the bathroom, in front of the toilet. She lurches forward as she empties the contents of her stomach into the porcelain bowl.
Sitting on her bed, weeks later, on a Saturday she holds the proof in her hands. She swallows hard as she stares at the tiny pink plus sign. Her anxiety rises, and her pulse quickens as she thinks about the reality.
She flushes the toilet, and closes the lid. She rises from the spot on the floor. She takes a seat on the lid of the toilet. She has been keeping things from her family. She has been keeping secrets from her husband. She has been lying to her daughter. She has been distancing herself from the people that she loves, because she can't risk them finding out the truth. She leans forward resting her head in her hands. She can't keep the tears from falling. She tries to convince herself that no one ever has to know the truth. Even she doesn't buy that, because she will always know. She can't take any of it back. She can't take the events that occurred that Tuesday afternoon weeks earlier. She can't control the pharmaceuticals that weren't effective. She can no longer ignore the signs that she has for weeks. After all, one stupid pink plus sign is all that it takes to change someone's life. It's all the proof someone needs, to set them over the edge.
Daphne tries to ignore all of the evidence she has collected. She tries to let go of all the peculiar behaviors that Kathryn is exhibiting. By Thursday she can't handle it anymore. It's early evening, and she has come home early. She stops in the doorway of Kathryn's bedroom. She finds that the light is on, and there is an empty suitcase laying on the bed. She steps into the room, even though she doesn't seen Kathryn. She follows the light into the closet. She stops in the doorway, when she finds Kathryn sitting on the floor. She sits on the floor of the closet, with her back to the doorway.
"Kathryn?"
Kathryn turns her head, and looks at her. She exhales, and quickly pulls herself together. She stands up, and swirls around. She looks at Daphne.
"What do you need, sweetie?"
"What are you doing?"
"Trying to decide what to wear."
"Where are you going?"
"I have another speaking engagement tomorrow."
"How long will you be gone for?"
"I should be back on Monday."
"Do you want help packing?"
"No. I am almost done," she admits.
Daphne waits for her to leave about an hour later. She follows her to the airport. In the parking lot, she can no longer take it. She gets out of her car, and meets Kathryn at hers. She slides into the passenger's seat, and locks the door. Kathryn looks over at her, in surprise.
"What are you doing? Were you following me?"
"Why don't you just tell me what is going on. I hate that you're hiding things from me."
"Daphne there are some things that you are just better off not knowing."
"Like the fact that you don't have a speaking engagement this weekend?"
"What makes you think that?"
"It wasn't on the calendar."
"It was last minute," she lies.
"You are O.C.D about the calendar. If you got a call ten minutes before you had to be at the airport it would be on the calendar."
"I am sure that I put it on the calendar."
"You put D.C. on the calendar for tomorrow."
"See, I told you. That's where I'm going."
"No, you're not. If you were going to D.C. dad would be going with you."
"Like I said it's last minute."
"And I checked with the airline you aren't on any flights to D.C."
"Daphne I have a plane to catch. I cannot have this conversation with you right now."
"You are going to San Francisco. Why?"
"Daphne I have a speaking engagement early in the morning. I don't want to miss my flight."
"A speaking engagement, or an appointment?"
Kathryn furrows her brow, "What?"
"You aren't going to D.C. It occurred to me what D.C. stood for on my way over here."
"District of Columbia?"
"It wasn't DC. It was D and C."
