"Ignis, you're supposed to hold onto my arm," Prompto said as they walked down one of the long hospital hallways. Ignis walked just behind Prompto, a cane in his right hand. He was just beginning to learn how to use one. The physical therapist had shown him more than one way to use it, but so far he found he preferred the constant contact approach.
"I know, Prompto, but I need to learn how to do this on my own," he kept the cane at the advised distance in front of him and let it touch the floor the whole time he walked. He found it very difficult to concentrate on anything else while he was using it. They warned him about that too. Eventually, it would become second nature, Julia had assured him. He had hoped he wouldn't need it long enough for it to become second nature.
"Iggy, look out!" Prompto shouted, just in time to keep Ignis from walking into the door jamb. Prompto gripped Ignis' upper arm and helped reorient him.
"Maybe a little slower," Prompto suggested. Ignis nodded. He wasn't doing badly, but not nearly well enough to continue on their journey. He was determined to be ready to go when Noctis recovered.
"There's a big group of people up ahead, maybe hang on to me for a minute," Prompto suggested. Ignis didn't object, he didn't want to crash into innocent bystanders. He gripped Prompto's forearm just above his elbow. Prompto did his best to guide him, but Ignis still bumped into a nurse as they passed by.
"I beg your pardon," Ignis said, turning his head in her direction.
"There you are," Julia said. Ignis recognized her voice immediately. He would have to rely more on hearing now.
"The doctor is ready to see you; it's time to take the bandages off," she happily reported.
"Prompto," Ignis said, "thank you for your help-
"But I have to go now, yeah I know. Good luck buddy," he replied and headed for the elevator. Julia took his arm and started walking towards the exam room.
"How is it going so far?" She asked.
"Reasonably well, I think, but I need to get outdoors. That will be the real test," Ignis said. Julia knew the likelihood of Ignis figuring out how to navigate on his own in just a few days was not very likely, but she had given up on trying to convince him.
"Did you enjoy the espresso and croissant?" Julia asked, referring to the technically forbidden breakfast she brought him from a cafe.
"Yes, very much," he replied.
"Good, then I'll bring it for you again," Julia was genuinely pleased she had found something he wanted to eat.
They stepped inside an exam room where the doctor was waiting and she helped Ignis to the table. They exchanged pleasantries and Julia removed the bandages. The removal of the bandages made his entire head throb.
"I'm very pleased with the healing. Better than expected. You can thank your youth and good health for that," the doctor said flatly.
"It will leave a significant scar, but plastic surgery will help with that," he continued. This doctor had poor bedside manner. He shined a light directly into Ignis' right eye. Ignis could sense the light a little, but barely. The scarring over his cornea was unfortunately quite severe.
"I've never seen anything quite like that," the doctor reported. Not surprisingly, it was an unnerving thing to hear. The doctor went through the rest of the exam. When the doctor pulled the lid of his right eye open, Ignis sharply drew in a breath and pulled away. The pain took him by surprise.
"I think that's enough for now," the doctor said, "you are healing up quite nicely overall. I'll be discharging you soon." Julia was surprised by that announcement. She didn't think Ignis would be ready to leave for some time.
"What of my vision?" Ignis asked, surprised the question hadn't been addressed. The doctor hesitated.
"I'm not sure," he said, "I need to study the data more." That was most definitely not what Ignis wanted to hear. The doctor said a few words to Julia he couldn't quite hear before leaving.
"OK, Ignis, now we can finally wash your hair," Julia said.
"I can hardly wait," Ignis replied sarcastically.
When Gladio walked in the room, Ignis was stretched out on his bed looking healthier and more comfortable than he had a couple of days before. His eyes were closed and he had earbuds in tethered to the phone sitting next to him. It was the first time Gladio had seen him without his bandages. It startled him. There was a large, grisly looking wound over his left eye. It looked like it had been badly burned-the eye was nearly fused shut. It was like the skin had just been peeled from his face. He had another gash over the bridge of his nose and a small slit over his right eyebrow.
"Is someone there?" Ignis asked, instinctively opening his right eye.
"It's just me," Gladio replied. Ignis slipped the earbuds out and sat up a little more. There was a long pause as Gladio stared at Ignis' right eye. It was a completely different color, almost iridescent blue. The iris was no longer visible which sent a chill down Gladio's spine.
"Is it that bad?" Ignis asked, inferring that Gladio must be staring at his scars.
"Nah, it's not so bad," Gladio didn't see the point in alarming him more. Ignis reached for the pair of sunglasses Julia had brought for him and slipped them on. He hoped that would cover his wounds-he didn't like to be stared at.
"How is Noctis?" Ignis wanted to change the subject.
"Same. Still sleeping, but still doing alright," Gladio replied.
"The effort of defeating Leviathan must have drained every ounce of strength he had," Ignis observed. He still didn't quite understand how Noctis, or Regis, were able to draw strength from the crystal. No one quite understood.
"Looks like you're doing better anyway," Gladio looked at the mostly eaten lunch tray on the bedside table, "developing a taste for the soup?"
"I'm developing a taste for getting my strength back anyway," he replied.
"Speaking of that," Gladio said as he walked closer to the bed, "I talked to Iris earlier today." Ignis didn't see the connection.
"Is she still in Caem?"
"Yes, she loves it there, actually," Gladio replied
"That's good to hear," Ignis responded. He had always liked Gladio's sister; she was kind and seemed so full of life.
"Did you like it there?" Gladio asked. Ignis suddenly didn't like the direction the conversation was taking.
"It was a pretty place-with remarkably good access to a farmer's market," he answered.
"Well," Galdio said as he started to pace, "Iris had an idea."
"Yes?" Ignis already had a good idea of where this was going.
"She thinks it would be good for you to come stay with her, Cid and Talcott at Caem for a while," Gladio said as he braced for Ignis' counterargument.
"Out of the question-I must remain by Noctis' side," Ignis didn't raise his voice, but there was a bit of anger there nonetheless.
"Relax, it was just an idea. She thought it might be nicer for you to be taken care of by a friend than by these total strangers," Gladio replied.
"Taken care of?" Ignis repeated, voice full of derision, "like some sort of dying animal?"
"Don't be such an ass-she just wants to help," Gladio returned, his own temper was kicking in now.
"She is very kind and thoughtful, but my place is not in Caem, it's here with the Crownsguard," Ignis said, attempting to make his voice even and calm.
"Would you just think about it a bit?" Gladio decided that there would be no convincing him yet.
"I'll consider it," Ignis replied coolly.
"Thanks," Gladio replied, "I'll let you get back to...whatever you were doing." Gladio turned and left the room, feeling a little guilty and a little annoyed about the whole conversation.
Ignis put his earbuds back in-he was listening to a book by an archaeologist about hidden royal tombs. He found it difficult to concentrate after the conversation, though. He's going to try to leave me behind…
After Ignis tripped over the same chair twice in one turn around his room, he decided to stop practicing with his cane for the night. The more tired he became, the more difficult visualizing by memory was. He found his way back to the bed and settled in. He was happy he would be leaving the next day, but it was also a bit frightening.
Moments later, there was a knock at the door. His doctor stepped in almost immediately after.
"Good evening, I hope I didn't wake you," he said and took a seat in the chair next to the bed.
"No, not at all," Ignis replied as he sat up and moved to the edge of his bed.
"I had a chance to review your case with some colleagues of mine," the doctor began, "and I wanted to share that with you."
"What did you find?"
"I'm afraid it's not good news. The scarring on your right cornea is so severe, that it is very unlikely to heal," he replied. Ignis felt his heart sink.
"What does that mean for my eyesight?" Ignis already knew the answer, but he hoped there would be some other possibility.
"The likelihood of your sight returning is extremely unlikely," the doctor replied in a very professional manner.
"Isn't there a surgery, or some therapy I could try?" Ignis asked. His anxiety was apparent.
"A cornea transplant might help," the doctor replied. That gave Ignis a little hope, but the waiting list for something like that had to be quite long.
"But," the doctor began again, "even with a cornea transplant, your vision would be compromised. There is damage to the retina, and the iris too."
"Are you saying there is no hope for my vision?" Ignis wanted a direct answer.
"I wouldn't say there is no hope, miracles can happen," the doctor replied. He wasn't trying to be sarcastic, but it came across that way. Ignis didn't respond. What could he say? The doctor stood up and squeezed Ignis' shoulder.
"I'm sorry, I know this is quite a shock," he said, "you should try to get some rest." The doctor left the room, and closed the door.
Ignis leaned forward and buried his face in his hands. It felt like he'd been punched in the gut. In the dark...forever? No hope? He felt completely overwhelmed. Tears stung his eyes. It was painful; the tear ducts of his left eye had been damaged and his right was very sore. He gently pressed his right eye against his sleeve.
He tried to calm his breathing. It helped a little, but not much. He found himself missing the comforting presence of King Regis and Lady Luna, which he experienced during his coma. Was that even real? He had to wonder. The king had told him that he was strong enough to bear this trial, but he was beginning to doubt that.
He climbed back into his bed and rested his head on the pillows. He didn't realize how much he had been holding onto the hope that he might recover some vision until that hope was taken from him. He had learned at a very young age that indulging an emotion only made things more painful so he fought the fear and despair that was crushing his heart.
He tried to think of ways that his life could still go on-that he could still perform his role as Noctis' adviser and chamberlain. I've still got my mind, my knowledge and experience, he thought, and physical strength. But physical strength could only get you so far on a battlefield without your vision.
Thinking about ways in which he could still be useful inevitably brought to mind ways in which he could no longer be useful. No more driving. That pained him quite a lot. He had actually really enjoyed driving, but Notics and Prompto could drive too. He could no longer do the cooking. No one else could perform that task like he could. When he considered that fact for a moment, he was unable to go on unemotionally.
He turned on to his side and fought the tears, but he couldn't stop himself. How could he cook without his sight? It was unthinkable. Cooking was a duty he had taken on, but it was more than that. It was his hobby and his passion. His mind wandered to his journal filled with recipes he'd developed over time. Not only would he not be able to make those recipes, he wouldn't even be able to read the words.
Reading. It was one of his greatest pleasures. He would never be able to enjoy it again. The painful tears were flowing more steadily. He started to think about things that weren't as strategically significant, but were equally personally significant. He would never see the beauty of a sunrise again, an ocean view, the Insomnia skyline at night, a painting, or a perfectly plated dish. His tears slowed, but his emotional pain was profound. He felt like his life was being drained out of him.
Then another thought terrified him. What if I forget what these things look like? It had only been days since he'd lost his sight. He could still see things so clearly in his mind's eye, but that could fade. He might even forget what familiar people looked like. He decided to focus his emotional energy on remembering every detail of everything important in his life. His friends' faces, his favorite dishes, Insomnia, Duscae at sunrise- anything important to him.
He closed his eyes and imagined all of those things in as much detail as he could, and hoped for the peace of sleep.
Author's note: The feels! I'm making an assumption here that Ignis already knew that his vision wasn't going to come back, despite his apparent hopefulness on the train. We'll see in the coming chapters why he decided to keep it to himself. As always, thanks for reading and commenting!
