**Author notes, story notes and everything else, on profile. Thank you :)**
They stayed like that for a little while. When Alex's tears subsided, she pulled away slightly, only enough to look at the girl who had been holding her. Roxy gave the blonde before her another sweet smile as she gently tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Alex couldn't help but let out a little laugh as she wiped at her eyes, she gave the petite girl a smile before letting her head fall back on the girl's shoulder as she spoke, "sorry about that..."
Roxy shook her head, "don't be, I shouldn't have pushed this, I knew here was a strong chance you weren't ready for this." As she saw the look Alex was giving her, she furthered her explanation, "I mean, Alex, since I've known you, I knew there was something about you, I could see the pain in your eyes. I wanted to try and help you ease it away, but as time moved on, I guess I realized I couldn't."
She took a deep breath; "I like you Alex. I do, I like you a lot; and, I wanted to be with you, I hoped I could make you forget whatever it was that had hurt you before, but I soon figured out I'd always be fighting for a lost cause."
Alex felt those words resonate but quickly shook it off as Roxy kept on. "I decided I'd let you guide whatever was happening between us." She smiled at the girl, letting her know she wasn't mad or anything, "I was surprised with how tonight was going; but I made sure to always give you enough space to back out. Actually, I think I'm glad you did, because no matter how much I don't regret anything, it would have hurt waking up tomorrow, knowing you could never feel the same about me, as you did her."
Alex's eyes widened, she didn't know how she had figured her out so accurately, let alone what was happening. After seeing a slight panicked look Roxy smiled and carried on, "I'm sorry I couldn't help you. I know, even if it was subconsciously, that you were hoping to find solace and a chance for new beginnings with me, and I'm sorry I couldn't help you."
She took another deep breath as she got up and walked towards her door, "Do yourself a favour Kelly; I know she hurt you, but she loved you, so go get her. Fight for her, even if you don't believe; let the love you had for her take over. You couldn't have loved someone that strongly and be this hurt if she didn't love you either. She couldn't have hurt you so bad if she didn't love you. She was just afraid, so go get her Kelly!"
With that Roxy left a shocked Alex sitting on the bed looked at the retreating form of the girl who had basically told her how to handle something she wasn't even supposed to know about.
She slowly got up and gathered her shirt; she threw it over her head and proceeded to exit the room. She went to the living room waiting for Roxy to get out.
The moment Marissa had heard the lock click she turned to face the door, she was about to give Summer a piece of her mind when she was met with her mother's figure instead, and her mum was... were those tears in her eyes? Marissa looked over her mum's shoulder to see a crying Summer who was throwing her an apologetic look.
She looked back at her mum and could see the one look she didn't want, the look Summer had given her after she had told her about Trey, and that's when her drunken mind clued in, she looked back at Summer furious, "HOW COULD YOU!"
Summer was taken aback by the outburst, but she didn't have a chance to reply as Marissa kept on, "I TRUSTED YOU SUM! AND THEN YOU GO AHEAD AND TELL HER," she looked at her mother disgusted.
"Coop, it's..."
"DON'T 'COOP' ME! You know, I actually thought this was working fine, I held my end didn't I? For the first time I ACTUALLY tried to open up. THIS, THIS is what I get?"
Julie looked at Summer who now had tears in her eyes, "Marissa, she didn't tell me anything..."
Marissa laughed a dry laugh, "YEA! That's why BOTH of you are in fucking tears right? She told you the sky WASN'T blue and you're both in tears realizing that all your lives people have been lying to you?"
Both sober girls looked at her, "OH COME ON! I may be drunk but I'm not an idiot MUM! Fuck! SUM! I can't believe it... you know, there were only TWO people in my life I thought I could trust, one of them YOU chased away," she pointed to her mother accusingly, "the other, well... she used to be in this room."
"COOP!"
"SUM!" Marissa answered back just as aggravated.
"I didn't tell her! She asked but I didn't tell her! I told her I couldn't do that to you!"
"THEN WHY THE FUCK IS SHE CRYING? The she-devil never sheds tears! And she SURE as hell never about me! So if she isn't crying about the fact that you told her that Ryan's brother tried to rape me; then please, enlighten me as to what else it could be!"
The room went silent, Marissa looked between the other two women, Summer was shedding more tears looking at her with a sad and pained expression. When she looked at her mum she saw shock there, almost as if she really didn't know... but her drunken mind ignored that part.
"Whatever, I guess I'm just going to have to find someplace else to stay!" She turned around and started to leave, "have another wonderful chat with your new best friend!"
Both women were shocked there, Julie eventually turned around to face Summer, "what... what she said..." there was a slight sense of hope that she had heard wrong in her voice.
Summer simply shook her head, "I'm sorry..."
Julie slumped against the door and started to cry even more, she couldn't believe what had happened to her daughter, what she had been holding back, she needed to help her get through this, but she knew this wasn't the time to try and reach out, her daughter would simply shut her out even more. She vaguely heard Summer say, "I need to call Cohen, she'll see him," Julie nodded.
Summer found her phone and dialled the number she knew by heart, "hey... Seth?"
It was only a few minutes until the red head stepped out, still only clad in a bra and sweat pants. "Hey," she spoke lightly to the girl.
Alex nodded, "uh..." she fidgeted while nervously looking at the ground, "I... I don't know how you figured it out... but... um, thank you..." Roxy nodded and Alex kept on; "and I'm sorry, I shouldn't have tried to build something with you, knowing that my heart wasn't in it. It wasn't fair to you."
Roxy put her hands up, "don't worry about it, I understand why you did what you did. I want you to know, I truly don't regret anything. You're a really great girl Alex, you're sweet, caring, blonde but not," she added with a wink, "you're a load of fun with a heart of gold. She's lucky she found you, and I hope for both your sake's you guys find your way back to each other. Finding true love doesn't happen often Alex. Cherish it." She finished off a little more sternly.
Alex wiped the tears, "wh... what about us?" She questioned, she didn't want to risk the chance of losing someone as great as Roxy.
Roxy smiled and went over to Alex to hug her, she whispered in her ear, "I think you'll be a great friend Kelly!" They pulled apart, "I'll miss the making out though!" She winked at her, "But hey! It's a small price to pay when I get to know I helped two lost souls find each other... again."Alex playfully hit her but thanked her none-the-less, "I... I think I'm going to head home."
Roxy nodded, "you want a ride?"
Alex shook her head as she made her way over to the door, with one last glance over her shoulder she threw her new friend a sad smile, "I'm sorry... for everything."
Before anything else could be said, Alex walked out the front door into the night.
Roxy watched on, as the girl she knew she could have easily loved walk out, with a sad smile adorning her features. She walked to the door and locked it, leaning her head against the back of it, letting out a shaky breath as she tried to pull herself together. She had stayed strong during the time Alex was there, but at that moment, all she could do was think she'd have a new name to add to her list of people she loved, that she had had to walk away from.
She shook herself; she didn't want to think about her past. It was too painful; instead, she pushed herself off the door letting the feeling, of knowing she had made a great friend in Alex, and that maybe, someday soon she would find her own true love, overcome her.
With that last thought, she went back to her room; she sat on her bed and let her eyes roam the space. Her eyes fell on a white envelope and she realized she'd forgotten to give this important letter to Alex. She decided she would give it to her the next time she saw her. With that, she let her head hang low as she let her own tears take over.
Seth was sitting in the living room playing video games with Ryan when he heard his phone go off; he saw it was Summer calling, "hello!" When he heard his ex use his first name, he knew something was up, "Sums... is... are you okay?"
"No... there... Seth I need your help."
"Of course, anything, what can I do?"
"Is Ryan there?"
"Yea..."
"Okay, I need you to go somewhere else and you can't let him know anything about this... please."
"Hey bro, I'm just going to go take this in my room," he saw Ryan nod and made his way up the stairs. "Okay, I'm alone now; can you tell me what's going on?"
"... Marissa. She, she walked in when Julie and I were talking... she threw a fit Seth, and she left, and I don't know where t... and I can't go after her... she won't talk to me."
"It's okay Sums, I'll go, I think I know where she might be, I'll call you later okay?"
"Please... make sure she's alright okay?"
"I will for you."
"Thanks... and Seth?"
"Yea?"
"I love you."
"I love you too Sums." He told her, he didn't like that they weren't together anymore, but he did like the fact the he and Summer were getting closer throughout this whole thing.
After he hung up he headed back downstairs.
"Everything okay?" He heard Ryan call out to him.
"Yea... just um, she needs me to get something for her, and I don't want her going rage blackout on my ass so, I'm going to go do that now, I'll see you later."
"Alright."
And with that Seth walked out the front door.
She had been walking for a good ten minutes already, Roxy's place wasn't too far from her parents, but it was still a good forty-five minute walk. She didn't mind though, she felt appreciative for the cool early morning air that was breezing by. Having lived, for the better part of her life in L.A. she had no problem getting around, especially as she used the short cuts she'd found as a teen wandering the streets trying to avoid the screams back home.
Her thoughts, even though she didn't want them to be, kept on coming back and haunting her, everything that had gone on tonight was finally catching up to her. She had let herself get lost in the taste of the alcohol; she had almost gone ahead and slept with someone when her heart wasn't in it. Alex had always, even through the bad ass attitude, prided herself in knowing she didn't sleep with people randomly. She'd never believed in the action if your heart wasn't in it.
She always believed someone would get hurt. Sure there were times when she had wanted to, both parties knowing nothing would come out of it, but ultimately she felt one of them would still get hurt. Either the other person would misread her intentions, and then she would have to tell them it was nothing but physical, or she would hurt herself, knowing she had opened herself up like that with someone who may or may not even remember her name the next morning.
She knew Roxy wouldn't have done either, but even though it hadn't been voiced until a few minutes ago, she knew Roxy had had a thing for her. Something she knew, she could never reciprocate; she liked the girl, she was great and wonderful, but she also knew her heart belonged to another, it wouldn't have been fair.
These thoughts only served to confuse her even more; as always, her thoughts were plagued with Marissa, but now, she also had what Roxy had said ringing through her mind. And to top it all, she had to deal with the fact that she had almost hurt Roxy.
"URGH!" she grunted out in the middle of the street. Her brain was hurting and she just wanted things to be normal again. She looked up and realized she was home; she went over to the door and unlocked it. As she stepped through, she closed the door and let her head rest against the other side.
The night's events slowly came to a standstill in her mind, resting on two points. She could hear the red head's voice, "I soon figured out I'd always be fighting for a lost cause," and "fight for her."
At that moment, she lost it once again, but this time it was more focussed, she now cried thinking about her last day in Newport, she was there again. Tears filled her eyes as she turned her back to the door allowing her body to slump down. Her fists, one slamming into the ground, as the other pounded the wooden door behind her. She felt extra pain in her hand, realizing she had a death grip around her keys.
In a cry of anger, she raised her arm and flung her keys, she watched them as they hit the wall. She brought her knees up and rested her head there, she wrapped her arms tightly around herself and she soon began to cry, all of the events of the last few months finally catching up to her.
After hanging up with Seth, Summer turned around to face Julie, she saw the woman still sitting on the floor crying, she walked over to her and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.
Julie looked up and was met with an expression she was sure she was wearing as well, she saw Summer sit by her and both women were crying again, they were crying for the one person they had in common and because neither knew how this was going to end.
Dave and Elizabeth were still sleeping when they heard the racket down stairs. Elizabeth was the first to jolt awake when she heard the front door. Once she heard the pounding, she quickly, lightly shoved her husband, "Dave!" She whispered loudly, "Dave! There's someone in the house!"
Dave grumbled and turned so he was now lying on his stomach yet facing his wife, "what?" He mumbled still half-asleep.
"There's..." before she could finish, they both heard the loud thump and cry.
As soon as he heard the sound he knew to be his daughter, he bolted up and jumped out of bed.
"Be careful," his wife whispered.
He rolled his eyes and made his way down the stairs trying to prepare himself for what he'd see.
Marissa left the Roberts residence furious; she started walking and fifteen minutes later, she was back where she had spent her day and evening. However, it was now six forty and there was barely anyone left on the beach. The few teens that were there were all off on one side where she could see a bonfire burning, the thought alone made her heart ache. She made her way to the one spot where she felt safe and sat down.
She felt much more sober, even after consuming such a large quantity of vodka, it seemed the walking and the fight really had sobered her up and she cursed herself for not having her spare flask with her. She sat there, thinking about everything that had happened at Summer's house, she knew a part of her had been overly-dramatic, but the thought of Summer telling her mum what had happened had hurt her. Never once did she consider the idea that her mum may have been the one to reach out for Summer.
She knew she would have to apologize for the awful things she'd said to Summer but right now, right now she just wanted to be alone and think. A few moments passed and she started hearing footsteps behind her, she tensed up but as the person sat down next to her she calmed down, she knew this person, she didn't fear this person. She was okay.
However, that feeling only lasted only a few minutes, the second she felt him drape his coat over her bare shoulders she tensed again and looked at him with anger evident in her eyes, "did Summer send you here?"
As he arrived at the bottom, he saw his daughter, slumped against the door. He knew what this was about, but he didn't know how he could help her. He walked over and kneeled next to his only child. He tried to get her attention, but knew it was useless, so he did the one thing he could think of.
He scooted closer and scooped her up like he used to do when she was younger. Alex felt the arms around her, she would have stiffened had she not recognized immediately the smell of her dad and the comforting wave of reassurance he was exuding.
Instinctively, she wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder. Dave sighed as he felt the tears. In all the years he'd been a father, he'd seen his little girl only cry a handful of times. In the past months, he'd seen her shed tears over a dozen times.
As he lay his daughter on her bed, he knew what this called for. He kissed her on the forehead telling her not to worry and that things would be okay. He let go and walked out of her room and back to his own. When he reached his own bedroom door he opened it and walked in, his wife was now sitting on the bed looking at him expectantly, "so... what was all the noise about?" She asked him.
He sighed and then sat himself down next to his wife, "that, that was our daughter," he saw the look and kept on, "before you go crazy, hear me out. I know that you have accepted her back into our home, and I know you said you were going to try and be okay with everything; and honey, I know you meant it, but right now, our daughter is hurting. I have done my best to comfort her but this is one of those times where our daughter needs her mum, not her mother, her mum. You know she won't admit it, but I will do it for her. You need to get over whatever issues with this you have left, put aside the fact that you think this is 'unnatural' and go be the mum I know you to be; because this is our daughter, and she loves you, but she's afraid you're going to reject her again. So you need to get over yourself because this is who she is and we are supposed to love her no matter."
She looked at him, she was shocked, "Elizabeth, honey, I know it's hard for you to accept. But she is our daughter, and we've lost her once, I don't want to lose her again, all that matters is that she is happy, and if that happiness comes in the form of a girl, then so be it. We are here to support her; that was our duty towards her as her parents."
Finally the older Kelly woman nodded and climbed out of bed. She grabbed her robe on her way out, turned around as her hand rested on the doorknob and she looked over at her husband, "thank you." He smiled and then motioned for her to get moving.
Seth looked at her, he had never seen her with that look, he had to admit he was a little afraid of it, he couldn't figure out what had happened at Summer's but he knew he'd have to tread these waters carefully, the last thing he wanted was for her to run away from him as well. "Somewhat," he answered.
She looked at him, "yea well... you can tell her I'm fine and be on your way."
Seth looked back out to the ocean, "nah, I think I want to stay right here with you."
Marissa sighed, "Seth, I'm fine, I don't want to talk you can go."
"Oh, that's cool, I like the whole not talking thing," he saw Marissa give him a funny look, but didn't bother facing her.
They stayed silent for a few moments until Seth regained his Cohen-ness. "She didn't tell me anything, just said you'd walked in on her and your mum talking... she didn't know where you'd go, I told her I had an idea and I'd check up on you. She seemed really hurt... what happened back there? I mean, I know you probably aren't going to tell me because well... let's face it, we've lived next door to each other most of our lives, I dated your best friend, and you're dating mine, but you and I, I mean we've never been tight you know? But..."
"What happened to not talking?"
"Um... well... uh... I figure if we're to spend the night here together, I thought I'd try?" He looked over and gave her a hopeful look.
"Uh huh..."
"Okay fine... not talking back in action," with that he looked back out to sea.
Marissa was thinking over everything Seth had said and after a few moments something clicked, she looked back at him, "Seth?"
He smirked, "I thought we weren't talking?" He quirked an eyebrow at her.
She didn't want to but a slight smile appeared, "yea well... we can all change our minds."
He turned his head to meet her gaze, "yes?"
She looked down and then back up, "um... you said Summer said she didn't know where I'd go?" He looked at her funny and nodded. "How... how'd you know I would be here?" She asked him, and he could detect there was a hint of sadness and curiosity in her voice.
He'd have to be careful here, he knew one word out of line would crush this. "Um... well... don't, don't get upset okay?"
She gave him a hesitant look but nodded, "well... Summer told me a little while back that you were still upset over Alex..." he waited to see if he'd get a reaction, the only thing he saw was the slight discomfort he could detect, but as quickly as it appeared, it left Marissa, so he kept on; "and well... you know I dated her too?"
She smiled a small smile, "so, when she said you'd walked in and all and she didn't know where you'd go, well... I thought maybe you'd walked in on them talking about that or just I don't know, but I figured if there was something that was bothering you Alex related, you'd come to the beach." He took a breath, "I know it was one of her favourite spots in Newport, and I know that maybe I didn't come out here often with her, but I know you two did... or at least that's what I gathered, so I came here first. And voila! I found you!"
He watched her to see how she'd react.
Marissa on the other hand was processing everything he'd told her, she wasn't mad at Summer for telling Seth about Alex, he didn't seem to know much about the whole situation so she just assumed it had come up in a conversation. And his explanation did make sense, he had after all, however shortly, dated Alex, so he would know of the blonde's affinity with the beach. She could tell he was watching her, and maybe the next words came out of her mouth because of the alcohol that was still in her system, but a part of her knew she could tell Seth.
"This right here," she pointed to where they were sitting, "is where we shared our first kiss..."
That sure wasn't what Seth was expecting, but he didn't say anything, he knew that if Marissa was angry at Summer, she would normally shut down, if she was going to start talking to him, he wasn't going to ruin it. He may have been self-centered, but he also knew that when Marissa shut down, it was never a good thing.
Before he could say anything, Marissa continued, "it was Valentine's day... I'd had an awful diner with my mum, and I knew I'd be able to go find her, so I went to the Bait Shop, she was alone and, that's when I told her how I felt... and then she took my hand and we came here... the tide turned, at that moment, so did my world."
He looked over at her and saw a lone tear escape her eye, he scooted closer and put his arm around her. And she leaned her head on his shoulder. "I miss her Seth... so much, I can't believe I let her go... you know; I really fell hard for her..."
Seth took a deep breath when he heard those words, he simply tightened his embrace. They stayed quiet for a few moments, Seth was the one to break the silence again, "Marissa, she did love you..." he felt her turn her head slightly, "she came to me, the night before the bonfire... she was worried about Ryan, about fighting for a heart that wasn't her's... that's when she told me she had fallen hard for you... the rest well, we know what happened, I don't think I ever told you how sorry I am about having let the whole tent thing slip."
Marissa couldn't answer, she had forgiven Seth long before he had apologized for the tent thing, it wasn't his fault, she was the one who should have told her... she had stopped hearing anything after he told her she had told him she had fallen for her... "she loved me..." there was just something about hearing it from someone who'd actually heard the blonde say she'd fallen for her, it wasn't the same as Summer telling her anyone could tell, this was concrete proof that she really had let something real go... and that's what hurt the most.
Seth didn't know what to do, but when he felt the warm tears through his shirt, he rubbed his hand up and down Marissa's back. They stayed there for a little longer, when he felt she had slowed a bit, he lowered his voice, "hey, how about I take you home with me? I know you and Sums fought, I'm sure you don't want to go home, so come on, I'll take you to my place for the night..."
She lifted her head off of his shoulder, "I... Seth I'm sorry but I don't want to see Ryan..."
He looked at her and gave her a small smile, "he'll probably be in the pool house, I'll take you to the guest room okay?" He felt her nod and helped her up and to the car.
They quietly drove back to the Cohen's and when they got there, Seth helped her out and led her to the upstairs guest room, he ran off to his room and got her a change of clothes, she changed in the bathroom and he helped her get in bed, she thanked him for everything and he just smiled at her, "don't worry about it, to be honest I'm kind of scared of what Summer would have done to me!" He winked at her, letting her know he was only trying to brighten the mood.
He hit the lights and moved to his room where he called Summer to let her know Marissa was fine and that she would spend the night there. He could hear the relief coming off of Summer and told her to get some rest, they'd need it for the next day, they needed to get operation Chrismukkah on the move. He wished her good night and went off to bed himself.
Alex was laying on her side on her bed, where her dad had left her; she was still crying, and that's when she heard the knock on the door. She looked up in time to see her mother walk in, "mum?" She asked confused as to why she was the one in the room. She was expecting her dad to come back, not her mother.
"I'm here sweet cheeks, tell me what's got you so sad," she spoke to her only daughter as if the eighteen year old was two as she made her way over to the bed.
"I know you don't want to hear about this stuff mum, I'm not going to push my luck with you, it's okay, you've already done enough by letting me back in." As much as the two women had stayed on civil terms ever since Alex had moved back, the younger blonde was all too aware that her mother, even though she tolerated it, still didn't accept her orientation. She hated that she couldn't talk to her mother, but she was glad to at least be back in her parent's life; and she did have her dad to talk to, but it wasn't the same. There were just some situations where a girl felt more comfortable talking to her mum, no matter how close she was to her dad.
"No," Elizabeth stated firmly, "I might not be entirely comfortable, but I am tired of this. It's taken me too damn long already and it took your father, your FATHER of all people to set me straight," both women shared a small laugh both knowing how harmless yet insightful the man could be. "I never really believed a woman could love another woman the way she 'should' a man," she added the air quotes; "but you clearly have proven me wrong sweet cheeks. You are as devastated now as I was with my first love, so enough with this non-sense! I'm getting over this now and we are talking, because you need me, and I'm tired of running out, or running you out of my life, because I need you too."
The two shared a look, the younger trying to convey how much it meant that her mother had spoken those words to her, the older trying to tell her it was okay to talk and more importantly, that she really was sorry for what had happened.
"So! I know it's not about the girl you are currently seeing and yes, I know about you seeing someone. Don't give me that look; and before you shoot me another look yes, it was your father. Don't act so surprised, he knew you were afraid of telling me but he knew you would still want me to know, so he told me. Okay, now, I know it's not about her, so tell me what happened with the one who made you step on your Kelly born and raised pride and face your parents."
Alex was stunned; she didn't know how to react her mother was being... she was being her mum. She hadn't seen this side of the woman in years; she couldn't help but hug her in that moment. After the two broke apart, the older Kelly woman spoke up again.
"I've wasted too much time already, tell me! What is bothering you? You didn't come back after things ended with Jodie, instead, you moved farther away. That only means that this girl, the girl who's got you like this, she was real. Now, I'm not saying Jodie wasn't real, but she didn't leave you like this, so... I want you to talk to me. I am after all your mum, and it's taken me far too long, but I want to know what happened to my sweet cheeks!"
Both women smiled, "and don't spare me, I want to know everything!"
Alex looked at her mum, she threw her a crooked smirk, "... everything?" She asked the woman.
A slight glimmer of panic could be seen in her mum's eyes, "well...may...maybe not... not EVERYTHING, everything," she stuttered. "Not just yet okay?" She added to let her daughter feel more at ease and also, to let her know that there would be a time when it would be okay.
Alex smiled reassuringly at her mother to let her know she understood, "no worries, I'll keep the REAL good stuff for when you're ready." She smirked at her mum and then set off into her tale. She couldn't help but let the smart ass in her come out; she hadn't had the chance to be herself around her mum in years, it felt good to be back in it the way she used to be.
She told her about how they first met, about how she had saved her from Jodie, and how the two had begun to hang out. She told her about how she had stolen, literally and figuratively, Alex's heart, she talked about how fun and great things were, eventually, she told her mother about the beginning of their downfall, their confrontations, and ultimately, she talked about the bonfire and the boy who stole her away.
When she was done she had shed quite a few more tears, but her mum had been quick to hug her daughter closer to her and wipe those tears away. The older woman took in a deep breath; it was after all a lot to process.
Alex began to fear she had said to much, she was about to start apologizing when her mum broke the silence. "My God!" She hugged her daughter tightly once again, "I am SO sorry sweet cheeks! I am so sorry I ever thought your feelings for girls to be a phase. I am so sorry I wasn't there for you after what happened in Newport... Sweet cheeks, you felt more for her then I ever did with my first love." She hugged her daughter once again.
"Mum?" Alex questioned.
"I'm just saying, I've seen how you've been since you've come back, don't get me wrong I was crest fallen when I lost Mike... but soon enough I was able to get back on my feet, and he and I had been together for well over a year. You're telling me you were with her for only a little over two months and you are more torn up then I ever was."
Alex wasn't sure what her mum was trying to get at. "All I'm saying is you must have had the real thing, and from what you've told me, even if you believe something different, I think she did love you too... just as much, she was just afraid of reality. Real life can be scary, especially when it's something that isn't looked upon as 'normal' in a society like Newport."
Alex grunted and flopped back down on her bed, "why does everyone keep telling me that today?"
It was her mother's turn to look confused, "what?"
Alex sighed, "I mean... Roxy told me the same thing like two hours ago."
Elizabeth looked at her daughter, "Roxy?"
"Right... um, the girl I was sort of seeing but not really?"
The older woman nodded and signalled for her to keep on.
"I went out tonight with her. We went to a show, and then both of us had too much to drink, so... we took a cab to her place, watched a movie while we drank some more; that resulted in a heated make out session and mid way through ripping each other's clothes off... I freaked and would have run, but she stopped me..."
She took a breath, "I don't know how she knew... we never spoke of her or what happened in Newport, but somehow she knew and she called me out on it, but in a good way and she told me I should still fight for her."
"Maybe she's right, I mean as of right now, you can't even move on because it's still plaguing your mind. Even a girl you've only known for a few weeks could tell you were still hung up on her." Elizabeth took her daughter's hand in her own and took a deep breath, "maybe you ought to call her. See how she is, maybe you'll get the closure you need, or maybe... maybe you'll be lucky; and things will be better than you could imagine."
Alex scoffed, "Yea, and pigs will fly!"
The older woman looked at her daughter, "hey, you know, the Alex that left here used to believe in love, in fact, she denied her faith, the faith I'd raised her with, telling me she'd rather have faith that one day she'd find a feeling so strong, that nothing could tear it down. That that feeling would be love, and that, that love would become her God. Because she didn't want to believe that something that was supposed to represent hope could be so closed minded as to deny where love would sprout. That the love she'd find would never discriminate."
She took a deep breath, "my daughter's parting words to me will forever be etched into my mind, she told me; 'may you find your peace with God on your quest to absolution, for I shall find peace within myself on my quest to find love. And with those words, that strong willed daughter of mine left the house." Elizabeth looked at her daughter, "you were so strong back then Alex, I couldn't have been more proud of you. As much as I didn't approve and you defied everything I believed in, your beliefs were so strong, they led you to find your way. And now, here you are, I see you, I see the strength you held then still shining brightly; but I can also see your that your quest has weakened your soul. But you know what?"
Alex shook her head with tears brimming in her eyes, "don't lose your faith now. You never know what tomorrow may bring, for I know when you walked out, I started to lose my faith, but when you came back, I felt my prayers had been answered. As much as I was horrible to you and we shared so many differences, I was so afraid I'd lose you. And every night, I prayed he'd bring you back. I started to lose faith, this was the one thing I'd always believed in and it had wedged a gap between us. But you came back, and with that, so did my faith."
She took another shaky breath, she now also had tears in her eyes, "you know what that made me realize Alexis?"
Alex shook her head again, and even though she had been paying attention, hearing her mother use her full name made her sit up straight, the way she used to as a kid.
Elizabeth smiled when she saw this, "I realized that no matter how much our faith has hurt us, no matter how much you think it's left you, it never really does. It tests us, so don't lose faith Alex, don't lose the one thing that's made you into the strong woman you are today.
Elizabeth leaned down and hugged her daughter, "I'm sorry I ever hurt you, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, I'm sorry I ever doubted you. But I love you, more then you know sweet cheeks. You're going to be okay." And with that, she kissed the top of her head and made for the door, she knew Alex had to think things over.
As she turned the knob, she heard Alex's strangled voice, "mum?"
The older Kelly turned around, "I'm sorry too, and..." she took a deep breath, "I forgive you... you know." She could see the tears building in her mum's eyes, "I understand why you did what you did... I'm just happy were okay again."
Her mother smiled at her and mouthed a silent thank you. She hadn't realized how much she had longed to hear her daughter utter those words. "Get some rest; I have a feeling the next few days are going to be insane!"
Alex nodded and turned back around; her mother threw her daughter one last look as she closed the door.
She made her way into the kitchen where she found her husband.
When he heard his wife he looked up. "So..."
She looked up and met his gaze, she saw him move closer once he saw the tears that were now freely flowing from her own eyes. "Sweet heart, what's wrong?"
"Sh... she forga... ve me," she managed between sobs.
Dave was glad to hear his family was finally getting back together he was about to pull his wife in for a hug when she pushed him away slightly. He looked at her confusion apparent upon his features.
"I'm sorry Dave, I'm sorry I made you kick her out, I'm sorry I ever let anything come in between our family. I was afraid and I let what my parents had taught me come in between our relationship with our only daughter. I'm sorry for the pain I know I caused you too, throughout these past few years."
Dave looked at his wife, when he'd sent her into his daughter's room, he thought the least that would happen, was that they would both be a little more open with each other, he hadn't expected a full blown reconciliation.
He pulled his wife in a tight embrace as her tears kept falling onto his shirt, "shh... it's okay honey, everything's going to be okay now. I am so proud of you, I love you." He heard a faint mumble against his chest. He hadn't heard, but he had a feeling he knew what she had said, he leaned in close to her ear and whispered, "for what it's worth, I forgave you long ago. I'm just happy we're okay again."
As she heard her husband utter the same words her daughter had, she cried a little more, but this time, there was an underlying feeling of happiness, she chuckled lightly, "she really is your daughter you know?"
Dave looked at his wife confused but she just waved it off as she slowly removed herself from his comforting frame. She turned around once more as she set to her task of making breakfast. Once their gaze met, she mouthed a silent thank you to him as well; both for his forgiveness and for making her face her demons. And with the smile he flashed her, she knew he understood.
The following morning arrived much too early for Marissa, she woke up with a pounding, head splitting head ache. She was momentarily lost not knowing where she was but when she turned over she saw a picture frame with the Cohen's Christmas family picture, from the first winter Ryan had lived with them.
She slowly made her way out of the bed and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She saw a ghost of the girl she used to be; her hair was dishevelled and it looked as dry as it felt. You could tell she'd lost weight, her cheekbones even more pronounced then they already were. Her eyes were swollen from her crying fit last night, they were also red and puffy; the over-sized shirt she was wearing was doing nothing but hiding her thinned, already thin frame.
What she hated most however, was the lost look she could see in her own eyes; it was in that moment, that she finally realized what she had become. Her frail frame, the look in her eyes, everything, she realized in that moment that she had done nothing but self-destruct. Of course she knew that's what she had been doing from the start, but it had finally sunk in.
In her now sober state, the events from the previous day hit her hard, how she had yelled at her mother and her best friend. Deep down, she knew that both had wanted nothing but to help each other to find a way to help her. She knew today would be a long and excruciating day. Seeing herself there, in the Cohen's guest room because she had run away from everything that had a semblance of security, she knew she had to change. She had to become a better person; she had to be the person Alex had shown her she could be.
"If I do this, then, maybe I can try and find Alex, talk to her... this has gone on long enough, I need to make things right..."
She went into the bathroom and washed up, she put on her clothes from the previous night and made her way down in the kitchen, she had wanted to stop by Seth's room to thank the boy for his support yesterday, but she saw his door open and figured he would be downstairs.
She made her way into the kitchen where the Cohen clan were happily eating breakfast. Kirsten was the first to notice her, when she saw her adopted son's girlfriend standing there looking like a ghost she couldn't help the pained look that crossed her eyes. Marissa saw this, but only gave a small smile.
"Hi sweetie, did you sleep okay?" The blonde woman asked her.
Marissa simply nodded but immediately regretted doing so for her headache reminded her of its presence. Kirsten saw this and reached into the cabinet to get her two Tylenols. Seth had told his parents what had happened the night before, he also had asked them not to tell Ryan. Kirsten gave them to the girl and she thanked her.
"Marissa hey, you feeling better?"
She smiled at Seth, "yea, I wanted to thank you for last night... I don't think I ever did eh?"
"It's all good! Heroes don't do their job for the fame!"
All four laughed, "did you let your mum know where you were?" Sandy asked the taller girl when the small round of laughter subsided.
"No, but I'm going to go over there soon... I think I need to talk to Ryan before though."
The three Cohen's shared a look then looked back at her. She saw the look they were giving her and only smiled, "I need to make amends today."
Seth looked at her and gave her a reassuring smile, he knew what the girl meant, his parents just shared another look but told her he was still in the pool house. She thanked them and went through the door.
After the door closed Kirsten looked at her son, "what does she mean?"
"Honestly? I'm not sure, but I think she's going to break up with him."
Sandy looked at his son, "and you, Seth Cohen are not about to intervene?"
Seth looked at both his parents, "oh trust me, I already am!" And with that he got up and went into his room.
When Alex woke up, she noticed her room was much darker than it had been when her mum was there. Rolling away from the wall, she looked at the clock. "Six fifteen... shit," she whispered softly as she realized she'd slept through the day. "Thank God I don't work tonight," she thought to herself. She got up and made her way to the door.
She could smell the faint delicate odours of her mother's chicken pot pie. She realized after all this time; her mother still knew how to make her feel better. She could hear her parents downstairs, talking and laughing; she smiled to herself. It was like when she was younger, before she started getting into trouble. Her folks weren't down there yelling and arguing like they used to, especially after she had come out.
She shook herself out of it, and took a step back towards her bed. She sat down and started to think over what everyone had told her. She decided that maybe they were all right, maybe she should call her, like her mother had said, maybe she could even get the closure she needed... "Maybe something more will come out of it..." she sighed as she picked up her phone. She thought it through once again, and then thought about what to say... she sighed one last time as she flipped her phone open.
As she was about to start dialling that all too familiar number when her phone rang, it rang that all too familiar song she had learned to associate with only one person. "Hello?" She answered trying to contain her smile from breaking through.
A couple of hours later, the floor was officially littered with empty beer bottles, they were halfway through their third movie and three quarters of the way through the case of beer. Alex had stopped drinking as many though, about halfway through the second movie, her mind wasn't where she wanted it to be. She found the boys bottle of vodka, of course, they weren't happy to see their girl hurt like that, hurt so bad she felt she had to wash it away with crystal clear liquid, but both knew that with time she'd talk. And if not time wasn't enough.. then alcohol would do it. Especially at the rate she was going at it.
The credits started to roll and Dylan got up to put in a new movie in. That's when he heard Alex start to mumble, Joe had gone out for a smoke, so he turned around, he was all ears for his friend.
"You.. yknow," she had a hard time forming a decent sentence without slurring at this point, "whaJoe said bfore...it...it twas a lie."
Dylan made his way back to her, "what did Joe say that was a lie?" He kept calm, it was the best thing to do. Losing his cool meant things would get out of hand, she'd shut down even more, and that would ultimately hurt more.
Joe had come back in only pick up the last part of Dylan's sentence. When he walked in, he saw Alex was starting to talk, so he took a seat as well, "I lied?" He asked her.
