Another month past by. I searched for Charlie, I found nothing. I knew I needed to speak to the Cullen's.
I wanted to be stronger before I faced them again. Being that weak, broken, vulnerable little girl wasn't who I was anymore. And I needed to portray that.
My shield wasn't easy to control, it took every fibre inside of me to learn to open and shut it. And as long as I didn't get worked up, I dint open and close it without knowing. My emotions were probably the hardest thing to conquer though.
I didn't m ow why Edward did was he did to me. I wasn't sure that I was ready to hear any kind of excuse either. But I was ready to be apologized to. I needed to hear the rest of the family out before I made such judgements.
Seeing emmet stand amongst them was really the eye opener for me. He stood, tall, strong and together. His betrayal much deeper than mine yet he stood, and he dealt. Emmett was one I'd bypassed during my time with Edward yet his utter confidence he portrayed just 4 weeks ago was something I admired and something I wanted to learn.
I set a date in my mind 3 weeks ago, I would be the women I wanted to by this time. And if not, I would fake it til I made it.
I brushed my hair, I put on clean, new clothing. It saddens me that this is a big step for me in that past 10 months. I was going to the Cullen's. I was getting my story, today!
It didn't take me long to make my way there, though no one was greeting me on the porch this time. My knees shook as I made my way up those 3 small steps. It took everything in me to lift my fist to knock on the big wooden door. Of course they heard me, he door was opened by a very sad looking Alice in a matter of seconds.
"Would you like to come in?" There was no beat to her voice, she looked down and still so tired.
"If that's okay…" I had no idea why this family still kept me around, or allowed me around. After all he running I've done.
Her eyes sparkled and she opened the door wide and waved her arm. "Please sit," she rang.
I tried hard to avoid the piano but my head still lifted to look. Where once sat a grand, beautiful piano, now sat a wide open space. Slight grooves in the floor where it once stood. I was almost shocked. Maybe life for the Cullen's hadn't been how I pictured it.
Esme & Carlisle sat in their lounge, almost too quiet. Scared to scare me. I smiled, I had too.
"Hello, thank you for inviting me in.." I started
Esme didn't run to hug me like before. I felt the guilt rolling off her. I then started to feel guilty myself. Maybe I had totally misjudged everyone. Maybe I've spent the last 10 months by myself for no reason. These questions ate me alive.
"We've missed you Bella, you're always invited in our home."
The warmth that rolled of Esme's ice tongue was felt thought out the room.
"I have a lot of questions." I wanted to get right to it. I couldn't deal with much more emotion. Not until I knew things.
I asked about Charlie first, my father never left my mind. I searched the woods of Forks for days, trying to find some sort of remains but nothing, just nothing.
Carlisle spoke with honesty, I could see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice when he told me that his disappearance shocked them too. They told me how they kept close eye on him. They told me how they saw Victoria murdering my mother and step father, they also told me how any future of them coming to save me ended with me dead.
They apologized for making that decision. They apologized for being selfish and not wanting me dead.
I wasn't sure how I felt about this. I was still dead. Everyone was dead. But, Victoria made those things happen. Not the Cullen's.
Carlisle explained how the scent they found the next day was neither vampire nor human. They searched for months but found nothing of my father. This new broke my heart. I was okay with learning any outcome of my father. But learning that he could be dead anywhere in the world with no proper good bye wasn't okay with me.
"Thank you both, " I said as I got up
Alice stopped me before I could leave the house.
"Bella. Please." Alice looked so hurt, it was hard for me to not forgive her right there.
Just the past hour of people interaction was enough to make me forgive them all. I didn't realize how lonely I had become.
"We didn't know. They never did it while we were around. They made split decisions to avoid my visions." She blurted it out so quickly, like she was afraid I'd bolt and she'd never have a chance to say anything to me again.
"Okay." I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to react.
