.x Pandora's Box x.
.
"The human heart has hidden treasures,
In secret kept, in silence sealed;
The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures,
Whose charms were broken if revealed."
-Charlotte Brontë
Selfish
It had seemed like a wondrous idea when it was first proposed to her.
For the first time in her life, she would be among her peers. She would be valued, not as a mother, but as a sister, a companion, and a friend.
A friend.
The words had sounded so foreign to her - her who had been trapped for decades with a younger brother. The prospect and the idea that she would be apart of something so big, and in a small guarded community where she would be adorned, was almost too much to handle.
She wouldn't lie. She was never intrigued by the proposal of near immortality. She wasn't urged on by a deep resentment of males. She wasn't particularly fond of the idea of a nomadic and warrior lifestyle. In fact, she quite disliked that in its entirety.
But what she agreed was to be needed. To be a friend, and to have friends. To be able to share a bond unlike any other with other girls like her. To be a personal companion to a goddess - to finally have someone take care of her.
There was no second thought to her decision. There was not even a moments hesitation - only a question and an answer. Would it have come as any surprise the deep regret that followed?
~o~
There were no words to describe the hurt that she had seen on Nico's face when she told him of her decision.
Nothing could have possibly have described what she had seen, nor what her brother must have felt.
But she stood by it.
She stood by her choice because it was the right one. She knew it was the right choice. She thought it was the right choice. She would be protecting him, indirectly that was. She was leaving him in good hands, and in the care of good people. He would be happy, and he would have his place, just as she would have hers.
He needed to grow up. He needed to learn to live a life from beneath her wings, and to be able to fend for himself. She was doing the right thing. He was hurt deeply, but she refused to back down. He would forgive her in the long run, he would thank her in the end. He would see, she was doing the right thing, she was doing this for him.
Bullshit. She was doing this for herself.
~o~
The moment she saw the figurine, she knew she had to have it.
The small, nagging voice in the back of her head told her to leave it be, the goddess' warning playing in her head. But she couldn't leave it. It reminded her too much of her darling little brother. The very same brother she had left behind.
It had only been a few days, but...she couldn't forget the look on his face. She tried to push it aside, to shrug it off, to reason with herself. But it wasn't working. So it made logical sense to get the figurine.
It would serve as a small token from her to him, showing him, proving to him, that she will not forget him, and that no matter what, she would always be thinking of him. She would get it for him.
Lies. She was getting it to soothe her conscience.
~o~
Perhaps it was karma, or maybe some sort of divine retribution what was happening to her.
She felt the heat rising, knowing all too well what would happen in a few moments.
She didn't scream, she couldn't scream... but she could sob. Her mouth refused to open, the smoke already deep within her throat, but she felt it. The pain, not from the flames, but from her heart. She could feel it welling up inside her, and she could hear it escaping in muffles from within her.
She watched as the flames rise, the daunting end coming closer and closer. The tears were falling, dried to her face almost instantly by the heat that was filling the small, enclosed space. It had come so unexpectedly, there was no way she could have escaped it.
In her hand she felt the imprint of the small figurine. She could have chuckled at the irony, had she had the time.
She had given it all up for the chance to have friends, to be a friend. She had given everything up to be valued, not as a mother, but as a sister, a companion, and a friend.
There lie her pain. She had given everything up, when she had already had it. She had had it all with Nico. For decades she had made herself his mother, when to him, she was all that she had wanted to be. She choked once more, a small, terrified whimper escaping her lips as she felt the flames grow nearer.
She had given everything up, for something she already. She had left her brother, given him up, abandoning him at a moments notice to do what she wanted. The only family she had left she threw aside for a person she didn't know, for acceptance with people she didn't know. She had given everything up for her own selfish desire, and maybe that's why this was happening to her.
Had she stayed with her brother, her ten year old brother, she would have been fine. She would be scolding him right now, or listening to him babble on about his game. But she wasn't.
She felt the imprint burning into her palms. She hated letting it go. Letting it go as she had let her brother go. She choked back one last sob as she felt the fire sear her delicate skin.
The flames engulfed her, her sobs turning to screams. Her last regret was that she would never be able to tell him how sorry she was - that she would never be able to apologize for how selfish she had been. She deserved it. But Nico didn't.
And even to her end she was selfish. She would be gone, but he'd still be there. Hurting for her, missing her. He would carry the pain.
She let out one final scream.
She had been so selfish.
A brief A/N: There really are no words to describe how completely disgusting I feel for not updating sooner. It's been nearly a year, if not already, since the last update and I'm terribly sorry. However, I won't pretend for a moment that I knew what to write. To say that I had hit a writer's block would be an understatement. It was more of me losing every ounce of inspiration and just plain not being able to write. Words wouldn't come, and eventually, I wouldn't have time. This was a terrible year for me, and while that is no excuse for the delay, I am hoping that you would forgive me, or at least understand where I'm coming from. Once again I apologize to all my readers for the wait.
Next Chapter: Prejudice
For old times' sake, "Review s'il vous plaît ^_^"
