CHAPTER SEVEN
Then everything went dark.
In that instant darkness Artemis tensed, scared, but forced his breathing rate to slow and shallow while he remembered what Butler had told him to do if he were ever blindfolded.
First, check for restraints on feet – you'll need to know if you need to run. Artemis moved one leg, then the other – Unbound, at this point, anyway.
Second, check for handcuffs or other similar devices around the wrists – try not to move while doing this, instead check for materials and pressure. Artemis concentrated on the pressure and texture on his wrist. Bare hands, strong grip, not mean, but the slightest pressure. Then, for a second, the grip was gone. Artemis didn't move. If his captor was cuffing him, movement could get his captor angry and his cuff would be too tight – and that's if the captor didn't shoot him instead. No cuffs were placed around the boy's wrists but the hand switched. This hand was bigger, stronger, more powerful, and coarser.
Third, figure out if you're blindfolded. Blindfolds only truly cover your eyes, so your breathing is hardly affected, whereas if you have a bag over your head, depending on the fabric, you are very much in trouble. Plus, if it's a blindfold there's a better chance of getting it off. From the amount of air hitting his face and the pressure on his ears, Artemis assumed it was a blindfold. He shook his head a couple times, double checking and trying to ease off the supposed blindfold.
Fourth, listen. First listen for the voices and movements of other victims. Then listen for the voices and movements of the captors. Actually, the two were interchangeable, but as his family was with him, Artemis chose them over the unknown quantity. He heard very little, merely general mumbling and shuffling footsteps. He couldn't tell who was good and who was bad. All the while he kept trying to rid himself of the blindfold, although he did it as stealthily as he could, masking headshakes with coughs.
Finally, five, wait. Butler would finish his lectures on capture here. "You'll know an escape when it comes, in the meantime, keep following the instructions. And don't talk. You might miss something. But you never know; I might even be there before you need an escape." At this point, Butler would chuckle before becoming deadly serious again. "Never, I mean, never, try to run. Whoever has you will only punish you. It could be very little – tight cuffs, a slap on the wrist, a flick in the ear – or it could be everything – a cigarette burn, a stab in the arm, or even a shot with a gun. Don't push it. And remember; always try to figure out where you are and where they're taking you." And that is exactly what Artemis did. He did as Butler had instructed him and waited in silence.
While he was silently waiting Artemis felt a pressure over his ears and the little noise he could hear disappeared, to be replaced with the dull silence and muffled breaths that accompanied heavy-duty noise-proofing devices – or, big, clunky, over-priced headphones.
The hands on his wrists tightened as he was pushed forward. He stumbled forward, lurching slightly to the side as he hit a metal wall. An elevator door, he surmised. Then the door opened and he was dragged inside. Once inside the small metal box, he felt a hand slip into his jacket and pull out his wallet – and left something small inside. Artemis's first thought was, of course, a micro-bomb. That was, after all, the obvious conclusion. But, being unable to hear or see, he had the whole elevator ride and walk to wherever he was being taken (okay, he was pushed and dragged there, but still) to mull over the riddle.
And he finally believed he solved it – it involved fake silver and the Mexican Janitors' Association of the Czech Republic and the UK (what a fiasco that had been – two months in a Turkish prison and no internet connection, not that Artemis actually went to prison… per say…).
There were muffled voices, and then Artemis was led around a bit more, knocking his shins on some low stairs before being forced to sit. Then he waited, a little worried, for his captors to identify themselves and threaten him. And the wait was pure torture, his heart beating loudly in his ears and adrenaline pumping through his veins. He was greatly disappointed in himself – he thought he had a better control over his emotions. Curse his primal instincts that might save his life.
So he was shocked when he was shoved roughly into a chair and his headphones and blindfold came off to reveal a birthday-cake and rousing rendition of 'Happy Birthday'. Artemis, slightly disoriented, looked around, recognizing the fancy Italian restaurant and his family (as well as the Butlers and Holly) surrounding him. He gaped slightly at the people, his family, which surrounded him – they were all dressed to the nines, as the expression goes. Holly looked spectacular wearing a strapless emerald green dress with gold thread weaved throughout in intricate Celtic designs. She wore gold clovers in her earlobes and he realized that her ears must be pierced. He stared at her in wonder, then shook himself and continued to glower around the restaurant, around the table.
When Holly noticed him looking around she leaned in and whispered in his ear: "It was my idea to take you hostage – it's not fun, is it? And I bet you thought it was those Mexican Janitors of Turkey, or whom ever you sold fake spoons to, eh?"
"I'll kill you," Artemis whispered back before blowing out the sixteen candles on his scrumptious chocolate mousse cheesecake.
"Arty," Angeline said, after everyone had their cake, "we were going to make a meal of it here, but we were running late. I hope that's okay with you."
"It is fine, Mother – Mum. We'll be fed at the school, anyway," Artemis said, taking a small amount of the cake onto his dessert fork (or, he thought, his dessert trident).
Once everyone had eaten their first slice of cake, gifts were handed around the table to Artemis. Juliet gave him a tie (maroon with black argyle), Beckett gave him a CD (The Script), Myles gave him a textbook (Hypnosis for Dummies), Butler gave hi m a finger-print lock, and his parents gave him an iPad, pre-loaded with many interesting Apps. Holly then passed him an envelope. He opened it and pulled out the card, read it, opened it, then shut it before having even read it.
"What does it play?" He hissed at her, glaring at the card as though it were Medusa's head.
"The ABCs," she grinned. He opened the card. She had lied. He would get even. But in the card there had been a gift-card for iTunes and a note: 'Don't look in your pocket yet – it's a surprise!'
After everyone had finished their cake, which took a lot longer and cost a lot more than it should have, Holly and Artemis headed into bathrooms to change into their uniforms. When they emerged Holly looked the part she would be playing for a bit – a prepubescent boy and Artemis looked the same; then they once again piled into limo, and were once again on their way to school.
This ride, though shorter, was far more, well to be nice, irritating. Holly and Artemis both lost to Beckett at Disney Scene-It, and lost to Myles at Disney Charades. They were then told to brush up on their Disney trivia, which led to them watching the Jungle Book; then the Lion King; and then the Little Mermaid; and finally Peter Pan. All of which would have been fine, had Artemis and Holly not been commenting the whole time.
During the Jungle Book, Artemis pointed out that there are a great number of cases of animals raising human children, one of which includes a child that was raised by chickens. That movie was turned off quite soon afterwards when Holly and Artemis began arguing Nature versus Nurture.
During the Lion King, Holly just couldn't stop crying… and neither could Artemis. It was pathetic, so the movie was switched.
The Little Mermaid caused a great discussion about underwater architecture and the stereotypical Atlantis versus the Original Atlantis and the Modern Atlantis. Also the topic of the mythical mermaid was brought forward and Artemis began to recount folklore, with Holly occasionally adding this and that for effect. Myles and Beckett got bored, so the movie was replaced.
Peter Pan was a waste of effort. The television was turned off almost immediately, as both Holly and Artemis became vehement at the sight of Tinkerbelle. There is no point in going in to detail, suffice to say that the phrase 'endorsing stereotypes' was repeated, over, and over, and over…
It was heavenly when they finally arrived at St. Bart's and everyone had to vacate the limo so that Holly and Artemis could go to school.
Four boys, two school-aged, two younger, emerged from the Fowl limo. Everyone stared, not at Artemis, or his friend, but at Juliet who was still wearing the clothes she had worn at the restaurant – a lilac cocktail dress, low-cut, short and tight, revealing her perfect athlete's body. Boys gaped at her and glared with envy at the Fowl and his friend, both of whom hugged the girl and kissed her cheek. Then the Fowls returned to their limo and left, leaving Artemis Fowl the Second and his friend standing in the middle of the drive.
Holly looked at Artemis. "Here goes nothing," she muttered as the headmaster, one Dr. Poe, approached the pair from across the lane.
