The night went by quickly and restlessly. Wyatt nursed every couple of hours and the nurses came to check on me every couple of hours and the two things never seemed to happen at the same time.
Now it is morning and my dad just left to get me some not hospital food breakfast and Emily just got here with my stuff.
"How ya feeling?" she asks.
"Just tired." And she laughs and tells me that doesn't end. Awesome.
Then she asks if Kim and Billy can come visit today and I say of course so she goes out to call them.
I start thinking about Emmett, how great he's been since the wedding and how absolutely amazing he was yesterday. I really hope we can be friends. But would he really want to be friends with me after all he saw? Emily walks in and I guess I'm somewhere else because she yells at me.
"What were you thinking about?" She looks amused.
"Um, nothing…"
"Nothing named Emmett?" Aggh! I've never been a good liar and I know I can't lie to Emily.
"Um well, yeah I mean he's just been a great friend and I hope I didn't scare him off ya know? I could just really use a friend here." Then I start crying because I shouldn't be thinking about another man. Not even as a friend. I just had Jacob's baby! He's only been dead four months. I don't need friends. Especially hot male friends.
"First off, I seriously doubt Emmett would have volunteered to be here with you if he didn't care about you so I doubt you scared him off. And second, Jacob wouldn't be upset with you for having a friend. Even a super hot, quarterback friend that happened to attend his son's birth. Nothing that makes you happy could ever make Jacob upset. Even if one day Emmett, or not even Emmett, was more than a friend. He would want you to move on. Find someone to be a good father for Wyatt."
Damn Emily and her mind reading. I know she's right about Jacob wanting me to be happy. But I am in no way ready to consider being in a relationship. With Emmett or anyone else. I don't think I will ever be ready for that.
Then my dad shows up with my breakfast and the doctor comes in and tells me I should be able to leave tomorrow morning and I'm overwhelmed all over again.
Then Emmett walks in and all worry melts away only to be replaced by guilt. Lots of guilt, because I shouldn't be this happy to see him. Jacob would not approve of this much happiness I'm sure. Mind read Emily whispers in my ear making it look like she is just getting closer to Wyatt that everything is fine, I can't help the way I feel and I shouldn't have to.
"Hey sweetie, I brought Wyatt a present." He called me sweetie and brought my son a present. He's not helping the situation.
The guilt takes over and I burst into tears and he looks confused and maybe hurt and Emily quickly assures him it's just hormones. I open the present and it is a tiny Seahawks jersey with a little stuffed bear. I tell him thank you and he hugs me and I hold on a little too tightly but he doesn't seem to mind. Soon Kim and Billy show up and the room gets crowded. So Charlie walks down to the cafeteria with Emily and Emmett leaves telling me he will call me soon.
"Bella, what's wrong? For someone who just had perfectly healthy little boy you sure look upset." Billy asks and what am I supposed to say? Well even though your son just died a few months ago I think I might have feelings for someone else.
No, I don't know what I'm supposed to say but that is not it.
Then Emily comes back.
"Kim, I know you just got here but can you please go find Charlie? I need to tell Bella and Billy something in private." Kim looks hurt but she knows Emily is not the type of person to do things just to be mean. "Just for a few minutes Kim, I'm so sorry. I will explain when I can. It's nothing about you. It's something Bella would probably me not even know but I do."
What is she talking about? I'm not telling Billy about Emmett!
Kim leaves and Emily looks at me, waiting for something that's not going to happen.
"Bella has feelings for Emmett Cullen and she thinks she's a terrible person and that you will hate her and Jacob will hate her…" She suddenly blurts out.
Seriously? She is supposed to be my best friend! And I'm very close to hating her right now.
"I'm so sorry but Billy will tell you it's OK and then you don't have to feel so guilty every time you see him. Because I know you want to see him and I know he wants to see you! And I loved Jacob too and I would never do anything that I thought would betray him! And Sam agrees with me" she says softly.
"Emily, get the hell out of my room. Just go home. I cannot believe you would tell Sam something I never even told you. I don't need this drama. I am in the flipping hospital! I just had a baby and my husband is dead and yes maybe I feel something for Emmett but I don't plan on doing anything about it! He is my friend and will continue to be just that. My friend!"
"Bella…"
"Out!" and she leaves and I burst into tears and Billy tries to hug me but I stop him.
"Why would you want to comfort me? Didn't you hear her? Maybe she shouldn't have said it but it doesn't make it any less true. I do have feeling for Emmett. Seeing him makes me happy at a time I should be miserable."
"Oh Bella, no one wants you to be miserable! We are all sad that Jacob couldn't be here but just the fact that he isn't here should be reason enough to be happy for what we do have. Life is too short to be miserable."
"Aren't you mad at me?" I whisper.
"For your feelings? Of course not! And while I do think you should take any new relationship slow because I know you are still hurt and vulnerable over Jacob I don't think you should hide from them either. Especially since it seems like this boy has feelings for you as well, Emily usually isn't wrong about things like that."
"I don't want a relationship. I just want him to be my friend."
"Then be his friend. But if something more does happen don't feel bad for it." He goes to hug me and this time I let him.
"You need to talk to Emily." He tells me.
"Emily is dead to me." And I know it's dramatic and probably won't last long but I am hormonal and tired.
Kim comes back in and I catch her up on everything then we talk about my favorite topic. My beautiful baby boy.
Finally that night it is just me and dad and I drift off to sleep dreaming of Jacob again. I will never love like I love you my Jacob.
