Howdey, hi, hello, G'day. Yes I know its been forever but life has a way of doing this sort of stuff. Its the most horrible thing life can throw at people like us, it is called a 'writer's block'. But in a way it wasn't so much of a block cos I've been writing a bunch of other stories for you guys too. I have one completed story in need of typing, one mostly finished and the one being rewritten...that's gonna take a while. But to make it up to you guys I've given you an extra long chapter, more than twice as long as usual so enjoy!
He hadn't spoken to her all week, ever since that night at the vineyard he hadn't said a word. He didn't even look at her anymore. What had she done wrong? Had she done anything wrong? Or was it just something to do with him? She was beginning to hate him, she wanted to know what had gone wrong but unless he spoke to her she would never find out. Or maybe there were other ways to get to the truth.
Buffy walked gracefully up the stairs and into Dawn's room. Dawn and Spike were close; maybe she could ask him what was wrong. Knocking quietly on the door, she was quickly answered with an invite. So in she went.
"Um, Dawn?"
Dawn looked up from the magazine she was reading on her bed. "Hi Buffy, what's up?"
Buffy took a deep breathe. "Remember last Saturday, the wedding? How I spent the whole time outside with Spike?"
"Oh yeah, I heard you two were really enjoying yourselves."
Buffy paused, she wasn't quite sure what rumours Dawn had heard or how far they went. "Well, he hasn't spoken to me since. He won't even look at me. Whenever I walk into a room he leaves before I can get close enough to talk to him. Sometimes he leaves before I even get there. I was wondering if maybe you could talk to him for me. I know its pretty high school but I just can't get him to stand still."
Dawn thought about this, one conclusion coming to mind as to why Spike was behaving so strangely. "Sure, I can do that."
"Really? Thank you so much Dawn."
"Yeah, don't mention it."
Buffy then figured she would go back downstairs and read some of the vampire books that were always buried the lounge room, to make it at least look like she had something to do.
Dawn put her magazine away, stretched out the kinks in her legs and went downstairs and into the kitchen. Standing outside the basement door she stopped, she hadn't been down here for years. No one except Spike went down there anymore; if something was needed he would get it. After his girlfriend had been killed, everyone gave him as much space as they could. She was the first person he lost and to lose her in such a way it was torture. But she was gone and now there was Buffy and Dawn was not going to let Spike play her like this if it had something to do with that girl.
The stairs creaked loudly to each of Dawn's steps; dust fell like a waterfall from under each stair. The dry, musty smell of the basement kept most of their visitors away from here, but to Spike it was like a memory of some place he had once called home. Dawn stepped down onto the concrete floor and spun around. Spike was sitting at his desk, just like he always was. He had a pile of parchment-coloured papers on the table, each with their own individual sketch of a woman. Spike was sitting there drawing more.
Dawn looked sadly at the floor; maybe she should come back another time. No, if she let her own curiosity linger she would drive herself crazy. It was now or never.
She spoke quietly. "Spike?"
He didn't sound at all surprised that she was there. "What can I do for you Niblet?"
"I wanted to talk…about Buffy."
Snap! The tip of his pencil broke. "Right, Buffy, your sister."
"Yeah, that's the one."
Spike turned around to face Dawn properly. "What about her?"
"Well, that night of the wedding she had such a wonderful time with you and then afterwards you just started ignoring her for no reason. But if there is a reason, she hasn't got a clue what it is so she wants you to tell her but you keep doing the avoiding-thing. Since she can't get you to talk to her she asked me to talk to you instead. So start talking." She commanded.
Spike paused. Was it time to tell someone other than himself why it was not such a good idea for him and Buffy to be together?
"Drusilla."
"What?"
It had been so long since he had said her name. "Drusilla is the reason."
"I hate to tell you this but Drusilla is dead, has been for a long time, a few years at least. You really need to get over her."
"How can I possibly do that when I have to spend every bleeding second of my life thinking about how I am gonna kill her? She died once and for me to have to kill her again…"
"It's not her anymore. Drusilla is dead and gone, what you keep fretting about is a demon who only looks and sounds like Dru. But it's not her, Spike. But Buffy is real; she's alive and has a beating heart and everything. So stop ignoring her."
"Dawn …I got close to Drusilla. I loved her and Angelus took advantage of my feelings and killed her right in front of me. It was by pure luck that I got out of there alive but the fact that it killed me to watch that bastard snake all over her like she was a toy was enough. As long as he never knows how I feel for Buffy she will remain safe…at least until she stuffs up again. I can't be with her or she'll end up dead too and that is the last thing I want for her"
"Spike! It happened once, it doesn't mean that its gonna happen again. Look at it this way; Angelus treated Drusilla like a doll, he's done it once and now it's old. Is he really gonna do that same thing twice? That's really not like him."
"That only means that he will try something different Dawn! He may not sire her this time; maybe he will torture her until she dies of a heart attack! Or maybe he'll tie her up and do god knows what…" his voice became a cold whisper, "…playing with her until she's too weak to scream." He stopped for a few minutes. "I can't watch him do it again Dawn, I can't watch while he puts the woman I love through Hell, for kicks! I…I watched…I didn't, couldn't do anything for Dru, I just watched. I never want to have to go through that again and you can bet that Angelus is gonna do something much worse. The best thing to do is just leave it as it is."
Spike leapt out of his seat and threw it into the desk, making a loud bang and causing the pile of drawings to fly up into the air and float all over the floor. Disappearing into the shadowed corner, Spike didn't see Dawn kneel down and examine the pictures. There were ones of Drusilla, old pictures, dancing and laughing…singing. Mixed in were very new sketches.
A lot of them consisted of what looked like Buffy spinning in something rather alike to snow. She was spinning around and around with her arms in the air. Others showed her smiling, staring and even one or two of her blushing. All together, they told the story of Saturday night. Dawn looked over them with awe, she longed for someone who would take her on a date like the one she saw now. But of course this was far too fairytale to happen again.
"Spike…Drusilla is not coming back, and by the looks of things you've already fallen for my sister. You have every expression here."
"Dawn, Angelus drove Drusilla insane. That was the end result of his torture, her mind came undone and he decided that he liked insane people so he made her live forever. I watched her go insane. You remember how level-headed she was, so just imagine how much it took to drive her over the edge."
Dawn decided to shut up now. This really wasn't going anywhere; Spike would come around when he felt like it. There was no arguing with him once he got this far in the dark. Drusilla was better off dead in Dawn's opinion. She had been bad news from the beginning, always being so unpredictable and sometimes very weird, but she was sane enough for him. Then she got bit, Spike was close to losing his sanity and the only thing anyone could do was let him wallow in the darkness. He wouldn't let anyone get close to him after that. But now that Buffy was clearly a big part of his life Dawn began to fear the same thing Spike did: if Buffy died he would definitely lose it. Either go crazy himself, or die trying to get revenge.
She began to question herself how good an idea it was for her sister and Spike to be together. If Buffy was dating Spike, she would definitely get hurt one way or another. But then if she wasn't with him she would probably end up dead anyway without his training. It was really a tight problem. Dawn didn't know what to do. What was she going to tell Buffy? If she told her the truth and said that Spike was trying to protect her from Angelus she would most likely storm down here and start an argument that could go anywhere, but if she said something else…like what! Damn, this high school stuff was hard in the real world.
Dawn then remembered that it didn't have to matter tonight as it was a patrolling night, so no personal talk, just hunting down filthy blood-sucking fiends. Now was probably the best time to tell her. Leaving Spike with his thoughts and drawings, Dawn walked steadily up the stairs and went searching for her older sister; but she was no where to be found.
_____
"What really happened?"
Those were Buffy's first and only words she intended to use tonight in order to get the information she wanted from this particular vampiress. Willow had previously been making out with her boyfriend when they had been rudely interrupted by Buffy and her off-centre questions.
Xander spotted Buffy first. "Well, well, well it's the Buffster! I heard you were in town but I didn't really believe it."
Buffy ignored him, her only interest right now being Willow. "Tell me the truth about what's happened since I left. There are pieces that just don't fit, I mean…my mum was never a big believer in the dark side of things but she was definitely not stupid enough to get herself killed so easily. She may have been killed by a vampire but there's more to it. No one wants to talk to me about anything, it's like I'm nothing but a waste of space."
Willow looked excitedly at Xander; this was topic she was dying to share.
"Is that what they told you? That your mother was killed by a vampire? So, if the story has been told I'm guessing they remembered to tell you about Dawn, right? Or have they changed the story to their liking?"
Buffy frowned. "What about Dawn?"
A cruel grin grew across Willow's open lips, her blood-stained tongue seeping out like that of a snake.
"This is gonna be fun!"
The darkness in the graveyard loomed ever so close when Willow turned her body around to face Buffy sideways. She was sitting on Xander's lap while he sat upon the roof of a small crypt, just a little higher than Buffy's head. Twisting her arms around Xander like vines, her golden eyes glowed in the shadows; an image of a black cat with flaming hair could be seen from afar.
With a grimacing twist of her crimson lips, Willow proudly began the tale. "So I'm guessing there is plenty more that your friends have forgotten to tell you. Let's start back with your mother. What a sad and poor little whelp of a human being. She wasn't killed by vampires; she never even met a creature of the supernatural. You see, it all started with your sudden departure of Sunnydale. Joyce needed to stop thinking about you, so she started this wonderful hobby of drinking. She only ever left the house to go and spend the night in a miserable human bar. She drank and drank and drank…until her body couldn't take anymore. So in actual fact, she killed herself!"
Willow had said the last few words with more pleasure than any mortal creature could have musted. She rolled her head around like it was some sort of wonderful fantasy.
Buffy drew a sharp breath. She had been completely unaware of what she would really be discovering tonight.
"But before that…she didn't shop, she didn't cook, she didn't give a damn about little Dawnie anymore; it was like she wasn't even there. Why else would your uncle and aunt have moved in so soon? Dawnie was starving, thin as a rake and hadn't been to school in months. And with so much lack of attention from her own mother, do you know what things she started to do?"
A mind-splitting shiver ran down Buffy's spine and she stopped believing the lies in her head telling her that this was still her friend. This wasn't Willow, this creature was so dark and sadistic and Buffy was amazed she still had the same name, nothing else was alike. Not her looks, the way she spoke, even her eyes had changed.
"Did they also forget to tell you about Dawnie? She became a big problem and was nearly sent off to a boarding school on the other side of the country! She turned into a total klepto and even started a fire! What a lovely memory. You should have seen it… so beautiful. The colour was so intense it drew vampires from all over town. Boy was your sister in big trouble after that."
Buffy stared shockingly at Willow; she couldn't believe she had caused so much pain, while she had been living happily in the darkness her family had been suffering for all those years.
"You know your uncle tried to contact your dad, you wanna know what he said?" she asked.
Buffy looked up and shook her head, but Willow was having too much fun to stop now. "He said he was disappointed in both of you and that he wanted nothing more to do with the family, what a bastard."
Buffy shook her head. "Stop it! You're lying! Dawn would never steal!"
Xander was taking just as much if not more pleasure in the sight of his old friend than Willow was. "Better start believing the fact Buff, you're really out of the loop and no one in this stinking town is the same because of you."
"What?"
Willow released a laugh so sinister it would be a miracle if the stars themselves hadn't shivered. "Your world is built up on lies, Sweetie. Your mother is dead due to her own mistakes, your sister is hated all over town for the trouble she has caused and your noble uncle and aunty can't even walk down the street without everyone looking down on them; and all because of you and your feelings."
Buffy couldn't even begin to wrap her mind around all of this. It was hard enough to understand the lies and now she wished she had never spoken to Willow again, she wanted to believe the lies again, they were much better.
"Here's the stiff Buff, you ran away because some lame ass dork dumped you and now the whole town has gone to the dogs, us being the canines."
"Wait, how could my running-away act cause all of this?"
"How indeed, because we went looking for you, we cared for some stupid mortal reason and so we went looking for you. It was us that led the vampires back to the town and do I really have to go through all this again? You were always the smartest on the block, figure the rest out yourself."
Willow moved her body in an inhuman way in order to face Xander again, using his tight grip around her lower back to lean against. She almost folded herself backwards in order to make an offer to Buffy. She was done with the torture, but she had a horrible plan that was sure to end in disaster, her favourite kind of story. "So Buffy, kind of betting you wanna kill yourself now, well why waste such a good opportunity?" she asked. It took Buffy a few minutes to get over her shock long enough to process what Willow had said.
"What?" she asked, she hadn't even thought about death yet, so what was she trying to say?
"I mean, being a vampire is so much fun. You can do anything you want to; you can steal, kill, torture and get away with anything. Sound like fun?"
To finish it off, Willow licked the spats of still fresh blood off the tips of her teeth and grinned.
Buffy was freaked out enough by the visual but the words were too much; she ran off into the night having no plan as to where she was going.
______
Hours later she found herself in an unfamiliar area of Sunnydale, she had no idea where she was or how to find her way again. So she sat against the cold trunk of a dying tree and tried to think about what she had learnt. But the more she thought about it the more she wished she had never known. Having your best friend (or former best friend) tell you that you were completely to blame for the death of half a town was the worst thing to add to the rest of her useless life. She had never finished high school, never gone to college; she never even made it past 8th grade. The remaining town's folk hated her so she could never get a job here, and she didn't seem to be any good at anything but ruining people's lives.
How could she make her way through this life? What was the point? She was invisible to everyone; the only time anyone spoke to her was when someone asked her to pass over the toast or orange juice at the breakfast table.
She sat in a chilling silence for longer than she cared to remember, she continued to think about all aspects of her life, trying to find something worth living for. She quickly found that wherever her mind would lead her it always came back to the same person; Spike. He was the only one who noticed her, he was the only one who cared, and he had been avoiding her for days. He was the one who was gonna help her through this new world, he was gonna guide her, and he wouldn't even look at her.
_____
Deep in the dusty basement, Spike thought of Buffy. It pained him to be so far away from her, to try and pretend that she wasn't even there when every part of him was aching to touch her. He couldn't even look at her anymore, every time he saw her beautiful green eyes and her delicate skin he saw the horror that could be done to it. Every time he saw her he saw a corpse with hollowed eyes and bleeding skin, the same corpse he had been forced to watch, the corpse his Drusilla had become. He wanted nothing more than to keep Buffy from becoming the same tortured form, so if that meant keeping his feelings locked away then so be it.
As he lay on his bed he tried to keep himself awake by examining the ceiling, staring intently at every speck of dust that fell from between the boards. But slumber overtook him against his will and he fell into the same dream he had every night.
'Angelus was away, he was off feeding. It was the only time that Spike got any peace, or quiet at least. Peace was non but a distant dream, a fantasy. Peace and torture could not exist in the same house, and torture was very much here to stay.
Opposite where Spike was chained by the wrists and shins to the wall was another chained up figure. The poor girl's long dark hair curtained her face, messy and damaged, her whole face was covered. Spike was thankful for this, it was bad enough when she was awake, he would surely die if he had to look upon her face again. But his mind had mapped it out and he was haunted by the image anyway. Her quartz-coloured skin tainted with crimson blood, her dark eyes were nothing but hollow glass and her thin arms and legs could hardly work.
When Angelus returned he would be by her side once again, beating her even though she was already weaker than a ragdoll, spitting vile words at her face even though she was too tired to respond and always looking over at her lover, making sure he endured every single second of her merciless death. Watching as the feeling of helplessness slowly consumed him, eating him from the inside.
Spike couldn't move an inch, he couldn't get free, all he could do was watch and beg for her life. He heard a tiny plea and was horrified to discover that she had awoken. She used what little strength she had left to lift her head and look him directly in the eyes, her bottom lip quivering violently. She was so desperate, so weak, so very ready to die. She had stopped begging to be freed and had started begging him to kill her, to finally end it.
His heart was torn, he wasn't nearly as badly beaten as she was but he felt just as much pain. Every time he struck her down he felt it, every time he slashed at her with his sharp teeth he felt it. There was no hope for her anymore, even if she managed to escape she wouldn't survive; she would either die or be forever damaged. She would never be the fascinating, cheerful woman she had once been, she was dead, all that was left was her shell. Spike wished this was all a really bad dream, he wished and pleaded with the Powers That Be that this was nothing more than a nightmare…but he never woke up.
Why had the Fates decided to torture him so? To watch his beautiful dark goddess be brutalised so violently, it was inhuman and that only made the torture worse. Without a soul Angelus cared for none and with evil running through his distilled veins he loved nothing more than the worst. Spike knew his black beauty was already dead and he mourned her name. He swore he would never love another woman; he would never let anyone ever be put in her place again, even if it killed him.'
He woke with a start, he always did. Seeing her that way brought tears to his eyes. He had vowed he would never love again, but love couldn't be controlled, it had a mind of its own and it was pointing in the direction of Buffy. But she was so fragile, so much weaker than Drusilla. She wouldn't last a day under Angelus' hold, she would die much sooner and while he hardly knew her, Spike could tell that her death would hurt more than Dru's and that scared him. She was so beautiful, so young and sweet. It would destroy him if anything ever happened to her. He had to stay away from her.
Then he had a thought, was it the opposite? Was it better for him to be close by to protect her rather than to keep his distance? But if he did Angelus would notice how he felt for her sooner or later whether she knew or not. So why stay away? No matter what he did Angelus was gonna find out, he knew everything. So why not savour it while it lasted? Wouldn't it hurt more if she died and he never told her how he felt, never felt her soft lips on his or held her asleep in his arms?
Within seconds his mind was made up, he wanted her so much and he had treated her so badly. He needed to tell her, he needed her to forgive him, before it was too late. He shot off the bed and sped up the stairs. He went straight to the lounge room but she wasn't sleeping, he checked upstairs but she was nowhere to be seen. He found Dawn sitting on her bed reading an outdated magazine.
"Hey, Niblet, have you seen Buffy?"
"I thought you wanted to stay as far away from her as humanly possible while still living in the same house."
"Yeah, changed my mind; where is she?"
"Don't know, she disappeared right after you and I had our little chat. I'm guessing she doesn't wanna be found."
He understood what she meant, Buffy had overheard everything. 'Bugger'.
He shot out the front door moments later, she could be anywhere and this late at night she was in a minefield.
______
Buffy walked silently through the dark streets, taking no notice of the eyes that followed her. She was extremely tense, holding everything inside her. She wouldn't let herself break, not just yet. She looked around for somewhere to hide, and to her relief she was just outside the Magic Shop. Using the spare key hidden behind the brick, she unlocked the door and went inside, closing it behind her. She locked the door before turning away from the world, and then sunk into the darkness that filled the shop.
Buffy walked behind the counter and sat down on the floor, pushing herself as far into the corner as she could. She didn't want to be seen, she didn't want to be found. Letting herself go, tears began to pour from her eyes that were shut tightly. She sobbed quietly as the silence around her broke under her voice. The darkness seemed to close in all around her and in a strange way she felt almost safe.
People walked back and forth past the window, creating shadows that only lasted a moment. Buffy covered her hands over her face to muffle her sobs, as if she feared someone passing by would hear her even though it was impossible for anyone to hear her from out in the street.
Buffy felt so alone, not just the by-your-self alone but the kind that you feel even when you're surrounded by people you know and love. Why didn't anyone seem to care that she was there? Why did no one show her how to live this life? Everyone acted as if she had never left and that she should know all the rules and all the dangers but she didn't have the first clue.
'Should I have even bothered coming back? No one seems to care, everyone just passes me by. Was there any point in me returning?' Buffy thought. She then asked herself what it was that she had been expecting when she had hopped in her car and driven all the way from L.A. What was she hoping to find?
What if they really didn't care? What if she meant nothing to her uncle, her aunt or her sister, then what was she doing in this goddamn town? Signing up to be someone's dinner? But she couldn't leave, she didn't have anywhere to go. Faith had left L.A., gone off with some guy. That was the real reason Buffy had come back at all, this was the only home in the world she had.
Now she was regretting her decision to return at all, but she couldn't have stayed in L.A. by herself. She could take care of herself ok but there were just too many stories that Faith had written, tying Buffy up in the middle. Buffy couldn't handle all the endings she would meet if she had stayed in L.A. by herself, Faith had a lot of enemies and they were too much for her. To tell the truth, it had been fear that had driven Buffy home, but now it seemed it would be that same fear that would drive her away; the fear of solitude, of being alone in the world, completely. With Faith gone there was no one left and Buffy couldn't have gone with her. But the fear of being the only one was pushing her further and further out of the town.
But why should they care? Why should they have to look after her? Why should they stay by her side and comfort her in the worst of hours? Why should they love her? She had done nothing for them; she had done none of this for the ones she loved. So maybe she should leave, go away somewhere. Maybe this was her true path, to be alone. Was she really destined for such a fate? To leave alone in a world so full of demons and vampires, she was not to love or be loved, she was to walk in the dark; a sad, lone hound with no howl left to cry.
Buffy continued to cry through night, not caring that no one knew where she was, that no one knew she had even left the house. It didn't matter, they didn't care about her anyway, and she didn't have anyone left to live for. That's when an idea crept into her mind, a life she had never thought she would live; she had hoped she would never live. But every lonely second made that life look brighter and brighter, even though it was drowned in darkness. Remembering Willow's offer, Buffy thought long and hard about life as a vampire.
Shooting out of the Magic Shop, Buffy dropped the key and left the door unlocked. She ran quickly past the creatures that crowded her, ignoring their looks and actions. She ran through the night, making her way to the park.
____
She was missing, at this very particular time she was missing.
He decided to go and look for her, so grabbing his duster, the stake and the cross on the table by the door, he walked out into the night and headed for the cemetery. If she was out looking for vampires that was the first place she would go.
Buffy strode past the dark trees, searching for a friendly face, or toothy friend. "Willow! Are you out here?" she called, hoping no other vampires were hanging around.
Suddenly, Buffy was pushed against a wide tree by a pair of strong hands that gripped tightly around her arms. White teeth grinned hungrily at her as her captor pressed his body close to her's and asked in a whisper.
"Now why would a pretty little human like you be looking for a vampire like Willow?"
His voice was seductive and harsh at the same time, but it was the metal on his finger that revealed his identity in the darkness of the surrounding shadows. She had seen it before, the sharp metal cone that sat on his index finger ready to slice through her soft flesh.
Buffy said slowly, "Angelus? You're Angelus…. I was looking for Willow because she…. I want to make a deal with her."
She didn't know a thing about Angelus except that he was really dangerous, brutal and unforgiving. He was also way out of her league in a fight and would kill her within a second. Buffy could feel her heart pounding in her chest as fear gripped tightly around it. She could almost swear she could feel the fear, like it was solid; silently choking her. Angelus smirked and leaned down so his lips were just brushing against her ear. Buffy was absolutely terrified; she closed her eyes and prepared to feel his teeth sink into her neck.
"What kind of deal? A bloody one I hope" Angelus whispered into her ear, making her shiver violently.
"A deal to make me a vampire! She offered to make me a vampire!" Buffy said quickly as she felt his sharp teeth slide down her neck to the base of her shoulder.
He paused for a few minutes, and then asked, "And why would you want to be a vampire? Not that I'm saying you wouldn't fit in, in fact I would take great pleasure in taking you as my new Queen."
His voice was less harsh then before, but a new kind of desire kicked in as he began nipping playfully at her neck.
"I wonder what Drusilla would say about that."
Buffy hoped she could talk her way out of this.
"Oh, she wouldn't mind, in fact I'm sure she would be pleased to have another sister. Glory, Cordelia and Anya would certainly love having a little sister." Angelus told her, no longer whispering.
Buffy couldn't speak, she couldn't talk her way out of this; he was too smart, she couldn't fight her way out of this; he was too strong and she hadn't come armed. She had no other option but to either let him kill her or sire her, it was death or death.
"So, what do you say?" Angelus asked, poking at her skin with his pointed teeth. Buffy's breathing quickened as death came closer and closer to breaking through the surface of her skin. She tried to think of a reason to live, a reason to fight, but none came. So, with one last breath she said, "Death."
Pain shot through her body as Angelus plunged his teeth through her skin; ruby beads slid down her shoulder. Buffy's arms shot out to grab onto something, they found two tree branches, to which she clung to tightly as the life was drained from her body. She felt her body growing cold as it was drained of blood. She could almost feel death upon her, when he stopped.
She was only just conscious and she had to wrap her arms around the tree behind her to keep her balance. Angelus licked his lips and grinned, "Do you have any idea how delicious your blood is? A vampire could get very used to this, but a deals a deal."
He held out his wrist and ran his finger nail over it, cutting through the skin and leaving a river of red blood dripping down the sides. Buffy looked first at his wrist then up at him. She had never seen anyone get sired, nor had she been told how one got sired.
Angelus could see the confusion on her face and laughed. "No one ever told you, did they? When someone is sired, a vampire has to drink the blood of a human, enough to bring them close to death. Then the human has to drink the blood of the vampire."
Buffy found all this kinda icky, but she took hold of his wrist regardless. She hesitated, not sure of how much she really wanted this. Slowly lifting his wrist closer to her face, she watched as his blood ran down the sides of his hand, falling to the ground in large red drops. The blood was enticing, seductive and it called her to a life with it. She didn't really have a choice anymore; if she didn't drink she would die.
The blood was mere centimetres from her lips when someone yelled to her, but she didn't hear them. Buffy closed her eyes and pursed her lips together, waiting for the taste of the blood to enter her mouth. Her lips touched his arm and his blood flowed through her lips. The blood had no taste, only desire. She had only just begun to drink Angelus's blood when something suddenly threw itself at Angelus, pushing him far away from Buffy and taking the intoxicating blood with him. Buffy stumbled back and fell against the tree, hanging on for dear life. She looked over to where Angelus had been thrown to see him circling a familiar figure.
Her vision was fuzzy and dim, but she could make out what she was seeing. She was stunned; Spike had found her, no one knew she had even left the house and yet he had found her, and stopped her from drinking the vampire's blood. Buffy was so weak she could hardly stand. She pulled herself around to a spot of the tree where she sat between two branches. The one holding her in place leaned diagonal very slightly, but it was enough to rest her body against.
She breathed heavily as she gasped for air, her body had taken a hard hit and it needed time to recover. Tears began to run down Buffy's face in fear; if she had managed to drink enough blood and become a vampire then she would have been just fine. But as Spike had taken it from her she was left with a lack of blood and the intense fear of death, the permanent kind.
Even though she almost wanted death to come and take her away from this loveless world, it still scared her to no end. Her eyes were wide with fear and her arms clung to the tree as if her life depended on it, to which it probably did. She tried to see what was happening between Spike and Angelus.
She looked in time to see Angelus disappear into the night, leaving Spike standing alone with a stake and cross in hand. He waited until he was sure Angelus was gone before he spun around and started running towards her.
Buffy's vision was blurred and she nearly screamed when she saw the figure coming towards her, but Spike's voice reassured her that she was safe now.
"Buffy, are you alright? What the hell was…." Suddenly he stopped and Buffy became very fearful of what he would say next.
"What the bloody hell were you doing?!" He yelled, now a few feet from her. "Please tell me I did not just see you willingly drink the blood of a vampire!" His voice was harsh and brutal but at the same time, full of fear.
Buffy curled herself around the branch, trying to hide her face and escape the emotions that now shot through her like arrows.
"Buffy, look at me! What were you thinking?" Spike asked, letting his voice lower a little, he could see he was scaring her.
Buffy didn't have a clue how to explain what she was doing, somehow she didn't think 'I was trying to kill myself and become a vampire' sounded too good.
So instead she asked, "Why did you do that?"
She tried to at him with hate burning in her eyes. She could see the pain in his blue ones, but she couldn't understand the meaning behind it.
"Why did I do what? Why did I just save your life? Why did I just risk my hide to save your bloody ungrateful one?! What the hell is the matter with you?!" he snapped, not believing what she was saying. "Have you not listened to a single sodding word I've said? Are you so stupid and…what, pathetic that you are willing to throw away the life you have to be possessed by a demon for all eternity? A life without a soul? Did you even think about how everyone would feel if you had managed to go through with this?
"Dawn would be mortified, she would be scarred for life; Jenny would be absolutely devastated and Giles….he already lost his sister, do you really want to push him so far as to lose his oldest niece as well? The rest of the gang, I don't know how they would feel, terrible I'm sure and you would be pushing everyone over the edge. None of them want you dead, so how do you think they would feel if they had to kill you? And…what the hell were you thinking?"
Spike's voice was a lot quieter now, but he was struggling to hold back tears.
"Back off Spike! You don't have a clue what's going on!" Buffy yelled, wrapping her arms around herself in a defensive position. She tried to look away from Spike but it was impossible to do with eyes as beautiful as his.
"Then why don't you tell me? Help me understand because right now I don't have a bleeding clue. What the hell was going through your mind when you let him drink you? Are you insane?"
He couldn't get a grip on what he had seen and if she were denying that it happened then he might have blamed his imagination, but as she wasn't even trying to hide it he couldn't make any sense of it.
Buffy finally managed to look away from him but she didn't answer.
"Buffy, please tell me what's wrong." He begged her; it was such a horrible feeling to know that she was that close to following in her mother's footsteps. He wanted to just hide away for a while and be by himself, but he couldn't trust her to be left alone anymore and she was clearly weak and incapable of getting herself home so he had to stick around.
"No one cares…" Buffy said quietly, letting the tears run free down her pale skin.
Spike was shocked, "Where the bloody hell did you get that idea from, pet? Your family loves you with all their bleeding hearts, your friends may not show it very often but they really care about you and I…" Spike tried to explain but suddenly stopped and went completely silent.
It was quiet for a few minutes when Buffy slowly looked into his eyes and asked cautiously, "You…what?" Spike didn't answer straight away; he looked furious, hurt and scared all at the same time. Finally, he looked her straight in the eye and said with a shaky voice, "I love you!"
Buffy was speechless. What had he just said? Did he mean it? She couldn't believe him, her heart was completely closed; she didn't feel love, she didn't feel anything.
She closed her eyes and shook her head saying, "No, no you don't, no one does…remember a few nights ago you guys took me on patrol? I nearly got bitten by a vampire and no one even noticed. I've never faced a vampire before, I can't fight, but they all left me alone in darkness. You know I've never been afraid of the dark, but that night I was terrified and no one cared. And ever since the wedding you've hardly even spoken to me, so how can you say anyone loves me when it's my fault everyone is dead!"
Spike was shocked. "Why do you think it's your fault?"
"I know…about my mum, how she really died, she killed herself because I ran away. Dawn went down a path of theft and pain because I wasn't around to take care of her, and if I hadn't run away, Willow never would have come looking for me which is how An-Angelus found this town. So how is it not my fault?!" she yelled, tears streaming down her face.
He couldn't believe what he was hearing, who would have had a heart so cold as to tell Buffy those things, while they may have been true she should never have had to know.
Spike moved right up to Buffy and held her arms tightly, forcing her to look at him. He was breathing quickly, unable to control his emotions. Bringing her closer to him so that their bodies were barely touching, he tried to smile.
"Buffy, I don't care whose fault it is, what's past is past, there's nothing you can do about it, Pet. But you can change the future, and whether we're headed for sunshine or an early death, I don't care. I've learnt to live this life, to forget about what I want and to only think about what I can do to help. But I don't even care about that anymore; the only thing I care about is you. I love you, Buffy, and no matter what you've done or what you've caused that will never change."
His words were so beautiful that Buffy stopped crying completely, all she could do was look into his eyes and see all the truth that they showed. Then he kissed her with more passion and desire than any man had ever shown her before.
The tears that Spike had been holding back so furiously slipped through, but he wasn't concerned about being seen crying, he was just too happy being this close to Buffy. Their lips parted, then Buffy let go of the tree and crashed gently into Spike's arms. She clutched to his shirt and rested her head on his chest.
She could feel herself slipping into unconsciousness, so she wrapped her arms around Spike's neck and whispered into his ear, "Thank you, Spike." before she went limp. Spike managed to catch her before she slipped from his arms and held her against him, examining the spot were Angelus had bitten into her neck, he was an animal and he liked to tug at the skin but lucky for her he hadn't pulled her neck apart too badly.
Spike looked down at the tears on her face and felt such sorrow in his heart, but the way she looked as she slept made him want to kiss her; she was just so beautiful. He picked her up and started heading home whispering, "But do you love me to?"
____
They were half way home when Spike heard a twig snap, so he stopped and looked around him, searching for the creator of the noise. He began to think it was a trick of the mind when suddenly he was surrounded by 4 vampires; 3 male and 1 female. Spike looked around at what was available in the area they had trapped him in. They had him backed up against a big tree and he knew there was no way he could fight with Buffy in his arms.
"Check it out guys, look at the poor little lover with his lady, doesn't she look yummy." One of the vampires said in a cool voice. Spike could feel himself begin to burn with anger and he said warningly, "You had better mean 'yummy to eat'" he told him. The vampire grinned and said, "You know what I mean, but it doesn't matter since you'll be dead anyway." With that they started to close in.
Spike jumped backwards up into the tree. The branches grew out wide and to many different levels. Spike climbed as best he could while clutching Buffy with one arm until he found a secure place to put her, he found it at a high base where she could lie safely without falling. He knew it was probably more dangerous in the tree than down with the vamps, but he didn't have any other ideas. Once she was placed out of reach he leapt out of the tree and began throwing kicks and punches.
The vampires were surprised at first at how confident he was at fighting them as they had never had to fight for food before, but they didn't let a little thing like confidence get in their way. Two of the guys leapt at Spike and fought to bring him down while the girl made an attack from behind.
But the one no one was watching was the guy who was slowly (if not nervously) climbing up the tree to where Buffy lay silently. Her breathing was fast and her eyelashes were fluttering quickly, also her cheeks were slightly red. But to the vampire she was a meal served up on a silver platter with a cherry on top; she was just too easy.
He moved into a position where he was hanging above her, he grinned a toothy smile and leaned in for the kill. His teeth were brushing against her skin when she suddenly screamed, "Spike!" Her voice was desperate and fearful and the strange thing was she was still unconscious. That was what distracted the vampire long enough for Spike to come up behind him, grab the back of his shirt and throw him to the ground, where he landed on a thick branch that he had broken off in his climb. His ashes settled amongst the dust of the three Spike had already killed.
Spike leaned down next to Buffy and stroked the side of her face. Buffy's hand clasped his arm and she turned over so her body was facing him; her eyes still closed and her breathing still heavy. "Spike….what's going on…where are you?" she asked breathlessly. Spike laid his other hand on her head and whispered to her, "Shh, its ok, I'm here."
Buffy tugged on Spike's arm and pulled herself into his arms of which she buried herself in. She was holding on to him tightly, her whole body shaking. "Buffy, what's wrong? Its ok love" Spike tried to explain to her but she didn't stop shaking.
"I felt him…Spike, I felt his teeth…I felt Angelus…I know it's my fault but he still scares me."
Spike tightened his grip around her, trying to make her feel safe; to which it helped. "Buffy, its ok, it wasn't Angelus, he's long gone, it was just some vampire who is no more than a pile of dust. You're safe pet, I'm here" he told her. Buffy slowly calmed down and relaxed, but she was still snuggled up as close to Spike as possible.
He was glad he had managed to calm her down but he knew that they really should get out of the tree. "Buffy, I need you to hold on tight, Love" he told her and she quickly wrapped one arm around his neck and the other over his back, Spike held her by putting his hand under her back and over to her opposite shoulder. He then began to slowly make his way down. It seemed really stupid putting an unconscious person in a tree to begin with, but she was safe so he had no regrets.
It seemed a lot harder getting down then when they were going up. Buffy clung to Spike, at the same time trying to keep her legs out of the way as best she could, but it was challenging as she was weak, barely conscious and didn't have much strength.
Spike held on to her extra tight as they made it back to solid ground. Then slowly set Buffy down but it became obvious that she couldn't walk alone when she fell against him and knocked them both to the ground. Spike fell on his back and Buffy came down on top, her eyes wide open now.
"Sorry Spike" she told him quickly, checking to make sure she hadn't injured him, but he just started laughing.
"What's so funny?" she asked but the laughter was catching on.
"Look at where we just came from Buffy, you were hiding from vampires in a tree like a cat."
It did seem pretty weird but it had saved her life, "It seems very logical to me" she told him in a very perky way. Spike gave her a weird look like she was crazy, "Really?" he asked her. Buffy looked away with a slightly embarrassed smile and said, "No."
Buffy rolled off of Spike and allowed him to get back on his feet. Before he helped her up, she quickly added, "In my defence it was you who decided to put me in the tree in the first place. So that means that I'm not the crazy one." Spike chuckled.
With her arm around his shoulder and his arm around her waist, Buffy and Spike made it the rest of the way home. When the house was in sight, Spike made a sudden change of direction, going around the back.
"What are you doing?" Buffy asked, unsure of what was wrong with the front door.
"You just tried to get yourself killed Pet, you're weak and tired and you can hardly stand up. No one knows that you left, so how do you wanna explain us walking through the front door while you're in this state?"
"I guess the back door is the best option."
"I'll take you down into the basement, and then go upstairs to the bathroom to get the first-aid kit. There is no way you're getting past Jenny or Dawn with a bite as fierce as that one on your neck."
Buffy nodded, Spike noticed that she seemed very awake and a little panicked. Spike quietly opened the back door, entered the house, closed the door and snuck Buffy down into the basement without a sound. It was no wonder he was always able to sneak up on her.
When they got down the stairs, Spike sat Buffy down on an old red couch that was pushed against the back wall. Buffy looked down at the couch, she was sure it hadn't been here before.
"Spike, where did this couch come from? I don't remember it being here the last time I came down?"
"It wasn't, I got it a few days ago. You wouldn't believe how much stuff is just thrown away in this town. A lot of the shops threw all their vampire-themed items in the trash when the town was taken over, while other shops only sell vampire-themed stuff."
"Uh, so you just take whatever you want without paying for it?"
"Pretty much."
"Cool."
Spike smiled, but left shortly after. Buffy didn't have to wait long before she saw him walking down the old stairs; his movements as silent as the night. He sat down on her left and opened the white tin box he had retrieved. Buffy pulled her hair over to her right shoulder and leaned her head a little so that he had a clear view of the bite.
Spike had seen a lot of injuries and more vampire bites then he wished he had seen, but the bite on her neck made him sick to his stomach. A normal vampire bite left two small but deep puncture wounds; most of Angelus' had larger holes with torn skin as he was more brutal then the others. The one on Buffy's neck had two small holes but no badly torn skin; he had been gentle with Buffy.
"Buffy, did Angelus say anything to you? Did you two talk before he bit you?" he asked, unsure of what sort of answer he was looking for.
"Um, yeah, he asked me why I was out there and he said some stuff about me being his new queen. Why?"
"It's just that he went really easy on you; your neck isn't torn up at all."
"Isn't that a good thing?"
"Well, it is but it just begs a few questions."
"Um Spike?"
"Yeah."
"I wanted to ask you something."
Spike was completely focused on what she was saying; her tone made him a little nervous but at the same time kinda excited. He wondered if she was going to ask him something about what had happened between them in the graveyard.
"Go ahead Pet."
"Why am I still alive?" He had not been expecting that.
"What do you mean? Didn't we discus the reason I saved you before?"
"No, I don't mean that part. Angelus was trying to sire me, which means I would have to be close to death. If I had managed to drink enough of his blood I would have become a vampire so no death there, but I didn't. I had a serious lack of blood and I should be dead, so why am I not?"
She had him there; all those points were very valid and confusing. Spike tried to recall some other time he had stopped someone from becoming a vampire, but the victims had only been a little low on blood. He never gave the vampires enough time to do much damage.
"I don't know Love, might have to do a little research on that one."
"Oh…ok…" Buffy's voice faded away as she fell on her side.
"Buffy? Buffy? Wake up Pet, Buffy!" Spike tried to wake her but she didn't move.
He didn't understand what was going on, she had already done the fainting thing, was it simply that she had done that twice or were the two unrelated? Why had she managed to stay awake that long? She had been talking and laughing only a few minutes ago. Maybe he should talk to Giles, but was telling him about what had happened to his niece really the best idea? Knowing old Rupert he would probably hit the fan but he was the best at keeping secrets.
There was something different about Buffy, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. But he was determined to find out.
Whoopy! That's outta the way. Now for more fun stuff! We are reaching our goals people, this story is finally making sense...I think. Did it actually get more confusing? Ah well, its gotta be worth something right?
