I stared at my computer screen, at my Word document that I used as a journal. I was still angry at Beau, who had come home about an hour ago and knocked on my door. I hadn't answered. Let him be ignored for once.

I couldn't remember why it had been so important to me to record my days. I had never been one for journaling before, so why start now? Why did I feel the need to write down my day, as if it would be strange or out of the ordinary or like I'd be able to decipher something from it?

Since I'd already finished today's entry, I closed the laptop and decided instead to organize my bookshelf. Angela and I had worked on my paper for so long that I hadn't gotten around to putting my nine beautiful new books onto my barren shelves yet. Only my copy of Prisoner of Azkaban sat there. It was truly a sad sight.

I laid out all my books on my bed: paperbacks first, then hardbacks. Two rows of five, all neatly placed. They were laid out according to size, each book ruler-straight. I may not be as anal as Beau, but with my books I could be.

Wait. Two rows of five?

I counted my books. One: A Darker Shade of Magic. Two: A Thousand Pieces of You. Three: The Rest of Us Just Live Here. Four: Blood Promise. Five: Shiver. Six: Fangirl. Seven: Twilight. Eight: City of Bones. Nine: The Immortal Rules. Ten: Reality Boy.

I knew I had only bought nine books. I had a book-buying problem, but it wasn't that bad. Not nearly bad enough that I would forget a book mere hours after purchasing it.

I went through the books one more times, carefully examining them. After Fangirl, I picked up Twilight. It looked familiar to me, but I didn't remember seeing it at the bookstore. I didn't remember buying it. I turned opened the hardcover and read the inside flap: About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him- and I didn't know how potent that part might be- that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

I fell to the floor with a thud, my head spinning so much I couldn't see anything but the white hands holding the red apple. I dropped the book, pictures and snippets of text and so much more flooding my head. I couldn't concentrate. I couldn't think. I could do only one thing.

I screamed.

I heard my door fly open, smacking into the wall. A pair of hands grabbed my shoulders.

"Bella?" My brother- but he wasn't really my brother- asked, panicked. "Bella, what's wrong?"

I could hear Charlie running up the stairs. Hit shotgun was no doubt in his hands.

My own hands shook. I squeezed my eyes shut and leaned forward into Beau's chest. He was real. He was real. He was, he was, he was!

"Bells?" I heard Charlie whisper but I just shook my head and sobbed, clutching Beau's shirt like it was the only thing keeping me afloat. Maybe it was.

I couldn't speak. I couldn't say what was wrong, why I couldn't stop screaming. My head was too full. It was overflowing with two separate lives, two separate sets of information.

"We have to take her to a hospital." I could barely hear anything; there was no space in my head for anything else. I couldn't even tell who said it. But the next thing I knew, I was being lifted into someone's arms- Beau's, most likely- and carried out of my room.

"My book!" I managed to form words within my screams. "My book!"

I relaxed the tiniest fraction when Charlie picked up the book from the ground. He waved it at me like he hoped the book would solve everything, but I just kept having my fit. I could do nothing else.

The car ride to Forks Hospital was a blur. I couldn't stop shaking. I could barely hold on to the book, which Beau had wedged between my hands in an attempt to calm me as Charlie drove, the police sirens most likely waking everyone in the town up.

I continued to thrash in the backseat.


"How is she?" I didn't recognize the voice. I was still half-asleep and half-convinced the voice wasn't even real.

"I'm doing my best to keep her calm, but it's difficult." Another voice replied. I couldn't open my eyes, but found I couldn't panic over it. "There is much chaos inside her."

"And you have no clue what might have caused it?" A third voice spoke.

"No." First one again.

Either they fell quiet, or I fell into a deeper sleep. I couldn't hear them anymore.

It felt like I opened my eyes, but black was all around me. I twirled around and saw a short, chubby girl sitting on nothing- or, maybe it was the ground. I couldn't be sure with all the blackness.

She was chubby, like I said. Unruly brown curls cut short but still such a menace. Large glasses on her nose, and she constantly pushed them up. She had a book in her hands and had her nose buried in it.

I walked over to her, touching my silky hair self-consciously, as if expecting to be met by her curls instead.

"Hello?" I tried. I winced at the echo. She didn't even look up. She just held a finger up. One minute. I knew that would probably be more than one minute.

I looked around, though there really was nothing to see. It was nice, the quiet. The calm. My head had been so full of noise and chaos that this sort of emptiness was heavenly. I was fairly certain I was in a coma, but I could dig it.

The girl stuck a bookmark in her book and set it on her lap. She looked up at me, her brown eyes clouded by dirty glasses.

"You gonna sit down or what?"

I sat down in front of her. I sat up straight as I watched her slouch.

"Are you mute or what?" I cleared my throat.

"Or what." That earned me a smirk, which gave me a little confidence. "Where are we?"

She shrugged. "My space. Or what's left of it, as of late."

"Who are you?"

She quirked her eyebrow. "Isn't it obvious?" She waited, but I didn't speak. "You can think about it here. It's a safe space. You won't have another panic attack."

"How do you know?"

"You and I are already existing here. If your mind couldn't handle it, this wouldn't be happening." I didn't understand. She rolled her eyes at me. "So beauty really does take from brains, huh? I'm you, doofus."

She's me. I am her. Those sentences swam around in my head, almost tangible in the air. Impossible sentences- how can a person be two people at once?- but I could practically taste the truth in them.

"How?"

"I really have to spell it out for you?" She looked down at her book, like she'd much rather get back to it than deal with me. I looked at the cover, upside down from my view. It was a shiny black, with a red pawn and a white queen straight out of a chess game.

"If you don't mind."

"I do. But I will anyway." She took a deep breath and leaned back on her hands. "How do I say this? I was you before you were you."

"In Layman's terms?" I always hated that guy on TV shows and in books who would say "In English please!" whenever a smart person explained someone complex, but sometimes you just have to be that guy. Like right then.

"I was you first. In my world, your world didn't exist." She pulled out another book. Twilight. I recognized it as the book that had sent me into my frenzy. I scooted back a little, as if it might bite. "Your world belongs in here. I read it years ago, more than once. And somehow- I don't know how, so don't ask- I ended up inside the book." She flipped it over carefully, like it was fragile. "But it was wrong and my mind couldn't take holding two worlds."

"What do you mean, it couldn't take it?" She looked up from the book.

"A brain is only hardwired to understand one universe. It can understand the idea of two, but not the actuality. You with me?" I nodded. "So when I held two worlds inside my brain- mine and the book's- my brain did the only thing it could do: it shoved one away. My world- the first one we lived in. I could remember the information from that world, sometimes even remember that I didn't belong in it, but it was hard. And it hurt. So my brain did away with me, too. Shoved me here, with only these four books to read. Quite boring, if I do say so myself." There were two more books by her now. Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn.

"So... you're me. We're the same person, but the you part of me got locked away in my brain because we couldn't take it?" I tried to simplify her explanation, but it was still making me feel dizzy.

"Basically."

"So what does that mean? What do we do?" She rolled her eyes at me. I was noticing that she did that a lot.

"You don't do anything about it. You go back out there, and you live our life. Go find Jacob or Seth and have fun. Or, better yet, get the fuck out of Forks and go live a normal life." She said it so simply, like it was just that easy. "I will stay here and continue reading these books. When you need it, you'll have the info you need. Who's a vamp, who's a wolf, what do to so you don't die. I'll keep reading so we don't forget."

"And that's all you'll do?" She shrugged.

"'S not so bad. They may not be the best books, but they're fun to read."

"That's not fair. You should be able to live a life, too." I crossed my arms. I was getting cold.

"I am living a life, stupid. I'm you, remember?"

"It's not the same."

"Well, you wouldn't know that 'cause you're not the one on the inside, so..." She picked Breaking Dawn back up and opened it again. "Shove that copy of Twilight on your shelf and never look at it again, okay? I promise I won't let us die."

I chewed on my lip and she smiled. She was almost pretty when she smiled. "I never used to chew on my lip. That's such a Bella thing to do."

"What's your- our real name?" Her smile disappeared.

"That doesn't matter. You're Bella now. Live like it, okay? Have some fun, be seventeen. Get your nose out of your books and live a life that should be in one, yeah?"

I stood up. Behind her, it was getting lighter. I took it as my cue to leave. Before I went, I knelt down and hugged her as hard as I could. I tried to convey everything in my heart into the hug, but she only patted me awkwardly on the back.

"Yeah, yeah. Get out of here, will you?" She asked as I stood, trying to subtly wipe my eyes. "I'm trying to read."


A/N: Well, that was kind of strange, wasn't it? I hope that answered anyone's questions about her memory and how it's going to play out the rest of the story. If you liked it, let me know in a review! If you hated it, let me know in a review!