"His smell—the scent of a demon, cinnamon incense, amber musk—wrapped around me, filled my lungs. I felt like I could breathe again, without every breath being tainted by the stench of dying cells. The smell of him seemed to coat my abused insides with peace, and flow down into the middle of my body to spread through my veins. I filled my lungs again. While I could, before what was undoubtedly a hallucination vanished."
- Lilith Saintcrow, Dead Man Rising


I burst into the house, almost taking the door off its hinges as I slammed it. I fell to the floor, grabbing my hair and shutting my eyes tightly, but it didn't stop the tears' flow. My heart had been dead for a thousand years, but, yet again, I felt like it would stop, ending my miserable life. I sobbed, and clutched my chest.

No. No. No, he wouldn't do that to me. He wouldn't. He knew how I felt after Christopher. Klaus couldn't be so heartless.

He daggered me, but surely he couldn't do this to me.

I felt my eyes changing, the hunger coming forward in my moment of rage and pain, and I cried out.

"Lilith?"

I froze, taking in shuddering breaths as I willed my eyes to stop tearing up. I slowly raised my head, and saw Kol standing by the staircase, watching me with a frown. My eyes changed once again and I attacked him. He tried to escape, but I was faster, and I grabbed him by the head and forced him to kneel.

"You heartless son of a bitch" I hissed. "You knew"

"What are you going on about now?" he groaned, trying to pull my arm from around his neck.

"Jeremy is the doppelganger's brother! You used me to keep an eye on him…"

"I never thought you would get so attached"

"You… Was it Klaus?" I growled.

"No"

"I should rip your head off!" I roared.

"Lilith!" he cried, clawing at my arms, "Please!"

"You can beg father to spare your afterlife in hell" I growled, tightening my arm, and pulling his hair.

"They killed Finn!" he croaked.

I stopped and dropped him. He fell forward to the floor and gasped for air.

"What is Klaus up to?" I asked quietly.

"Nothing… He brought Finn to break the connection… He called me last night… The doppelganger and her friends went after Finn, to kill all of us… He's dead"

"They… The white oak…"

He stood up and turned to me, nodding with a frown.

"I didn't think you would get so attached to Jeremy… But they killed Finn"

He caught me in his arms before I collapsed, no longer stopping the tears. Finn…


Niklaus smirked as he whispered in the girl's ear, and she blushed bright red. I rolled my eyes at him, nudging Rebekah who chuckled at the scene.

"I bet she goes willingly to her death" she said.

"I bet she goes willingly, very much so, to his bed and ends up dead" I retorted amusedly.

"How about we go to bed?"

I turned to him, smiling but felt my cheeks heat up. His brown eyes were shining, his sharp cheekbones were red after so much wine, and his blond hair was a mess that he had tried to tame by tying it back. He grinned as he stood and offered his hand which I took it. Some of his friends teased us on the way out, but all I cared for was him. We walked to our bedroom, and he locked the door after us. I sat on the edge of the bed, fidgeting nervously. I hated to think of what could happen. I had no one to talk to, my brothers would either lock me up or make fun of me if I asked them about these things, and Rebekah was innocent – I hoped. I smiled thinking of Christopher's friend, Alexander. Christopher didn't seem to agree with Alexander's ideas on hunting our kind – not that they knew what we were – but they were good friends. And now Alexander would marry my sister. I had told Niklaus and Elijah that it could cause us some trouble, after all, he hunted vampires, but they assured me Alexander was oblivious, since we walked in the sun and Rebekah deserved the same happiness I had.

My thoughts came back to the present when Christopher kneeled down before me. I smiled down at him, and he gave me a reassuring one in return as he took my feet and took off my shoes. After that he reached up and pulled the veil in my head off, tossing that aside. He pulled me up and I bit my lip, looking down at him as he grabbed undid the sash of my gown and then grabbed its hem. He slowly pulled it up, caressing my legs softly, and stood up as he pulled it over my hips and I lifted my arms so he could take it off completely. He looked me up and down and I felt like the thin under gown did nothing to cover me as his eyes darkened. He kept his dark eyes on mine as he slipped his hand under the gown and caressed my thigh, going up…

"Lie back"

I blushed redder at the husky tone of his voice, but did as he said. He kicked off his boots, proceeded on undressing. As soon as his shirt was off my eyes were drawn to the tattoo that ran up his arm, shoulder and across his chest. He climbed into bed and my eyes went to his as his body covered mine.

"You're mine" he affirmed, huskily.

"Yes, yours" I smiled.

He kissed me, more passionately than ever, and pressed his body to mine. His body felt warm against mine, and as I set my hands on his chest, I felt his heart thundering. Its sound filled my ears, the sound of his blood being pumped through his body. He pulled my nightgown up and pressed his body to mine, growling into my mouth with the intimacy. His hold on my waist tightened painfully.

"Christopher" I mumbled against his lips.

"Shh"

His grip tightened more as my body shifted and the pumping of his heart sounded louder in my ears.

"Love, you're hurting me" I whispered.

He dropped one hand from my waist, giving me some relief, but grabbed my thigh as hard as his other hand was holding my waist. I squeaked but his mouth covered mine, muffling the sound. I groaned, and pressed against his chest. His heart was beating fast. He let go of my waist and suddenly grabbed me by the throat. My eyes went wide and I grabbed his wrist, trying to stop him. He looked down at me, and I cried weakly at the pain of invasion. I broke his wrist and pushed him off me. He landed across the room, breaking the table he fell on. He groaned as he tried to stand up. I looked at him wide eyes and realized what I had done. I rushed to him, and tried to help him up.

"Christopher, forgive me" I said, tearing up. "I never meant to do that, I just lost control"

He stared at me, his face white and his eyes wide and it took me a second to realize my face was not normal. I covered it, but it was too late, he had seen it and my eyes were already returning to normal.

"Alexander was right" he mumbled.

No. Alexander hated my kind.

"Christopher, no. We're different, we have control, I would never hurt you…"

But I just had.

He was so fast I didn't have time to react. He grabbed a piece of wood from the broken table and stabbed me in the chest. I gasped in pain, and fell down, looking down at his makeshift stake. He stumbled up, and ran away from me. I groaned as I pulled the stake out, ignoring the momentary weakness as I tried to stand up.

"Christopher, wait" I begged.

He stood by the bed, watching me with distrust and his eyes glanced at something on the floor, by the door. I followed his gaze, and swallowed hard. His sword. I looked back at him, and approached slowly and carefully. His eyes focused on the healing wound on my chest.

"You're a monster" he deadpanned.

"I am the same woman, Christopher, I swear" I cried.

"You're a monster!" he said angrily.

"I am your wife" I said almost bordering on begging.

But in the hatred of his eyes I knew nothing mattered anymore. Our love was gone, I was only a monster to him. He advanced on me and I stepped back, but he was faster than I thought, striking me. I cried out as I fell. It hadn't hurt that much, and it wouldn't leave a bruise. But if I was a normal woman I would certainly be unconscious with the strength he had put in the blow. He straddled me, pinning me down, and I fought him, trying not to hurt him. This was not my Christopher. This was not the Christopher that brought me flowers, that had evening strolls with me or that had asked my brothers for permission to marry me, even though he had already proposed. This was not the Christopher that loved and cherished me.

"Christopher, stop!" I cried as he tried to grab my wrists.

He got hold of my hands in one of his and I didn't fight. He was angry, that was all. He couldn't hurt me and he would see reason soon enough. He was just… in shock, hurt at my betrayal. Everything would be alright, he just needed time to calm down.

He glared down at me, and even though I was trying not to fight, I almost kicked him off as my legs instinctively started to thrash when he grabbed my throat again. It was not like a few minutes ago. A few minutes ago he was a passionate man that lost control in his lust. This was an angered man, trying to kill me. I gasped for air, wondering if maybe I should let him do this, and when I woke in a few hours if he would be calm.

"I hope you rot in hell, you conniving bitch" he sneered.

I gasped at the pain in my heart. This was not a stake. He let go of me, and I only had time to look down and see it was not a white oak stake but a silver dagger before everything faded to black.


It was like waking up from a nightmare, except I hadn't dreamt. I was lost in a sea of nothing, my mind had been blank, but suddenly I was aware that I could breathe and move and open my eyes. I gasped for air and sat up. I was still in my room, but in bed. Christopher was not dead. Rebekah sat on the floor, crying her heart out and Niklaus sat beside me. Elijah stood by the door, with his arms crossed and frowning down. I felt tears fill my eyes and looked at Niklaus. He had a silver dagger in his hands, scowling at it, and I recognized the handle, it was the same one Christopher had used. I looked down at myself and saw I looked perfectly fine, except my bloodied under gown. I felt my cheeks flame with embarrassment at being seen by my brothers like this, but realized we had bigger problems.

"What happened?" I whispered.

"Rebekah told her fiancée what we were, that's what happened" Niklaus said coldly. "She was a fool and she almost had all of us killed"

"I said I was sorry!" she sobbed.

"Tell that to Lilith! Tell that to our sister that was locked up in a room with a man who wanted to kill her!" Niklaus roared.

"Enough, this won't solve anything" Elijah said calmly.

They fell silent and I looked down at the discarded clothes on the ground from before this mess had begun.

"Lilith?" Elijah asked softly.

"I… He was hurting me and I lost control" I mumbled. "He saw me for who I was… He… He couldn't accept me"

"He hurt you?" Niklaus whispered in a dangerous tone.

"I thought he loved me" I said, with tears running down my cheeks and looked up at Elijah. "He swore his love to me, Elijah"

Elijah had his jaw clenched, but his eyes softened and he walked to me, gathering me in his arms. I cried in his shoulder and heard Niklaus breaking some of the furniture. Eventually he stopped, and I looked up and met his eyes over Elijah's shoulder. Niklaus was eyeing me with anger and sorrow in his eyes, but I saw the hint of fear in them.


I woke up and blinked at the dark room. The sunlight that seeped through the curtains was weak, indicating sunrise or sunset. I looked down and saw I was still dressed in the dress from the party, and it was all wrinkled like it had been when I hurriedly put it, desperate to run away from Jeremy. Tears escaped, my throat closed up as I remembered Jeremy's stunned expression when I ran out of his room.

I wouldn't handle this time if he reacted like Christopher did. He would surely hate me, he hated Niklaus, all his family and friends did and with a reason. He wouldn't understand me, he wouldn't understand why I stood by Niklaus after all he did. He would think I was like him…

And I was.

There was a soft knock on the door, but I didn't lift my head from my pillow or said anything. Kol poked his head in hesitantly and gave me a small smile as he slipped into the room.

"Hey" he whispered.

"What do you want?" I mumbled.

"I came to check on you" he said softly. "I didn't know we could pass out. You scared the crap out of me, sis"

I didn't answer, but forced my tears to stop. He sat on the edge of my bed, on the other side and looked down at me with a frown.

"Look, I know I… I am an asshole, and I've hurt you" he said. "But I want you to know that I am very sorry. I never thought you would get so attached to Jeremy. You were always so cautious and, a bit heartless, to men after… well, Christopher. I didn't think you would fall for Jeremy of all people. I thought you were only using him"

"You're lying" I whispered. "You knew I would fall for him that is why you didn't tell me who he was"

"I didn't tell you who he was because you would let your conscience get in the way and we have to be here… This is our leverage"

His phone rang and he sighed, pulling it out of his pocket.

"It's Klaus, he's been calling non-stop… Worried"

I sighed and sat up in bed.

"Tell him I'm fine. I'm going to take a shower"

"You know he won't be satisfied. He'll come here if you don't talk to him"

"Then tell him I will call him when I'm up to it"

He opened his mouth to say something but thought better and nodded. I walked into the bathroom, locked the door, set the water running and sat on the floor beside the tub, letting my tears fall.


After a long bath, I dressed in jeans ripped on the knees and a basic grey tank top and walked down the stairs. Kol was drinking, sitting in the living room, staring at the wall. It was very rare for him to show how upset he was, so I let him be, and walked into the study. I sat on the desk, and stared at the photo frame with the picture of the family from the ball. Mother only had a hint of a smile, and Finn was stony-faced. Klaus lips were pulled into a small smile I had forced him to give the camera by messing Kol's hair. Kol was the only one grinning other than myself, but Elijah was looking at us with an amused smile, the same as Rebekah, but she was looking at the camera. Ironic how this seemed the happiest we ever been, when Finn had been planning to sacrifice himself so Esther could kill us all.

I sighed and took my phone and called Niklaus.

"Lily! Finally!" he said.

"Hey" I mumbled.

He sighed into the phone and stayed silent for a moment.

"I'm sorry about Finn" he said softly.

"This is what he wanted… Wasn't it? He wasn't happy with this life" I mumbled.

"That doesn't undo what they did" he said. "I swear, I'll kill them all"

"No, Klaus, don't… We need to move on" I said swallowing hard. "Our life of running has ended, but we need to put an end to this life of scheming and revenge… It hasn't brought us any happiness"

"They killed Finn, Lilith" he stressed.

"Believe me, I know, Klaus"

He sighed again.

"There's something else" he said.

"What?" I frowned.

"After Finn died… Sage and a vampire she created died as well" he said.

"So all the lines of vampires we created die with us?"

"Yes…"

"Well, that's good, isn't it?"

"Yes… So, I wouldn't mind if you create a few convenient vampires" he chuckled.

I frowned.

"You mean Jeremy, don't you?" I asked angrily.

"Can't say that wouldn't be nice"

"Leave him be, Klaus"

He stayed silent.

"I gotta go" I murmured.

"Lilith?" he asked softly.

"Yeah?"

"I can't have you hurt like that again, sister" he said. "He almost destroyed you, I feared for your sanity even though I was slowly losing mine with the hunter curse… Making sure you would be alive and well again was the only thing that kept me from meeting Mikael"

I swallowed hard, remembering how unstable he was while he was haunted.

"I won't make the same mistake again, Nik… Do not worry, I just need to solve a few things and I'll be back to Mystic Falls"

"Alright. See you soon then"

"See you" I mumbled and hung up.

I sighed and put my head in my hands. Nik's eyes that night when I awoke after being daggered by Christopher, the hint of fear in then… Fear for me, fear for my sanity, for my emotional wellbeing, fear at seeing the one that had always been strong enough to stand by him and defend him, so broken…

The doorbell rang and I frowned, standing up. As I approached the foyer, I heard Kol's angry voice.

"Leave, Jeremy, she doesn't want to see anyone!"

"But… Wait, Kol. What happened?" Jeremy asked. "I need to see her"

"I don't think she wants to see you" Kol said with an edge to his voice. "It would be better if you left"

I knew that tone. It was the tone Kol used when he was losing his patience, when he was about to snap when confronted about his mistakes. I rushed to the door and grabbed Kol's arm and he looked at me with a frown.

"It's okay" I whispered.

He clenched his jaw and I nodded, to assure him I meant it. He sighed and stormed back into the house. I held on to the knob and avoided Jeremy's eyes.

"Hey" I mumbled.

"Hi… How are you?" he asked hesitantly.

I am the mess I look. In simple clothes, messy damp hair, no make-up, dark marks under my eyes and pale.

"Fine"

"You didn't call"

I closed my eyes with a frown. I had told him I would call, and that was two days ago.

"Sorry"

"Lily… What happened?" he asked softly and stepped towards me.

"Jeremy, no" I mumbled, stepping back.

"Did I do or said something wrong?" he asked. "Did I… hurt you?"

"No, it's just that…" my throat closed up and I trailed off.

I was with you, in bed, while my twin brother was killed… by your family and friends. I am a vampire and you will hate me for it if you discover. I can't date you anymore, because I wouldn't handle another heartbreak. I should never let myself be close to you. I wish I could compel you to forget everything, I wish I could compel myself to forget everything. I need to get away from you, because I'm not strong enough…

My thoughts were halted and I had to hold in a sob as he cupped my face. He wiped the tears as they fell and pulled me close to him.

"Lily, please, tell me what's wrong. I have been going insane with worry. I'm sorry if I did something wrong. I love you… Please tell me what's wrong, so I can fix it"

I finally looked up at him, and saw in his brown eyes something very similar to what I had seen in Nik's blue ones as he watched me cry over Christopher. They were filled with sorrow, but fear was more prominent in Jeremy's than in Nik's, and although both set of eyes had love in them, Jeremy's were quite different from Nik's. The love that showed in his eyes was different from the love I shared with my family. And it was quite different from the love I once thought have seen in Christopher's eyes. Jeremy's seemed much more sincere, and deeper...

And the anger I thought would reflect on him because of what his sister and friends did to my brother, didn't come forward. I just simply couldn't hate him.

And I also couldn't leave. If I left… I was leaving him in Kol's hands. At least, that's what I told myself. Deep down I knew that wasn't why I couldn't leave.

"My brother died" I said quietly.

"What?" he breathed. "Oh, Lily…"

"I… I had a bad feeling that morning and when I got home, Kol was… freaking out. He… died" I mumbled.

"Eli?" he asked softly.

"No, my eldest one…"

"I'm so sorry, Lily"

He pulled me into his arms, and as I buried my face into his chest, listening to his heartbeat, I finally found comfort.


AN: Sorry for the late update.

I hope you liked it. How did I go with the 12th century flashback?

REVIEW!

xoxo Luuh