Disclaimer:Same aschapters 1-6
Author's Note: I'm bored. So I'm uploading another chapter. There's drama. There's family time. There's even a puzzle. Also the word asshat makes a special appearance. Enjoy.
Chapter 7
After her shower Ashley had taken Spencer home with the promise to call that night. Being home caused the reality of the past few days to come crashing down on Spence. She was no longer in the sanctuary of Ashley's arms. She could no longer deny what was happening. Spencer had left her family to deconstruct on their own. Her father walked around moping, clearly depressed. Glen was giving her the cold shoulder. Clay was in serious denial, acting as if nothing at all had happened. For her own part, Spencer felt guilty, deeply guilty. Remembering how things used to be, Spencer missed Ohio for the first time since meeting Ashley.
She couldn't help but feel that the whole ordeal was some kind of penance. But she wasn't sure what it was for. She was positive that what she felt for Ashley wasn't a sin. There was no way. Ashley and sin did have a few common characteristics though. They were both fun, exotic, and impossible to refrain from partaking in. Spencer had committed "sins" before, she wasn't as innocent as everyone thought she was. The important difference was the way she felt afterwards. After "sinning" Spencer felt empty, sometimes dirty. She might not be innocent but overall she thought of herself as a good person. On the flip side, after Ashley, Spencer felt content and happy in a way she had never known.
No, her penance was not for choosing Ashley. It was because she had been selfish. As her family crumbled around her she had chosen not to help, not even to stand idly by, but rather flaunt her own happiness. To flaunt her own decision in front of those who had enough to deal with. No one had even mentioned the night before since she'd been home. No one mentioned Mom. No one mentioned Ashley. It just hung there, not like the elephant, but more like the frigging blue whale in the room.
She was being torn in two directions. On one side stood her family. On the other stood Ashley. Maybe they could just cool things off for a bit, at least until her family was on enough solid ground with their individual issues to accept Ashley as a part of Spencer's life.
But lying alone in her own bed that night, filled with the silence of the house, Spencer knew she would never be able to give up Ashley. It was only a little over 24 hours ago that they had finally figured it all out, but she already felt like a part of her was missing without Ashley in her arms. She didn't want to cool off. She didn't want to lose her family but she didn't want to lose a part of herself either.
Everything inside her hurt and she was emotionally exhausted so she did what anyone would do in that situation. She called Ashley.
"I miss you," she heard as a greeting.
Spencer felt herself smile, despite it all. She just held the phone to her ear, soaking in the brunette's husky tones.
"Are you okay?" Ashley asked the silence.
"No."
"Do you want me to come get you?"
Yes, Spencer thought. "No," Spencer said. She began to feel a familiar prickling sensation behind her eyes.
"I'm glad you called," Ashley continued almost shyly. "I know we said we'd talk tonight, but I was worried that maybe you would change your mind about us by being at home."
"After this morning? You brought me food in bed. You're a keeper," Spencer said, trying to keep her voice light. But Ashley saw right though it.
"I want to help you, Spence. What can I do?"
Hearing the love in her voice Spencer was no longer able to keep in her tears. She didn't know what anyone could do. She wanted to run away with Ashley to some private island and never look back. She let out a small sob.
"I want my mom."
There was silence from Ashley, then, "Because bitching at her puts you on cloud nine?"
"No. You might not understand this because your mom was never there for you like you deserved, but my mom used to be different. She fixed things. You could talk to her about problems. Hell, she's a doctor. If you got hurt mommy really did make it all better. Right now I'm hurting, Ash. And I'm so lost. And as immature as it is, my first instinct is to want to run to my mom and have her make it all better. Of course, eventually my brain kicks in and I remember my mom is most of the problem. I just miss her."
There was more silence as Spencer cried quietly into the phone.
"I'm sorry you lost that feeling of safety with your mom," Ashley finally said.
"I'm sorry you never had it," Spencer responded. "But now we have each other."
"Always," Ashley whispered.
Spencer curled up into a ball and pulled a blanket over her legs. "Would you do something for me?" she asked.
"Always."
"Sing me to sleep Ashley. I want your voice to be the last thing I hear before I dream. Then I'm guaranteed to dream of you."
"That I can definitely do. I know the perfect song. It's my fathers…the one you missed at my show. I want you to hear it now more than ever."
"Thank you," Spencer whispered. She pulled the blanket over her head wanting to believe she was in a world with only Ashley as the girl began to sing.
"Spend your life searching, waiting in line…"
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
She did dream of Ashley. The dream had been simple and sweet, merely Ashley holding Spencer as together they floated in the waves of the ocean. But Spencer hadn't been afraid because Ashley stared into her eyes the whole time, smiling and never once letting go. Spencer was convinced that the dream was the only thing that got her up the next day.
She had opted out of going to church. It simply wasn't in her to praise God at this time. Of course, Spencer did end up thinking the big man upstairs for her decision when everyone came home in an even worse mood. Glen brushed past her, thankfully still not speaking. Her father gave her an awkward hug, mumbling something about her mother before going to pour himself a drink. Clay was actually in tears.
As they each went their own way Spencer felt her sadness dissolving into anger. None of them were even trying to comfort each other. She wouldn't let this happen to her family.
What would Ashley do?
Ashley laughed. Ashley cracked jokes. And Ashley had survived far more than most people realized. Spencer had to be strong like the girl she loved.
She stood in the doorway of the dining room watching her father. "Let's do a puzzle," she blurted out. Good job, Spence, she thought when she realized she wasn't sure where she was going with this yet.
"Pardon?"
"Yeah, let's do a puzzle, all of us, like was used to when we were younger."
"Honey, now doesn't really seem the time does it? What made you think of it?"
Spencer shrugged. "I guess I was in a mood to put something together instead of watching everything fall apart."
Her father looked up at her for real at that. He stared into her eyes and understood what it was she wasn't saying. She watched as he slowly nodded and rose from his chair. "I'll go convince Glen."
When they all gathered at the table Clay and Spencer had already decided on a 500 piece Simpson's puzzle. Glen couldn't help but grin. He is so easy, Spencer laughed to herself.
Everyone fell into a rhythm, working on separate parts of the puzzle. No one really spoke to each other except for asking for pieces. But as Spencer looked around the table she couldn't help but notice the tension slipping away for at least the time being. She grinned as she watched her father search frantically for a piece. She laughed as Clay and Glen argued over the placement of a section.
"Hey lesbo, you gonna help us out or just sit there grinning like an idiot?" Glen asked, interrupting her moment of happiness.
"Glen!" her father admonished.
"It's okay Dad. Glen's just worried that it will get around school that I can please a woman better than he can," Spencer countered with a grin.
There was a collective groan of disgust from the guys as a few puzzle pieces flew in her direction. Arthur even looked a little sick.
Clay put his hands over his ears. "As your brother I am not allowed to hear these things. Ever."
"That was a low blow you brat!" Glen added.
Spencer fell into a fit of giggles. The looks on their faces were classic and despite their words, her brothers were smiling. Maybe someday they really could accept Ashley.
As if on cue her cell rang. Seeing that it was her brunette beauty Spencer left the room to answer it.
"I miss you."
Ashley laughed. "I can beat that. My lips miss your lips. I'm starting to miss you on the micro level. How'd you sleep?"
"Almost as good as I sleep in your arms. You're my hero."
"And if I had a nickel every time someone told me that. Anyway, I called because I was curious as to how we were going to handle school tomorrow…you know, as in as a couple."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I don't want to push you. Am I allowed to hold your hand? Kiss you in public? Try and sex you up in the hallway? I can handle keeping it between us for a bit if that's necessary, but I might have to kill anyone who hits on you now. Do I have to pee on you to mark my territory?"
"Ewww, Ashley!"
"I'm just saying…I want everyone to know you're mine. You're hot. I have bragging rights."
"I am yours Ashley. And we will let everyone know in a way that doesn't involve screaming it from rooftops or humping my legs."
"So what you're saying is leave the 'Spencer had her tongue down my throat' banner at home?"
"Only if you want my tongue down your throat again."
"Point taken. But what exactly have we decided here?"
"Go with the flow Ashley. I am yours. I don't want to hide that, okay? But let's just take it each day at a time."
"Only if you say yes to hand holding. I neeeeed to touch you when I'm around you," Ashley whined.
Spencer laughed. "Agreed."
"So, you sound better than last night. Your family doing better?"
"We're just kind of pushing it aside for now. To be together, draw strength from each other. We're having a good time. I took a page from the book of Ashley."
"The book of me, huh? This good time involved skinny dipping then?" Ashley teased.
"No! Wait…you, you go skinny dipping a lot?"
"What can I say? I like the feel of the water against my naked skin…"
"I…ummm…" Spencer began to mumble.
"You're picturing it now aren't you?"
Realizing her family was only a room away Spencer quickly changed the subject before she started to verbally explore Ashley's body. "I was able to get my family together to do a puzzle. I just asked myself 'What would Ashley do?'"
"Damn, I like that. I'm thinking t-shirts, bumper stickers, buttons. If everyone started asking themselves that the world would get a lot sexier. Which is why I had to question how you got to doing a puzzle..."
"It was the PG version of the 'What would Ashley do?' game is all. I panicked. I don't want to see my family naked."
"That I can understand. I don't want to see Glen naked either. Well, I'll let you get back to the puzzle then. Tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow."
As Spencer hung up the phone she noticed Glen standing behind her.
"You realize this doesn't change things right?" he started, "Just because we're all here together smiling. Mom is still gone. You're still with Ashley. Clay is still trying to find himself or some shit…"
"And you're still an asshat," Spencer finished. "Yeah, I know. But at least we're together," she said before pulling Glen back into the dining room. "Now, where were we?"
