Author's Notes: I do not own Doctor Who, the Doctor, Donna, Martha, Amy, Rory, River, Ianto or Jack. Proof I don't own Jack? Miracle Day, people. Anyway, thanks for the reads and reviews and favorites and follows. I hope this is fun for you. Enjoy this chapter and please let me know what you think!


Donna sat with Zara in the jumpseat of the console room waiting for Jack, Martha and Ianto to show up. By now, Esther had sensed something was up and had come to keep an eye on Donna.

Of course Donna was also secretly hoping that the door would fling open and the Doctor would come in, ready with an apology and saying that River Song had run off with one of the soldiers or something.

"I want Daddy..."

"I know, sweetheart, I want Daddy, too. He'll be back soon enough though."

There was a knock at the door and Donna let out a deep sigh, knowing the Doctor would have just used the key. She got up and walked over, opening it to reveal Martha, Jack and Ianto.

"Torchwood Time Baby Services Division reporting for duty," Jack said with a salute.

"Thank God," said Donna, surprised those words had escaped her mouth while looking at Jack Harkness. Whatever, it was a bloody emergency.

The three came in.

"Feeling alright?," asked Martha.

"Just the usual. They're six minutes apart or so."

"Hi, Zara," said Ianto, walking over to the jump seat. "How are you?"

"I want Daddy."

"Right. Where is Daddy?," asked Jack.

"He went with Amy and Rory and a bunch of soldiers and a tart archaeologist to find some Forever Fountain," said Donna.

"What? The one Mad Queen Sardosa was looking for? It's real?," asked Jack.

"How should I know? There were some sort of energy readings he was following, I haven't touched the scanner."

Jack hopped over to look at the TARDIS scanners. "Yeah, that is something. No wonder he couldn't resist."

"What is it?," asked Ianto, now holding Zara.

"The fountain is supposed to be a source of immortality." Jack shrugged. "What you need for that is a huge energy source and that's what we have here, probably why you can't reach the Doctor, he must be close to it. Good news is I only see one way to it, I'll go down, find the Doctor and drag him back by his ear if I have to."

"Come on, Donna," said Martha, "Jack has this. Let's just go to the clinic and get you sorted."

"Right, there's just one other thing," said Donna.

"What?," asked Jack.

"The tart archaeologist, her name is River Song." Donna took a breath. "She has to make it through today or there's no point in any of this. It's a wibbly wobbly timey wimey mess."

Jack nodded. "Understood."


Having developed a plan, Rory had one reservation on it. Well, several really, but one in particular.

"Why do I have to be the one to yell?," asked Rory.

"Because you have that face," said Amy.

Rory sighed and leaned towards the entrance. "Help! Help! Doctor Song is going to kill the Doctor!"

River made a show of using her shackles to ring the Doctor's neck. A little too much of a show the Doctor thought to himself, but it appeared to be working as the guards arrived, flinging open the door and pulling River away from him.

Amy nodded to Rory and they headed out. The guards released the Doctor from River's grip and he landed on the ground again, realizing that he would have to get her out of here as well.

Great.

She looked at him as if she couldn't work out what he was doing for a second, then rolled her eyes. Then she kissed one of the guards.

What?

The guard stood back, fazed, then he began snogging the other guard.

What? Jack wasn't even here...

"Well," said River, "that's never happened before."

"What was that?," the Doctor demanded.

"Hallucinogenic lipstick."

"What? Seriously?"

"Aren't you going to help me out of these?," she said holding the shackles out plaintively.

The Doctor spotted his sonic screwdriver in the back pocket of one of the very distracted guards and took it, quickly undoing River's shackles.

"Amy and Rory have gotten a pretty good lead on us," said the Doctor as they ran.

"This way!," shouted River.

The Doctor heard the clatter of the approaching guards and followed River.

"You're going further down!," he barked, now wondering if he had miscalculated in freeing her. It now seemed as if she could have gotten out herself. "This way!"

The Doctor ran into the next opening and saw only a wall. He turned back around.

"It's a dead end," he said to River. "Back out!"

She turned and then the rock wall slid shut.

"What?," exclaimed the Doctor. He took out the sonic scredriver and scanned the door. "No, no, that's just not fair."

"It's a booby trap," said River.

The Doctor rolled his eyes.

"What? Do you think I take pleasure in being right? Believe me, I would like nothing better than to get you back to Donna and end this miserable failure of an expedition."

"Well, that makes two of us!" He slid to the floor. "Donna's going to kill me and don't tell me how she can handle it!"

"Donna can handle anything," she said.

That was unexpected...

"I need to be there," said the Doctor. "She doesn't deserve to be alone."


Rory was starting to think he actually knew where he was going in the cave, then wondered if there was such a thing as cave hypnosis. Just grey, grey and more grey and more rocks.

"Rory, wait!," said Amy panting, bringing their progress to a halt.

"What?," he asked.

"We lost River and the Doctor!," she said.

"We have to get back to the TARDIS," said Rory.

"But we need the Doctor," she said.

"The Doctor can take care of himself and I'm starting to think Professor Song can as well," said Rory. "Donna, however, is having a baby with no help."

"What? You're going to deliver a Time Baby?," asked Amy.

"I'm a nurse, Amy!," said Rory. "Although, I hadn't thought about it being a Time Baby. It should be the same, right? I mean, the Doctor's a mammal, isn't he?"

Amy paused. "I don't know. His hands are really cold."

"What if there's an egg or something? Or it bursts out of her stomach?"

"What? Like in Alien? Don't be stupid."

"I'm not trying to be stupid! I just don't know how to deliver a Time Baby!"

"A minute ago you did!"

"A lot has come to light since then!"

They heard the approaching clamor of the soldiers and looked at each other.

"Run," they said in sync and started back up the tunnel.


Ianto had put on his best uncle face for Zara. He managed to make her lunch in the TARDIS kitchen, preparing the items the ship seemed to throw out at him almost. Then he had taken her back to the sitting room and started Toy Story since one of Donna's last instructions had been to not put in anything where animals died. He was settling in nicely with Zara, who was just dozing off, when he looked up from the film to see Martha in the doorway of the sitting room. She had a towel over her hand.

"What is it?"

"We may have a problem," said Martha. She took the towel off to reveal an infected mess of a hand, swollen to almost three times its size. "I think the Weevil gave me some sort of infection."

"My God, that's nasty. Does the TARDIS have medication for it?"

"Yes, and I already took it, but we have a bigger problem. I can't deliver the baby like this."

"Then what?"

Martha looked pointedly at Ianto.

"Oh, no, please no," he said.

"Should we ask Zara then? Maybe Esther?"

"Dogs have babies all the time."

"Ianto!"

He took a deep breath. "Would it involve putting my hands in Donna's..."

"Well, we need to know how dilated her cervix is!"

"Oh, God, no."

"It's easy, just put a finger up there-"

"I am not putting my finger up there!" He motioned at Martha's unscathed hand. "Use the other one!"

"I can't! What if I have some Weevil infection?"

"Well, this is just flipping brilliant!," said Donna.

Ianto and Martha turned to see Donna, leaning against the wall of the TARDIS corridor.

"My choices are the woman with the weird alien infection and the bloke who's too squeamish to look at my vagina! Maybe I should have had Jack stay, I bet he's never seen genitalia that frightened him!"

"I'm sorry, Donna," said Ianto. "I just, oh, my God..."

Donna gave him a pat on the shoulder. "It's okay, you're a bloke. You can't help yourself." She looked at Martha. "What the hell is a Weevil?"

"It's this alien that lives in the sewers in Cardiff..." Martha said apologetically.

Donna cast her a look. "Okay, you are definitely keeping that hand away from my vagina." She looked back at Ianto. "You had better hope Jack finds my husband or get over your shyness in a hurry. As a warning, I haven't gotten a bikini wax in a while. That whole area's been a bit sensitive."

"Oh, God," said Ianto, growing pale.