a/n: sorry this took so long to complete, my brain just completely shut down against it for awhile apparently. alas, here is the final chapter for you guys. thanks for being patient~!
Blaine felt a little more comfortable in knowing that if Rachel was using him-for what, he still wasn't sure-he could at least use her a little bit too. Knowing that it was driving his brother insane that Blaine had what he wanted was more than enough to keep their romance alive, even when the comments from their peers threatened to tear them down.
She didn't say anything about his sudden change in attitude towards her, how he became more predatory than boyfriend-ly so quickly, until nearly a week had passed. He wasn't even sure she had noticed the change, which made things worse, made him more annoyed.
"Am I just an experiment to you?" she accused one afternoon after Glee, and his hand tightened around hers reflexively.
"Of course not," he told her honestly, because underneath all the current resentment and competition they seemed to be in, he did have real feelings for her.
"Then how come we don't ever do things like go on real dates? Or am I just something to throw in Jesse's face? Are you just using me to torture your brother?" Her voice went quiet at the end, a vulnerability he didn't even know she was capable of causing him to stop in his steps, looking at her-really looking at her for the first time in a long time.
"Of course not," he replied, but his voice wavered a bit, something she picked up on quickly. She withdrew her hands from his, crossing her arms over her chest as she glared at him. She looked pissed but even more than that she looked hurt and it killed a small part of himself to realize he was doing that to her.
"If you just wanted to use me to get under Jesse's skin you could have let me know," she whispered angrily. "You didn't have to let me think that you might have felt the same for me. I could have protected myself against this better." Blaine didn't have a response, never seeing so much expression on Rachel's face before throwing him completely off.
She didn't give him a chance to figure out how to reply anyways, walking away quickly with her head down, and he was sure if he listened hard enough he could hear the sniffles that signaled she was crying, but still he was rooted to the spot, the realization that maybe Jesse was right and Rachel just didn't know how to express herself most of the time hitting him hard and low. The realization that he may have just shot the best thing that could have ever happened to him before it had a chance to grow hitting even harder.
He approached Jesse hesitantly that night, unsure of how to go about what he needed to do without causing another fight. Jesse, for his part, was getting very good at ignoring Blaine's existence-not that Blaine wasn't used to that, until he had been a freshman and joined New Directions with Jesse, everyone had believed the older boy was an older child. Still, Blaine knew he had to fix things with Rachel, whatever the cost, and while he didn't particularly want to face a smug Jesse, he had no choice.
"I need to talk to you," Blaine said quietly at Jesse's door that evening. "It's-it's really important, or I swear I wouldn't be bringing this up." Jesse stared at him, his face impassive as he put down his book, the only signal Blaine received to let him know it was okay to continue on. "I think I fucked up."
"Of course you did," Jesse shrugged, and Blaine sighed but didn't argue the statement. "I take it Rachel finally blew up at you then."
"She accused me of only wanting her to fuck you over and-wait, why would you think she would blow up at me?" Blaine asked warily.
"Because I told her you were using her to get under my skin," Jesse responded as if he was telling Blaine the weather, and Blaine had never been one for physical violence but he felt a flash of anger that almost caused him to punch his brother.
"That's not true!" Blaine yelled, all thoughts of a calm conversation flown out the window. "I'm not-"
"Except you have been Blaine," Jesse quipped, not even bothering to sugarcoat this for him. "You've been doing nothing but flaunting her in my face, as much as you tried to avoid doing so at first. And if you felt used when she was just trying to show you affection, regardless of who was around, how do you think she feels?"
"I wasn't trying to use her," he mumbled, rubbing a hand over his face.
"Rachel's a complex girl Blaine. She's an actress and she has depth and emotions beyond even your understanding. If you want to fix it, fucking fix it. It's not hard. Otherwise, don't be surprised when she leaves you for someone superior who can understand her." Blaine didn't bother replying, leaving Jesse's room quickly and heading back to his own, trying to figure out exactly how to make everything up to Rachel.
She ignored him the next day, regardless that he tried apologizing. She didn't even show up for lunch, and when he managed to track her down in the choir room where she was rehearsing she left quickly without a word in his direction.
The next few days were much the same, anytime he tried getting her alone to apologize, to explain his side of things, she'd disappear around a corner, walking out in the middle of glee rehearsal one afternoon when he started trying to apologize in the middle of it.
When Friday rolled around and it had been four days, he decided if she wasn't going to let him apologize to her face, he'd do the cowardly thing and call her and apologize. Not that he expected her to answer the phone, and so he spent nearly two hours trying to figure out the perfect message for her.
He stared down at the words in his notebook, watching as they swirled around and turned into meanings he didn't want her to think, wondering if she'd even really listen at all. Maybe this was the end for them, but he wasn't going to let her go without a fight. He wasn't going to give up on her, and that was the driving force as he picked up his phone, quickly hitting her phone number before he could chicken out.
It rang, and he figured that was a good sign-she didn't pick up and hang up on him, which was a better start than he had hoped for, and eventually her voicemail picked up. Hello! This is Rachel Berry, and if I'm not answering my phone it's probably because I'm focusing on becoming a big star right now. Leave a message!
He smiled despite the situation at the sound of her voice, the automatic recording meant for everyone seeming like a savior to him to remind him why he was fighting so hard for her. For her determination and confidence, her talent and perseverance. She was everything he could have ever wanted and more, and if she was going to end things with him, she at least deserved to know where he stood.
"Please record your message at the tone," the voice was saying now, and Blaine cleared his throat, closing his eyes as the tone beeped and he blurted out all he needed to say.
"Rachel, I know you're mad-pissed, really-at me, and I don't blame you. I was a dick, and I can see now why you thought I was using you. But the bottom line is, Jesse or no Jesse-I want you. I would want you. I did want you. You're amazing, Rach, and I can't believe I was stupid enough to let my own insecurities manifest and let Jesse pick them apart until I nearly destroyed us. And I hope I didn't do that, destroy us, because I'd like to start over. You and I. No Jesse, no Kurt. Just us. And if you're willing to give me a second chance, shit, Rach, I'll make it up to you. I will. You just have to talk to me again, please." He sighed, looking down at his notebook where completely different words were scribbled. "Please just talk to me," he mumbled into his hand, not even bothering to say anything more as he hung up, feeling completely dejected as he decided to climb into his bed, hiding away from the heartache that he felt was now inevitable.
The first thing he noticed when he woke up was that someone's arms were wrapped around him, hands clutching his own and while he looked down at them he knew they were Rachel's, knew she had come back to him. "Rach?" he asked quietly, and she just mumbled incoherently into his back, nuzzling her head into him as she snuggled closer, a blanket thrown over them that he hadn't fallen asleep with.
He unclasped her hands, turning himself around to face her. She was asleep, a peaceful, calm look on her face as she immediately held on to him again, and he couldn't help but place a small kiss on her forehead as he pulled more blankets on top of them, fending against the cold and holding her close, happy for a few moments that she had at least deemed him safe enough to come back to.
He kept his eyes closed when he woke up again, sure that Rachel appearing in his bed last night was a dream, that she was still pissed, that he had fucked things up too far beyond repair. But then he heard a soft sigh, felt her shift in the bed beside him, and a smile grew on his face despite their inevitable conversation.
When she opened her own eyes a few minutes later, he was met with a shy grin, a small 'sorry' falling from her lips before he could shake his head 'no'. "You don't have to be sorry Rachel, I do," he told her, keeping his voice quiet in the early morning. She didn't say anything in return, just placed a small kiss on his shoulder, but nodded. "Are we going to be okay?"
"We're going to start over, yes?" she asked, her eyes wide and hopeful and scared and he knew that he could never say 'no' to her, never turn her away if there was even a chance that she wanted him. "Just you and I? No more drama?"
"Just you and I," he promised, keeping his eyes focused on her own. "No more drama."
"I'd like that, " she yawned, exhaustion creeping over her expression again. "I'd like that a lot."
"Me too," he promised, his grip around her tightening as they let themselves fall back to sleep, Blaine never remembering a time he was happier than he was in that moment, the sound of her steady breathing lulling him to sleep once more.
