Chapter 6 – Lucy
'Are you picking your nose? That's gross,' Matthew said to me, jumping over the backrest of the sofa and running into the open plan kitchen to grab the kitchen roll for me as I slunked down into the squidgy sofa even further, using my hand as a makeshift cup as the blood continued to trickle out of both nostrils.
'I told you I was having a nosebleed – I wasn't picking my nose I was feeling if there was blood,' I protested back as he came around, gently ripping off a sheet and folding it up, gently placing it under my bleeding nose. I looked at Matthew in the eye, wondering how I ever deserved a friend like him. His puppy like appearance was more prominent when he was around in my flat relaxing, his light brown eyes shining intently with his blonde hair flopping around everywhere. Gently, he raised my other hand to hold the tissue as he got another sheet or two to mop up the blood captured by my hand bucket. Matthew leaned back, grabbing the small vase we had on the table to stick the blood tissues in before he came back to sitting beside me, his arm around me.
'You really need to get your nose cauterised. Bleeding this much this often cannot be healthy,' He simply summed up, rubbing my upper arm to try and get me to calm down.
'It's more a catalyst effect,'
'Even so, this isn't healthy.' He gently nudged the sogging tissues.
'If I don't talk about the abuse, we're fine.' I said as my nose continued to gush again. Matthew sighed, getting another two tissues, folding them up and quickly changing them over but it wasn't quick enough. A steady stream of warm blood was now leaving both nostrils and the second interlude between the now sogging first blood tissue and the crisp one was enough to leave a few splash marks on my jeans.
'Then don't mention it and especially when your nose is having a menstrual sulk,' He joked, walking into the kitchen to get me a drink.
'Menstrual sulk, I like that one,' I muttered under my breath, tasting the bitter aftertaste of iron where some of the blood must have gone down the back of my throat. I pulled a face, knowing no one can see it but realised that it was a result of talking about the years of abuse I went through as a kid. Matthew and I had barely brushed upon the surface – he simply asked at what age did it all start – and I told him loosely about Him killing my Mum by pushing her down the stairs, and taking both Brother and myself to Kingdom – and that's when all Hell broke out in liquid form. I can think about it as much as I like without any physical side effects, but the second I started talking about it, the blood Niagra came flowing from my nose. Not the most attractive look, and especially not good when it happened every time in a psychiatrists office. She said it was a result of trauma, happens quite often. The sheer distress and cause effects such as nosebleeds. It's the same way some people when having panic attacks can trigger nosebleeds, but such events are rare.
However, Maui thinks it could be something more. Maui suggested that He put in a shield in my brain, so whenever I went to discuss something about Kingdom, or Him and Brother, that my nose would start bleeding and it would inevitably shut me up. Well, it worked.
'Here, drink this love.' Matthew said softly, passing me a small tumbler of water, and I slipped it slowly, trying to wash away the stagnant iron taste that lingered in the back of my throat.
'You called me love,' I said, 'You love me,' I joked, twitching my nose but that did absolutely bugger all to stop the nosebleed, so I grabbed another tissue. The vase, normally filled with Tesco's bouquets that were reduced but Dixon's gift of rejuvenation meant they would stay alive for a substantial period, was currently full of my bloody tissues, most of them starting to release the fluid causing a puddle of form of my own blood. I tried to estimate how much there was and guessed about just over half a pint; any more and I would have to go to hospital to get a transfusion.
'Of course I love you, princess. Shame I'm a raging homosexual,' Matthew bluntly said, sitting back beside me hugging me again, laughing. Matthew never took to hiding his sexuality – and why should he? I will always treat him like a brother, and to him I am his kid sister. However, neither of us knew how old we both were. The abuse that both of us suffered – me in Kingdom and Matthew in his small home town in Northern Ireland meant we couldn't remember our birth dates. They tracked down two suspected people Matthew could be on the birth record database under different names, but Matthew wanted a new start. New name, new surname, foster family and date of birth. So he went for the 23rd November, and I went for 25th November. So we went on the idea he's older, and I was younger but we never actually knew.
'We got mail!' Dixon came shouting in through the door, pushing Mara out the way that was left carrying the shopping bags, and she waved in her hand three black envelopes. All of which has the red stamp in the corner of first class mail, and addresses neatly filled out on front. Dixon quickly undid her bra under her shirt and with one – two – slips of the straps whipped it out and threw it over our heads to land on the table. From the angle of the door you can never actually tell if anyone was on the settee. Matthew popped his head over, frowning at her.
'Oh, Matthew, sorry,' Dixon said, running around to grab the piece of lingerie from the table as Matthew just shrugged.
'No problem, cute bra though.' He commented, even though everyone knew Matthew was gay and had a boyfriend and they were adorable together Dixon still blushed under his praise.
'Thank you – oh for Goodness sakes Lucy, what have you done to yourself this time! Mara, get your medic ass over here,' Dixon said, perching down on the table as she continued to watch the one white (with flower print on) tissues slowly get blood stained. Mara, dropping the bags on the laminate flooring of the kitchen, hauled her ass over around the settee, saw blood and immediately ran straight over.
'Bloody Hell – literally. You're Satan.' Mara said.
'How are you a student doctor?' I asked her deadpan back. Mara was now in her fourth year of med school and worked part time in Bournemouth hospital to help her get graduation credits.
'I dunno, Satan. But you've lost a lot of blood already, I am actually concerned. Matthew, can you hold bae's nose about here, a bit more pressure please – that's good - right there,' She took Matthew's left hand, making him pinch the top of my nose until it was uncomfortable. 'Now you lean forward, and neither of you two move. Lucy, this is a bowl. Bleed into it. Forget the tissues, they don't actually do anything.'
'Can I have my mail?' I questioned, and Dixon clicked as she pointed to me, clearly having forgot about them as she flung her tit-sling across the room onto the table for Matthew to see. Actually, in all honesty, it was a cute bra. Suddenly, the blank envelope floated in front of me, with "Miss Lucy Brookes" in cursive silver writing on the front. Quickly I ripped open the seam, causing small bits of paper to fall off as I never mastered opening birthday card envelopes that normal children do around age seven so I had to deal with being a messy card opener. I pulled out black pieces of paper, with a fancy white overlay with gold cursive writing.
Dear Lucy Brookes,
As a valid member of Maui, and in celebration of our wonderful organisation and the gifts that the shining key workers within the departments within the UK we would like to invite you to Kensington Garden's for an award ceremony and black tie reception. Food and beverages will be provided by the waitressing staff at the establishment. The date for this event is the 14th May, with a 6pm start and a 2am finish and we ask you to keep to the black tie tradition. Everyone has been granted the day off work except for any emergencies. This invitation will allow you entrance into the building, so do not forget. Everyone is expected to attend, and if you cannot make such an event please speak to your line manager.
I look forward to seeing everyone for a good night of celebrations and wishes.
Susan McForantian
C.E.O Maui.
'Kensington Gardens? Isn't that where Prince Harry, Kate and their two kids live?' Matthew asked, reading over my shoulder. I rolled my eyes at him, dropping my hand down and immediately covering myself in more drip marks of blood, as Matthew leaned forward to pick up the tissue to hold in there again as Mara glared at me, sticking the bowl under my nose again. I preferred tissues, at least I didn't have to see blood. Gah, I hated the sight of blood.
'That's Kensington Palace, the Garden's are down a bit and have their own massive establishment.' Dixon commented, reading her invite. 'It's still in central London – it must have cost a fortune to hire out the entire hall,'
'The Government is paying for it – also isn't that Hyde park?' Mara asked. 'Why am I even invited?' Not a Savant and not a part of Maui – why was she invited?
'Hyde Park is one side, got a road in the middle then it's Kensington Garden's the other side.' I said and Matthew nodded, 'When is it?'
'Tomorrow – so we have time to go get a dress or something. I think I might actually want to go to this one,' Dixon commented, already adding the date to her organiser that she carries around everywhere. 'We just have to bear in mind Luce can't get a white dress when she's bleeding from her nose,'
'Or just not mention the fact I was abused by my dickhead of a father figure,' I murmured, and I felt my nose to start bleeding heavily again.
'For Goodness' sake Lucy, stop mentioning it. You know you can't, you know that there is a filter, shut up before you hurt yourself even more.' Matthew argued, getting yet another piece of kitchen towel as I started to shake.
'You are losing a lot of blood, Luce, it could be worth a detour to hospital.' Mara said
'No,' I argued back. 'No,' I said again quietly. 'We can go dress shopping in a bit for tomorrow, just give me a moment please,' I muttered and the girls nodded. Matthew shot me daggers as I was still bleeding heavily.
'Can you give her a second, girls?' Matthew said sweetly, causing both Dixon and Mara to blush before the both headed to one of the bedrooms. 'What are you thinking, you bloody idiot. You're not going shopping Satan's blood waterfall is coming out of your nose!'
'It'll be fine. I'll go out bleeding, I've done it before,'
'Yeah when bloods coming out other holes down south, lovely, I get it. But this is different. This is not normal, or even a normal infradian rhythm. Lucy, I love you to pieces you know that but you have got to get your shit together.' Matthew lectured me, throwing the dry tissues in the bin, wiping up some odd drops of the coffee table.
'I have – am,' I whispered, lying down with tears pooling in my eyes. The blood has stopped flowing the second I had stopped thinking about it so when the tissue dropped there was no blood leaking, however I did feel incredibly light headed and dizzy. I realised how disappointed I was about myself. I thought I was getting better; I could talk about what had happened in brief terms to anyone and it wasn't too bad. I was wrong. How could I even assume I was getting better – I will always be under His control. He was the one who put this bloody mind filter in so I couldn't even so much as say anything without giving me a nosebleed, killer headache and low blood pressure. He will always have access to my mind, even though He hasn't been near me in years. I covered my eyes with the palm of my hand, ashamed of crying. Matthew didn't say anything, until he obviously heard me crying and came running over.
'Lucy, please don't.' He whispered sweetly, running his hand up and down my hip.
'You're right, though,'
'Partly - er, stop going invisible. I don't like that. Come back.'
Welcome to my household; You have Mara a normal medical student who deals with all our first aid. Dixon, with her Savant gift of rejuvenation which works wonders on dead ends and flowers but we don't know if she can make people young, Matthew who may as well live here for how often he's around with his truth-telling gift meaning he cannot lie or even tell white lies or he throws up and of course there's me, who inadvertently switches on their gift, causing a small shield around me that throws you off perspective of me. Some people call it invisibility but that's not even remotely true. I can't just make my atoms go away, can I? It's more an invisibility cloak – yeah. Think of Harry Potter's cloak – I can do that, but it's more of a skin tight shield. The invisibility onesie. The invisibility morph suit!
'Sorry,' I whispered, focusing on cutting whatever I let loose to start with.
'Look, you need to get it together and by that I mean you need to stop putting yourself through pain. I know you more than anything want to be able to talk about it, get it out your system for at least that verbal reassurance that people are there for you, and people care, and you're not almost hiding it. I know what happened, obviously, but Dixon doesn't. Mara doesn't. You can't tell them. They understand you were abused for years and years but they don't know to what extents not like me.' Matthew said gently, sliding my head onto his lap as he sat down, fussing my hair softly. 'Girl, I would die for hairs like this. Dark Auburn, love it.'
'You can't tell them the whole story though, they won't look at me in the same way –' I went to say, but Matthew put his finger on my lip.
'I know they would stick you in bubble wrap if they found out you were sexually abused too.' Matthew whispered and I nodded. 'Tough subject.'
'Yeah,' I whispered, looking away.
There was a brilliant reason why I never got into any relationships when I was in my A-level year, or first year at university or when I dropped out and worked for Maui like I do now. I couldn't deal with commitment. I saw what commitment had done for my Mum and she ended up dead. That was with her Soulfinder, too. Mum and Dad were Soulfinder's, each other's perfect halves and he ended up killing her because he was obsessed with power. What if my Soulfinder was like that? Obsessive? Violent? I couldn't help but wonder. I couldn't make bonds with people, scared it would be a mirror-image of my younger life. I freaked out when someone was getting a bit too touchy feely with me, and would force them away, run away myself and throw up with just the recurrent memories of those nights where He would force me dress up and almost rent me out. There's a reason I pretended I couldn't hold an invisibility shield around more than three people – would I rather be beaten and starved, or rented out to men and woman three times my age? Of course the former was my option. Those days were all hazy, though, as He must have made me forget the nights as they happened, but they lingered. The distaste of anyone touching me who I wasn't okay with remained.
'I've heard of cases where people get better when they meet their Soulfinder,' Matthew said to me, sitting me back up again but holding me up with a firm hands on my waist. I didn't mind Matthew touching me in such a way. If some guy, like my Soulfinder, dared such a move if we ever meet I would deck him.
'Same, but how would finding my one true love or whatever help me with an issue like me? I don't trust anyone, I can't deal with anyone apart from you and the Mara-Dixon combo touching me and I'll take about four years to come around on someone giving me a hug. I'm scared of relationships, how would finding me my ideal guy for an ideal relationship help me in the slightest?' I protested back.
'Your guy would have to be a very persistent and brilliant man,' was all Matthew said, slowly calming me down as the world kept spinning. 'Listen, we're staying in to find you a dress online. I'll pay and even get the same day evening courier for you. I can't let you go out when you're in this state,'
'Fine, I'll get my laptop.' I protested, getting up as Matthew forced me to sit down again as I started to sway.
'No, stay here, I'll get it.' He said, but my mind was caught on what he just said. A very persistent and brilliant man? He would have to be a few more things on top to even so much as gain my trust, a vital for relationships, but could there be someone that perfect out there just waiting for me? Sadly enough, it seemed unlikely.
