Chapter
Seven
Right Here Waiting
Saturday, 5:50 PM
"Uhh... Li-kun... Wh-what are you doing with that knife?"
Tomoyo was so confused she almost forgot she was scared. She then realized this and became so scared she couldn't remember being confused. Needless to say, she was more than sick of this convoluted memory loss thing.
The boy raised his weapon slowly, and Tomoyo didn't know where to turn- everywhere she was too afraid to look, she would have seen a sharp weapon of death in the hands of a madman, crouching like a wolf, ready to pounce on his more-than-innocent doe-eyed prey and devour her to pieces... Or whatever it was he would do.
"Ya mean this knife?" Shaoran asked innocently, twirling the blade around trickily. "Oh, nothing."
He then spread out the fingers on his left hand daintily before him and proceeded to file the dirt out of his fingernails with the shiny blade, whistling skillfully to the tempo of his batting eyelashes.
Tomoyo sighed in relief. (A/N: Yes, you may hit me on the head now... :P)
"Look..." he continued. "Um... We need to talk, Daidouji-san."
"Talk?"
"About you."
"Huh?"
In regards to the fact that every word she's uttered in this chapter so far has been a question, allow me to come to Tomoyo's defense. She wasn't playing dumb, but rather playing smart- the girl hoped she could finally get her hands on some solid information, but the last thing she wanted was to scare this decidedly eccentric boy away from helping her out.
As if he wasn't sure whether he was struggling to read Tomoyo's thoughts or suffering a bout of stomach gas, Shaoran wedged his eyebrows into the half-frown he was known for.
"I know why you left Japan."
And with the drama from that statement still intact, the hung-over Chinese boy slung his backpack over his shoulders with an awkward grace that a sumo wrestler might envy.
"And... And I'm eternally grateful... No, actually, scratch that. I mean, I am... Eternally grateful, that is... But even more than that... Uh..." He raised his worn-out eyes. "I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what?"
She knew for sure that this question was one she was seriously going to regret having asked, even if she didn't think it possible that her disappearance could be this sweet Shaoran's fault.
"For..." Shaoran hesitated. "For..."
'No way it was his fault', she told herself. He was just too shy.
"Fortakingawaytheonlythinginthewholewideworldyoueverreallycaredabout."
Her expression was a unique type of confusion. They both knew she understood what he said. Tomoyo was just suffering from the same thing Meiling was in the last chapter- Shaoran dubbed it the "I think I know what you're saying but I won't believe it 'till you spell it out for me" look. He wondered if it was a typical girl thing or if he was the only stud in the world that, at will, could make chicks look that confused.
'Tsk tsk... Shaoran and his delusions of grandeur', the author thought.
But on a more serious note, Tomoyo hoped against hope that he wasn't saying what she thought he was saying. It had to be one of those stupid ditties in the back of her mind. Like when she thought starfish were plants.
"I- I don't understand."
Without thinking, Shaoran reached over to scratch the back of his head with his non-deadly-weapon-carrying hand.
"Look, I didn't want to be the one to tell you this, but you... You were in love with Sakura."
A pause.
"Oh."
Despite how skillfully Tomoyo concealed her emotions with a subtle nod and soft-voiced reply, despite how she hadn't shaken or bolted off or smashed one of the mirrors in denial... Shaoran could tell that she was shaken to the core.
Her knees felt like they were going to give way. She couldn't help imagining the worst, trying to get whatever it was, whatever horrible memories that she might have had in her past life, over with. The look on Sakura's face if she knew (or did she?), the teasing she must have endured back in high school... The "L" word... She didn't want to think about anything in particular. 'Let it sink in,' she told herself. 'There are worse things.'
'Don't panic... Just let it... sink... in...'
Shaoran didn't know if he should step in for an embrace to let her sob on his shoulder or stand back to let her cry it out on her own. He usually knew what to do in these kinds of situations...
But Tomoyo did nothing of the sort. Shaoran suddenly realized that not all girls wear their hearts on their sleeves the way Sakura and Meiling do.
"Well that doesn't exactly explain why I left Japan," Tomoyo said with a straight face, looking at him but also, he thought, looking through him, as if she couldn't make herself see straight.
"No," Shaoran said quickly with a shake of his head. "No, it doesn't."
The blue-eyed girl looked up as Shaoran closed the distance between them. Before Tomoyo knew it, the boy had slung the straps of his queer-colored backpack around her. She half-expected him to say "but this will", but he was never one for cheesiness. Instead he let go of her new bag, took a step back and watched the girl both intently and respectfully, all in silence.
"Don't open it 'till your mother's asleep..." he whispered into her ear.
Tomoyo nodded without looking up as she rubbed her hands together, trying to create some form of warmth, no matter how ephemeral. Strange how only her hands felt cold.
After a second of silence she hoped he would break, the girl searched for something to say, but Shaoran was already motioning for them to get a move on- she thought she heard Sakura and Meiling bickering in the distance.
"Wait," Shaoran said, spinning around and almost head-butting Tomoyo. "There is one more thing."
"What?"
"Um..." The boy was interrupted by a couple of distant, agitated female screams. "I saw a movie yesterday, before I knew you an' Meiling were here... Anyway... It was a really sweet movie. It made it made me think of you."
The Japanese girl forced a smile. "Hehe... That's nice. What was—"
"It was about an army of parasitic bell pepper aliens that wanted to feast on our flesh."
"Oh."
"But of course, in the end, we devised a way to, uh, lure them into a giant brick oven and turn them into pizza toppings."
Tomoyo giggled.
"I thought you would have found it... Most satisfactory."
Shaoran winked. And he didn't care that he caught himself smiling for the second time that day.
Saturday, 5:55 PM
The first thing the girl noticed as she walked out of the building was the orange-red Tomoeda sunset. It was beautiful enough to make her attempt to fake another smile. She stared off absently at the slowly-moving clouds.
"To-mo-yo-chan..."
She blinked and turned around. Meiling was calling to her in her painfully annoying singsong manner. She had that look again. That "I-know-something-you-don't look" Tomoyo hated so much. Except this time the girl with the backpack saw no reason to really feel bothered by it. She was just glad she didn't have to talk to Sakura. 'No, not now. Maybe not ever,' she wondered harshly.
"Yes?"
The Chinese girl did a double take, checking up on the others before her, looking over to a random cute guy, peering back down at her sneakers and finally whipping her head back to Tomoyo, almost whacking her friend silly with her long, flowing, jet-black locks.
"Um... I'll tell ya later, kay?"
Tomoyo just nodded her head lazily and walked on. She saw Chiharu say something discreetly to Sakura before sneaking a peek over her shoulder, and wondered if they were talking about her. Better not to think of such things, she thought with a shrug. And even if they were, she didn't really want to know.
"But take this first, Tomoyo-chan."
She didn't realize Meiling was still walking beside her. Strange, she'd usually notice that kind of thing.
"Umm... All right," Tomoyo said, taking the DVD case from Meiling. She took one arm out from the strap of her backpack, ready to stick the gift inside.
"Don't bother trying. I couldn't get it open."
Just then, like a cheesy movie flashback, Tomoyo remembered seeing Shaoran struggling to keep his balance that morning as his cousin tried forcing open that bag's zipper.
"When you get to your mom's place later," Meiling said, moving her fingers together like a pair of scissors.
(Spinning-Card Commercial Thing Goes Here)
Saturday, 7:01 PM
Those seven words stuck with Tomoyo even through their delicious dinner and the chilly night-time stroll that followed. She hadn't said much during the meal- there were much more interesting things to talk about, she reasoned, but quickly berated herself for even thinking that way. The girl wasn't feeling as guilty as she normally would about being so self-centered. She just felt that she had to do something about it.
'Like try to get two words into my friends' conversation', Tomoyo thought, moving close enough to overhear what Sakura and Chiharu were saying during the short shadowy space between two streetlights (as to not be so obvious- she was an expert at sneaking up on unsuspecting people like Sakura, even if it was only the skill, and not the memory of the action, that remained).
"Why not? This is the most fun I've had in so long, Chiharu-chan! I mean, it's like an early high school reunion or something. I'm sure she would have loved it!" Sakura said with a giggle.
"Yeah, I bet she would have too, if she hadn't been really busy lately. We were going to invite Rika-chan, but when I saw how busy she's been getting ready to move to their new house, I knew she would have felt bad about not being able to make it," Chiharu said.
Tomoyo was glad the brown-haired girl stopped for effect- it gave her time to dig into her memory banks for something to associate that name with. Surprisingly, it didn't take long.
Rika Sasaki. She was in love with their grade school teacher, and convinced him to move to the high school division so they could be together... they had a secret relationship... only about 10 people knew about it.
"So, is she finally going to marry Terada-sensei?" Tomoyo asked after some time.
Everyone spun around at once.
"I thought you said she lost her memory?" Takashi voiced out what everyone else was thinking at the moment. Well, almost everyone.
"She DID!" Meiling retorted. "But if you actually LISTENED to what I was SAYING earlier, you would KNOW that she's SLOOOWLY getting it back!"
"H-hey... Take it easy, Meiling-chan!" Chiharu said. Not even Takashi knew how much of the tone in her voice was sarcasm and how much was her explosive temper.
Meiling shrugged and rolled her eyes, too proud to apologize. "Well, it's true, you know."
No one bothered to comment on her comment.
Meanwhile Tomoyo wished she had just kept her stupid mouth shut.
"I guess you didn't get the invitation to the wedding," Sakura said casually. "It's not for a couple months anyway. She... We were kind of hoping you would show up... And you will, right? I'll just ask her to make you a new—"
Meiling interjected. "We all tried sending you letters, ya know? We told your mom to give them to you- she wouldn't tell any of us your address... And you never checked your e-mail either."
Tomoyo looked around. Neither of the girls were making that up. Terrified at her own past emotions, she tried to keep her eyes off of Sakura as much as she could.
"Speaking of which... Did you ever get any of them?" Chiharu asked politely.
The blue-eyed one shook her head without looking up. "And I'm sorry you all couldn't track me down, either. I guess I had my name changed when I moved to Minnesota."
There was a moment of silence. From within Sakura's purse erupted a huge, unexpected, disconcerting, utterly weird belch. It was a burp that seemed to shake the very foundations of the earth upon which they stood. The purse's owner quickly elbowed her bag, twirled around in her step and attempted one of her trademark fake laughs.
"Hoe... Hehe... Sorry, that was me. Err... Dinner was GREAT! I don't think we thanked you enough for treating us to dinner, Meiling-chan", Sakura said as she beamed a glow-in-the-dark smile at her companions.
"Ah. Arigatou Meiling-chan!" Chiharu, Takashi and Tomoyo said in unison, even though Meiling had already made sure they thanked her four times in the past half hour.
As they resumed their walk back to the theme park, Sakura bit her lip and made a mental note to pound Kero-chan with some kind of large mallet-shaped device when they got back to her home. Meiling repeated what was almost a recorded message in everyone's heads by then- her way of saying "you're welcome", apparently.
"Like I said in the previous cha- um, I mean, earlier today, it was all for Tomoyo-chan. After all, like I said, she did take care of my hotel bill and plane ticket, you know."
"Err... It's just money. Nothing much," Tomoyo said painfully.
It was a good thing everyone seemed to be used to how Meiling acted. Tomoyo wouldn't have been able to stand the embarrassment if every time the Chinese girl mentioned her name they all turned their heads back to look at her. There was something beautiful about childhood friends- the lack of a need to impress them, to pretend to be someone around them.
Still, the girl wasn't in the mood to reminisce about 'good ol' times' she couldn't remember; she certainly wasn't too fond of being an outsider to her only real group of friends.
What Tomoyo didn't know she needed, what she was really looking forward to, was some time alone.
Once again, she found herself at the back of the pack, and kept silent as Chiharu and Takashi slowed their pace to hers.
"Hey, Tomoyo-chan..." Chiharu began.
"She's got a question," Takashi said, his hands around the back of his head.
"Well, it's your question, too."
Tomoyo just put on her smile. It was an automatic response by now.
"All right. Tomoyo-chan... If you don't mind me asking... Why did you leave Tomoeda?"
The girl's mouth twisted about like she was juggling around the world's sourest jawbreaker.
"Well, I sure wish I knew," she said as if they were gossiping about whether some boy from high school had a crush on one of them.
"I feel pretty bad about it, now, actually," she continued thoughtfully, knowing that was only a fraction of the truth.
"Well, you should," Chiharu said jokingly. "Things went downhill over here since you left, ya know?"
Trying to peer at the moon through the trees they were walking under, Tomoyo felt guiltier than she ever had in recent memory. But then again, nothing from her recent memory before last Tuesday had anything to do with her "real life", so what did that matter any?
"I'm just joking, silly," Chiharu said, taking Tomoyo by the arm. She must have been taking fibbing lessons from Takashi.
"I guess all that was inevitable, though. At least things seem to be getting better," she continued, watching with Tomoyo and Takashi as Shaoran struggled to carry the duffel bag and at the same time support his girlfriend, who had decided to burden him with giving her a piggyback ride. Meiling pretended to look away with envy.
"...now that you're here, I mean," Chiharu added.
"And don't think we don't notice these kinds of things," Takashi said. "Just because we're good-looking."
Chiharu almost pounded him until she realized he'd said "we're" and not "I'm".
Saturday, 7:16 PM
"Looks like this is it," Chiharu said regretfully as she bestowed her hugs upon everyone. Takashi merely leaned against his Porsche 911, flipping a coin in the air, trying to look cool in the glow of the parking lot's lampposts.
"So next Friday, right?" Sakura confirmed a little sadly.
Takashi nodded as both of them slipped into their seats. "Tell all your friends. I'm sure Naoko-chan won't disappoint."
Tomoyo looked up at the beautiful lights of the theme park before them, and wished she had a flash on her disposable camera for one last group picture under the faint moonlight. But sometimes, she thought, there is no better way to remember a moment than by opening one's eyes and capturing the image in one's mind. And that she did.
All too quickly the sleek black sports car sped past the four college kids and drifted towards the exit.
Meiling gave them both a mock salute as the vehicle made its way out of the parking lot. Somewhere behind them, Shaoran dropped the duffel bag in exhaustion and sat down on it. His girlfriend spun around and waved an incriminating finger in the air.
"Now, now, honey... You can't sit there. That's a handicapped parking space."
Saturday, 7:32 PM
Even though she didn't quite remember the address, Tomoyo could feel it- they were nearing Sakura's house. She knew Sakura would turn to her and tell her 'good night'... And she wouldn't know what to say.
This was madness, worrying about something like this. If only she had a baseball bat and a room full of ceramic pots, maybe she'd be at peace... Her stomach felt like a baked pretzel. The one Sakura chomped down after they rode the Ferris wheel. Sakura. Ugh. She was disgusted by her conflicting thoughts.
"Good night! I had SUCH a GREAT TIME!" Sakura said, winking at all her friends at once, if that was possible.
Normally, Tomoyo would have found the look on Meiling's face funny as Sakura fell into an embrace with her. It was that (very) uncomfortable emotion of having someone you didn't particularly like treat you like their best friend.
The blue-eyed girl wondered if that awkward, uncaring aloofness was what Sakura felt towards her. If annoying little Tomoyo Daidouji was that clingy best friend.
No, there was something in the green of Sakura's eyes that told her she was a true friend. The ashen-haired girl cleared her mind of emotion as she quietly accepted that true friend's embrace.
"I love you, Tomoyo-chan. Thank you, thank you so much for coming back..." Sakura was in tears. Tears that her friend failed to notice she was trying to hold back, for the shock she was in from hearing the words 'I love you'. Platonic words. Words she would say to anyone.
Tomoyo shook from head to toe. Shaoran and Meiling exchanged glances.
Meiling looked down at the enormous duffel bag Shaoran was busting his back carrying, turned her eyes to Sakura (who apparently didn't notice that Shaoran was in pain and waiting for her to stop with the mushy stuff and get out of his way so he could just haul the bag in already), then looked back to her cousin and shook her head slyly. Shaoran just shrugged.
"I... I thought I'd lost you forever," she continued. "Y-you'll always be my friend, won't you?"
Tomoyo nodded. "Of course," she said softly. She hoped that if she was blushing, Sakura didn't notice.
Finally giving up in his struggle with the duffel bag, Shaoran calmly pulled Sakura into her own house. Meiling had to pretend to stifle a loud, forced laugh when the brown-haired girl tripped while ascending her own tiny flight of stairs. A sharp look from her cousin did nothing to quiet the stubborn Chinese girl.
"Um... Promise me you'll stop by Monday afternoon," Sakura said hopefully, turning her jade-colored eyes to the girl with the tacky backpack.
"How's three o' clock?" Meiling blurted out. She knew Sakura meant to invite Tomoyo alone, and that the Cardcaptor was probably going to curse herself for not just calling her up to do so instead of asking in front of her self-proclaimed rival.
"Um... Sure. Why not?" Sakura looked at Tomoyo regretfully. The blue-eyed girl wasn't sure whether she was more relieved she didn't have to be alone with Sakura, or disappointed for the same reason.
"Good night!" they all called out. Shaoran hovered outside the door for a second, shooting a cross, 'I'm very disappointed in you'-ish glare at Meiling before he walked into Sakura's house to drop off her rollerblading equipment. As soon as she heard the door slam shut, Meiling propped herself against the wall and made solid eye contact with Tomoyo, rocking back and forth against her leaning space.
"Tomoyo-chan?"
"Yes?"
"You know, I consider you to be one of... No..." She stood forward and took her friend's hands in hers, holding them up in between both of their chests, each warming up the others' bare fingers as they shivered together against the night chill.
"You're my best friend in the whole wide world ..."
"Why are you---"
"Because..."
Meiling looked to the Kinomoto residence's closed gate blankly, as if someone was going to stumble out of it. The ashen-haired girl stole a quick look to make sure nobody was. After a pause Meiling spoke again.
"Whatever happens, I'll be there for you." Her tone had an almost pleading seriousness to it.
Tomoyo wasn't sure if what she was experiencing was technically a déjà vu. But it sure as hell felt different from any of her headaches. She looked up from their clasped hands slowly, and Meiling's cheeks raised in a knowing smile.
Tomoyo girl beamed into a loving smile of her own, and it was only when Shaoran opened the gate and broke their intimate little moment that Tomoyo realized that, for once, she wasn't faking it.
"Meiling. Sakura's father got a call from Wei half an hour ago. He says okaa-sa— I mean, my mom--- she's here. And she wants to talk to you."
The horror on Meiling Li's face was beyond verbal expression.
"WHAT? Now?"
Shaoran nodded. "She's been waiting for us at the shrine."
Both cousins turned to Tomoyo at the same time.
"You'd better get going. I'll be fine... I can remember the way around to my place pretty well." she said in her most gentle voice. Shaoran waved good-bye politely, and started back towards the direction from where they came. He wasn't exactly running, but every step he took was quicker than the last.
Meiling walked up to Tomoyo one last time.
"Hey... See you soon," she said.
"I'll call you."
"And I'll be waiting." And with that Meiling left her with a quick kiss on the cheek.
Tomoyo stood watching as her friends all disappeared slowly into the chilly night, and made her way slowly and thoughtfully towards her mom's mansion. It was a long day... And it looked as though it would be a long night as well.
(Another Commercial Goes Here)
"Final session. Sixteen-hundred hours. Subject has apparently had little sleep."
Spinning. Round an' round an' round.
Shaking. It rocks back and forth.
Shaking and spinning, like the rapid twirling of her baton. Without all the bright lights and chanting, of course.
Heehee. Oops. Did I just laugh out loud?
As if it matters, anyway. I start to bob my head to music that isn't playing. Victory is near. Goodbye, Sakura-chan...
"Symptoms of mild mania resulting from a bodily chemical imbalance of serotonin."
With the hand that isn't holding his voice recorder, he pulls down his horn-rimmed glasses to look at me with his own eyes. I can't say I particularly loathe the attention.
"Well? Come on, let's get this over with," I say with a shrug, crossing my arms and rolling my eyes.
He adjusts himself in his seat. "All right, first off, let's start where we left off, and---"
"No, no, no, I don't want to talk about regrets anymore. We're done with that."
His eyes stray to my folded arms, still crossed tight about my sweatshirt-covered chest.
"Miss Daidouji..."
"Look, I don't want to be here, you don't want to be here. The rest of the stuff I'm supposed to get rid of is in the corner---"
We both peek out slowly at an overfilled large black garbage bag.
"And I'm..." I burst out laughing like a demented siren. "I'm just sick of all this," I manage in between the outburst.
He pushes his glasses back up and spills out whatever words of comfort he rehearses to every one of his patients.
"You've made outstanding progress during these last few weeks... But understand that all of it has just been leading up to this one session. It's the last stretch, if you will, before we begin the actual procedure. Any... Misgivings you have about the process may interfere with the hypnosis when we tap into your subconscious."
I know I should listen to him. But I don't really feel like listening to anyone right now. Still, I don't want things to get out-of-hand.
"Now... I need you to tell me about the scars again. Tell me why they were 'worth it'."
My fists tighten up nervously, as if he's trying to coax me into exposing a part of myself I thought that I'd never have to think about again. Well, at least after today I won't. And for that I'm so happy I could scream.
"I don't know what scars you're talking about."
I'm in denial. That much is clear.
He pulls out a few Polaroids from a file atop his notebook and drops them on my lap. It's like some sort of stupid routine. Pictures of me. My arms. Arms covered with numerous gashes and cuts. Pictures of them stitched up, healing. But why? It comes to me as a shock, as if I've never seen them before.
Still, they're more than fully healed now. I wish I could say the same for my emotional wounds.
"Just because you had them covered with laser surgery doesn't mean they don't exist, Miss Daidouji."
"Well, I'm sorry that I'm just a rich, selfish bitch."
There is definitely something wrong with me.
"You're putting those words in my mouth, Miss Daidouji. Let's take a second there and analyze- why would you say those things if---"
"Get on with it." I don't want to be here any longer.
He adjusts his glasses again, as if they're going to fall off. I want to rip them off.
"I believe it was you who were speaking last."
A short pause.
And then all of a sudden I'm laughing again. It's not a fake laugh either. But I wish it was- my own high-pitched cackle is scaring me. Goodness knows what I find funny.
"It was the look on their faces," I answer giddily. "It was like for a fleeting moment... I was understood."
He puts down his recorder on the coffee table beside my couch-thing and picks up a notebook and pencil.
"But I soon learned that it was just pity. A natural human response. They looked down on me, and I wasn't quite the perfect little girl anymore. I wasn't their friend, either. Least that's how I saw it... They knew what I was, an unwanted nuisance, a burden..."
I try to ignore the sound of his rapidly moving pencil.
"A useless, selfish... brat." I turn on my side towards the window. I don't care if the office drapes are closed. I can use my imagination to see what I want. That is, if I have to.
"I hid from her, and I knew it was stupid of me to think so, but I always thought she would come and rescue me. I always held out hope that maybe our friendship meant something, you know? But after the first few weeks I spent alone... She just stopped trying. I didn't know how to talk to her. But like I told myself... As long as she was happy... Then I just about lost all purpose, and... Oh, never mind. I wasn't wanted, and I knew it. That much was obvious. Not that my stupid emotions mattered to anyone."
"And how did that make you feel?"
Well... Now how did I know he was going to ask that? I grit my teeth.
"Look, I'm sick of repeating myself," I half-plead to him.
He doesn't take his eyes off of his precious notepad. If I was mean enough I would stick it in a blender, just like those old pictures of Sakura.
"Miss Daidouji, the point of this exercise is precisely to help you repeat yourself. These abstract feelings, these images in your mind, we need for you to be able to mentally project them clearly in order for the procedure to work properly."
"You mean there's a chance it won't work?"
"That isn't exactly the question, Miss Daidouji."
I'm getting impatient here. I really am a meanie... Or at least I was. He finally puts down his little doodle pad and looks me in the eye.
"The procedure will work, there is no question about that... The question is whether or not there's a chance these memories can resurface in the distant future."
I take another look down at the gashes on my arms. I would have said they were tearing themselves open, throbbing with pain, if they weren't invisible.
"You mean out of nowhere they'll just come flooding back to me?"
"No, heavens no," he says with what someone like him might call a 'jolly old chuckle'. "Not without a catalyst, something there to remind you... Like meeting someone from your past, for example."
"So basically..."
"I am having you rehash your memories of Sakura simply because we need them to be in the forefront of your memory banks..."
'No problem with that', I tell myself. As if I think of anything else but her.
"Whatever thoughts you associate with Sakura are the ones most embedded into your head, the ones that will be the hardest to seal... Yet since she is the focal point of your life, we will have to take extra care to make sure there is no way you can remember her."
"Why? What would happen if I do?"
"Well..." He twiddles his fingers like a little boy. "If you regain your memories of Sakura, your entire set of contrived memories will crumble, and... Suffice it to say that it won't be pretty, Miss Daidouji..."
I manage a gulp. He continues as if nothing happened.
"So tell me, Miss Daidouji," he mutters, looking at a list on his notepad. "Do you think you overreacted at all?"
"I think 'overreacted' would be an understatement, doctor," It's a painful thing for me to say, even though I've told him a dozen times before. "Half, or maybe more than half the reason I was so damn angry at myself is because of my actions... And now that I think of it, it was really selfish of me... And love shouldn't be selfish, should it? No, don't answer that. It really shouldn't be selfish at all."
A little silence. He takes off his glasses and clears his throat. I'll be damned. He's going to answer it.
"Let me tell you something... You aren't being quite fair on yourself. See, I think Horoscopes are all a joke, but... From one Virgo to another, sometimes you need to be a little selfish in a relationship."
I know how horribly self-centered this all is. How rude it is for me to say what I'm about to say. How he is just trying to help. But somehow it feels good, as if it makes up for all the things I didn't say in the past.
"I don't need you to tell me that. You think I came here to get my memory erased just so I could go back to being all miss-goody-two-shoes? My mom's not paying you to act like a father!"
The funny thing is... I ended up being miss-goody-too-shoes anyway. It's not surprising- after all, how can you learn from a lesson that you struck from your memory? Still, it's not like I ever needed a father, anyway. No father could have saved me from this fate.
It makes me want to laugh. But at that moment something else happens. My past self jumps up from her seat, grabs one of Doctor Haueser's golf clubs from the golf bag behind his desk- the driver, if I'm right- and runs over to the big black garbage bag in the corner. Predictably, before she can land her first 'whack' on the mass of junk, I am sucked back into reality.
Saturday, 11:42 PM
In a fit of horror Tomoyo Daidouji snapped herself awake and jumped up from the couch, almost falling off of it, slipping on the comforter that someone had taken to themselves to wrap around her to protect her body from the elements during her fitful sleep.
Whoever did so was forgetting she lived in Minnesota.
The pale-faced girl was dripping wet in her own sweat, sweat that had her shivering from the night breeze leaking in from an open window. Forcing herself to stand up, Tomoyo shielded her eyes even before she flipped the light switch, as if afraid someone else would first.
There was a note from her mother on the table, informing Tomoyo that her stuff had already been sorted back into her old closets. The deep-blue-eyed one realized without too much discontent that now that she was back in Japan, Sonomi would be determined to keep her there, with her mother and her old gaggle of friends. Not that she wanted to go back to where she didn't have any friends at all.
It was a strange feeling. But she still put off her worries about the future, walking around, half-trying to remember where the bathroom was, half-trying to recall what little of her dream she could still hold on to. She failed on both accounts.
However, she succeeded in finding one thing. While walking out the door of the upstairs lounge to find her bedroom, the girl stumbled over the bag Shaoran gave her, tried to brace her fall, landed on her arm and knocked her head against the door.
Okay, so it wasn't really a "success".
Tomoyo was lucky nobody saw how clumsy she was when she was alone. The girl took one look at the bag and abandoned all other thoughts. If there was a time for truth... it was now.
(To Be Continued Sign goes here)
