Kakuzu glared up from his Banker Bear that his father, an actual banker, brought home from work. Apparently they were handing out freebies like notepads, pens, balloons and even special plush bears. This particular bear, unlike the untasty pens, held a special sort of significance one might not find in a child. For when Kakuzu grew up, he wanted to be a Banker Bear. Who cares about dad. Banker Bear was the coolest!
Back to glaring though.
Today his mom and another one planned a play date. Now, he had had play dates before. Kisame was someone he enjoyed spending time with since he was around the same age and was an overall pleasant baby, Itachi was a good companion too and for some odd reason Hidan found his way over too many times for his liking... Kakuzu blamed their mommies for being too good of friends. Didn't that woman even stop to consider that Hidan was a monster?
But alas, none of those babies were here on today's play date. This was completely new.
"Who does that little brat think he is... Rolling around on my carpet like he owns the place!" Kakuzu growled at the little blond spaced out and cooing happily as he thrashed amongst a couple toys in random excitement. "Deidara is too little; he can hardly walk on his own!" He now hissed.
Growling at the woman seated on the couch reading now, he gurgled at his mother bitterly. This play date was awful! All she did was coo over how cute the new and smaller baby was and all Deidara did was drool and screech. That was what was considered cute? No, was still cute! He just had special responsibilities now - just like Banker Bear!
Yes, Kakuzu was just like his hero, Banker Bear.
Toddling over to Deidara, Kakuzu plopped himself down. Perhaps he could view this play date as experience for the future? How though?
How to deal with blonds?
No.
Find out why drool is so cute apparently?
Ugh, that he'd never understand.
How to get another baby to stop chewing on your toy?
Nah, his mom already said not to hit the other kids.
Then what?
"Oooh! Kakuzu what's that, un?" Deidara squealed in delight as he sat up and reached for Banker Bear right out from a thinking Kakuzu's hands.
Kakuzu saw red when he noticed the bear was no longer in his possession but rather that of a drooly baby who didn't even know what the concept of a pull up was. Yanking his bear back, Kakuzu shrieked when he noticed that unlike his own negligent behavior, Deidara held on with an iron grip.
"No! I just wanna see it a minute, un!"
"No! No! No!"
Kakuzu's mother looked up from her book at the nonsensical shrieking babble coming from Deidara, then the clear crisp cries of 'no' from her own son. Getting off the couch the jumped to the floor and aimed to solve this battle for the bear.
"Whoa whoa whoa! What's going on here?" She asked, trying to sound as calm as possible. "Why all the fighting?"
"Brrr! Brer! Mine-ah!" Kakuzu yelled, getting more and more upset with each and every moment that Deidara held onto his precious toy with a very surprising death grip.
Kakuzu's mother shook her head, "Oh honey, I know you love that bear... But maybe you could, SHARE it for a little bit with Deidara?"
Nostrils flaring, Kakuzu didn't like the sound of that one bit. "NO! MINE-AH! MIIINE!"
The woman huffed and tucked a piece if her brown hair behind her ear. How in the world did she end up with such a greedy baby? If this greediness wasn't nipped in the bud now, who knows what kind of man her only child would grow in to!
"No Kakuzu, we SHAARE."
"NO SHAY." Kakuzu screeched as he raised a mighty little hand an smacked Deidara right on his wee head.
Shocked from the initial hit, Deidara stared wide eyed. He was already confused about why Kakuzu was fighting with his mommy, but what was he... why was he... why was he fighting with him!? Weren't they friends? He just wanted to see the bear!
"Eeeeeyaaah!" Deidara started to cry, face crinkling and turning beet red.
As Kakuzu's mother swooped the sobbing baby into her arms she turned her back to her own son as he shushed the smaller baby. At the moment the upset and screaming baby was the main priority. The last thing she wanted was Deidara's momster chasing her down about a lump on his soft head.
That woman was insane for her baby. How DARE she supply all those healthy alternative meals for Deidara, like she didn't trust HER choices on feeding Deidara! Momster was an understatement.
While being shushed and having his back pat, Deidara peered over the woman's shoulder still whimpering as he stared on at Kakuzu, "W-why did you hit me, un?" He asked in a pathetic voice.
Kakuzu huffed and rolled his eyes, "You just up and took my favorite bear, you're hogging up my floor that I like to roll on and not to mention ALL of my mommy's attention!" he yelled back.
Kakuzu's mother quickly glared back at her angry-gurgling son. She was about done with her son's naughty behaviour. Sure him and Hidan fought, but Hidan was a tough little guy. Deidara on the other hand was a small pile of mush!
Deidara stopped crying, pushed the mom away and was put down. Carefully he crawled over to Kakuzu's side and pulled him in for a hug.
"I get what you mean, un." Deidara sniffed. "Whenever Sasori comes over, all my toys and mommy's attention become his. That's how it works when you have baby play dates."
What? Deidara not be the center of his mothers attention? That's impossible! Even Kakuzu knows that. Of course he had a taste of Deidara's disgusting food once. Maybe she secretly hated Deidara after all and the scary mothering was just a cover up?
Kakuzu crossed his arms, "Well I'm not a baby! I have twelve teeth now! That means I shouldn't be having play dates with someone like you." he snarled.
"Just because I don't have any teeth?"
"You're too young! Too immature! And most importantly of all I don't want you touching my stuff!" Kakuzu hissed, quickly making a dive for his forgotten yet still beloved Banker Bear.
Deidara scowled after being yelled at by his, 'friend'. This guy was such a greedy jerk! Good for him though, he was more than prepared to handle a greedy stinker. He had more than enough practice trying to pry things out of Hidan and even Sasori's hands. And it wasn't fair, they had grips of death that were stronger than his own.
That and Sasori seriously never let go and Hidan punched when things didn't go his way. Ouch. Thank goodness he wasn't on the receiving end of Hidan's punches that often. Something along the lines of; I don't beat on babies that small. Which is strange since Sasori and him were nearly the exact same size and Sasori got punched a little too often. Apparently Hidan didn't know any other way to deal with the little redheaded creep.
"Sorry Kakuzu, but when you have a guest over you must share!" Deidara tutted.
Now Kakuzu was more mad than ever. Nothing could make him more angry than this. "NO! Now you're sounding like my mother! You're not my mother!"
"I have no clue what you two could possibly be talking about, but this is so cute!"
Both boys looked up to see Kakuzu's mother holding up her cellphone, recording them. Of course they didn't know they were being recorded...
"I'm going to make so much money when this video goes viral and make a lot of money! Oh, what if I end up appearing on my favorite daytime show and meet Emma Degeness?"
Kakuzu gasped in horror. How dare this woman hope to take credit and make money off of HIS image? What if he didn't get any of the money? What if she spent it frivolously? That wasn't her money, it was his!
"NOOO!"
Kakuzu dropped Banker Bear and hobbled up onto his two feet and made a mad ungraceful dash for the woman, fist held high. How dare she suggest taking his money!? Even though she said no such thing.
Deidara on the other hand couldn't be more flattered. A video? Like a...movie? About him! What, was he going to be, a superstar!? Brushing his hair back over his should he struck a darling pose and gave his eyelashes a bat, trying to look as adorable as ever. He was bound to become famous eventually in his life, why not start now? Unlike Kakuzu though, who cares about the money? He just wants the fame fame fame!
Reaching foreword after a couple more poses, Deidara reached out for Banker Bear again and looked at the toy. Kakuzu sure loved the thing, even though it wasn't very soft or plush. It was actually rather scratchy and firm.
Maybe he was just being frugal with his choice in toys so one day he would have enough money to buy the best toys? Whatever it was, in Deidara's eyes in wasn't worth it. What was worth it though was when he pulled the bear real close, tilted his fat head and pursed his lips in a cute pout for the still rolling camera. Kakuzu's momma's squeal spoke more than anything.
Maybe being famous and rich wouldn't be so bad at all. Surely a viable career choice for the blond in the future. For now though... Well, let's just say the two boys didn't have a play date for along time.
And no the two did not go viral. Sorry Momma, sorry Deidara. Good luck next play date!
wow it's been a long time since I updated this. Banker Bear on sale now wherever a greedy baby dreams
BYE LOSERS
