AN: It's been a while since I wrote this so the chapter is a lot shorter than where my aim is but I still hope that you enjoy it.

Chapter Seven – A Horrible Point of View

I'm kind of a nerd. That's what they call someone who loves and embraces learning, right? Because if that's what you'd call it then I really am quite a nerd. Maybe it's because I use it as a distraction from my own life but I like to lose myself learning about science and history and being able to develop new skills. Okay. So, I am definitely a bit of a nerd.

However, this was one day in school that I was not looking forward to. We're discussing the status of the death penalty for capital punishment right now and I wish that I could go to the nurse and forget all about the subject. I'm in high school now, a long time ago my dad was put into jail where they gave him life imprisonment without a chance of parole rather than the death penalty. Mom still wants to clear his name.

I've debated it numerous times whether I actually believe that my father killed my sister but I just can't see him doing that. From the way I remember my father, Dad would have given up anything for us. He would have sacrificed so much and yet they took him to jail and took away all chance of him ever returning to a normal life.

I'm actually quite proud of him that he hasn't ended his own life yet. I wouldn't have been able to keep living under the same circumstances. I pause as I look at the teacher, they are saying something about how the death penalty changed over time. I'm glad that I did my reading. I don't have to listen to this, I'll just do a little bit more research on my own.

I sigh and turn so I'm looking at the ceiling. I don't care what they say. I don't want to be here.

"So," the teacher selects another student and I'm glad that I'm not the one being called on. Let them answer whatever question it is. "Takanabe-san, do you believe there were people in history that deserved the death penalty but didn't get that as their punishment?"

I roll my eyes. I can remember reading the articles from that time, the time that my dad exited show business and became a murderer and a criminal in the eyes of the public. Some of them said the same thing about him. I don't want to be here. If it was possible to make myself invisible then I would do it.

"Yes, I do believe that," Takanabe replies.

"Can you give an example?" the teacher continues and I look down. I don't want to hear those words. I'm not able to hear those words.

"Yes, Hizuri Kuon."

I knew that I would hear that today and that's why I didn't want to be here. My dad isn't a criminal. He's a victim of the legal system. I hear a soft laughter and I grip my pen. It explodes in my hand but it doesn't matter. I'm sure that Dad is going through a lot worse right now.

…..

…..

"So, anyone have anything they want to do as a family this weekend?" Mom asks. She laughs softly, I know she's doing her best to ease the tension. Aurora does engage in the conversation but I know that she's finding it difficult to say everything that she wants and Dad is stuck but he's eating and he's being with us at least. I can't imagine how tough it has been on him but it's been tough on all of us.

I know that Mom grew up without ever knowing her father and when her mother, her neglectful mother, did tell her about him, he turned out to be a spy using a false name. I mean, at least Dad gave me more than that but I still felt at a disadvantage to everyone around me.

I know that Dad didn't mean it when he selfishly asked me to help him before he joined us for dinner. It's most likely ingrained in him now, this system of living. He's had to be a prisoner who is watching everyone else try to get parole and he knows he has no chance of getting it and for a crime that he didn't commit. It's not fair for any of us.

"May—Maybe see—a movie?" Aurora asks and Dad looks down, staring at his plate. Maybe that was a bad thing to say. Dad wanted to be an actor from the time that he was a small boy and watching what Grandpa does for a living. I know that he'd feel jealous of seeing anyone else act roles that he might have had were he not behind bars but then I also know that Aurora is just trying to suggest a fun family activity.

"I'll take you," I tell her noticing the tension in the room and she smiles to me. She's so grown up now. I want to act like the big brother that I know I can be but she is older and the roles are a little different. Still, seeing a movie with her must be the same as seeing it with a friend.

"That sounds like a good plan," Mom says before she gives her attention to Dad who is just sitting there like a shell of a person. "Is that okay with you, princess?" Mom asks as she looks to Aurora who is nervously staring at dad, "For the two of you to go together?" she asks and Aurora turns to me and smiles.

"Thank you, Rikuu," she says gratefully and I nod before turning my attention back to Dad. He's not eating anymore and I know he doesn't mean to be reserved and to look selfish and self-involved. He's been in the prison system for far too long. He's only here because we wanted him to be with us but he's not here in spirit yet. The sadness has aged him and he's not the person that he once was. There's no way that he could be.

"I'm going to set up a therapy appointment," he tells us and Mom reaches to touch his hand but he flicks it away before realizing what he's done. He closes his eyes and becomes even more withdrawn.

"That's probably a good idea," Mom tells him. I know that she wants somebody impartial but is that even possible anymore. Dad's incarceration was a major story for anyone old enough to be able to practice therapy. There's rarely a person who doesn't have an opinion on it. It's like the OJ Simpson trial in America, people today are still split on it but unlike Dad, he went free despite the controversy.

I look to Aurora and smile. Hopefully we can have some fun.

…..

…..

I didn't mean to hurt him. I was just suggesting something that we used to do as a family when I was younger but then it was sometimes movies that Dad was appearing in himself. I guess that because he was locked away for such a long time, it was impossible for him to act and now his peers have overtaken him. I didn't mean to cause his sadness. I just wanted to bring back some of the joy from my childhood.

I turn to Rikuu. It'll be fun to hang out with my older brother and I know that Rikuu will keep me safe. That doesn't mean that I wouldn't jump at the opportunity to spend time with Dad but it doesn't seem possible right now. I'm not the only one who needs to heal.

I hate music though. Well, I don't hate it when it's played on CDs because there is still a lot of good in music but I hate live music. The sound of a guitar getting tuned is something that makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry. I probably need to see someone about that, get some of that exposure therapy but I feel nervous to.

Mom probably would be fine with me not wanting live music around me and Dad…I don't know if Dad will ever be okay with people around him again. I want to be with him and tell him that he's my hero and that I don't blame him for what happened but I don't know if he can hear me. Would I be wasting my voice by telling him that or would I make things worse?

I sigh and Mom turns to me. She wants to make sure that I'm okay and it's understandable, I've been gone for such a long time. I'm surprised that I'm not at a low percentile in terms of intelligence, that I still have a sound mind. It's improbable for people in my situation to have that but I guess that I've inherited both of my parents' genes for survival.

"Are you okay?" Mom asks me and I nod.

"There were a couple of umm," I look down nervously and I see the pride in Mom's eyes. I have the feeling that even if I was mentally handicapped that she would love me and still want to support me. I am glad that I'm not but I don't want to say that, I don't want to seem like an ableist. "People want me to go on TV."

Mom opens her mouth but then nods. She understands how big this story is and how important these news shows are but I'm not sure that she understands that I don't want to offer anything to anyone who hurt Dad. He's my father and he always took care of me. I hate them for hurting him. I can't trust them because they hurt him.

"What do you want to do?" Mom asks and I look at her weakly.

"Can you help me?" I ask and Mom nods, "I don't…I don't want…to pick ones that hurt Dad."

I see Dad look at me quickly, the pain in his eyes and I want to be in his arms again. I want him to tell me how much he loves me and how important I am to him but he focuses his concentration on his half full plate of food. Mom nods and reaches out for Dad's hand. I just want my father back, I want him to make more of an effort.

I'm so selfish to be so needy.

"You know," Reino tells me as he holds me to his body and I try to squirm away. I don't want him to touch me. I don't want him to hold me to him in his bed. The only man who I will ever let touch me like this – one that I'm not in a relationship with anyway – is my father and this creep is nothing like my Daddy. I have to take deep breaths though because there are girls younger than me here and I don't want to switch places with them, at least I'm taking the punishment so that one of those girls doesn't have to, "You're just like your mother."

I hum. If I say anything he could attack me and his friend nearly beat me to death only a short time ago. I try to close my eyes, I have to think of something else. A warm bed where I'm wrapped in the blankets instead of his arm. There was also that history book I found. I have to think of that. I have to think about how I read the words and how I'm still surviving even without my parents.

I want them though and I'm angry. I'm angry at the situation. I'm angry that my daddy hasn't found me yet. I don't want to sleep here. I wish that he would let go of me but as I see the knife and the gun on the table by the door, I know that I stand little chance of making it out of the room alive without his permission.

He's not likely to give his permission.

"You remind me so much of your mother," he says as he puts a hand to my cheek and I can't help but bite him. I should have held back. I should have just let him do whatever he wanted to me. He laughs as he sees the teeth marks that have pierced his skin. He smiles to me and puts a hand to my ass. "Yes," he nods, "Just like your mother."

…..

…..

I was foolish to suggest this but maybe it's because I didn't think it would happen so fast. Immediately after dinner, Kyoko made some phone calls and managed to get me a meeting with a psychiatrist who would then also connect me with a therapist. Apparently, I need to fill my body full of drugs if I ever want to live a normal life again.

I'm the victim in this scenario. I'm the one who was put in prison for a crime that I never committed and would never fathom actually committing.

As the psychiatrist looks at me, I can feel everything from his gaze. He's as judgmental as the rest of them and that isn't something that I deserve. I used to be known as a god in this country or at least that was in Kyoko's mind. She used to think of me as being some great idol, someone that she wanted to reach and impress but I doubt she feels that way about me now.

I'm a former convict and I don't think the same. It's true that prison warps your mind and makes it so that you're unable to return to the life that you were once living. I have more reflexes now, I get scared when someone touches me and I can easily channel that fear into anger. That isn't a good thing. I tried for years to not be an angry person and prison undid all of that good.

Kyoko shouldn't be with me anymore, not after this much of a change and I can't be a good father. Rikuu will be okay without me and Aurora deserves someone so much better than I can ever be in the future. I thought that therapy would be a good step in the right direction, a first step, but I feel so angry at the world and I'm afraid of lashing out physically.

They could put me in prison for that again, for hurting somebody. They should tie me down, forget about me, treat me like the monster that they turned me into. I shouldn't be in this room trying to feel like a normal person. I glare at the doctor although I know that he has done nothing wrong.

"It's nice to meet you, Kuon," he tells me and though I don't hear any malice in his voice. I don't think that is true.

"Whatever," I shrug and he nods, making a note on the paper that he has on his clipboard. So, he expected somebody with more charisma, did he? They all wanted a piece of me when I was an actor, I would have so many fans fighting over me that it made me uncomfortable. Because I was used to Dad having fans attached to him, I could ignore it.

When I was accused though, that's when they really wanted to tear off chunks for me. I was a headline. I was someone who could bring them fame and fortune for reporting against me, for attacking me. This doctor must be just the same as all of them.

"Okay, where did you want to start?" he asks and I glare at him.

Where do I want to start?

End of Chapter Seven

Thank you for reading, reviews are appreciated

Thank you to the reviewers of Chapter Six

Ashenvale, Brennakai, H-Nala, Kaname671, Paulagato