AN: Cliffhanger! I tried to update quickly, even though this one is long. I liked writing this chapter. I will warn you, it gets intense... in more ways than one. And by that I mean, it's possible I may make some people uncomfortable, though that is not my intention. You'll know exactly what I mean the second you read the content I'm referring to. However, I personally feel there's nothing wrong with it at all and is only another advancement in their relationship and character development. Also, it's been fun getting to really stretch and pull the boundaries of what these two have been normally comfortable with and see them get closer and closer.
Just a F.Y.I, I will be going on a short vacation later this week. I won't be back until Sunday, therefore the next chapter after this might be delayed longer than usual. Again, thank you everyone for reading and extra thanks to those who leave reviews! You're all awesome!
Anyway, enough of my rambling. I hope y'all enjoy this, it's a juicy one! :)
Joel finally exhaled the massive intake of air that was bound in panic in his lungs, relieved to know that in those split few seconds, his purpose and reason for living hadn't been ripped away. Hearing her voice, signifying she was at the very least alive, untied the knot in his stomach and eased away his urge to throw up right then and there.
"Oh thank god," he softly muttered to himself as he dropped his head.
"Joel!" Ellie shouted in angst again, unable to hear his mutterings from above.
Joel!? Talk to me! Please!
Her frantic shout snapped him out of his state of self-assuring relief. Deep in his heart, he could feel the consternation, fear and dread in her voice. Hearing her so afraid only made him more desperate to simply ignore all reason and logic and jump down to wrap her in his arms. They were separated by a free fall of paralyzing fear and darkness, and it was the farthest they'd been pulled apart since her last night sleeping alone in Jackson.
He gulped, dropped to his stomach then leaned over the edge and shined his flashlight down below, praying he would see her. The dim light barely made its way down and he faintly saw the glimmer of her greasy, auburn hair shine against it.
"I'm here honey, I'm here!"
"You okay girl!?" he continued to shout.
She let out a grunt of discomfort, scrunching her face in pain and slowly rose to her knees.
"Augh - yeah... yeah, I guess so - god fucking dammit," she softly said, half to herself, half to him. He could barely hear her.
Joel closed his eyes and let out another deep breath as he rested his chin on the edge of the cold, steel elevator door. The frozen hand of death that chilled his heart faded away now that he heard her voice again. However, his paranoia refused to loosen its grip on his mind and nerves. He would only know for certain that she was okay once she was in his arms.
"Scared the hell outta me - nearly gave me a heart attack," he shouted with a less panicked tone.
His deep, echoing voice rippled down the Elevator shaft, soothing Ellie ever so slightly when it reached her ears. She rubbed her eyes and raised her flashlight, unaware that it was knocked loose and malfunctioning after the fall.
What the - oh no. C'mon! C'mon! Work you piece of shit!
Beads of sweat collected on her brow and her breathing remained shallow and quick, but only intensified even more, fearing she would be trapped in the dark. Her hands still shook from the fall and she smacked the flashlight multiple times, shaking it back and forth until the light finally flickered back on. After fumbling with it she scrambled to her feet and frantically observed her surroundings.
Please no Infected - please, please.
Surrounding her were giant, jagged and sharp scraps of metal. Debris, rusted steel beams and barbed wire filled the small area, covering the basement floor of the elevator shaft. No more than ten feet away was the exterior door, which remained ajar. Dried blood caked over the edges of the bent steel, as it looked like something, or someone, forcefully pried it open and tried to slither their way through. She glanced down and noticed the only discontinuity in the pile of flesh-tearing metal that littered the floor was right where she stood beneath her feet. She fell in the only possible spot that wouldn't have killed her instantly. The space was just barely big enough to fit her small frame, leaving her skin unscathed. She gulped and her eyes widened in disbelief, knowing that despite their misfortune, it could have been worse. An inch in any direction, and she was dead. Their luck hadn't entirely run out.
Holy shit that was close - you're one lucky girl Ellie... sort of.
Joel, not having heard her voice for longer than he'd like, yearned to hear it again to assure him she remained unharmed.
"Ellie! You still there! C'mon talk to me!"
"Yeah - I'm here... Joel there's - "
"Okay! I'm... I'm comin' down alright!? Just wait there!" Joel shouted in response.
No! He can't! He's gonna die or in the very least impale himself... again!
Ellie quickly darted her light up to him and shouted back in a frenzy.
"No, no! Don't! Don't do that! Please! There's too much shit down here! You'll fucking kill yourself!"
Joel stopped after intelligently listening to Ellie. His brain rapidly sifted through thought after thought, desperately trying to come up with a solution that would get him to her.
Wait - shit. How... how am I gonna - oh no - oh god. I'm down here... alone.
Her heart rate increased once again and agony consumed her upon realizing that somehow, she would have to find her way back up to him, alone. The all too familiar feeling of adrenaline trickling into her bloodstream resumed the violent shaking of her hands. She was frightened, petrified and he could feel all of it shooting from her eyes that gazed up at him, begging for comfort.
"Shit! Joel! How am I gonna back up there!? Joel, you gotta - you gotta tell me what to do! Please! I'm... I'm scared!" she shouted after gulping in terror once again.
Hearing those words from her, I'm scared, crushed him. Her hardened personality and tough exterior never permitted her to admit such things. Her resilience always exemplified her nerves of steel and hearing her verbally acknowledge her terror only increased his desire to reach her. He knew she was petrified. He knew she was alone.
"I know baby, I know!" he shouted, paternal care and worry palpable behind each word.
"Just - " he continued, before pausing as he tried to think of a plan.
He anxiously examined every inch of the elevator shaft around him, his eyes dancing in his sockets as he desperately tried to think of any way to climb down.
It was no use, he came up empty. There was nothing.
"Goddammit!" he snapped, punching his fist against the wall next to him.
"Joel! That's not fucking helping! C'mon, tell me what to do!" she stammered from down below.
Joel sighed and wiped his brow.
"Okay - there's gotta be... there's gotta be another stairwell - a fire escape somewhere or somethin' - at the other end of the floor! Can you at least get out of the damn shaft here!?"
Ellie glanced back over to the blood covered, pried opened metal door.
"Yeah - I think can climb through!"
"Alright - shit... just get outta there an'... like I said, there's gotta be another set of stairs around here - has to be! You find 'em an' you run up here, fast, as fast as you can! Ya hear me!? I'm gonna find it on this floor an' make my way to you alright!?"
Ellie nodded and gulped once again.
"Uh-huh - okay."
"Ellie - just... baby - I'm beggin' ya to be careful! Please girl! If ya see Infected... remember - quiet as a mouse! You stay as quiet as a goddamn mouse okay!? Use that knife of yours if ya have to!"
Her gaze remained intensely focused on his dimly lit figure high above. Every fiber in her being yearned to be up there, to be safe with him.
But he just had to say that word, Infected.
"Ohhh fuck Joel - why'd you have to say that!? I'm... I'm tired and my stupid hands wont stop shaking - I'm scared!" she shouted back, continuing to let herself express her fear unrestrained. She never used to do so, even if her body language said more than any words could.
They won't stop fucking shaking! Calm down Ellie - take a deep breath, everything's cool.
The angst and terror behind her cracking voice cut him deeper. She needed him, but he couldn't be there for her. And he knew it. He clenched his eyes shut and gritted his teeth in frustration, feeling utterly powerless in this moment.
"I know sweetie, I know - everything's gonna be okay! Focus alright!? Just - find those stairs an' be careful as hell - please!" Joel implored one last time.
Okay - I got this. Stairs. Right. Here we go.
Ellie turned around and slowly tiptoed her way through the heap of jagged, metal debris. Her nerves tingled in fear knowing that each step she took, she was moving further and further away from Joel, her guardian and purpose. She made it to the door and carefully wiggled her way through, stepping into the vast, pitch black basement.
Each beat of her heart that pounded behind her rib cage echoed in her ear drums. She thought, that just maybe, it was so loud that whatever lurked in the shadows nerby could hear it as well. She unhitched her switchblade and crouched down, commanding herself to be, as Joel said, quiet as a mouse.
Quiet as a mouse. Wouldn't be the first time, you can do this. Just look for stairs - find Joel - then get the fuck out of here.
She rounded a corner and entered a long hallway, her eyes only able to see what her flashlight would let her. An old vending machine sat against the wall to her left, the front of if completely torn open. Hundreds of soda cans covered the floor of the hallway and each time her foot nudged into one, she cringed at the sound of tin sliding against the cold, slab of concrete beneath her.
As she darted the flashlight around, nervously observing every inch of her surroundings, her heart skipped a beat and her throat clenched. A clicker stood at the end of the hallway, with its head dropped in its resting position. Her stomach churned and she could already feel her adrenal glands going back to work.
Oh shit! No, no, no! I knew they had to be somewhere - guess I found them... lucky me. Just. Stay. Quiet.
She tried to lighten her steps even more, tiptoeing as softly as she could down the hallway, pleading for her feet to not misstep. The clicker was close now, no more than fifteen feet away and she could hear it quietly snarling and clicking as it twitched in place. She tightened the grip around her switchblade, causing the whites of her knuckles to lose more and more of their natural, fleshy color.
Suddenly, she stumbled, and her foot stepped on a soda can. The object slid against the concrete floor, emitting a sharp and excruciatingly loud screech of tin grinding against stone. Immediately she stretched her lips back and squinted in despair, half hoping the clicker somehow didn't hear the noise.
It did.
It shrieked and came to life, flailing its hands into the air as it let loose a series of furious clicks.
Shit! Shit! Shit!
Within seconds it tracked her position as the soda can was sent sputtering out from under her feet, smashing into the others that littered the floor. The beast charged her and without delay, as if she'd been doing this all her life, she picked up a can threw it at the horrid monster as hard as she could. She watched it, in slow motion, arc through the air and glisten in the glow of her flashlight. She prayed it would land. It had to land.
Clink.
The twenty-one year old soda can slammed into the clicker's face, causing it to shriek once again and stumble backwards. With no hesitation whatsoever, Ellie ran straight for it, switchblade in hand and ready to end its miserable existence.
FUCK! YOU!
She leaped towards the beast before it could recover. She raised her weapon high above then drove it deep into the clicker's face, causing it to let out another screech. She quickly pulled the blade out then skewered it once more through the throat, causing its loud and Infected summoning cries to cease. After violently ripping the knife through its flesh, blood spurted from the gaping wound onto her black and red plaid hoodie.
She was panting. Her heart pounded away in her chest, but a swell of confidence filled her while she watched the body go limp and fall to the ground at her feet, twitching in its final moments of life.
Fuck yes! You can do this. You got this Ellie. Find Joel. Get to those stairs. Get to him. Now.
She quickened her pace, yet still maintaining her delicate and elegant steps across the floor. She rounded another corner, only to find herself in a massive, sprawling room. Tables and chairs, some broken, others in one piece, were strewn across the room. Her eyes widened and she wiped the sweat from her brow, frantically trying to find the exit.
C'mon - c'mon. It's gotta be here somewhere! It - aha! Yes! There!
Her light barely caught the corner of a green exit sign hanging from the ceiling. She traced the path of her exit with the flashlight and when it dropped to head level, her breathing quickly ceased as she gasped.
Dread.
Dozens of clickers, runners and stalkers stood in between her and the exit, her safety and salvation. Some were resting, others were slowly lumbering around, moaning and hungry for a fresh meal.
She gulped again, feeling her insides tie into a knot. She wanted to throw up, but knew she couldn't.
No, no, no - shit! Oh fuck! No! So close! Just... be fucking quiet and you got this.
A narrower room, off to the left and separated from the main area, extended all the way to other side.
Okay - go through there - it'll lead you right to the stairwell. Quiet as a mouse.
She slithered her way to the side room and tiptoed through the ajar door. Inside stood a runner, trudging along in an unpredictable path. As it turned its back to her, she quietly darted over and knelt behind a desk. She closed her eyes and tried to calm her breathing, thinking it could somehow hear her panicked breaths. She clenched her hands shut and implored them to stop shaking like a dried up leaf in an autumn breeze.
C'mon - calm the fuck down. You're almost there.
The runner began making its way towards the desk. Each step it took only made its grunts and snarls more audible to her little ears. She pressed her back against the desk, trying to make herself as small as possible, praying it wouldn't see her. It was now mere inches away, the only separation between them being the desk itself.
It stopped.
It darted its head back and forth, sniveling and grunting, eager to find a fresh meal. Ellie could hear its all too familiar sounds as it towered just inches above and behind her.
Please, please, please - go the fuck way - turn around you piece of shit! C'mon!
Miraculously, her desperate pleads were answered. It turned around and resumed its lumbering walk in the opposite direction. She immediately pounced on the opportunity and tiptoed behind it, knife in hand. She jumped up and rammed the blade into the creature's neck, preventing it from letting out a scream that would awaken the entire room. She yanked the blade out and fell backwards as she watched the body slam into a nearby table as it collapsed to the floor.
Shit! Too loud!
Within seconds, more runners, a few stalkers and clickers immediately made their way into the room, in search of the source of the crashing bang. The monsters poured in from each side, snarling, screeching and desperate to find her. She hid behind another desk that nudged up against the far wall to the left. She was making progress towards her destination, carefully and slowly.
Go, go, go! Now's your chance! Gotta move!
She softly crawled along the floor against the wall, hoping none would spot her. The collecting group of Infected provided just enough of a distraction for her to reach the other side. Just before crawling through the doorway, she rose to her feet.
Her heart rate spiked and it vigorously pounded away in her chest. She was so close. She could see it. She could taste it. She could feel Joel's presence already.
Not yet.
A stalker slammed her in the back of the head, sending her tumbling to the ground. Her knife slipped from her fingers and slid across the floor, bouncing off of the bottom step of the stairs after ricocheting from object to object.
Ack - augh - shit - oh no... no!
She turned herself over, only to see the stalker mere feet away, ready to pounce on top of her and rip her to smithereens. Without a second delay, she pulled out her pistol and pointed the barrel at the oncoming beast's head. Her hands shook with fear, knowing exactly what events would follow once she pulled the trigger. She was petrified, completely consumed by terror and the contents of her bladder leaked onto her underwear and jeans.
She had to pull the trigger. She had no choice.
Bang!
The bullet cored into the stalker's skull, piercing its brain and causing its body to go limp in midair as it fell towards her. The lone gunshot rang through the entirety of the basement, waking every beast that lurked within earshot. In only the blink of an eye, the entire room sprang to life. Loud, ear piercing screeches and howls shattered the silence around her and she could feel each step of every Infected that stampeded her way. Then, as if it couldn't get any worse.
It did.
Right behind her, a door flung open and she heard a loud, guttural roar. She snapped her head around and jumped to her feet only to see a bloater lumbering its way towards her. Its grotesque fungal plates completely covered its body, slowing its movement speed just enough for her to react and get away. It let loose another roar, sensing her close proximity. The sound sent a mortal chill down her spine. She had to run.
GOTTA RUN! GO ELLIE! GO! GO! GO!
Her primitive fight or flight instincts took over and she immediately bolted for the stairwell, pistol in hand. She reached down and swiped up her switchblade as she ran by, frantically stumbling up the first few steps. Dozens of Infected followed right on her tail. She could hear the gnashing of their teeth and howling for her tasty flesh as she climbed the stairs in a panic.
One step.
Two steps.
Three steps, four, five, six, seven.
It felt like they went on forever and her eyes started to water. She began to cry while sprinting up the stairs for her life, desperate to find Joel and feeling as if the end was near at any moment. Her muscles started to seize and maintaining this pace while climbing upwards seemed impossible. But she had to. Her life depended on it.
Literally.
A particularly zealous runner was gaining on her. Its footsteps got louder and louder and she could feel its sickly breath on the back of her neck. She turned her head, pointed her pistol and fired while attempting to keep her swift pace up the steps. The runner fell backwards and tumbled down the stairs. Its body plowed through the horde of Infected chasing after her like a bowling ball, knocking them off balance as if they were frail pins. Each one, runners, clickers and stalkers, stumbled and tripped over the body that rolled through their feet. Yet, it didn't deter their persistent desire to chase her, for this was all they knew.
The loud crackle of her gun only made them more hungry and assured them that a meal was indeed nearby. A pile of writhing Infected bodies formed in the stairwell as more and more of the beasts tripped over their own brethren. But it was no use, their hunger for her flesh forced them to clamor back to their feet while they stumbled up the steps to keep after her.
"You fuckers wanna eat! Come and get it!" Ellie shouted as a surge of strength filled her.
She pointed her pistol behind as she strafed up the steps, firing multiple rounds, each one making contact with a head of an Infected. A trail of corpses littered the steps behind her as evidence of her deeds. The bodies acted as temporary road blocks, slowing down the next one just enough that she started distancing herself from the pack.
Her muscles ached and stung from sprinting up the steps for so long. Her breaths were violent and exasperated as her little, tired body gave everything it had to keep her alive. She was already tired to begin with and now she felt completely drained, straining herself to keep up her quick pace, to keep fighting.
She had to reach Joel, she had to reach her purpose.
Finally, after climbing to a break in the steps, she saw a door with an adjacent sign stamped with the number three.
It was the third floor. She made it. Something inside told her Joel was there, he had to be. She let out a frantic, anxious, little squeak and as she tore the door open, she saw more Infected storming down the steps from above. Her gunshots had echoed throughout the stairwell, summoning all of the nearby Infected from above and below.
She bolted through the door and stumbled into the carpeted hallway. Her flashlight flickered and she prayed the path before was clear.
It was.
Joel, Joel, JOEL! C'mon, where are you!?
Then, in her panicked state, unable to fully take in all of her surroundings, she tripped over a loose wire that stretched across the floor. She tumbled and rolled, falling onto her back. The horde of Infected poured through the doorway, chasing after her into the hallway. Their meal was knocked prone, helpless and on the ground.
They could sense it. They could smell her fear. They could already taste her supple skin.
She could feel them sense it. She could hear their hungry snarls increase in volume and intensity. She rose her pistol and tried to push herself up at the same time. She pulled the trigger.
Click.
Nothing. She was out of bullets.
WHAT!? NO! NO! Oh god - no, no, no! This is it Ellie! This is the end! It's -
Suddenly she heard a voice. It was Joel's voice, his voice.
"No! Ellie! No! No! Move! Move!" Joel screamed as he charged down the hallway, shotgun in hand.
She tried to get up but only tripped again, falling onto her stomach. She began crawling towards him, desperate to reach his feet, only to feel a stalker grab her by the leg. She snapped her head around and watched in terror as it opened its mouth wide, ready to plunge its gnashing teeth into her fair, soft flesh.
Boom! Click-click.
Joel fired his shotgun, unleashing a furious spray of shrapnel into the stalker's head just before it took its first bite, causing the contents of its head to explode over the floor. He pointed and fired again, knocking back several more Infected, throwing their bodies like a rag doll into the oncoming pack.
Boom! Click-click. Boom! Click-click. Boom! Click-click.
Finally, she reached him and she could hear the booming sound of his gun rattle her ear drums as he fired once again into the wave of Infected. In this moment, the thundering sound of the shotgun was like music to her ears.
Joel reached down and lifted Ellie to her feet, shoving her behind him as he stepped forward, continuing to unload all of his shells into the frothing-at-the-mouth beasts that stormed towards them. He slowly, but surely, pushed the wave back. Bodies, blood, guts and bits of shattered bone spewed into the air, plastering the walls and carpet after each pull of the trigger. Joel gritted his teeth and poured every ounce of anger and hatred into each shell, hoping to painfully punish every single one of them for trying to kill his little girl.
His purpose.
Yeah! Fuck yes! Get 'em Joel! Pieces of shit!
Joel was now mere feet from the door to the stairwell, shredding his way through the Infected. A lapse in the once continuous wave granted him a reprieve and he pulled out a nail bomb, threw it in the stairwell then slammed the door shut. He scrambled for a nearby chair then propped it up against the doorknob, locking the soon to be blown-to-smithereens Infected inside.
BOOM!
The bomb exploded, causing a shower of blood to spurt onto the narrow window of the door.
Holy shit - holy shit. You're still alive - he's still alive. It's over - I can't believe it's over.
A strange, but pleasant deafening silence filled the air around them. It was quiet again. No shrieks or cries of Infected could be heard. Dozens of mangled bodies decorated the floor and Ellie simply stood like a statue in shock with a smear of sweat and blood down her chin and to the base of her neck. Her body started coming down from the adrenaline high and her muscles screamed in aching pain. Every bump, bruise and cut now burned her nerve endings. She stood rigidly in place, the only motion from her little frame was the rapid contraction and expansion of her chest as she desperately sucked air into her lungs.
If she was tired before the entire struggle, she was utterly exhausted now, completely spent after her body gave everything it had. She had nothing left.
She watched Joel run straight for her with worry, fear, concern and relief filling his eyes. She yearned to feel his arms around her and wanted to lunge into him, but she was too tired to even move. Her small, nearly broken frame stood there, barely able to hold itself up and she let out a tired, scared whimper when he got close, unable to voice any actual words.
The sound that peeped from her lips tore at his heart and she could see the twitch in his face once he realized how terrified she was.
Oh... god... I - I...
He placed his hands on both sides of her head and looked into her exhausted, tear filled eyes. Her muscles went limp and she simply let his hands guide her, keeping her on her feet.
His breathing was still heavy and rapid, but feeling her soft, small cheeks in his hands was already putting him at ease.
"Oh god - baby, honey - you okay? You hurt?" he stammered in a frenzy.
Ellie could barely form any words, and she simply nodded her head and let out a sniffle as she gazed into his eyes. She was safe now. She was back in his presence and she wasn't alone.
He let out a massive exhale of relief and closed his eyes as he pulled her tiny self into his arms.
"You're okay baby girl - we're okay - I thought I'd lost.. oh Christ," he whispered into her ear.
He nearly lost her, again. And knowing she was still alive, unharmed and now protected in his embrace caused him to give way to a quiet, airy laugh of relief as he dug his nose into her neck. He kissed her jawline and rubbed away a tear from her cheek.
"Ellie, sweetie - you're shakin' like a leaf. I'm here, I've gotcha - talk to me girl - c'mon," he said, desperate to hear her voice.
She slowly reached her shaking hands up to his sleeve and tried to latch onto him. She opened her lips and finally put forth a response.
"I'm... I'm... I - " she timidly said, unable to finish her thought.
Her lips trembled as her mind quickly recapped the nightmare-worthy terror she experienced down in the basement. It was the first time in her entire life that she came face to face with so many Infected by herself, while she was utterly, alone. Part of her swelled with pride, realizing how well she handled herself. But at the same time, the lingering effects of the soul destroying, lonesome fear from minutes ago crushed her.
"Joel... I - " she tried to continue, but felt her lips tremble again.
"Shh, I'm here baby - shh, it's okay, it's okay."
"L-l-look," she stuttered, pointing to the giant, wet spot on her jeans.
His eyes followed the point of her finger and his heart sank, feeling a lump form in his throat. He'd never seen that from her before. He felt for her. It was only a natural reaction when one stares death in the face. He'd be lying if he claimed it never happened to him, or Tommy, or anyone for that matter, during the first few years after the outbreak. It only made him realize just how horrified and scared for her life she'd been. Visualizing her in such a frightened state ached him to the core and he hated himself in this moment for even suggesting they walk into this building. Every fiber of his being wished he could've prevented the last twenty minutes and his only desire right now, above all else, was to encase her in his embrace and shower her with protective love and care.
He wrapped his arms around her, picked her up and rested her chin on his shoulder as he squeezed her small self against him.
"Oh honey - my baby - it's okay, don't worry. It ain't a big deal I swear sweetie - it's gonna be fine. C'mon - we're gettin' the hell outta here. I've gotcha - here we go," he cooed as he gently stroked the back of her head while making his way back through the hallway.
She closed her eyes and let out a deep breath while nuzzling into the side of his neck, wishing she could make herself even smaller so as to make every inch of her quivering frame covered by some part of him. Her muscles relaxed and she tried to sync her breathing his, feeling his chest gently expand against hers while he held her. She relished the feeling of being carried, safe and protected in his loving arms. As always, this was her domain, she was safe here and nothing could touch her except him.
It's okay, he said it was fine. Now isn't the time to be embarrassed. He's got you, you're safe in his arms. You're in your favorite place in the world. He won't judge you - he said so himself. He LOVES you Ellie, more than fucking anything. You know that.
Joel carried her out of the abandoned hotel which had temporarily became their worst nightmare. He felt another deep exhale leave her lips as her breath rushed against his skin. Her petrified shaking ceased and he no longer felt the constant vibration from her quivering frame that he thought would never end. She was safe in his arms and he refused to let her down until reaching a place to rest for the night.
She parted her lips and finally spoke a full, coherent thought.
"No more hotels... ever... again," she softly said, her nose still lightly pressed against his neck.
Hearing her voice and feeling the reverberations from her chest against his as she spoke was soothing, reinforcing the fact that she was alive and protected. He squeezed her tighter then affectionately kissed her on the cheek, adoring the fact that she was cuddled in his grasp.
"Reckon I ain't gonna fight ya on that one baby girl. You got it - no more goddamn hotels."
Joel leaned into the door of a small coffee shop they found off of the main drag through town. The shop's few windows were already boarded up and was small enough that it only had one entrance, something that put his mind at ease. Bits of glass and pieces of rotten food littered the floor, filing the air with a slight, moldy stench. But it didn't matter, it was exactly the kind of place they needed to rest.
A small nook, behind what used to be the counter with the cash register, formed a perfect nest for their sleeping bag. The spot would provide them a place to sleep out of plain sight, hidden away from the horrors that lurked beyond the walls of their temporary den.
He gently set Ellie down, leaning her against the wall and felt her fingers tighten their grip on his sleeve as he tried to pull away.
"I'm just gonna bar up the door - I'll be right back I promise," he said, looking down at her.
He'll only be a few feet away - I know. I'll see him the entire time but I don't wanna... please. Don't be long. Please.
She simply nodded in response, her pony tail brushing against the wall behind her. She watched him stack everything he could find against the door, never letting her gaze leave his figure. He placed every chair, every small table he could get his hands on against it. After barring the door with everything he could find, his eyes darted around the room, hoping to find one last, final item to put his paranoia at ease. In the corner of his vision, just to the left of his feet, he saw a half-empty, glass canister of sugar. He lunged down and quickly planted it atop the barrier of debris as a declaration of victory then let out a deep breath.
Hah! What the fuck? He's funny. Wait - I just smiled!
Her lips managed a small smile and she let out a light snicker. Joel's eyes widened, hearing the muffled sound behind him and he turned around only to see her gazing at him with her crystallized, green eyes.
"Tssht - somethin' funny kiddo?"
"Yeah - you think that tiny stupid thing is gonna do any good at all?" she responded playfully.
"Hey - ya never know. Reckon it could - can't ever be too safe," he said with a smile of his own as he strutted back to her.
Eh - guess he's got a point. Now get back here! Gimme!
Ellie reached out her arms, wiggling her fingers back and forth as she eagerly awaited for him to return. The expression that washed over her face was one of pure, unabated yearning and he could feel the invisible rope that tied their souls together pulling him to her.
She needed him, needed to be back in his arms. He snickered to himself, as if the mere thought that he didn't need the same thing was absurd. He needed to feel her against him just as much as she did. The evening's life threatening events yanked out the purest of vulnerable emotions from both of them, and neither cared to hold them back. They were way past that.
"C'mon! Don't leave me waiting! Get over here you! Gimme!" she said with impish delight.
She didn't even have to say what she wanted. Every part of him already knew, like he always did.
He let out a laugh and smiled as he quickened his pace. "I'm comin' - hold your horses!"
He knelt down to her level and felt her wiggle into his arms, nuzzling into his chest. She smiled and let out a deep breath, feeling his forearms pressed against her sharp, bony shoulder blades.
Ahhhh - mmmm - that's the stuff.
"How you doin' sweet pea - you okay?" he softly said after kissing her hair.
She lifted her head away and looked up at him, only to see the scruff of his beard just above her face and his tired, pain filled eyes gazing back at her.
"Better now," she peeped.
Her smile waned and she averted her eyes as her cheeks blushed with embarrassment.
"My... my pants though - I'm sorry Joel... I'm - "
"Shhh," he said as he gently pressed his lips to the bridge of her nose, feeling the tickle of her eyelashes against them.
"It's okay don't be sorry. There's nothin' to be sorry about. It ain't a big deal. Reckon it's happened to everyone in this shitty world at least once," he cooed.
Her eyes widened, but her cheeks returned to their normal, fair complexion. He made everything seem okay.
"Oh... even - even you?" she sheepishly asked.
He let out a small snicker. "Even me - first few years after the outbreak... Christ - Tommy an' I... it was bad. But eventually you get numb to everything. That shit - those things stop scarin' the daylights outta ya."
She smiled, relieved to hear his empathetic response. Mere months ago, she wouldn't have ever been able to pull that out of him.
"Heh - oh. Guess I don't feel so bad then," she softly said with a small laugh of her own.
"Could you... get me my clean... ish jeans and umm... ya know - underwear?" she timidly asked with a smile.
She closely watched his face, examining the multitude of expressions that ran across it. She could hear the gears turning in his head, praying that once again, he would follow her steps forward in becoming comfortable with the other and not deny her another moment of tenderness.
Finally, he simply smiled and without saying a word he reached into her pack and pulled out her only other pair of jeans, and, as she requested, a clean pair of underwear. He set them next to her feet on the floor then patted her on the head.
"There ya go - get changed, I'll give ya your privacy an' dig us out some food, alright?"
No! I'm not letting you pull away - it's just me. You're letting me in no matter, remember?
As he began to pull away, he felt her small hand tug on his arm, stopping his retreat to the other side of the counter. He gulped then turned his head back around to face her.
"Unh-unh," she quietly mumbled with a light, shake of the head.
"Ellie, I - "
"Joel - no. I don't want you out of my fucking sight okay?"
"But - Christ Ellie you need to - "
"Stop. Just, stop. Relax," she softly said, gently pulling on his sleeve.
He cleared his throat and his eyes nervously darted around. And for the second time in her entire time knowing him, and coincidentally the second time in one day, she saw him blush. Like they'd been doing since leaving Jackson, they were continuing to open up, letting the other further and further in, past their internal defenses. As always in situations like these, she was the one in control. His damaged and crippled ability to deal with emotion was something she took on, like a challenge. She refused to give up and she refused to let him quit on her.
"It will be okay. The world won't fucking explode, remember?" she continued.
He ran a hand over his face and sighed, still unable to formulate a response. She was on the the other side of the metaphorical gap, turned around and looking towards him, waiting for him to make the jump just as she did minutes ago.
"Look - I need you to be with me. And don't even fucking try to tell me you don't need to keep me closer than an arm's length as well 'cause I know you'd be lying through your teeth."
She was perceptive, as always. He could never hide from her radar, no matter how hard he tried. She was correct and her pointed words once again cut straight through him.
"I'm your daughter. Your - " she paused and felt her voice quiver. "Your... your baby girl - like you've always told me I was. It's just me, just a human body - mine - me. It will be okay, no one's gonna die and your eyes won't burn out of their sockets. Just. Stay. Please?" she pressed on.
Her persistence and reasoning broke him down. It amazed him, yet again, how more comfortable she was than him when it came to moments like these. She grew up in a world vastly different from his, with a completely different set of laws and taboos, hardly any for that matter. Moreover, he realized that if it were Sarah, he would have done exactly as she'd asked. He'd changed her diapers when she was a baby. He bathed her when she he was young. And no matter what, at any age, if she asked him to do anything, he would, as any parent would do for their child. And right now, in this moment, Ellie, who'd become his daughter, needed him to stay and yearned to keep his comforting presence no more than inches away.
If Sarah ever needed the same, he wouldn't have hesitated for a second. And that thought alone, shattered his resistance.
He reached out and cupped her cheek as he took another deep breath.
"Al-alright baby girl - I ain't goin' anywhere," se responded with a slight shake of his voice.
She untied her shoes and kicked them off then began to unbutton her jeans. His heart rate spiked and he gulped again, still feeling sickeningly uncomfortable with the situation. But she needed him to stay, she wanted him to stay, and he'd be damned if he disappointed his little girl.
She pulled the zipper down.
He rubbed his eyes and shook his head then ran a hand through his hair. Feeling more and more awkward the closer she got to undressing. He noticed the waistline of her jeans slide below her feet and onto the floor, exposing the entirety of her legs, ankle to hip.
My fucking god he's so tense - chill the hell out dude - you're making way too big a deal outta this!
She stopped and looked him in the eyes. "Joel. Relax. Everything's fine."
She continued and in one swift motion slipped off her soiled underwear, tossing it aside with her dirty jeans. His throat clenched and he felt himself shudder, as every part of him wanted to spin around and bolt towards the other side of the counter. However, she looked at him and their eyes met, melting his feet into a puddle and binding him in her powerful gaze.
There she was, half-naked, adorable, precious and vulnerable as could be; her skinny, pale and bare legs covered in goosebumps from the cold evening air.
She reached out her hand and waited for him to take it, waited for him to join her on the other side of this metaphorical gap she wanted to cross together. A small smile remained stretched across her lips, knowing that he did exactly as she asked. He stayed with her, he didn't leave her side.
She was right, the earth didn't stop spinning. The universe didn't explode and his guts didn't come spilling from his stomach onto the floor. Everything was okay. It was just her, his little girl and purpose sitting before him. He would never, ever in his entire life, look at her in that way, the way he thought she was worried he would.
But she never worried. She knew he would never hurt her, ever. Just like Sarah, she was his daughter and he would have done everything she asked if it made her happy. As she said, it was just her, a human body and nothing more. The angst that previously gripped him faded away and the nervous sweat which collected under his shirt started to dry. He took a deep breath and smiled back at her, gently rubbing his thumb down her dimpled cheek.
See? I'm okay - you're okay - we're okay. It's just me.
He crossed the gap. He followed her to the other side. He didn't deny her another tender moment, he wouldn't dare.
"See? Everything's fine. It's just me - like you always say, it ain't a big deal. Will you relax now?"
He let out a snicker and relaxed his posture, just as she asked.
"I... I - you're right. Everything's just fine," he responded with a widening smile as he affectionately pinched her nose after kissing her on the forehead.
She fidgeted and her smile widened as well, exposing the whites of her teeth as she let out a small giggle.
She put on her clean pair of pants and heaved a sigh of relief while their eyes maintained each other's focus. She scooted forward and wiggled her way into him, eagerly awaiting the feeling of his arms clasped around her back. He was warmer than usual and the base of his neck retained some of the nervous sweat that bubbled out of him mere minutes ago.
He let her nuzzle into him, but hesitated to entrap her in his arms. Not out of fear or wanting to push her away, no. More, he was so taken aback, so relieved to know she really was still alive and somehow managed to nestle even deeper into his heart. Something he thought a year ago would be impossible.
What!? Why!? No! What happened!? What's he doing!? Why won't he hold -
Within seconds he sensed the fear of rejection emanating off of her and it snapped him back to reality. He threw his arms around her and squeezed her tight. Pulling her against him and closed his eyes as he rested his nose against her scalp.
Oh! There it is. He would never push you away - ever. You know that.
"Thank you Ellie," he whispered into her hair.
"For - for what?" she softly responded with a small laugh.
"For bringin' me back to life."
She pressed herself harder against him and nuzzled into his shoulder upon hearing his words. She loved him, all of him, for who he was. And he loved her, every part of her. Their bond was strengthened like nothing else and only death itself could tear them apart.
"I couldn't live without you, Joel. Literally," she softly spoke, not afraid to admit it in the slightest.
Though morbid, he knew what was implied. She need not say more.
"Likewise sweetheart."
She lifted away from his chest, but felt him keep his arms gently wrapped around her back, encasing her in a protective nest between all four of his limbs.
"Gettin' hungry? Reckon you still need to eat."
She adjusted her pony tail and let out a sigh.
"Not really to be honest... I'm just - really, really fucking exhausted. I wanna sleep," she responded, finishing with an endearing pout and a frown.
"Aww, my poor little Ellie's tired. Well, alright then - you'll be alright though? You'll make it 'til mornin'?" he paternally said, curling a strand of her hair around his finger.
"Yeah, I will - I promise," she said with a nod.
"Alright, let's get you some rest. Sleep it is."
Ellie excitedly crawled into the sleeping bag and was immediately followed by Joel. He laid on his side, with she on hers and she wiggled as close to him as she could, each inch of separation too far. Her nose was mere centimeters from the base of his neck and her small, skinny arms curled up with her fingers resting by her mouth.
He wrapped one arm over her shoulder, pressing it against her back and slid the other underneath her, letting her use his bicep as a pillow. He wrapped it around her back from beneath her, intertwining his fingers and tightly clutched her small frame close to him.
He refused to let go of her. He wouldn't let go of her for the entire night. He came so close to losing her once again, so close to horrifically finding her lifeless body somewhere on the floor of that hotel and getting ripped to shreds by Infected. The thought sent a shiver creeping down his spine and only strengthened his desire to keep her close and constantly in his embrace throughout the night. She would have trouble peeling his arms off of her even if she asked.
But she never would.
He lowered his lips, pressing them to the side of her face. He let them linger against her soft, small cheeks, and could feel the dimples form beneath his lips as she couldn't resist but give way to a smile. His loving, snuggling embrace coupled with his lengthy paternal kiss sent a massive ripple of joy through her. She tickled with warmth and happiness, feeling herself completely relax and give into his enveloping arms.
After so many years of being painfully starved and denied of any affection, love and care, she simply couldn't get enough. Her whole life, she hardly received even the scantest amounts of emotional connection and physical contact. No one had ever held her close, no one had ever hugged her and made her feel important, like she really mattered.
No one had ever made her feel loved.
Luckily, for her, he had no intent on ceasing his continual display of affection. No, not tonight. He nearly lost her forever and the thought only made him fiercely protect her like a lion guarding its cub. He constantly pecked her with kisses, feeling her wiggle and snuggle even closer into him as she let out adorable, little peeps after each one.
Eeek! My god! He's so... I just - I could stay here forever! I could piss my pants and nearly die from Infected every day if it means he holds me like this - I wouldn't care! It's so warm and safe here - my own personal cocoon! I can't even... I - I love how much he cares! Is this how every kid should feel? LOVED!? For the first time ever... I actually feel so fucking loved!
He forced himself awake, waiting for her to peacefully fall asleep before dozing off. But before long, her exhaustion and the comfort of his embrace caused her to finally succumb to the weight of her eyelids. Despite the panic and horror they experienced earlier, there wasn't a single place either would rather be, everything else didn't matter. The pain, the sorrow and suffering from the combined, cumulative total of their pasts seemed worth it, knowing all of it it brought them to this very moment.
After feeling her light, warm breath against his neck take a patterned turn, he lowered his lips one last time and kissed her hair.
"My baby girl - I love you so goddamn much. Good night sweet pea," he whispered.
However, she wasn't entirely asleep just yet, and her lips stretched into a massive smile once more before drifting away.
