S: Yo, chapter 7 here! Since the real Assassin's Creed was so damn mystifying, I have taken the opportunity to expand hugely on Desmond Miles' parts in the story. This created the enormously random humour you will see here.
Enjoy the chapter!
"I have a cunning plan!"
The other three rescuers looked at Knuckles, who was arrogantly smiling at them in a superior manner. He stood up tall, thrusting his chest out with his head back, his hands on his hips.
"Yes indeed! It is an excellent plan! One of my best, I must say!"
Cream looked up from her notes, her glasses on the end of her nose. Rouge stopped expectantly in an angled position, in the process of writing on her blackboard. Shadow stopped kicking random people. After a while, Cream spoke.
"Well? What is it?"
"Oh yeah! I forgot to tell you!"
The other three slapped their foreheads at this idiocy.
"Gather round, my friends, and I shall tell all…"
A few minutes later, there was a knock at the back entrance of the skyscraper. Nowhere near as impressive as the front, it was just a basic grey door with grey walls. Nothing spectacular.
Yawning, the guard on duty radioed lazily that there was a knock at the door, as per standard procedure, and then he opened it.
He was greeted by a grinning echidna dressed in an uncomfortable orange suit. There was an equally uncomfortable and ridiculous looking hat perched on his head, proclaiming the slogan 'The Echidna Pizza Delivery Company!'
"Sweet, a pizza!" He reached out his hands to take the hot meal from the delivery boy.
Then Knuckles pulled a shotgun from nowhere and sprayed his brains all over the wall with an implausibly loud 'BANG!'
Still grinning, Knuckles pocketed the shotgun and made to walk in. Before he could even take a single step, another guard rushed in, blocking the door.
"What happened here? Who are you? What happened to Frank?"
"Don't worry about him, he's just got a stomach ache."
The second guard looked at the mangled body, missing its head and its fluids all over the wall.
"Oh. OK then. Who are you?"
"Pizza." Knuckles indicated the box.
"Sweet, a pizza!" He reached out his hands to take the hot meal from the delivery boy.
BANG!
The shotgun disappeared again and Knuckles took a step. Just as quickly as the second, a third guard appeared. "What –"
"They're just taking a short nap. I'm the pizza delivery boy."
"Sweet, a pizza!" He reached out his hands to take the hot meal from the delivery boy.
BANG!
This time Knuckles kept the shotgun out. He waited.
"What's going on? Why is –"
BANG!
Knuckles grinned so hard his face disappeared for a moment. The pizza had disappeared, to be replaced entirely by the enormous shotgun cradled in his hands.
"Oh yeah. I could get used to this!"
Another guard came skidding to the door, slipping on all the blood.
"What happened here?"
"They all, um, slipped."
"Oh, OK. Who are you?"
"I'm the pizza delivery boy."
"Sweet, a pizza!" He reached out his hands to take the hot meal from the delivery boy, but retracted them upon the absence of the pizza.
"Where is it?"
"Look very closely into this barrel…"
"OK…"
Knuckles could barely contain his joy.
"I don't see it…"
BANG!
Because of the inevitable long wait until Amy recovered in hospital and came back to work, Sonic and Tails had to develop ways to remain amused throughout the many months of waiting.
There were several amusing jokes, for example, that involved Tails setting up a large amount of plastic explosives outside Sonic's door that would activate whenever Sonic walked through it. Tails laughed heartily at his joke, and so did Sonic. When forced to at gunpoint.
Several water pistol fights were organised. Using acid.
They even role played a James Bond movie. At least, that's what Sonic thought before he played James Bond in one of the torture scenes.
Tails whiled away some time learning to walk on the ceiling. He would spin his tails extremely fast while upside down, and walk on the ceiling with a smug grin on his face. One day he met Sonic walking on the ceiling as well, with absolutely no means of support. He was simply walking as though it was the floor. It was surprising, to say the least.
A conversation ensued, mainly filled with expletives as to how Sonic could walk on the freaking ceiling.
"Meh, wasn't that hard. Just walked on the wall and kept going."
"But... what... how...?"
Tails never walked on the ceiling again. Too many migraines.
Eventually though even all this got boring and they had to resort to going to the roof and throwing stones down to the street. There were many splatters of red on the pavement after a while, ambulances blocked half the city, and they invented a scoring system.
"Boom! Ten points!"
"No way! You missed the paramedic!"
"Yeah but I got the girl they were loading onto the ambulance!"
"Dammit!"
Tails leaned back in his chair. "Yeah, I'm so much better than yooouuuuu!"
Sonic sulked, pushing himself further into his own deckchair. "I'll beat you tomorrow. Just you wait."
Tails grinned. "But Sonic, Amy's coming back tomorrow! You'll never get a chance to even out the score!"
"We'll see! What is the score anyway?"
"10,093,238 to –6."
"What! How did you get such a high score?"
"The bigger question is how did you get a negative?"
"I … don't know …"
Tails shrugged. The evening was too hot to think. "Ah well. Back to work tomorrow." He was downcast for a moment. Then his ears perked up as he had an idea.
"Unless…" He looked over to the blue hedgehog with an evil smile.
Sonics eyes darted around in panic. "What?"
"Unless Amy was incapacitated tomorrow morning as she comes in, by an oh so accidental rock thrown at her head from 50 floors up…"
Sonic grinned now. The two held matching expressions of conspirator-style malevolence.
Sonic looked behind his chair. "I have just the rock for the occasion…"
Tails looked where he was indicating, and his grin widened to show his razor teeth as he saw the 2-ton boulder behind Sonic's seat.
S: You'd better watch out, Amy. I think Tails' evilness is infectious... Anyway, hope you enjoyed it, and reviews are always appreciated. Even craved. Thanks for reading.
