The sounds that no 13 year old should be used to, echoes in this home like no tomorrow. Most people will call it bad parenting, but She doesn't understand. She can't help it.
I welcome you to Trina's story. The woman who's sex drive is through the roof! She woke about week ago only to be replaced by Regina for a few days. Yesterday mama was herself, but now Trina is back.
Like me, she loves to take pictures, well it's why I do it now. She taught me everything I needed to know. I had no idea mom knew a thing about photography, she's so full of surprises. But now these different parts of her are unraveling the secrets that she shoved to the back of her head. That brain of her's is now an opened chest and nothing about her is safe, not with these alter egos possessing her body.
My bedroom door knob wiggles just a little, causing me to shrink in my skin. The woman is very kind, flirtatious, yet intimidating all the same. Let's not forget that she likes to party like Roni does. But every girl has their flaws. Mama's a depressed mess, Regina torments others and slices away at her own flesh, Veronica drinks like her body is immortal, and Trina smokes like her lungs are made of steel.
"Sorry you had to hear that, he's leaving now." She announces behind the cigarette tucked between her lips. I eye her down trying to figure out why she's standing in front of me with just her underwear on. Man, if mama could just see herself.
Since it's been a year of Alex's departure and mom's brain dysfunction, I can only assume that her sex appetite became too unbearable, thus Trina was born. Built to successfully please every one of Lana's sexual desires.
"Seriously, I'll stop...one day." She shrugs and leans against the doorway. I tilt my head not being able to give her a look of disgust.
"Stop what? Your sexual addiction? Or the cigarettes? That future seems very bleak." Trina purses her lips a little, I know that it is a fake pout but maybe deep inside Lana is in there and she cares. Wait, this is Lana. This a part of Lana that is more defined than the others in this moment.
"Don't sit here and guilt trip me, please. I've already been through enough." She heavily sighs, but it's too late. I'm already triggered and have had enough of this. All of it!
"What about me huh? I lost my mom and my dad...and–and you! Have any of you stopped to think about how I feel?!" Trina's face falls into sorrow. She pushes her body away from the door frame and enters my room without invitation.
I don't have the strength to fight her anymore, so I let her sit beside me with that death stick in her hand. I hate the way the stupid thing smells and she knows I hate it when she smokes in my room. Still, she ignores my wishes, and anger for that matter, and pulls me in close.
"I literally think about you all the time when I'm not...lost. You're all I have, all I care about. My mom is dead. My dad is dead..." she trails and let's out a heavy sigh. My heart stings from the weight of the pain from loss. I then realize this is the root of mama's problem. Loss and I get where she's coming from because, sadly, every person she's lost I've lost too. They were apart of my life as well.
Many years ago, when mama was 16, her father took her on a stroll in a park where they used to play baseball together all of the time; he actually played in the major leagues. A person who heard of him tried to rob him right in the open, with a knife. As her father tried to fight him, Lana tried to help her dad fight him off resulting in the thief accidentally cutting her lip. He pushed her away with force causing her to bang her head on a tree and she passed out.
That didn't leave any brain damage, only the death of her father did. It wasn't until Mama met mama that her entire world changed. Alex had been in our lives since I was three years old. She was always there, always caring. But couples always have their issues. Mom and Mama argued one day, I don't know why, but it resulted in Mama hitting her head again in the exact same spot as she had many years before. Her skull literally cracked from the blow and her brain tissues inflamed from being banged around. Things changed from then. It left possible permanent brain damage against her which is why she's sitting here with an extremely rare disorder and thinking her name is Trina...Or is she.
" I get it mijah. You keep seeing people come and go. We keep losing people and you're afraid that you'll lose me. But you'll never lose me and I'll do what I can to never lose you." Mama pulls me in very close, despite being Trina no longer, she inhales her cigarette as if it's completely natural. It makes me wonder if she ever smoked before.
Just as if she read my mind she goes, "It really sucks, because when I found out I was pregnant with you, I quit altogether. Now here I am..."
I suddenly feel loved and prideful for this woman holding on to me. I've come to learn in so many ways that mama has done so much for me and she has never left me behind either. I'm grateful that I have her as a mother, no matter how mentally messed up she may be. It's because I always know that every part her cares, memories or no memories.
