7. Butterbeer
It was late by the time Tonks arrived two blocks away from #12 Grimald Place that evening. Snow was falling silently about her and the air was chill and frosty. She had tarried longer than usual in her office, sorting through old files, examining the case Mad Eye had given her, all in a vain attempt to ignore the most unpleasant conversation she was about to endure. This wasn't school after all, she lived in the real world. A world in which, she feared, Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin remained good platonic friends until the end of their days. But she was determined to try. Now that she had really thought about it, not just pushed it to the side of her mind, Lupin had taken up much of her thoughts for the past year. Every time she got a little closer to him, it had elated her, especially during those long nights of guard duty together, of missions and simple conversation by the fireside.
Guiltily she recalled her earliest fantasies of her and Lupin being together, as she stood rooted to the slightly damp pavement, unwilling to move quite yet. Whimsical and childish they seemed to her now, lusty scenarios of rampant love and long winter nights spent amusing each other with magical ingenuity and enchanting conversation. She hadn't thought up fantasies like that for a long time, not since she had been a teenager, and it made her feel even more ridiculous. What sort of adult fantasized like that? But, unavoidably, one particularly distracting scene seemed to materialize within her mind's eye, depicting her and Lupin wrapped in an embrace that might have lasted hours or even days.
Tonks shook herself and took a step forward. It would do no good to focus on this now, she decided, trying to strengthen her composure. She just had to be frank and direct about this, nothing over the top. But then she stopped again, recalling suddenly the other reason that she had been feeling so dismal that day. Sirius. What on earth was she going to say to him? He would probably curse her into a million pieces if she tried to go out with Lupin. Since when had he become the over-protective father figure? Tonks gnashed her teeth in irritation and started off again.
She rang the doorbell to Headquarters without thinking and then cursed herself at this stupidity. Several seconds later Sirius wrenched open the door and stuck his head out. His exasperated expression turned quickly to awkwardness as he saw who had wrung. For a moment they both stood there staring at each other.
"Come on," Sirius said, pulling her into the warmth and away from the accumulating snowflakes. Tonks stomped her feet and clapped her hands together as quietly as she could.
They made their careful way past the portrait of Mrs. Black in the hallway and into the kitchen, where Sirius sat her down at the table and pushed a tankard of butterbeer between her palms. Tonks stared at it curiously as Sirius lifted his own to his lips.
"Dedalus dropped these off this morning," Sirius explained after he had downed half his tankard. "Thought we might like some Valentines cheer."
"Valentines?" Tonks choked, feeling her head spin, despite the weakness of the drink. She hadn't even realized that the holiday was upon them.
"Hmm," Sirius replied vaguely, glancing towards the ceiling.
For several long minutes, neither of them spoke. Tonks had been hoping to avoid Sirius until after she had a chance to talk with Lupin but her plan was useless now. Sirius was looking everywhere but at her and Tonks felt very like an unwelcomed but unavoidable visitant.
"Sirius-" she started to say at the exact moment Sirius boomed loudly, "I was out of line."
Tonks stared at him, quite at a loss for words. Sirius cleared his throat with some amplification. "I was out of line," he barked again.
Tonks blinked and tried to speak but only ended up coughing into her butterbeer again. Sirius seemed to be in the throes of discomfort. "What I said to you, this morning," he clarified, as if Tonks had needed reminding. "It was out of order. I was just-"
Tonks took an inordinately large swallow of butterbeer and sneezed as it began to bubble towards her nostrils. "It's alight Sirius, I think I kinda deserved it," she said, realizing unexpectedly this was true. Her wild fantasies of her and Lupin had needed some serious contrast with reality.
Sirius frowned at her, a trickle of beer running down his beard. "I shouldn't be the one to tell you what to do." He tipped his tankard into his mouth, almost simultaneously reaching for another one. "I should've left you alone. But honestly cuz, you're going to have your work cut out for you. I just hope you know that."
Tonks sighed. "I doubt it'll amount to much, to be honest," she muttered drearily.
Sirius shrugged twitchily, looking as though he would be quite happy to end the discussion there and then. But then he jabbed his thumb towards the stairs and said, "he's still here, if you want to see for yourself."
