Left Behind
a/n: Chapter 6 was a little short, but I didn't really want to emphasis detail or divulge too much into a plot; I just wanted to convey Yori's feelings on Yuuki's absence as it reaches her limits. I wasn't quite satisfied with Chapter 6, so I hope Chapter 7 makes up for it! :] Again, sorry for the extremely late update. I've been having major writing block with this fanficcy, and summer school certainly did not help the writing process at all. But summer school is finally over, so I will be uploading Chapter 8 sometime next week. Please enjoy!
Vampire Knight © Matsuri Hino
Three weeks passed since the 'incident.'
I never did tell Zero that I might have seen Yuuki that day that seems so far away now.
If I had told him, I'm sure he'd either deny my claim or get frustrated with me, and frankly I have a feeling that Zero knew more about Yuuki's whereabouts than he lets on. I actually haven't seen too much of Zero lately. It seems the Hunters Association has a lot of work cut out for him these days. He hasn't been showing up to classes either, and his visits to my dorm room have grown slim. In the last week, I had only seen him once or twice. On one hand, Zero's decrease of visits allowed my complexion to lighten up and regain its healthy appearance. I wasn't as exhausted as before, and I didn't have to wear a scarf to hide the evidence of our little routines. Ame no longer asked me how I was feeling, and Takamiya-sensei didn't give me any suspicious glances. I assume he probably knew what was conspiring between Zero and me but refused to speak of it. How noble it seemed when behind my back he pitied me. It was selfish of me to secretly hold that comment against Takamiya-sensei when he had helped me so many times, but I couldn't really help myself. It may not have been his intention, but it felt like throwing salt on an old wound.
I did worry for Zero, but there was nothing I could do. In his rare and untimely visits, he looked exhausted and strained, though he tried to hide it. Zero was always that kind of person—he'd shoulder his burdens on his own and didn't make an effort to seek help or guidance. That was always the kind of Zero I knew.
He finally attended classes today. I was a little surprised when I found him sitting at his desk in homeroom when I walked in. Usually, if it wasn't his Association work, Zero would gladly skip classes and lounge off at the horse stables and I'd have to be the one to find him and bring him back to class. But Zero was here. He was finally… here. Zero looked up as I approached his desk and our eyes met.
"What an unfamiliar face," I greeted Zero teasingly, somewhat baffled by his sudden reappearance. "It's strange to see you here for once."
Zero rested his cheek against the palm of his hand. A typical bummed Zero expression. I suppressed a chuckle. "That noisy headmaster and teacher of ours forced me to," he muttered in annoyance.
Headmaster Cross… and Takamiya-sensei, huh? "I should thank them later," I replied, brushing my hair behind my ear with ease. "If you missed any more classes, you might get in trouble, you know." Zero said nothing and stared at me. I tilted my head. "What? What is it, Zero-kun?"
"Are you okay... Wakaba?" Zero asked me.
I laughed. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"Has anything happened… while I was gone?"
I paused, lingering by Zero's desk. Zero-kun? He looks worried… for some reason. Why? I paused. "Other than all the assignments and homework you've missed?" I decided to play dumb.
Zero's reaction would tell me if his worry was a normal kind of worry like when he'd visit my dorm room or something I should be more concerned with… like something vampire-related. Or… Could it have something to do with Yuuki? I smiled and shrugged it off. It didn't matter. Zero probably wouldn't tell me anyway. I was about to return to my desk when Zero suddenly took hold of my arm and I jerked back in shock. I flinched and slowly turned to face Zero. He didn't let go of my arm.
My heart pounded. "Zero… -kun?" I asked softly.
Zero gave me a long look. He had done this once before when I went to get him at stables. But this was different—this felt different. His ever piercing and haunting gaze petrified me. For that single moment, I felt like we were the only two people in the classroom. But we weren't. Several classmates began to stare and whisper. I gulped. Didn't Zero notice the commotion and the implication he was creating? Wasn't he annoyed? Embarrassed? No… That's not the kind of person Zero is. Things like gossip and rumors were far from his mind. Zero wasn't like any ordinary teenager. He was… different. From the corner of my eye, I could see Takamiya-sensei raising an eyebrow. He looked like he was about to say something when I heard a familiar voice behind me.
"Ah, Sayori-chan! There you are!"
I blinked and turned to find Ame. "Ame-san…," I said, exhaling. I thought Zero's hold on me actually tightened. Was I imagining things? I turned back towards Zero, only to find him releasing me. "Zero-kun…?" I asked, perplexed by his actions.
Zero avoided my gaze, and I really wondered if there was something I should be worried about. Finally, he sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "It's… nothing," he muttered. "Sorry, Wakaba."
I was unconvinced. Zero sounded as dejected as always, but the weariness of his eyes and the tenseness of his body told me a different story. He crossed his arms with his elbows resting against his desk. Like always, he was hiding something. After the stunt he just pulled, that alone was undeniable. But, like always, he closed himself and refused to open up and confide in me.
I returned to my desk, and Ame returned to hers. Takamiya-sensei coughed and decided to start class. As the gossiping quieted, Ame began to excitedly tell me that the latest volume of that werewolf manga she liked had come out, and she had just bought it the other day. I smiled and nodded, pretending to be interested, but really my interest was elsewhere. I couldn't help but look over my shoulder and steal a glance from Zero. There was something bothering Zero, but I couldn't tell what it was and there was nothing I could do. If I pressured the matter further, he'd just push me away. I looked down. It was strange.
I was the one who had always kept Zero at an arm's length, wasn't I?
So, why did it feel like it was the other way around?
"So, what was up with Kiryuu-san and you today? Talk about awkward."
"I… I'm not so sure myself."
Ame sighed, placing her hands on her hips. "But don't you think it was weird?" she insisted, shaking her head. "He randomly grabs your arm in class today and makes a scene in front of everyone. Jeez, what a guy, huh?"
I frowned. "Zero-kun… just doesn't express himself well sometimes. I'm sure it was nothing," I lied. It had to be something. Zero would never do something like that just out of impulse. There was always a reason. But what?
"Wait… You don't think… Was he was trying to confess to you?"
"Our relationship isn't like that, Ame-san."
Ame rolled his eyes as she began to play with her hair. "Such a quick answer," she muttered, pouting. "It's possible, you know."
I glanced at her and shrugged. "Possible, but unlikely," I replied.
My thoughts returned to Zero once more. He asked me if I was okay. He asked if something happened to me recently. That means he's worried. That means he has a reason to be worried. Could there be something dangerous in the academy? Or…
I turned to Ame. She blinked, a little surprised. "Sayori-chan? What's up?" she asked, laughing. "You're staring at me. You know staring is kind of rude, right?"
"Sorry, Ame-san. I think I forgot something in class. You can go on to the dormitories without me!" I said before running off.
I think I heard Ame call out my name, but I couldn't stop running. I had to find Zero. I had to confront him. If I didn't, he might disappear again and slip out of my fingers. I ran downstairs and outside, hoping to find him resting at the horse stables. He wasn't there. Maybe… the classroom? Did Takamiya-sensei give him supplementary classes? I-I don't remember. Class was a bit of a blur to me. I guess Zero had been on my mind the entire time. I hurried down the hall. If he wasn't there, then where was I to look? His apartment? It then dawned on me that I didn't really know much about Zero. I only knew a few of his hiding spots simply because teachers would send me looking for him if he skipped classes. They assumed that we were close, but we were far from it. I didn't know what his hobbies were or what his favorite food was. I didn't even know Zero had a twin brother until he appeared in our class a year ago, only to vanish into thin air later. I never bothered to ask those kinds of questions because I never felt the need to. I regret making that choice.
There were so many things I wanted to know about Zero. Why was he a vampire hunter when he was a vampire himself? Why did he choose this path knowing that he'd be opposing Yuuki? What did he think of Yuuki even after all this time? … What did he think of me? Like I could ask such questions.
With Yuuki, I knew everything about her. I knew her habits and her flaws. I knew what food she liked and disliked. Her favorite books and television shows. I could read Yuuki so well. She was always a transparent person when it came to her feelings. I could always tell when she was distressed over Zero or Kaname Kuran. But Zero… Zero was a maze that I could never hope to escape from. He was difficult to read, difficult to understand. Everyone in Cross Academy seems to think I know him the best because we're always seen together, but I don't. I don't know Zero at all. I never did.
She did. And as much as I don't want to admit it, she was always the only one who can.
I chuckled bitterly. I'm really… a horrible replacement, aren't I… Zero?
I opened the classroom door to find Takamiya-sensei grading papers. Zero wasn't in the room. My heart sank. I thought that I could leave unnoticed, but Takamiya-sensei lifted up his head and looked at me. "Ah, Wakaba-kun," he greeted me. "I don't recall giving you supplementary classes today."
It was Takamiya-sensei's typical voice—teasing and sounding somewhat insincere, but at the same time blunt and genuine. I tensed up slightly. This was a man who I owed my life to and let me see my best friend, but he was also a man I was a little wary of. A part of me admired this man, but a part of me was also afraid of him. I closed the door behind me and slowly crossed the room towards his desk. "Takamiya-sensei, there's something I'd like to ask you," I said promptly. "Did something… happen to Zero-kun recently?"
Takamiya stopped writing for a moment and held my gaze. His smile disappeared. He looked down and continued correcting the paperwork. "What makes you say that?" he questioned me.
"He seemed… bothered by something," I tried to explain, carefully choosing which words to say. "You saw him today before class started. Zero-kun always has a lot on his mind, but this time it was different."
"Different?"
"Yes. I've known Zero for quite some time, so I can tell when he's not acting like himself."
"Well, what a coincidence," Takamiya-sensei sneered. "I've known Zero for quite some time too, and I think you might just be over thinking things."
I didn't mean to sound so presumptuous. Of course, Takamiya-sensei knew Zero too; he knew him much longer than I have. Perhaps, I should have listened to him. If anyone was an expert on Zero—aside from Yuuki—it would be this man. But my gut instinct told me otherwise. "But…," I began.
"Relax. It's Zero we're talking about here. He's just brooding as usual. It's normal for a teenager, isn't it?"
"Is it normal for a vampire hunter too?"
Silence fell between us. Takamiya-sensei only stared at me, his gaze heavy and intimidating. I automatically regretted me words. It seems that I've crossed the line. "Wakaba-kun, the Hunters Association was very generous in allowing you to keep your memories of the existence of vampires intact… I hope you're not taking advantage of our kindness," Takamiya-sensei said, his words slow but precise.
I didn't like what was implying. "I have no intention of involving myself with the Hunters Association. It is not my place to, and I honestly have no interest in your organization. I'm only here because I'm worried about Zero-kun," I told him, turning to leave.
"You say you have no interest in the Association, and yet you probably already know that Zero and his work comes hand-in-hand," Takamiya-sensei called out to me. I stopped in my tracks, my eyes widening. I heard a chair move and the echo of footsteps growing closer to me. My heart pounded, but I refused to turn. Takamiya-sensei was standing right behind me, but I did not budge. I stood there, unmoving. "Why are you really here, Wakaba Sayori-kun? Tell me," Takamiya-sensei murmured quietly.
I felt Takamiya-sensei's hand touch my shoulder, and I reacted violently, spinning around to face him. I clung to the books I carried against my chest, wrapping my arms around them tightly. My fingers wouldn't stop trembling. I staggered a few steps back. I had no idea why I acted that way. I've never lowered my guard before. Never. I've always been so reserved when it came to my feelings. I always made sure of that. Only Yuuki saw my true feelings; only Yuuki I'd confide to. To wear my heart on my sleeve was something unnecessary, but not to her—never to her. So, why now, did I react so harshly?
Takamiya-sensei stared at me. "You're a strange one, Wakaba-kun. You really are, and I find that your most interesting and equally irritating quality. But whether you're Zero's friend, girlfriend, or his precious pureblood's replacement makes no difference to me," he told me. "You belong neither in the world of vampires nor vampire hunters. You should start sticking that into your head, or you'll get hurt in the long-run. I can't have you overstepping your boundaries."
"I think you're overstepping yours, Kaito."
Takamiya-sensei and I turned to see Zero leaning by the doorway casually. My heart skipped a beat. "Zero-kun…," I whispered. How long has he been standing there?
"Your girlfriend was looking for you," Takamiya-sensei sneered casually. "I was just helping her out."
The comment didn't faze Zero. I was a little relieved. Zero looked like typical Zero. Dejected expression and tired eyes. Nothing seemed to be out of place, but I was still certain that was different about him. "I need to borrow her," he said. "Do you mind?"
Takamiya-sensei shrugged. "Sure. By all means," he replied, smiling. "I think I've made my point clear. Isn't that right, Wakaba-kun?"
I looked away. "Yes…," I replied curtly.
Zero closed the door behind us. I lingered by the hall with some uncertainty. I finally found Zero. Now what? What should I do? What should I say? Where should I begin? Would he talk? Would he answer? That didn't matter to me right now. If he was just here for nourishment, I wouldn't mind that either. For this small amount of time, Zero was here with me.
Zero turned towards me. "I've been looking for you," he said. "We need to talk."
We went to my room. Zero leaned against the wall with his arms crossed while I sat on my bed, looking out the window. The sky was beginning to dim into an orangey color with parted, stretched clouds. It was already late in the afternoon, so the rest of the students were either in the dormitories or at their extra-curricular activities. I never had an interest in clubs or sports. Even though Zero said we needed to talk, we were both quiet.
"I can't stay here for long. I have Association work to do soon," Zero finally broke the silence.
"If I'm inconveniencing you, then this can…," I began.
"What were you two talking about?" Zero interrupted. "What did Kaito say to you?"
I looked at him. Zero's gaze was heavy as usual, as though simply by meeting his intimidating eyes weighed me down. I turned away. You really couldn't breathe if he stared at you like that. How unfair, Zero. Surely, he must know how his presence affects people like that. Was Zero even here just to talk? Or was he really here for an interrogation? "Nothing really," I replied, clasping my hands together.
"It didn't look like nothing."
"Then maybe you saw something that wasn't there."
I was being sharp with him. I didn't mean to, but I guess it came out that way. Zero frowned. He walked over to my bedside and sat down next to me. He scratched his head and exhaled. "Are you angry with me?" he asked.
Angry? Was I? I'm not sure. I always had mixed feelings when it came to Zero. Maybe I was just annoyed. Zero was never one to tell me things. I thought I had gotten used to his unpredictability. I thought I did. "What happened this morning, Zero-kun?" I changed the subject. "Why did you ask if anything happened to me? Is there something I should know about?" I paused. "Is there… something you're not telling me?"
"It's… nothing like that," Zero muttered. "I needed to know you were okay. That's all."
Why? Why did you need to know if I was okay? He was avoiding something. I could tell by his eyes. Zero was bothered—maybe even frustrated. I hated how he was beating around the bush, but then so was I. "You grabbed my arm today, Zero-kun," I insisted, promptly placing my hand on his. "There has to be something more to that."
"You're reading into it too much. It was an accident," Zero hissed, irritation hinted in his voice. He jerked my hand off and turned away. "What? Were you that disgusted by it?"
I stared at him, somewhat appalled and disturbed by the sudden change of air in him. Why was he angry now? Did I offend him somehow? Was he really angry at me, or what he just taking his anger out on me? I pulled on his arm, forcing him to face me. "What are you talking about? Of course, I'm not disgusted. You… You just surprised me is all. I could never be disgusted by you," I told him firmly. "Honestly, Zero-kun… You sure can be weird sometimes." I sighed and shook my head. "Look, I was just asking Takamiya-sensei why you were acting differently today. I wanted to ask you myself, but I didn't think you'd tell me."
Before I could realize what was happening, Zero had pushed me down onto my bed, one of his hands pressing into my shoulder. I winced and struggled to look up at him.
"What are you—"
Zero lowered his head and bit into my neck. My hands automatically clutched onto my bed sheets, bracing myself. It's been a week since Zero quenched his thirst. I'd almost forgotten how painful it was to have your blood stolen from you, and now I was reliving that agonizing pain. I could hear Zero gulping down his nourishment, savoring the taste of my blood. In the corner of my eye, I could see my sheets stained red. Zero had one of his hands pressed against my arm while his other pulled down the collar of my blazer and cotton shirt, stretching them to my shoulder and causing a few buttons to loosen. I gasped for air as my hands grabbed onto Zero's clothes and clung to them. Zero's hot breath prickling my skin. I was beginning to grow light-headed, but I knew if I told Zero to stop when he wasn't finished taking in blood, he'd be angry with me. He was already angry with me, but if he ended up taking a little more blood than usual I'd just have to grin and bear it.
Zero removed his fangs and began licking my neck clean from blood. I turned over to my side, shuddered, and wrapped my arms around myself in an attempt to still my racing heart. I closed my eyes patiently and waited for Zero to be finished satisfying his hunger. "Sorry. I should have warned you," Zero apologized as he sat up and wiped his mouth. "Were you scared?"
I shook my head. He extended his hand out towards me. I took it and wobbled, my head leaning against his shoulder. "It's fine… I'm all right," I reassured him wearily. Strands of hair fell over my face and tickled my skin, but I was too tired to push them aside. I knew this was a good time to ask than ever; Zero was all mine right now—for now. "You saw her… didn't you? You saw Yuuki recently. That's why you've been acting differently." It wasn't a question. I suspected it as much. Zero's moods changed so unevenly when it came to Yuuki. He paused for a moment before nodding. "How is she? Is she doing well? Where is she right now?"
"She's fine," Zero replied softly. "That's all you need to know."
"I'm glad," I replied, sighing. "As long as Yuuki is all right, I…" I stole a glance at Zero, and his stony expression told me at once that this was not a topic he wanted to discuss. Yuuki was always a touchy subject for us. We sat in silence until I finally asked, "Why did you ask me if something happened while you were gone? And don't dodge the question. I know I don't know your hobbies or what your favorite food is, but I know you enough to know that you weren't just concerned for my well-being."
Zero stared at me. "My hobbies and favorite food?" he asked.
I frowned. I didn't mean for it to come out like that. "Sorry. I just realized that I don't really know anything about you," I admitted sheepishly. "I don't know your habits. I don't know what you like and dislike."
"You know more about me than you think you do," Zero muttered.
I blinked. "What?"
"You know I'm a vampire. You know I'm a vampire hunter. You know that I can't stand attending classes and that I like to hang out at the horse stables. You're always cautious at choosing what to say to me because you know I get frustrated with people easily. You know how selfish I can be, how greedy I can get. … And you know how much I've been suffering."
Zero. I wanted to tell him that he was wrong. I knew that he was a vampire because he attacked me. I knew that he was a vampire hunter because it was something I learned from the Association. Anyone could see that he'd rather be anywhere than in class, and I knew about his hiding spot at the horse stables because Yuuki told me. I'm cautious with what I say to Zero because sometimes I even know what to say to him. I only know about his selfishness and his greediness because that is what is what he personally thought of himself, even though I never once thought him of that. And the only reason why I know how much he has suffered because I shared his pain and the person that we had both lost. I wanted to tell him these things, but I didn't. I really wanted to believe that I did know him even though I really didn't. We weren't friends. We'd just give and take. To Zero, I was Yuuki's replacement. That's all I was to him. A substitute for someone that he could never have.
Zero stood up. "Sorry I took too much of our time. I have to get going," he said. He seemed apologetic.
I shrugged my shoulders. "It's all right. I should be used to this by now," I teased gently. "I'm all right, really. You can go, Zero-kun."
"I'll… visit you when I'm done," he added. There was a pause. He wanted to see my reaction, to see if his company would be welcomed or unwanted. How silly of him. I never denied a visit from Zero before. He should already know that much. Then it occurred to me. Zero didn't know much about me either, probably as much as I didn't know about him. Yet another thing we had in common. It was strange to see a reflection of myself in Zero. He always seemed so tall to me, so strong. I shouldn't be able to compare myself to him. Zero was doing something. I probably didn't agree with it, but he was doing something with his life while I still played schoolgirl.
"I might be asleep by then."
"I'll still come."
I smiled and, for a second, I thought Zero returned my smile. He turned and headed for the door. He lingered there for a moment before he looked over his shoulder. "Stay away from that girl," he said abruptly. "The one who's always following you around." It sounded almost like an order.
"Eh? Ame-san? But… why?" I asked him. I didn't understand. Why was he bringing up Ame now?
"She's the reason why I was worried about you this morning," he warned me. "Don't trust her."
I frowned. "Why not? She's not a bad person," I insisted.
I didn't know how to react. I know I should have listened to Zero, but I had an instinctive impulse to defend Ame. Ame had been nothing but nice to me since the moment I met her, and even though I didn't want to make any friends, Ame was the closest person to a friend I've had since Yuuki left. She was kind to me. She was friendly. She reminded me of Yuuki. And I wouldn't let Zero take this from me.
"I can't tell you that. Just don't interact with her anymore, all right?"
"No, it's not all right. Tell me why you're saying these things about Ame-san. You won't tell me, will you? Like how you didn't tell me that you've seen Yuuki recently." Zero grimaced. Whenever it came to Yuuki, he was an open book. "Where is she? Where is Yuuki?"
"Don't change the subject. And I can't tell you that," Zero repeated, this time with a firmer voice.
I knew it. Zero hadn't just seen Yuuki recently. He knew where she was. He knew where she was right now. I didn't like this—how he was keeping secrets from me, secrets about Yuuki. "Then, I'm not going to listen to you, Zero-kun," I decided. "Ame-san is a good person. She's my friend." I hated that I was acting so childishly. I never act this way. I never allowed myself to become so careless with my emotions, which I seemed to be losing hold of today. First Takamiya-sensei, and now Zero. People were catching me off-guard left and right, and I despised the fact that I had no control over it.
"Then, what am I?" Zero demanded. I was startled by this question. He turned around to face me. "If she's your friend, then what am I? Am I so beneath her that you won't listen to me?"
My mind was spinning. Only moments ago, Zero and I were getting along. And then he had to bring up Ame and I had to get angry with him. And I just had to bring up Yuuki, knowing full well that she has nothing to do with this conversation and that the mere mention of her would rile Zero up. But that was a lie. Whenever it came to us, to Zero and me, Yuuki always had something to do with it. She always did because she was the reason why we shared each other's burdens in the first place. She was the reason why I am her replacement. And right now, she was the reason why we were fighting. Whether I liked it or not, Yuuki revolved around everything when it came to Zero and me.
Zero and me. Us. Whatever we were, whatever our relationship was, nothing ever works out for us. Were we always this fragile?
"Well? Say something," Zero hissed impatiently. "Or is silence your answer?"
"I don't have an answer for you, Zero-kun, because I… I have no idea what I think of you. I don't know what you are to me."
Zero was quiet for a long moment before he finally replied, "… Is that so?"
I sighed and began rubbing my aching neck. I didn't know what else to say. Zero and I were getting nowhere in our argument, I was tired, I was dizzy, and I didn't want to fight with him anymore. "You should go, Zero-kun," I said. "You have your Association work, don't you?"
"Yeah. I'll… see you after the meeting."
"Don't bother. I won't answer the door."
Hours later, he came by the door, but I never answered. I didn't how long he waited. I didn't know if he left quickly or waited all night long. I never bothered to check. But there was one thing that I was certain of.
That was the first time that I denied a visit from Zero.
[rxr]
