Kidd: Hello? Is anyone there? Well, I don't think I have much time before Ren returns and starts writing again! Patti has this crazy theory that he's something called 'an Author' and he controls our universe. But, what she forgets is that he answers to a higher power. So, if anyone's out there, please, please, stop him! I need you to beg him to write something less fatal... You know, in case Patti's right!

Ren: I'm back~!

Kidd: Oh dear God, no...

Ren: -TYPING!- And then Kidd vanished and woke up strapped to a table!

Kidd: Wha-? -POOF!-

Ren: All right, Kidd's on to something. If any of you've got any suggestions for extra chapters, send me a PM or leave it in a review! I love a challenge! And we're live in 3, 2, 1! The latest chapter of Kidd's Crazier than You is a go!

-Addams Mansion: Wherever Kidd Wakes Up!-

Death the Kidd woke up strapped to a table... again... for what felt like one time too many. Actually, now that he thought about it; the last time this happened was also one time too many. Placing his deja vu aside, Kidd knew he had to figure out where he was as quickly and rationally manner. This routine of waking up in unfamiliar places was beginning to wear thin.

Kidd turned his head left and right, trying to look for any clues as to where he was. "Let's see, poorly-lit and musky dungeon... All right, I'm still in the Addams Mansion. What else? Bubbly beakers full of questionable chemicals, barrels of explosives, rusty chains and... is that a death ray? I know exactly where I am!"

"Uncle Fester's Lab" Kidd muttered under his breath. As expected of a secret basement-lab, this was where Fester carried out his experiments. All of both questionable safety and zero legality. Kidd knew this because in his childhood, Fester let Wednesday and Pugsley play "Is there a God?" here. Or, when they would sneak him in as a guinea pig for some experiments of their own, such as his 11th birthday, when he woke up as a Scottish Terrier.

"Now, the question is... what exactly is going on here?"

"Hey you're up, Kiddo!" As if on cue, Uncle Fester popped up from beyond a console. A pair of goggles on his forehead and a crazed look in his eye. "How ya' feelin'? Still a bit woozy? That'd be the sedative talking"

"Uncle Fester? What in Father's name is going on here?" Kidd moaned as he struggled against his restraints.

"Well, you know how you've got that crippling OCD?"

"Yes..."

"I figured I'd do something nice and help you get over it!"

"And dare I ask how?" Kidd sighed, eying a strangely realistic skeleton suspiciously.

"The only truly effective way, of course! I'm going to use a high power laser to perform a lobotomy!" Fester grinned as he pushed his goggles over his eyes and typed something into the nearby console. "And don't worry! I'm a registered surgeon in four countries"

"And banned just about everywhere else..." Kidd bit back his acerbic remark. "Is any of this safe? Or legal for that matter?"

"Oh don't worry, it's totally safe! I've done this loads of times and I always came out alright! CONTACT!" Fester cackled as he threw the switch, then left with a cackle. Every mad scientist worth his coat knew to never watch an experiment.

Realizing the danger he was in, Kidd struggled for a moment, then reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. Then, after many rapid keystrokes, he placed it back in his pocket. There were only two people he could count on right now. Hopefully, one of them would get the message. "Well, now what?"

"I'd get comfy if I were you... And don't worry, you're gonna be out in a couple pages anyway, maybe just one, if you're lucky. Besides, that laser's gonna take a bit to warm up" A voice called out to Kidd from somewhere in the lab. Turning his head, Kidd found a young man trapped in a glass box waving at him. "Yo!"

"How could you possibly know that?"

"Trust me, you might be better off not knowing. It'll blow your mind!"

"Try me..."

-Meanwhile, with Liz and Patti-

"Oh, I say Lady Addams, this is indeed a lovely brew." Patti said, with surprising grace and etiquette. Despite her childhood on the streets and unique personality, Patti had long fantasized of enjoying a perfectly normal tea party with dolls, her sister and maybe a few friends. And now, Wednesday gave her that opportunity. An opportunity she accepted with gusto, dragging her still bewildered and slightly intimidated sister with her.

"I'm glad you like it. It's a special fruit blend made from Marie's private orchard" Wednesday smiled, gesturing to her headless doll beside her. "She's told me the tea leaves have to be just the right age... Three months after budding I believe. So tell me Elizabeth, I understand you and your sister are under a young Shinigami's employ. What's that like?"

"Honestly, Lady Addams; with his eccentricities and our duties, it is quite interesting. But, he is an understanding employer and he does listen to our grievances. Laconically, it is hard work, but enjoyable none the less." Liz said in a refined tone, appreciating her tea's aroma. It was a nice blend, better than most of the stuff available in Death City. Probably better than anything Kidd kept around the house. Plus, she always wanted to have tea party, not that she'd ever admit it... "But enough about us, I understand-"

A loud ring tone interrupted Liz' train of thought. Smiling sheepishly, Liz slowly reached into her pocked and flipped out her phone. It was a text from Kidd:

Dear Liz and/or Patti,

I'm not sure how it happened, but I'm strapped to a table in Uncle Fester's Lab. I suspect my frontal lobe is in danger. So, if it isn't too much trouble... PLEASE SAVE ME!

Love,

Death the Kidd

"Patti!" Liz jumped to her feet. "Kidd's in trouble. We gotta go!"

"Lemme see that!" Breaking decorum, Patti grabbed the phone from her sister. After reading the text a few times, Patti set her teacup down. Sure, tea parties were fun and all, but her Meister and best friend ever was in trouble. And Patricia Margaret VanLaser-Thompson would not let anything happen to Kidd, never again. Not after the unpleasantness at Disneyland.

"C'mon Patti!"

"Waitaminute sis!" Patti grabbed at her sister's shirt, the universal signal to wait. "My apologies Lady Addams, but it seems our employer has gotten himself into a spot of trouble. So, I'm afraid we're going to have to cut this short."

"I understand. After all from what you've told me, it seems like he's gotten into trouble in the past. You go rescue him, we can always reschedule. Same time tomorrow?"

"Wouldn't miss it." Patti smiled, gracefully shaking Wednesday's hand. "Okay, now we can go!" Patti sprinted out of the room, dragging her confused sister behind her. Seconds later, Patti poked her head through the door, looking very confused. "Where's Uncle Fester's lab again?"

"Down the stairs, in the basement, last door on the right..."

"Gotcha! C'mon sis!" Patti nodded eagerly before dragging Liz off.

-Meanwhile, back in Fester's Lab-

"So, you mean to tell me you're from another universe?" Kidd asked skeptically. There was something wrong with this young man's story. Actually there were a lot of things wrong with his story. Looking over his tattered clothes and unkempt, long brown hair, it was clear Fester picked this poor soul off the street. So for now, Kidd decided to humor him and listen to his story.

"Yeah, I kinda... sorta... accidentally wrote myself into your 'verse by mistake." The Prisoner shrugged. "Long story short, I've kinda been stuck here for a few months... That's when Fester found me and well, you can figure out what came next."

"I don't understand, you claim to be 'an Author'... correct?"

"Yeah, pretty much!"

"And, you say your writing can alter reality?"

"Uh... Bingo!"

"So, can't you write a way out for yourself? Or at the very least, you could make this mission a little more bearable? I mean, you would be able to, right?"

The Prisoner sucked air through his teeth nervously. "Well, in theory I could. But, there are rules you know."

"Rules?"

"Well yeah. I'd go on, but it'd take to long to explain all of 'em. You'd be surprised how many times this sorta thing happens. Well, not here but in other 'verses. Anyway, sounds like that laser's all charged up and ready to go. So, good luck Kidd!"

Looking upward, Kidd saw the laser begin to whir and glow an ominous red. Kidd struggled against his bonds, trying to get his arms free. Which was difficult, since his arms were strapped to his sides.

The glow became brighter and, realizing there was no hope of escape, Kidd sighed and closed his eyes. It was strange. As a Shibusen student, he had faced life-or-death situations countless times. But, never once had his life flashed before his eyes. That is, until now. There it was, his third birthday, when Father bought him a pet octopus... which ran away two weeks later. Right there, his first day at Shibusen, when he totally humiliated Soul and Black Star. And then there was that unpleasantness at Disneyland. His mind ready and conscious clear, Death the Kidd was finally at peace. He was ready to pass on. It was a shame though, he never did get to...

"PATTI THOMPSON!" Hang on, was that Patti? Opening his eyes, Kidd saw, that it was his more "enthusiastic" partner, gun in hand and a crazy look in her eyes. He knew that look. He saw it once before, during her first date.

"Liz, save Kidd! I'm gonna try and disable the laser thingy!" Patti shouted orders... and threw her sister's Weapon form at the now terrified Shinigami.

"Do you even know what you're doing?" Liz asked as she transformed and struggled with Kidd's restraints.

"Just smash it 'til it breaks, right?" Patti peaked over the console, beating the keyboard with a wrench.

"Fine..."

After a few more hits, Patti realized her plan wasn't working and looked over the console. A bunch of blinking lights, some switches, a broken screen and a few wrench shaped dents, nothing out of the ordinary. Clearly, a new approach was needed... And, if action movies had taught her anything, she'd have to cut some wires. Kicking a panel open, she realized this was going to be much harder than she'd thought. The insides were a clutter of wires, circuit boards, used gum and paperclips.

"Pick the red one."

"Bwuh?"

"The red one, its always the red one. Just give it a nice, hard yank." the Prisoner suggested, looking at the dirt under his nails. "And I'd hurry if I were you... You've probably got 'bout less than a minute."

Patti stuck her hands into the console and started poking around. Grabbing onto a disturbingly sticky red wire, she gave a quick yank and ripped it out of the console. And just to be safe, she hit the entire thing a few more times with a wrench.

"Sis! You got Kidd out?"

"Don't worry Patti, I'm fine." Kidd smiled weakly as he passed her, heading towards the door. "Shall we?"

"Right..."

"Okies! Can we find Wendy? We did leave her tea party to find ya!"

"We'll see..."

-Later!-

"Wednesday, you've been in your uncle's lab, right? " Death the Kidd and the Thompson sisters sat at a table across from Wednesday and a bound and gagged Pusgley. Wednesday had decided to have another tea party, which Patti enthusiastically supported.

"Well, yes." the Addams daughter replied, pouring herself a fresh cup of tea.

"Have you been down there recently? Like in the last couple of months."

"I think so, how come?"

"Do you know anything about a crazy person in a glass box?" Kidd asked, adding a sugar cube to his tea, stirring it nonchalantly.

Wednesday placed her teacup down in shock. "Excuse me? Kidd, there has never been any crazy person down in Uncle's lab." Pugsley muffled a confirmation.

"Wait wait wait!" Patti joined the conversation as she helped herself to a cupcake. "I know there's someone down there. He helped me turn off a laser!"

"If that's true... than who in Father's name was that?"

-Meanwhile, down in Uncle Fester's Lab-

"Well, that was fun." the Prisoner said, clapping his hands. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a glass cutter and carved a large hole. Pushing the hole out, he escaped from his prison. "Just between you and me, Fester; what exactly does that death machine do?"

"This?" Fester jerked a burning thumb towards the wrecked console and laser. "Oh, it's just an ice cream maker. Want some? It's steak flavored."

"I'm good. So, why'd you tell Kidd it's a laser?"

"Why not? It was funny!" Fester cackled as he examined the damage with approval. "Plus, did you see his face? Priceless!"

"True. Well, I really gotta get goin'. You know; places to go, people to see, dimensional walls to demolish." The Prisoner smiled. Scribbling a few lines onto a pad of paper, he summoned a large portal to another dimension. "GERONIMO!"

Ren: I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry. I've committed yet another sin of writing. I've awkwardly placed an Author Avatar into a story. So, penance time! If you've got suggestions, challenges or anything of that nature, just PM me or something.