Disclaimer: I do NOT own the following wrestlers, or any of the events that actually happened on camera.

I respect the actual beliefs and sexualities of the following wrestlers.

Once again, I know nothing of their real lives. I have no idea if Matt or Dave can do or have done anything I say they've done. And I don't really care... welcome to fanfiction, folks. Once again, thank you all, readers and reviewers, and this is day eight.

Day Eight: Cheeney

Matt woke up first, and he found himself immobile. Dave's arm was around him, not letting him move at all. And then he grinned, remembering last night. Although they just fooled around a little, clothes all on, he and Dave were together now. And they slept in the same bed without Dave being high as shit and his head not pinning Matt to the bed.

"Dave, wake up," Matt said, shaking the older man. Dave made a sound that obviously meant he didn't want to rise and shine. Matt shook him again and then decided to go the sneaky route. He leaned into Dave's shoulder and started kissing it softly. Dave moaned, and then Matt got rougher, nipping just hard enough to redden the skin.

Dave woke up and pulled Matt on top of him. "That's no fair."

"I never said I played fair," Matt said, with the fakest innocent voice ever.

Dave laughed and said, "No, you didn't. Now, why don't you get ready while I get us some breakfast?"

"Right," Matt said. Dave was coming with him home. And Matt wasn't superstitious, but he had a bad feeling about this. "How about we just skip it?"

"Matt, you need the clothes, remember?"

"Then you'd probably have more fun staying here..."

"We had this conversation," Dave said, "I'm going, end of story." He kissed Matt quickly and said, "It's not like I've never shown you the inside of my house."

Matt sighed. "I'm not going to win this, am I?"

"Now you know how I feel," Dave said. He ran a hand through Matt's hair and said, "Is it really so bad that I want to see your home? Or that I don't want to split from you after finally admitting how I felt?"

"No," Matt said. He got off of Dave and said, "Have you ever had the feeling something was going to go horribly awry?"

"Yes. It was the day they told me Randy was going to punt me in the head." Matt shook his head and laughed.

"Too true, too true," Matt said, remembering the day he was told he was going to get punted. He still winced at the memory.

"Hey Matt?" Matt turned around.

"What?"

"What's the worst that could happen?" he asked.

"Oh GREAT, you've doomed us," Matt said. He left the room in an exaggerated mad way. Dave chuckled.

"And that's all mine," Dave said, smiling, "Sometimes, you do get lucky."

*************

When they finally got there, Matt was ready to just grab some stuff and go. He opened the door, told Dave to make himself at home, and then went for the stairs.

"Holy shit!" While Matt was on the stairs, a dog ran to Dave and began clawing at Dave's leg. "Get it off! It's rabid!"

Matt ran downstairs to see what the fuss was about. "Dave, he's not an it! He is my baby!" Matt walked over and picked up Lucas, who licked him happily. "Hold up, I want to introduce you to someone."

"You have something you want to tell me?" Dave asked.

"What do you mean?" Matt asked.

"How did you have a dog baby? If you didn't notice, you're human..."

Matt frowned. "Dave, that's disgusting. Now, meet Lucas. And Lucas, this is Dave."

"Hi Lucas," Dave said awkwardly. Lucas happily went back to licking Matt, obviously missing his friend. "Matt, I think Lucas and I aren't going to get along."

"Why's that?" Matt asked.

"Well, he seems to like kissing you, and I like it too, and we can't do it at the same time..."

"Well, Lucas came first," Matt said, "I kind of belong to him. It all depends on whether he minds sharing."

Dave bent a little to look at Lucas. "What do you say? Can I have Matt some of the time?" Lucas licked his nose, and Dave took that to mean 'My Matt is your Matt'.

"I take that back, Lucas and I will get along great," Dave said.

***********

Dave played with Lucas on the couch while Matt was upstairs. Lucas was as friendly as a dog got, and, even though he wasn't as affectionate as he was with Matt, he was still pretty lick happy.

Then, he heard the door open. Dave stood up, already on alert. Matt was upstairs... who was that?

Dave walked around and saw a man in Matt's kitchen. The man looked at him and they both, at the same time, shouted, "Intruder!" The man grabbed a broom and Dave walked forward, not afraid. Physically, he knew he could take him.

Matt was upstairs when he heard a loud yell. He sighed and left his room. He ran downstairs to the kitchen. "What is with the yell- what the fuck?" Dave was holding the broomstick now, and the man and he were fighting over the broomstick. "What the fuck's going on here?"

"Intruder!" Dave and the man yelled. They looked at each other. "You're the intruder!"

"There's no damn intruder!" Matt said. He snatched the broom and said, "Dave, meet the Legend, my Dad. Dad, meet Dave Batista, my coworker. What's wrong with you people?"

"Dave Batista?" Gil Hardy said.

"Yes, the big guy who you said gave Randy what he deserved," Matt said.

"Oh, you mean Cheeney!" he said.

"What?" Dave said, shocked. He never heard anyone call him that before.

Gil shrugged. "Me and my buds don't remember most of your names. We've got Shawn Michaels, Triple H, the Undertaker, and Randy Orton down, a few others, and our boys, of course, but that's about it."

Matt smiled sheepishly. "It's embarrassing, really. He calls Jericho the Queen, Ted and Cody Henchman... singular, mind you... Kane's been called Fire Guy, Bald Stalker, and That Whats His Name who the WWE Used to Foreshadow my Future Relationship Issues."

"Well, you have to admit, a storyline about Amy cheating on you, leaving you, and then marrying another wrestler..."

"I get it!" Matt said, "Dad, I know why you call him that. I'm not dumb."

"Oh, he says that, and he got grades and whatnot, but I swear Matt doesn't have brains where it counts. You didn't even call me to say you were leaving!" Gil slapped Matt on the back. "Thank you for bringing the prodigal son back. One minute..." Gil opened the door. "JEFFREY! Jeffrey, Matthew's here! And he brought Cheeney!"

"Why Cheeney?" Dave asked.

Matt shrugged. "When he and his friends get high, they make up some funny stuff. You know about weird stuff when you're high... Jeff's here?"

"Yup," the Legend said, "Dropped by to see me. He's filling up Lucas' bowl outside. He called, unlike you." The door opened, and Jeff said, "Who in the name of blue hair dye is Cheeney... hi Dave!" Jeff waved. "Mattie, where have you been? How'd you find Dave?"

"I wasn't lost!" Dave said.

"I've been with Dave," Matt said.

"All week?" Gil said.

"Yes." Gil and Jeff exchanged a look, at Matt said, "What?"

"We know," Jeff said, his voice having that omniscient tone.

"We know what?" Matt asked.

"Well, you two've been fucking," Gil said.

Dave's eyes popped. What? How did he so nonchalantly say that? Jeff chuckled and said, "Don't deny it, Davie. Matt hasn't called either of us. We know."

"I, uh..." Matt laughed at Dave's inability to answer to that.

"Are you trying to deny that you're fucking my child?" Gil asked.

"Dad, stop!" Matt said, "You're embarrasing him!"

"What? I'm just saying."

"Jeff, stop him," Matt said.

Jeff shook his head. "I'm having too much fun watching Dave squirm."

Matt sighed. "Alright then, fine. If you must know, I've been cornholing Dave the last week. Continuously. We haven't ate or slept, and you two are interrupting the first non sexual encounter we've had since his injury. Happy?"

"Matt!" Dave shouted, while Gil and Jeff laughed. Obviously, the Hardys had a different set of boundaries than his family.

"Chill, Dave," Jeff said, "It's all cool."

"Matt and I haven't had sex, and it's not all cool because he doesn't even know my name. Why Cheeney?"

Gil shrugged. "Weed does strange things to people."

Matt shook his head. "Who wants lunch?" They all agreed to have lunch together, and Dave just shook his head. He really wanted to know where the hell Cheeney came from. When they got back to DC, Dave was definitely going to make Matt pay for this.

But hey... Matt did try to warn him.

**********

After lunch, Jeff decided they had to play a game. He took out four post its and passed them out. "Write a famous person's name on the index card, and then put it on the forehead of the person on your left."

"Jeff," Matt said, "Really?"

"Come on. I have to get back on the road soon, and you're going to go back to 'cornholing Dave'-" he made finger quotes, "Like we believe Dave's the bitch, brother- so what could one little game hurt?"

Matt sighed. "Fine, whatever." He wrote Jimi Hendrix on his card and stuck it on his father's head. Gil wrote down Christopher Reeve and put it on Jeff's. Dave put a post it on Matt's head, and then Jeff put a post it that said 'Bert from Sesame Street' on it.

"Jeff!" Matt shouted, as Gil started laughing.

"What?" Dave said.

"I'm so proud of you, Jeffrey," Gil said, patting his shoulder.

"Don't encourage him," Matt warned.

"What?" Dave asked. Matt pulled the post it off of Dave's head, and Dave said, "What did he write?"

"Forget it," Matt said.

"Bert," Gil said, "As in, Bert and Ernie, Cheeney." Dave blushed. "It'd be funny if you wrote Ernie on Matthew's post it."

"How do you remember children's TV character's names, but not mine?" Dave asked.

"Weed does crazy things to people," Gil shrugged.

"You said that, but I still have no idea why you call me Cheeney completely sober."

"And I have no idea how you could touch Matt completely sober," Jeff said. Matt stood up, saying that's it, and began chasing Jeff, who ran. "DADDYYYYYY! HE'S GONNA KILL ME!"

"Again?" Gil said, "Sheesh, I thought this was over." Gil got up and began chasing them, and Dave was left there, stunned.

"Cheeney? What the fuck?" Dave laughed. "Maybe when Matt says don't go somewhere, he has a reason." He shook his head. The Hardys were totally insane. What had he gotten himself into?

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