John rolled endlessly in his sleep. He had tossed and turned all night and was exhausted from the continuous insomnia he had experienced over the past week since moving into his new home. John resentfully opened one eye, quickly re-closing it, trying to avoid the bright contrast of the room. Grunting, John turned over to his stomach and starred at his digital clock. The time read 5:17 am. John's alarm wasn't set because he hadn't felt the desire to return to school all week and saw no point in waking up early. Despite this unplanned vacation, John's mind couldn't sit still. He was having trouble sleeping and when he did, nightmares overcame him. Truthfully, John was scared that if he let himself fall unconscious, his dreams would take control over him. John had been fighting a personal battle with himself for days. It was a battle he was trying hard to win but was simultaneously failing. John blamed himself for the accident and there wasn't a single person he could tell.

John pulled himself out of bed, running his bandaged hand through his shaggy hair. He entered the bathroom and felt his pupils enlarge as he adjusted to the bright florescent light being exerted from the bulbs above the mirror. John starred down at his bandaged hand. He was scheduled for a doctor's visit that morning and had been told that if he had healed well, his casting would be removed. John limply made his way into the shower. He stood under the warm spray, letting the steam surround him. John lost himself in his thoughts. It was times like these that John felt at peace. He knew it was pathetic for his inner comfort to come from another dimension but it was all that was keeping him sane… and alive.


Amy was laying some store bought muffins onto a large platter that sat in the middle of the kitchen island. Her fiancé Ricky made his way into the kitchen, brief case in hand and laid it on the counter before grabbing his travel mug from the cupboard.

"Are you sure you can't stay home one more day?" Amy annoyingly whined, turning to face Ricky

"Positive. As much as I love being here with you guys, the firm needs me and has been going through a lot to replace me for the past week. I can't be out sick forever, unless I want to loose my job. Plus you're here, and John will be going back to school in a couple of days… then you can return to work"

"I know, it has just been so nice having you off these past few days. I'm going to miss it"

"Well, I'll be home for dinner. In the mean time, can you try figuring out what has been bothering John? He has seemed so depressed ever since that day at Luke's"

"He's a boy who just lost his parents Ricky, not some puppy from the pound. Just give him time. When he wants to talk, he will"

Just then Amy and Ricky were interrupted by John stomping his way into the kitchen. He grabbed a stool and sat with his arms crossed, lying on the counter. His head hung low, once again avoiding eye contact.

"You think time is what he needs?" Ricky mumbled behind Amy's ear as he took his freshly filled mug and briefcase, heading for the front hall. Ricky tapped John's shoulder who routinely lifted his head sleepily and waved goodbye. Amy waved her hand in front of her son's face, awaiting his response.

"Good morning John" Amy beckoned, greeting the day. She was far too cheery for John's liking and he simply signed hello by flattening his hand and bringing it up to his temple. With his palm facing his mother and pointer finger touching his head, John moved his hand away from his face. He sadly looked away from her becoming easily distracted by the loose threads on his injured hand.

"Hey!" Amy ordered, lightly smacking john's wrist. He shot her a glare and she forcefully enunciated her speech "Don't touch. We are going to the doctor today. You can take them off then. Do you want to tell me what's wrong before we go grocery shopping? Or while we are stuck in a waiting room?"

"I don't have a problem" John signed, simultaneously mouthing his words "I told you already that nothing is wrong"

"I think there is. Now we have tried to let you tell us yourself but we don't know what to say. We need to make sure you are okay before you go back to school."

"Don't say anything. You don't need to it is okay. I know I am falling behind, but I'm not ready yet. I will be soon, I promise."

"Okay, I'm holding you to it. Go get your coat and grab some breakfast. We are leaving." Amy said before turning her back to her son and leaving the room. Amy sat in the car for a long time before John finally stepped out front, locking the door behind him. He stuffed the key into his pocket next to his phone and ran to the car. He pulled open the passenger door and jumped in, rubbing his hands together to avoid to cold. John had been in the car a few times before, but never in the front seat. His dad had been with him all other times.


Amy drove down the road to the nearest grocery store. John got out and followed his mom inside. This wasn't exactly what he wanted to be doing at the moment but he felt he would give his mom a chance before ditching her for the magazines article. Amy handed John a cart which he hung off of with all his weight, following her down several aisles as she starred deeply at her shopping list.

When the cart was half full of cans and breads and boxes, Amy asked John to run down to aisle six and pick up a bag of chips. He could choose the flavour. John nodded his head and made his way back through the store. He was so focused on finding the right aisle that he didn't notice the girl in the green apron stacking cans at the bottom of a shelf. He walked right into her, sending cans in every direction. John bent down to help her clean the mess, then helped her to her feet.

It wasn't until she wiped away the loose blonde strands of hair that had fallen from her bun that John noticed how beautiful the girl was.

"I'm so sorry!" the girl muttered flustered, growing suddenly shy at the sight of the adorable buy in front of her. "Are you okay?"

John read her lips, and smiled at how she felt so guilty for something he had caused. John guessed it was because she worked there and didn't want to upset anyone. He could tell she had a heart of gold. John pulled out his pen and paper, thinking quickly then suddenly wrote *NO! I'm sorry. It was my fault. I wasn't looking where I was going. I'm getting over a cold and lost my voice so I'm using this for now. My apologies. I'm John.*

The girl read the note before handing it back to John. He secretly wished she would have written back because he didn't want to take the chance he would misread what she was saying.

"Hi John! I'm Jamie. Nice to meet you. Do you mind if I ask why you were so distracted? If you're lost, I can help you find what you're looking for"

*Aisle number six. My mom said that's where the chips live*

Jamie laughed at John's response before telling him to follow her. When Jamie turned her head away, John could tell she was still talking due to her hand gestures and he ran up next to her, walking on an angle to catch what she was saying

"Here we are. Aisle six. Can I help you with anything else?"

John nodded his head from side to side.

"Great, well hopefully I'll see you around John. It was nice meeting you"

*You too ;)*

John watched Jamie walk back to her pyramid of soup cans before realizing she was not even ten feet away from him. Had she brought him there on purpose? Did she like him?

John shot the thought away from his mind and tried to keep himself from smiling as he grabbed his favourite brand of chips. John took the long way around the store, careful not to bump into Jamie or anyone else. He found Amy in the frozen foods section and helped her load numerous boxes of frozen pizza into her shopping cart.

Amy shot John a curious glance, expecting him to disown her existence at any moment. Instead he waited patiently, starring at her with his bright blue eyes and hands in his pockets.

"What took you so long?" Amy asked suspiciously

John took out his paper again. He didn't want to be caught signing in public where cute girls watched his every move.

*It's chips mom. There are a lot of choices.*

John then walked away, trying to avoid any more interrogating questions. He pulled out his phone and texted Luke, glancing back every few words to make sure Amy was following him.

"Did he just call me mom?" Amy quietly mumbled out loud as she pushed her cart towards check out. John stood next to her in line and was caught off guard when they both reached for the same pack of liquorish.

"You like liquorish?" Amy asked surprised and watched John nod his head "Take a pack then, and grab me one too"

John did as he was told and helped Amy bag the groceries. He pushed the cart out into the parking lot and up to the car. John sat upfront again, opening his package of candy while Amy loaded the bags into the trunk of the car. Amy stomped the snow off her boots before climbing into the car next to her son. She stole a small rope of liquorish from John's lap and turned to him.

"Are you hungry?" She asked, already expecting John to nod his head and wait for her to drive to the closest place with a menu.


Richard walked back to his office, coffe mug in hand. He had spent the morning in a meeting and was looking forward to some quiet time in his office catching up on the past week's work. Just as he sat down at his desk, his secretary buzzed in, making him jump.

"Excuse me Mr. Underwood" Amanda stuttered over the speaker "I have a Detective Benington here to see you. He says it's important"

"Fine Amanda" Richard sighed "Let him in"

A few moments later, there was knock on Richard's office door and a blurred shadow reflecting in through the glass.

"Come in!" Richard called, not wanting to get up and welcome in the uninvited company. The door swung open and a devilish man walked in. He introduced himself as Kiptyn Benington.

"How may I help you Mr. Benington?"

"Detective"

"Hmm?" Ricky asked confused

"Detective Benington. Not Mr."

"My apologies… Detective… How may I be of assistance"

"I have actually been assigned to an identity case, one that involves you and your son actually"

"My son?"

"Did you not recently gain custody of your biological son? Due to the unfortunate mortality of his adopted parents in a car crash last week?"

"Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"We were able to uncover the identity of the drunk driver who caused the collision"

"And?"

"Well it turns out you know him."

"Know him? That can't be. I haven't heard anything, haven't been contacted. Are you sure? Who was it?"

"It seems the driver had recently been released from prison due to a fifteen year sentence for buying drugs on parole. He was arrested eight years previous for abuse of his six year old son."

Ricky felt his heart stop mid beat. A fiery rage of anger and disturbance set into his chest. He could feel his face change colour as sweat began to pool over his left brow.

"Richard, the man was your father"


Amy sat next to John in the waiting room of the local health clinic. John was busy twiddling through an application on his phone and Amy had lost herself in an article about teen anxiety. Ever since gaining custody, amy had become quite interested in the emotional stability of her son. Soon a nurse welcome them into the back hall, and Amy tapped John's shoulder, gesturing for him to follow.

John sat in a chair with his arm laid across a small table with a miniature pair of silver scissors. Soon the doctor John recognized from the emergency room the night of the accident walked in, taking a seat across from John. John had instantly liked this doctor because he knew how to sign and made sure to do so when briefing John.

"Hi, I'm Doctor Ty Colindale. I'm familiar with your son's injury" Dr. Colindale announced, leaning in to shake Amy's hand. I'm just going to remove John's bandaging and run a few tests just to make sure there was no brain damage during the crash. We didn't have the chance the night of the accident but its nothing serious, just a precautionary measure"

Dr. Colindale grabbed the pair of scissors from the utility tray and lightly took hold of John's right hand. He gently snipped the edging of the fabric watching the threads coil and fall. As his doctor removed the last layer, John pulled his hand free and admired the faint scar that stretched across the top of his hand. Dr. Colindale stood up from his chair, threw out the torn bandages and grabbed a chart from the counter. He jotted down a quick note in one column before turning his attention to Amy and John.

"So everything looks good" Ty began slowly, signing at a regular pace "John is going to follow me down the hall, I'll do a quick cat scan and then you two are free to leave"

"Sounds good" Amy agreed cheerfully, tapping John's shoulder "John, I'll be outside okay?"

John nodded his head in understanding before trailing Dr. Colindale down the hall, up a flight of stairs and into a large room. Ty helped John find a gown and set him up in a tunnel like machine used for scanning the brain. He told John to stay very still. John did as he was told, and tried to relax during the fifteen minute x-ray. He could feel the hum of the machine surrounding him and imagined what it would have sounded like.

Amy waited impatiently in the waiting room. She wished she would have been invited along with her son but maybe John's doctor figured it was best she give John some space. He had been warming up to her and Ricky more and more but she felt he was still on edge and still grieving. Soon but not soon enough, john returned back to his mother, led by a nurse who told Amy the results of John's scan would be received between one to two weeks. John waited by the elevator while his mom bid her goodbyes, then walked alongside her to the car. As usual, the two drove home in silence.

Amy had received a text from Ricky saying he had some important business to attend to regarding John and that he wanted both of them awake when he got home. Amy grew suddenly curious as to what her fiancé knew that she didn't but decided to put the curiosity aside until he got home. For dinner, Amy cooked one of the frozen pizzas she had bought at the store and saved three slices for Ricky on a plate in the fridge. John once again ate all the mushrooms first.


After dinner, John went up to his room without so much as a thank you. Amy figured she would clean the dishes before going upstairs to try and meddle the hidden secrets out from beneath her son. John pulled out a large photo album from his closet, and sat with his back against his pillow. He drew open the first page and starred vividly at a photo of his adopted parents holding a new born baby. They had explained to John that the photo had been taken the day he came home from the hospital. John continued to turn the pages, following his young self grow and mature.

John didn't hear his mother lightly knock on the door before opening it. Amy saw John lost inside one of the albums from his old home and felt her heart break as small tears rolled down John's face. Amy stood in the doorway waiting for John to notice her presence. When he did, he tried to hide the fact that he was crying but knew she had seen too much. Amy sat on the bed, leaning in to John.

"Is everything okay?"

John shook his head. There was no use in hiding it.

"You miss them don't you?" Amy asked, referring to one of the pictures.

John nodded his head, avoiding Amy's eyes.

"I know honey. I know you do. Is that why you have been so unpleasant lately?"

John took in a deep breath, looking up at his mother through a blurred vision. He shook his head before swallowing the painful lump in his throat

'That is partially the reason' He mouthed 'I just don't know why it had to happen. I feel so guilty all the time'

"Do you blame yourself for the accident?"

John slowly lifted his head up and down, not being able to stop the flow of salty drops.

"OH John! It wasn't your fault. You know that don't you? It was an accident! An accident! No one is to blame"

'I want to believe you, but you weren't there'

"Can you tell me what happened? Explain it so I understand"

'We were fighting. Mom wanted me to join the basketball team but I wanted to do band. I didn't feel like signing, and told her to shut up. That's when they both looked at me, disproving my language. And then… the car hit us'

"So you think that because they didn't see the car, then it is your fault?"

'I didn't want to believe it but I kept replaying it in my head, over and over. Until it made sense'

"John. I know you need some reason for why it happened, and blaming yourself is the most reasonable possibility. But the truth of the matter is that these thing happen John. It wasn't your fault"

'I'm sorry'

"Come here"

John leaned into his mother and sobbed uncontrollably. He muffled his mouth on her shoulder, soaking her shirt with his saliva and tears. Amy held her son, and brushed the back of his head soothingly, until his cries subsided. She knew he had been bottling this up inside him and was glad he had wanted to share.

"Amy…" A voice from the hallway called sadly

Amy turned her head releasing her son, to see Ricky standing spellbound, not knowing what to do next.

"What happened? Why are you so late?" Amy asked concerned. She pulled Ricky into the room with her and John. John wiped his eyes, and leaned back into his pillow feeling much relieved.

"Umm" Ricky began, his throat dry "I had a man stop by today, a detective Benington. He was assigned to finding out who caused the crash."

'Detective Benington?' John mouthed

"Do you know him John?" Amy asked

'He asked me a few questions the night of the accident. What did he want Richard?'

"Well it turns out he was able to ID the drunk who crashed into you." Ricky stated flatly

"Well that's great news! Isn't it Ricky?" Amy questioned

"Well we know him Ames. Or I know him. You met him once before. Around your second trimester. He just got released from prison last week for being caught buying drugs on parole fifteen years ago."

"NO" Amy gasped "It can't be!" Amy turned her head away from John so he couldn't see her mouth 'Your father?'

Ricky nodded his head. John's eyes flashed confusion. 'What!' he mouthed, wanting to know who the man was that killed his parents.

"John, do you remember the man I told you about. How he hurt me when I was a little boy?"

'Yea, your father. Why?'

"Well, he died last week in a head on collision. The car went up in flames, and the two adults in the other car were killed instantly. Only a fifteen year old boy lived" Ricky stumbled slowly, trying to reach his point without mentioning who the man really was

'No. Him? That can't be. It can't. It's sick. It's wrong. It isn't fair. He hurt you, got released from prison only to come back and hurt you again? Hurt me again?'

"I don't want to believe it either John. But he's gone. He's dead. There isn't anything we can do. He caused the accident, not you or anyone else. He did it to himself and unfortunately, your parents. Where ever he is, he has to live with that. Not you. Him."

'I'm sorry dad' John mouthed, pulling Ricky in for a hug. Ricky expressed his thoughts to Amy by the fury in his eyes. She nodded and left the room, leaving her fiancé in the arms of her loving son.