Chapter 6: sick? Or just a good plan?
"Roderich, will he be okay?" I could hear people talking.
"He is fine Bella he just passed out."
I heard a slapping sound, "the back of his shirt is covered in blood and you want to pass this off as fine! Tell me what happened since you obviously know!"
I opened my eyes a little and realized that I was in Ned's room; Bella and Roderich were standing in the hallway arguing. I could hear someone in the room moving and tensed up not knowing who it was. "Shh kid it's me. I see the old man is as mad as ever?" Ned's soothing quiet voice calmed me, "I'm proud that you actually told another person. When you told me I thought you were gonna punish yourself for it. Of course with the state your back is in it looks like you didn't really have a choice. What got him so angry this time?"
I swallowed a little spit, "something stupid that I did."
"Hey you know I don't like it when you talk that way. He is a sadistic bastard you aren't the one who is at fault. Just because he can't get over the past doesn't mean he has the right to take it out on his own grandson."
I snickered at that, "Don't you remember Ned, I'm not his grandson. I'm an abomination."
He tapped me on the head lightly for that one, "quit joking around. I'm gonna check out how your back is. Do you want me to lock Bella out or risk her coming in?"
"You and I both know that you would never be able to get away with locking your sister out of the room, so I guess if she comes in we tell her a half truth. I don't want her to know everything… I don't want her to look at me in that way."
"You're gonna go far kid but you got to remember girls will always assume the worst."
I sighed and thought on that one while Ned sat me up and made me take my now blood soaked shirt off then had me lay back down. He was gently examining it when the two I the hall way went quiet, "Sweetheart what are you doing down here?"
"I came to see where Fratello was… Grandpa said that he is expecting him for dinner and wanted Lovi to know that."
I could see Roderich back up and hide the open part of the door as much as possible, "Feliciano, Lovino came down with a bad stomach bug and will not be able to join you for dinner. Timothy is home though and looking after him for the time being so please tell your grandfather not to worry." Ned started glaring at Roderich through the door for using his real name. He had been going by his nick name since high school.
"Uncle Ned is home? Can I see him?!" I could see Roderich stiffen as he tried to keep his composure around Feliciano.
"Honey if you are taking up his time who will look after Lovino? After all he is back home on vacation from medical school so you know that your brother is in the best of hands, okay? Now why don't you go let your Grandfather know that Lovi is sick and I will start to serve supper in a bit okay?"
"Okay! See you later Bella."
Both of the hallway occupants breathed a sigh of relief as Feli went away, "Bella you need to make supper. If Lovino wants to tell us what happened then he can do so later. I must attend to the pastries."
I could just make out Roderich steering Bella to the kitchen.
"That was a relief. I don't know what I could have said had your brother got in here. I mean damn Lovi it looks like you were whipped forty times."
"A hundred"
"what?"
"A hundred; I was whipped a hundred times. Fifty before he… and then fifty afterwards, he made me count each stroke."
"Oh god… Lovino no wonder there is almost no proper skin in places. Roderich did a good job but some of these stiches have pulled. I want to re do them and then I want you to rest the rest of the night."
"No! I can't." I tried to get up but he was having none of that and held my shoulders down so I couldn't move.
"You are staying right here or so help me I will lock you in the room. You need rest and I need to wrap your body. Besides if you want any visitors then you have to lay down still and be good for Uncle Ned." He smirked at me and then lent over to grab his black medical bag that he always brought with him.
"Not on your life am I ever calling you that Timothy," I smirked back and stuck my tongue out at him, "I still can't believe that Feliciano calls you that."
He rolled his eyes at me and told me to shush or he wouldn't give me any good pain meds, both of us knew that was a bluff but I decided to actually listen to him for once. I lay there as he worked his magic. I had been going to Ned for 6 years now, ever since the first time Grandfather had added that part of my punishments. As an 11 year old all I knew was that I was in pain and that what he did was so very wrong. I was crying when I escaped to the kitchen and say Ned sitting at the table studying his undergraduate work. I think the crying is why he knew something was seriously wrong. I had always kept my emotions hidden hoping that it would protect me, so even though Ned and I grew up knowing each other he had never seen me cry. When he saw me though he immediately picked me up and carried me to his room. I was scared though so started crying harder. After what I had been through that night no one could blame me. He set me on the desk and I cried out in more pain. That was when I think he caught on. He asked me what had happened and I told him, 'Grandfather punished me' that was the first time I had ever told anyone what happened; after that came out everything did. By the end of that night Ned had learned all of what happened and made me open up more. He and I became friends after that and eventually I opened up to all of them, well a little. They all in turn found out that my 'talks' with grandfather went a little beyond a simple spanking and were more along the lines of a full beating but only Ned ever knew about that part, well now Roderich did to.
"What are you thinking about kid?"
I looked up at him sheepishly, "I was just thinking how lucky a poor little kid like me got such a big strong protector like you. I don't know what I would do without you Uncle Ned"
He rolled his eyes at me and ruffled my hair, "I'm finished with your damn stiches, and you better be good squirt. I don't want you pulling any more of them okay?"
I fluttered my eyes, "Do I get a sticker for being good for the doctor?"
"You keep it up and you can get a black eye." I laughed at him and he smiled good naturedly, "just keep your head down. I will make some excuses to your grandfather but you can't afford to miss school so you will still have to go okay?"
"And how exactly do you plan on me getting there without Grandfather knowing I left the house Oh Mighty One?"
"Now that one is easy, you go out the door to the servant's garden then at the back is a door in the fence that leads to an alleyway between this house and the one behind it, you go left instead of right and go in the school from the North entrance below that stairwell where you eat lunch. Most kids go in from the South including your brother; then you just make sure that one; you don't cross paths with him all day and two that he leaves the school before you go to your locker after school. Then you come back in the house the same way. I tell your Grandfather that you have come down very sick so I want to keep watch over you for a few days. If he asks why I just tell him that you caught pneumonia and that either I can watch over you or we can put you in the hospital for a week or so. He will then agree to leave you here because he knows I won't say anything but they might. See I have it all worked out."
"uh…" I stared at him with my mouth open for a few moments, "how long did it take you to come up with that plan?"
"In the time I was fixing up your back, that is the way I used to get to school so I know it works, and besides your grandfather knows that I won't talk because I'm protecting Bella but a hospital would call DHS."
"That's true. What about pain meds? I already passed out today from pain because I only took meds this morning."
"I will pack you a lunch and put some in it. Better not get caught with them though, the school will throw a fit."
"Yeah, that's just what I need them to call Him to explain that I had illegal pain meds on me at school."
"Well keep your nose down and it will all be fine. Now I'm gonna go eat and see your grandfather. Oh and Lovi? If you ever need any help at school ask Gilbert, I know we all joke about him but you should give him a chance. What he can offer may just surprise you."
With that he left and I had a lot to think about. I mean that's the second time in less than twenty-four hours that someone has told me to talk to Gilbert. Would it be a good idea? Talking to him would mean another person knew. No, I couldn't talk to him before and I can't talk to him now. I mean come on I'm pathetic. Everyone knows that, everyone knows that I deserve the beatings. If I was just a little braver I'd just kill myself like dad did. Grandfather would be happy; Bella, Ned, Eliza, and Roderich would all be safe. They wouldn't have to take care of me anymore. And little Feliciano would be happy because I wouldn't be yelling at him. He could find comfort in his friends. Not like I have any friends to miss me. That would end it all, the suffering, the pain, the self-hatred. But I'm not brave enough to take the last step. No I'm just that fucking pathetic that I can't even kill myself properly. Oh I planned it over the years, but I could never go through with it. I bought razors and then ended up throwing them away. I stole pills and then flushed them. I even once learned how to tie a noose, but then I couldn't step off the table. No I'm just too pathetic. I closed my eyes and let the soft sounds of conversation from the kitchen lull me to sleep, but I wouldn't cry. Not over this, not again.
