A/N: Thanks for the support everyone :) I hope I'll get an update asap, but if not, have a wonderful Christmas and New Year! But I promise, I will do my best!
Enjoy!
Chapter 7
My head hurt. My body ached. What happened? Where was I? What was this place?
I narrowed my eyes to get a better look of the strange scenery.
And then all at once, several things registered in my brain.
This isn't my bed...
The colour on the wall is not the white colour on my bedroom's walls...
I'm naked. I never sleep naked.
Except for the strange, wide blouse, which smelled like male's perfume and looked foreign. Panties! I still had those on.
It was very dark in the room and I weighed down my options. I could dart out of bed, look for a light button and figure out where the hell I was. Or I could lay down for just one more moment, to see if I could figure out what this was.
A big mistake?
A part of my life was vanished...I couldn't remember last night. It was gone.
Then in panic, I shot out of the bed and was grateful that the blouse was buttoned and long enough to reach my thighs. I looked at the door nervously, wondering if any moment now, somebody would burst in.
That somebody would have to be Edward...I remembered Edward from last night.
Hang on.
Why did I consider him as Edward? Wasn't he Mr. Grey? I shook it off. That wasn't of priority now.
However, he was the last person I had been with. As far as I could think back.
Dear God, what did I do?
I couldn't remember anything! But I knew there was tequila last night.
And a kiss. We went to a club. Emmett let us it. Emmett was Edward's brother. I could remember Edward telling me that he'd been cheated on as well.
What else could I remember?
He made some joke about whom I would run to if there was an apocalypse. And then he may have gotten upset with the rate I was taking shots, so...he told me I was off the hook. I thought he also asked me if I could walk, but I couldn't be sure. Why would he ask me if I could walk?
I found the window and opened the curtains. It was twilight, I believed. What was the time, anyway? With some light in the room now, I noticed a pile of clothes and searched through them as fast as I could.
Wrinkled dress...check.
Ripped pantyhose...check.
Bra...check.
Shoes...check.
As for my bag...
What if I'd been taken by some creep?
But a creep wouldn't just leave me alone, would he? They usually tied their victims or threw them in a dark, cold room.
Get out of here, Bella.
I discarded the pantyhose. It was useless. Instead, I clumsily pulled my arms out of the sleeves of the blouse, put on my bra and threw my dress on. As I pushed it down my waist and hips, I pushed the blouse down as well until it fell on the ground.
That's when I noticed something else on the ground. It was ripped and looked familiar. I bent down and picked it up.
It was a condom. Or at least, there had been a condom inside it. I dropped it on the ground next to the blouse.
Sex. I had sex with a stranger.
Next, I dropped as well and hugged my knees as tight as I could. I took several deep breaths in and out.
What have I done?
What haven't I done?
Who's on the other side of that door?
Even it was Edward, was that so bad? Each time I heard his name in my own head, something strange happened. I felt safe. I felt comforted. But why? Where did that come from?
I looked up at the door and some of the fear and uncertainty I felt vanished. I picked myself up again and took several deep breaths. It was okay. I would be okay. It was just sex.
It just happened to be unfortunate that I couldn't remember the moment I lost my virginity.
It took me a while before I'd gathered the courage to open the door. I stepped into a hallway. I looked at both sides, but noticed stairs on my left hand. Stairs were good. I was probably on the first floor and needed to get down.
I stepped down as quietly as I could. Maybe I could get out of here unnoticed. Wouldn't that be amazing?
The stairs went straight down but curved to the right at the bottom. Before I reached the last steps, I could hardly believe my eyes. The hallway was a wide-open space. It was very bright, but not painful on the eyes. I saw a several dark couches, a large television, a door that may lead to a kitchen...
Don't get distracted now.
On my left I saw an exit. I walked as fast as I could.
"Aren't you forgetting something?"
"Shit!" I screeched as my heart jumped at the sound of his voice.
I spun around and saw him appear out of a hallway on the right, one I hadn't noticed.
How big is this house?
At the same time my hand went up to my lips as I wondered if I just said shit. I never, ever cursed.
I noticed my purse in his hand. That's what he meant he asked if I wasn't forgetting something.
Even though I was freezing in just my dress, he wore just short pants and a black wife beater.
I opened my mouth to say something. But when our eyes locked, I was frozen in time and space.
"Are you alright?" he asked with a scowl.
"Don't do that!" I snapped.
"Do what?"
"Act like a psychologist."
"I believe that's a commonly used question."
"Aren't you cold?" I blurted out, my teeth already chattering.
Of all the things I could say or ask him, that's the one I chose.
He laughed and got on his feet. He perhaps lived in a beautiful house, but a little heat wouldn't do any harm. The temperature must've dropped in the night.
"I don't get that cold very often," he said. "But I can get you..."
He looked around, then back in the hallway where he came from.
"...something," he finished.
I stared into the hole where he disappeared. I could disappear as well, if I just walked out of the door behind me. However, he was right. I needed my purse. And my purse was still in his hand.
I had a feeling that he knew I would bolt as soon as I had my purse back.
"I've got a few things to kill that hang over," he said as he reappeared.
He held a navy-blue hoodie in his other hand. He handed it to me and led me to the other door which I assumed would be the kitchen. My feet worked without my mind's consent. I was right, this was indeed the kitchen. A large table with six chairs around it stood in front of the door and just a few steps away I noticed another door. This one led outside as well.
Great, another escape route.
On my right I noticed the kitchen.
He told me to sit, even thought I had to leave this place.
I sat down with my back to the wall. That way I could still see the exit door on my left and him in the kitchen on my front. I watched as he filled a large glass with water and added two dissolvable painkillers to it. My eyes watched the tablets bruise in the water while I noticed him walk closer to me.
Before he caught me staring at him, I fumbled with the hoodie. I looked for the opening, but I noticed four large white letters.
YALE.
Beneath that was Yale's insignia; an open book and in very small letters the Latin sentence, LEX ET VERITAS. I wondered what that meant. At the bottom stood UNIVERSITY.
"How are you feeling?"
"You went to Yale," I stated in shock.
So incredibly jealous...
"Yes," he said.
He went to Yale! Who wouldn't dream of going to Yale? He was probably loaded with money. Then again, this house way...massive. I noticed some nice decor, but I couldn't really be bothered to focus on the details. But now I was certain that he had some big cash. Or his parents did.
"I'm jealous," I said with a small smile.
Only the very fortunate would ever experience something as big as Yale.
"Don't be," he said in a strange tone. "Besides-"
He said it in a way that made me look up at him.
"You could get in as well."
"No," I said quickly.
I couldn't. Not even an average college wanted me, let alone one of the Ivy League's.
"How about you put it on instead of staring at it and freezing to death?" he said.
I looked away in irritation, but since I was indeed freezing, I did put it on and felt instant warmth. I grabbed the glass and tried to gulp it down as fast as I could. It wasn't hard, since I was so thirsty.
The hoodie was very large on my, so I started rolling the sleeves so they wouldn't fall over my hands too much.
"I had a great time last night."
I felt a strange, cold, squeezing feeling in my chest.
He knew about last night. I knew nothing.
"I have to go," I replied.
Shit. Work.
No, wait, I had a day off.
"No breakfast?" he asked.
I was very hungry, but I couldn't eat here with him.
I shook my head.
"I'll take you home then."
"You really needn't."
He watched me as if I was a puzzle.
"Why?" he asked casually.
"I just... can get myself home."
He looked away briefly.
Then I thought of something very unfortunate. I had to take care of several things. I couldn't remember if there'd been protection or not. Well, obviously yes, but what if it ripped? I couldn't know for sure. I couldn't remember the moment, the night. It was all gone. And I needed to first get myself the best morning after pill. Next, I would need to make an appointment to check myself for STD's. I'd rather be safe than sorry.
"Do you regret last night?" he asked.
Was it possible to regret something you couldn't remember doing?
I tried, because I wanted to remember last night. I tried to get the memories back. I wanted to know. Living in this blankness was excruciating. I felt like a part of my own life was stolen from me. It wasn't right.
I froze in my spot when he walked toward me and came to stand behind me.
Where's my purse?
His hands were empty. I scanned the room and saw it on the kitchen side table.
Smartly played.
His hands came on my shoulders, his fingers squeezing slightly. I tensed at his touch.
"Something's not right, but you're not telling me."
There was actual concern in his voice.
"Everything's fine," I said.
"You say that on auto pilot, Bella-"
Something very, very strange happened when I heard him say my nickname. I was given something, a fragment perhaps, between Edward and I.
"Why don't you try to sleep some?" he asked.
My eyelids felt heavy, but instead of closing them, I was running my fingers over his chest.
"I don't want to sleep," I said.
"It's late, Ana. Just try to close your eyes."
"Ana?" I muttered.
"Like the movie," he replied.
"What movie? Oh, that movie. I thought you said you haven't seen it."
"I haven't," he said with a wide grin.
"Oh, I believe you are lying, Mr. Grey"
"Why would I lie, Miss Steele?"
"Why would you call me Ana?" I challenged.
"Because I don't know what else to call you," he said, perhaps with a slightly defeated tone.
I could understand his dilemma. I told him not to call me Isabella repeatedly. The same applied to any pet names.
"Bella. My friends call me Bella."
"Did you hear a word I said?" he asked, as he pulled the chair on my right side and sat on it.
I stared at him and waited for more memories to return but all was in vain.
"Tell me what's wrong," he said.
"Don't demand stuff from me," I said, looking away.
I stared at my purse.
Get it back. Leave. Never come back.
That was a good plan.
"I wasn't... I'm sorry. You can tell me anything," he stated. "I mean, after last night...come on."
What was that supposed to me?
I looked down and instead I asked, "What were you saying before? When I...zoned out."
"I was saying that last night, you were nearly awake all night. You've slept no more than two hours. Maybe it was the alcohol, but maybe not."
"So?" I muttered with a shrug.
"If you need help," he said, "don't be hesitant to ask. I can send you to one of the best psychiatrists. They can-"
"No, thanks."
I was done with psychiatrist. They went inside your head and sucked everything that was once logical out of your mind.
"There's medication that can-"
I shook my head. Then I shook it harder.
"I don't want pills," I said, because he didn't stop talking. "I won't take them."
He watched me in a way that said he knew my secret. But, how could he?
"What?" I snapped in defence.
"Has it got something to do with overdoses and suicide?" he asked mercilessly.
I tried to keep my face blank, but I knew my face gave away the answer.
"I understand," he said. "It was your mother. She took a pill overdose, then died."
What on earth did I tell him last night about my mother? Obviously not everything. He may have guessed many things right, but this one he hadn't caught.
I was so tired to do this right now, but I did it anyway. I started explaining.
"My mom didn't overdose. She cut her wrist and bled to death. I was the one who once took an overdose of pills."
The quietness in the room was deadly and I hated it. My eyes were on the window across the room, gazing at the road. A few cars passed by, but my mind was on that moment when I was the one who was suicidal.
He let go of my shoulders. Now he seemed to be having had enough of me. It was obvious.
It was okay. I was used to people having enough of me.
"Why?" he asked. "Because of Jacob?"
I answered him curtly, but only because I wanted to keep my dignity before I left.
"No."
I looked up briefly, despite all the reasons I had not to want to look at him. I was surprised to see him watch me very calmly. There were no signs of mock or distrust. He almost seemed...passive.
"When my dad died, my mother was too broken herself to comfort me. Some days I was fine. But it was hard. He died on Christmas Eve, which turned Christmas into some horror event because my mother wasn't ready to call for an ambulance to pick up his body."
I leaned sideways against the door and tried to keep my cool, even though it was very hard to speak.
"I started doing...crazy stuff, like smoking and...I stopped eating. I know it's stupid. I hate smoking and I love food. But I was lonely and I wanted somebody to notice me."
For a brief moment I thought of Alice. She once chose to stop eating, and continued doing that. What trauma had she gone through?
"I'm sure they did," he stated.
"No. Nobody did. And that's when... I took pills."
That deep scowl on his face made me wonder if he was feeling bad for me or something else.
"I should get going."
"It's okay," he said.
"Glad you feel that way."
That was my cue to leave. Therefor I got on my feet but he held my hand and stopped me. His hand was hot against my frozen one. I felt myself scowl as I wondered how he managed to keep such a high body temperature. At the same time I noticed his scoff as he squeezed my hand with now both his hands. I shivered at the instant that heat started coursing through my body.
"Sit down."
"I don't like commanding men."
"Just sit," he said, tugging my hand.
"Why?" I said with a heavy sigh as I did so.
"It's okay that you took those pills, Bella. That's what I meant. Now if you must leave, and you don't want my help...fine. That's something I can live with."
It's okay you took those pills, Bella.
He got up and went to get my purse. He handed it to me but I didn't take it. Instead he placed it on the table.
"I'll call you a taxi."
As he did, I kept repeating that sentence over and over again.
Were psychiatrists even allowed to say that?
"Why?" I said when he finished the call.
"Hmm?"
"Why did you say it's okay?" I said in fright. "It's not okay! Nothing about that is okay!"
He smiled sadly and came to sit beside me again.
"I don't need taxi. I'll take the bus."
"But you look like you've just had a one night stand."
I gave him the foulest look I could muster.
"Where's your pantyhose?"
"Upstairs."
"Kinky."
I crossed my arm and didn't dare to glance his way. I grabbed my purse and hugged it close to my chest.
"I'll pay for the taxi," he offered.
"No."
"You want to walk into a bus looking like this?"
"Could you be any meaner?" I snapped.
He hummed and I sneaked a glance at him. He raised his eyebrows.
"At least you're not panicking anymore."
"When did I panic?"
"After I finished my call."
"Because you can't say stuff like that! It's not normal to-!"
"Saying the truth when you're drunk is easy. Saying it when you're sober, now that takes courage."
What was he talking about? Did I tell him something last night in my drunken state? And what truths was he talking about?
A car honked. I got up instantly and hurried away from him. He followed me, but I made sure I stayed one step ahead of him. As we reached the cab, he stepped forward and handed the cab driver something. Money, obviously.
"You really needn't pay," I said, feeling guilty for his gesture.
"You really needn't take a taxi," he shot back in challenge.
"Fine...thanks."
"Don't mention it."
"Next time, I'm paying," I said quickly, without giving it much thought.
After his next comment, I probably should have thought it through.
"That's what you said last night," he said. "And it made me wonder if you do want a second date."
I leaned my head away from him, mostly in shock, but my body was rooted in place, because the back of the chair prevented me from moving further away.
"This so called arrangement or whatever it is," he said, mimicking my words, "is simply a date."
"A date?" I said in a small voice.
"You would've never agreed if I asked you directly. After what happened with Jacob."
I shook my head a little as if my mind was a broken videotape that didn't work properly. It allowed some words to seep in my mind, but nothing made sense and came to me in bits and pieces.
"How much longer...?" I muttered when I couldn't take it any longer.
I didn't want a vomit story and I didn't want it to be in a cab.
"We're almost there," he said. "If you want we can walk the remaining blocks."
"Yes, please," I said all too quickly.
I'd walk miles if I could get out of this stinky cab right this instance. When it stopped moving, my stomach turned and I jumped out the cab. The fresh air soothed my stomach and I managed to keep the nausea at bay.
Edward remained inside for a moment longer. I assumed he was paying. He was paying for everything. That had to stop. I heard a door open and close.
"Can I pay for this?" I asked when he reached me.
"That would offend me."
"For real?"
"Yes."
"Oh. Thank you."
"You're welcome."
"But next time, I'm paying."
"Next time?" he asked with raised eyebrows.
"Yes. I insist."
"We'll see," he said with a smirk.
Ever since I woke up this morning I had this awful fear that I might possibly never remember last night. But maybe it could all still come back to me. Not in these strange, unexpected bits and pieces. I wanted the whole thing.
He hadn't done anything weird to me. He even seemed kind and caring.
"I'll leave you to your thoughts," he said and before I knew it, he pecked me on the front head. "Bye-bye, night owl."
In the past, I thought I saw Jacob everywhere after the break up. The truth was, no. He wasn't there. He was only in my head, my own imagination. Now, I had the same with Edward. He was haunting me everywhere. Only this was different.
