I couldn't help it. I had a bunch of sad songs on, so I had to do it. I'm adding another oneshot. I'm sorry if I forgot any important R/T moments: I have yet to read #49, so please forgive me if something that goes on in that book isn't mentioned, I'm trying to find it, and having no luck whatsoever (mumbles about libraries and losing books that are really important). And for those of you who reviewed: THANK YOU! And you'll be happy to know, I'm back and better than ever! WOOHOO!
Disclaimer: (mumbles incoherently, then is hit on the back with a paper cup) Okay, fine... growls i do not own the Animorphs. There, you happy?!
My name is Tobias.
And believe it or not, my life is slowly healing.
That's what scares me.
I wanted to stay sad. What else did I have do live for? Nothing. Nothing but the memory of what we had planned to be. Now, all I could do was stare at the memorial of her, and continue wishing it would come to life.
But that was just it.
It was just a stone statue.
I was at that statue now. I had morphed human, like I always do. But instead of crying, I was remembering. Reliving our memories. Reminiscing, I suppose.
Once, when I went to her house, just after I'd gotten stuck, I'd told her I couldn't hardly remember what I looked like anymore. She'd pulled a picture of me out and showed it to me. I hadn't known she'd had a picture of me. And now that she was gone, I didn't even have a picture of her to remember her by. To remember her eyes, her smile...
Then that time when the Ellimist gave me back my morphing powers, when I had morphed human and gone to her awards ceremony. She had been surprised to see me, but I didn't care. I was human again. I was human with her.
When we were stranded back in time on Dino Island or whatever with the Nesk and Mercora, I remember her. Filthy, tired, half of her morphing suit ripped away to form a make-shift splint for my broken wing. But she was still the prettiest girl I'd ever seen. She'd had that affect on me, I guess.
Then when Visser Three decided to pretend to be my cousin, Aria. Rachel had given me a little birthday party of sorts, just me and her. I sighed and shook my head, remembering that we had argued then too. But in the end it worked out alright. We always worked things out, no matter what.
Then when we had to follow Visser four through time. I remember watching her, as an eagle, with Marco, an Osprey, underneath Cassie, whom was a horse, all the while begging Jake to do something, yelling at him that we had to save them from the battle that was raging around them...
What a prediction.
Then, on the Delaware river with George Washington. Jake had been killed then. And Rachel had stepped up. She had commanded Ax to attack, not caring what happened. She had wanted revenge. Then on the boat. Oh god, if I'd only known then... She had been blown in half on that ship, and I'd nearly gone crazy, thinking she was dead. Then we were suddenly at Princeton. And she had been alive. I closed my eyes as I pictured in my mind how I had grabbed her and kissed her...
If only I could do that now. If only we could be in another dimension, where we'd pop up any minute, all of us how we were then. What's done is done, you can't change it, I growled to myself.
Then when I was captured by Taylor. God, I thought I would never see her again, that surely that madwoman would kill me, and I'd never see Rachel again. But I made it. She rescued me. Well, she helped rescue me. In reality they all did, but... She was going to kill Taylor, for what she did to me. She was going to kill that girl because she had hurt me. I remember that weekend, on the beach. She'd come up from the dunes, her golden hair catching the sunlight. She had kissed me that day. I smiled faintly at the memory of her lips brushing mine. Then we had gone flying.
I sighed and stared up at her cold, stone face, and prepared to do the unthinkable.
"Rachel, I know you're gone. It doesn't help ease the pain, and it doesn't make me not wish you weren't, but I know and understand that you aren't coming back." I whispered up at her. I kept waiting for her to smile down at me, flip her hair back, and say something along the lines of 'What are you talking about, I'm right here', or maybe I'd wake up, and she'd be beside me whispering 'Sh, it was only a dream, Tobias, I'm here'.
Not this time.
All of the dances, all of the battles, all of the meetings. All those times we went flying together. All of the precious moments we had together, it all led to this.
Just the other day, I woke up, and I couldn't remember her face. I flew straight for the memorial, but even then...
All it was, all it'll ever be, is a statue. A piece of rock carved to look like a person. That was all it was.
I swallowed and stared up to that face. The face that was remarkably in detail. The face that looked so real...
If only it were real.
"Rachel, I'm sorry I've run away. I'm sorry I've done all of this." I shook my head, fighting the tears that were stinging my eyes. I took a shaky breath and looked back up. "Oh Rach, I miss you so much..."
Then I remembered her. Staring at me on that screen. Tears pooling in her eyes, 'cause she knew that she was going to die. "I love you." She had said to me. I remember the hurt that was in her eyes. The hurt that she knew I was going to go through.
I rested my head in my hands, trying to make those last few memories of her leave my mind. But her words still echoed, as if she had just spoken them.
"I love you."
"Rachel..." I looked up at the statue, tears falling down my cheeks. "I never said that I loved you back. When you were there, right in front of me..." I looked down again, then back up. "But I'm telling you now, even though it's too late. I love you, Rachel. I always have. I always will." I closed my eyes tight. Then a small breeze wafted by, ruffling my hair a bit. And on it, a quiet, familiar voice said,
"I know."
I opened my eyes and looked around, but no one was there. Tobias, you're hearing things, I dismissed it. I looked back up at the statue, took a deep breath, and slowly stood back up from where I had fallen to my knees.
"Goodbye, Rachel."
