Sorry I didn't finish this sooner. It's hard to continue a story when you don't have internet. Yes, I love Stenny and I'm going to finish it. Thank you all for being patient with me and I appreciate the reviews. It at least gives me a sign that this story is still being read. Anyhoo, I have a lot to make up for so I'm going to get in as much updates as I can. Thanks again for waiting it out!
I've never been so nervous in all my life. I spent hours in the bathroom, trying to improve my appearance. So far I didn't have much success; I still looked the same as I always did. I hated the way I looked…like I belong in a poorhouse. I put on my orange-hoodie and hid myself away. Stan would be coming over soon and I really wanted to impress him. That's when I decided to surprise him with a dinner and a movie. It's really important that I do this right. I've seen the blind-dates Stan went on and the one thing his dates all had in common was that they were good-looking and had a lot of money. I want to be able to compete…
My kitchen was a total dive but I wanted to try cooking something anyway. With some of my money left, I was able to run to the store real quick and bought groceries for dinner. Later I was struggling to follow a cookbook on how to cook Sukiyaki; meat and veggies simmered in a huge pot. It was turning out to be a big disaster because I wasn't good at cooking. While trying to keep the pot from over-boiling, I searched the cupboards for any bowls or plates, only to discover that most of them were dirty. I tried cleaning them in the sink, but we ran out of dish detergent. Next I opened the cabinet to look for silverware but we didn't have that much…how embarrassing. Stan would be arriving soon and I was nowhere near to turning this place into a romantic atmosphere. I had nothing…
A sudden knock at the door told me that Stan was finally here and right on time too. I wasn't even ready yet, although I did have dinner underway and I did manage to find a good movie for us to watch. My nerves were on edge as I hurried to answer the door. When I saw Stan standing there, it took my breath away. He looked completely stunning in his long-sleeved black turtleneck, usual brown-jacket and his indigo-jeans. His raven-black hair was tucked underneath his blue red-poofball cap but he looked absolutely dashing.
"Hey Stan, come on in," I said breathlessly with a smile. I stepped aside to allow Stan to come inside and I closed the door behind him. I realized how happy I was to see him.
"Thanks Kenny. I'm glad to be here because earlier I had another girl trying to asking me out," Stan confided. I took his coat and hung it up on a hook attached to the wall. I turned to see Stan stretch his arms and he seemed to be relaxing.
"I don't get you. Why do you turn down every girl who asks you out? Aren't you interested anymore? This doesn't have anything to do with Wendy, does it?" I couldn't help asking him.
Now Stan and I went to go sit down on the couch and get a bit more comfortable. "I know, it's crazy. My parents are getting tired of fighting girls back with a stick. My mom tells me I should just pick a girl and be done with it," Stan admitted.
I shut off the TV so that we could continue having our conversation. Stan went on talking and I listened. "You want to know the truth? I'm sick of people always getting the wrong impression about me. Just because I'm one of the popular guys, everyone automatically thinks I should have a girlfriend; like it's expected of me or something… But it's not what I want."
"So what do you want?" I asked him. I scooted a little closer to him on the couch. I was starting to feel more confident. "You can tell me. I promise I won't laugh."
Stan's midnight-blue eyes studied mines for a moment, then he opened his mouth to answer but a sudden beeping noise from the direction of the kitchen rang out. I realized I've forgotten about the pot boiling on the stove. I jumped off the couch and raced towards the kitchen while cursing the whole way. I got so distracted talking to Stan that I forget I was supposed to be cooking dinner.
"Oh fuck! How did it burn so quickly?" I said in agitation. I shut off the stove and tried fanning away the smoke wafting in the air. "Shit! Damn this stove to hell!"
I must have left it on too long. The romantic dinner I worked so hard to prepare was ruined. Stan entered the kitchen and tried helping while I took the pot off the stove and dumped it into the sink so it could cool off. I couldn't bring myself to face Stan. I've never felt so humiliated in all my life. I was poor as shit… I couldn't afford to take Stan out to romantic restaurants. I couldn't afford to buy him gifts, flowers, chocolates. I was beneath him… I have no right to even be seen with him. These thoughts did nothing but depress me more.
"Hey? Are you okay, Kenny? What were you trying to cook? Uh, Kenny?" Stan looked over and became concerned when he saw me sulking in the corner. He reached out for me but I distanced myself from him.
"I can't do this…," I blurted out. "I can't fucking do this! I wanted to surprise you with dinner and a movie but I…I totally fucked it up! This wasn't supposed to happen!"
"It'll be all right. We'll just order out," Stan tried to console me.
"No… I can't afford it! I have no money left… I used it all for the dinner," I sadly explained. "This is so mortifying. You should probably just leave. I'm sorry but…it's just not enough. It'll never be enough. Excuse me, I need to be alone right now."
I fled from the kitchen before Stan could say anything more. I hurried down the hall until I came to my bedroom. After slamming the door shut behind me, I started wiping away the tears in my eyes. I felt bad for running away like such a coward. But Stan deserved so much better… Now I went to go sit on my bed while feeling foolish and heartbroken. Suddenly there was a gentle knock at my door. It was Stan. He hasn't left me. Why did he bother sticking around?
"Kenny? Are you in there? Come on, open up! I need to talk to you. You seemed pretty upset back there. I'm not angry at you for burning the food," Stan called in.
I don't answer him and instead ignored him. Stan knocks on the door again and even tried the doorknob. "Kenny, why are you doing this? I've never seen you act like this before. If there's something wrong, we can talk about it. But ya gotta let me in first!" Stan insisted.
I crossed my arms across my chest while tears still glinted in my sky-blue eyes. From beyond the door, Stan gave a loud sigh. "I guess you're not going to open the door then, huh? Fine. I'll just sleep out here in the hallway until you're ready to face me," Stan announced.
It figures; Stan can be stubborn whenever the situation calls for it. I decided I had no choice, I got off the bed and went to go unlock my bedroom door to let Stan in. He took one look at me and his expression softened. I sat back down on my bed while Stan came in and admired my monster-truck posters that I liked pinning up on the walls. However Stan turned to me and I tried real hard not to cry in front of him. I guess there's no hiding it from Stan; he always was a sharp-minded person. Stanley Marsh was not an easy person to fool….
"Something is the matter, isn't it?" Stan said kindly. "Talk to me, Kenny. I'm here for you."
Once I calmed down, I told Stan the truth. "I'm sorry. I guess I do owe you an explanation. It's just… I really wanted to cook you dinner. I thought you might like it. And then we could watch a good movie. But I screwed it up…"
"No, no, don't go saying that, Kenny." Stan sat down beside me on the bed and placed an arm around my shoulders. "I'm very touched that you went through all that trouble for me. Nobody's ever done that for me before. Maybe right now you need to…erm…uh…"
Stan got a whiff of the bad smell emanating from me and wrinkled his nose. "Um…not to sound rude…but were you able to put on some deodorant? You smell…funny."
"No. I was using my brother's deodorant but I ran out. I can't afford it," I told him unhappily. "Just like how I can't afford a comb to brush my hair, I can't afford to wear nice clothes, I can't even fucking buy you dinner let alone cook it! I'm a big fucking failure! I only wanted to impress you, Stan. I've seen the dates you go on and they're so grand and expensive. I tried giving you the best of the best. But I…I can't do it. Face it; I have absolutely nothing to offer you."
This whole time Stan allowed me to rant on. He waited until I finished before gently pulling me close for a warm hug. He never once rejected me or turned me away. His smile was real and his blue-eyes warm. Stan was such a good guy… It made me fall even more in love with him. This would forever be our moment, the time where we first bonded.
"Do you hear yourself? You sound just like everyone else," Stan remarked. "In case you're wondering, do you want to know why all my blind-dates don't work out? It's because they have one thing in common… They were all self-centered, snobbish and annoying. They weren't even interested in having a decent conversation with me. Now tell me, Kenny. Do I deserve to be in a relationship like that?"
I stared into his eyes and realized I've never thought of it that way. Stan went on to explain more. "It really hurts whenever people get the wrong idea about me. I don't want to date someone for their money, or their looks, or for any other reason. I may be popular but I still want to be a regular guy. I wouldn't want you to think of me as shallow. Because I'm not… If I do end up being in a relationship with someone, I want it to be for love. Can't you understand that, Kenny?"
For the first time ever, I understood what Stan meant. I knew what he was trying to tell me. Now I felt stupid on how I behaved earlier. Stan was right… In his own way, Stan Marsh has also been judged by everyone in town. I guess that makes two of us… I smiled and began to feel better. We just sat there together, growing comfortable in each other's company. It occurred to me that we've never spent this much time together. Stan also must have realized it too because he was looking at me like never before.
"Say Kenny… How come we never hang out" Stan asked out of curiosity.
"I…I don't know," I replied. "You were always best friends with Kyle. And I've always had Cartman as a friend. We never got a chance to get close."
"Do you want to be close to me?" Stan whispered, and as he held me close, I got a whiff of his intoxicating cologne that sent shivers through me. Strong sensations shot down to my groin and it took every restraint I had to not seduce Stan here and now.
Instead I settled for leaning in and touching our foreheads together while smiling in content. It wasn't easy controlling my libido, but I wanted to take my time. I've never slept with a guy before but I did hear it's a pretty kinky experience. After all, I love to experiment… I'll try anything in the bedroom! However I didn't want to turn Stan into a conquest. It didn't feel right, probably because Stan was one of my best friends. Stan wasn't at all like the previous chicks I've fucked on many occasions. He was different… I didn't want to hurt him in any way. On the other hand, Stan Marsh might not even be gay so what if it was all for nothing?
After the crazy episode in the kitchen, Stan insisted on ordering food for us. I didn't argue; I was only glad he still wanted to stay with me. We sat side-by-side on the couch, munching on our cheese-steaks while sipping bottles of Sprite. I picked a Resident Evil movie to watch. During the movie, we often talked and joked around a lot. I was having so much fun. I never wanted it to end. I kept stealing looks over at Stan and all I could think was how much I've grown to love him. I no longer felt self-conscious. He's convinced me to be myself.
Stan suddenly caught me staring at him and I quickly turned away with my face blushing like the setting sun underneath my hoodie. I guess I've made it a little too obvious… When I looked side-ways at him, this time Stan was the one staring at me. I wonder what must be going through his head. I've been wearing my heart on my sleeve for him. Would he ever notice? Didn't Stan know how interested I was? And then Stan smiled and scooted closer to me on the couch. Now my sky-blue eyes met his midnight-blue ones…
"Let me ask you something. Why do you always wear that orange parka?" Stan asked. "Don't you ever want to take it off?" I didn't know what to say to this. The question kinda caught me by surprise. I wondered how best to answer that. Stan chuckles at my awkward silence.
"You don't talk much, do you?" It sounded like Stan was teasing me. "It's alright, though. I always did like the strong silent-type. Here I'll remove your hoodie for you. Let's see your pretty little face."
With both hands, Stan lowered my hoodie down and finally got a good look at my face. His reaction wasn't quite what I expected. Stan stared into my face and I saw a change in his expression. This time, Stan was looking at me differently. He was captivated by my messy-blond hair, my favorite loop ear-ring, and my boyish good looks. I was used to receiving lusty stares all the time, but Stan wasn't looking at me that way. There was warmth shining in his eyes and his smile was genuine. Stan saw me as a person.
"Wow. You look so much better with it off. Why do you have to hide yourself away like that anyway? It's not like you're ugly or something," Stan said casually.
"I'm ashamed…," the words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them. "I can't stand having people see me for what I am." Stan was puzzled by this so I explained further. "I know I'm not ugly. It's just that I look exactly like a poor boy. I hate seeing people give me pitying looks or judgmental frowns. So I put on the orange-parka so that nobody can see the poor shape I'm in. I know it sounds pathetic but its how I feel."
I've never told this piece of information to anyone. And yet it was easy to talk to Stan about it. He was very empathetic and I was grateful to him for that. "I'm the most sexually-experienced boy in my high-school. I've had my fair share of girls and hot sex. But lately I've been feeling like it's the only thing I'm good for, ya know? None of my relationships ever lasts long. And the last girl I dated was actually cheating on her boyfriend with me. It feels like the same old thing."
"I know exactly how you feel," Stan agreed. "Why can't girls appreciate great guys like you and me? It's such a shame because you're such a hot blonde, Kenny. You could have anyone you want."
"Yeah. Well I've already had everyone I want. I'm looking for someone who I can truly be with. But it feels like everyone is dating for all the wrong reasons nowadays. It's like relationships and commitments don't exist anymore," I said with a lowsome sigh.
"Tell me about it. It's one of the reasons why I'm afraid to date again," Stan confessed.
"What's the other reason?" I suddenly asked. I looked at Stan and saw that he was totally taken aback by my unexpected question. "So what's the other reason why you won't date?" I asked him again.
Was it my imagination or did Stan get nervous? He's turned down every good-looking girl who's ever taken an interest in him. Why was that? Had Wendy taken away Stan's ability to believe in love again? Or was it something much more personal. I wanted to Stan to tell me. If I could figure it out, then maybe I could finally tell him that I was attracted to him. But first things first… I had to know why Stan didn't want to date. Before Stan could tell me anything, the sudden sound of a car-door outside distracted us. There was somebody out there.
"Who is that? Are your parents home already?" Stan wondered.
"Can't be. It's too early for them to come home from the bar," I said. Then the door opened and Karen entered, who had just come back from a friend's house. She was greatly surprised to see both of us here.
"Oh hi Kenny. I didn't know you had company over." Karen swung her book-bag over her shoulder. Then Karen noticed Stan and a shy smile appeared at once. "Why if it isn't Stan Marsh! I haven't seen you in a while. How have you been?"
"I've been great. It's good to see you, Karen. You've really grown-up," Stan said, smiling politely. Then he turned to me. "It's getting late so I'd better get going. My parents wanted me back by 9:00. Thanks for having me over. We should do it again sometime."
"Of course. See you tomorrow at the bus-stop. Careful on the way back, okay?" I got Stan his coat and saw him to the door. Karen cheerfully waved good-bye as Stan departed. When I closed the door, my little sister was already flashing me a sly look.
"Heh, heh… That Stan Marsh is quite the catch, I hear. All my girlfriends have got crushes on him. So how did it go? Did you finally make a move?" Karen was the only one who was aware of my feelings for Stan.
"Yeah…well…not exactly," I said absent-mindedly. "I can't explain it but something is troubling Stan. For some odd reason, he refuses to date anyone. I need to know what the problem is first. But anyway, enough about that. Let's get ready for bed, Karen. It's been a long day."
As Karen and I headed to our bedrooms, my thoughts were still on Stan. There's no mistaking it. Stan looked really afraid about something. I wondered what was wrong. After tonight, I realized that winning Stan's heart was not going to be as simple as I'd originally thought. This was going to take more time and patience. But in the end, I refuse to give up on my dreams of true love. Someday… Stan's heart would belong to me.
