Disclaimer: same as before

Chapter 7: The blame game

Spike and Buffy sat for a long, tender moment, simply gazing into one another's eyes dreamily. As much as he hated to interrupt the peacefulness he felt, Spike broke the silence surrounding them.

"Luv, it's not that I don't enjoy having you all to myself, but don't you think we should call everyone and let them know you're awake?"

"Do we have to? They'll all just rush down here and hover over me. I was kind of enjoying just being here with you…"

"I know, Pet, but your friends are angry enough at me as it is. If I don't call them and at least tell them you're awake, that will just be one more reason for them to mix my vodka with holy water instead of tonic."

Buffy frowned at his statement. A small crease appeared on her forehead as she knit her brow together. "What are you talking about Spike?"

He drew in a deep, unnecessary breath and exhaled slowly. He really didn't want for this to be their first discussion after she woke up. "It's nothing for you to concern yourself with, Luv. They are just all a bit upset with me for leaving, is all. Kind of realizing that you being in here is all my fault, and I can't say I disagree. But you need your rest, so we can talk about this later."

The frown on Buffy's face did not fade, and her forehead only became more deeply furrowed. "But Spike…" As she opened her mouth to speak, Spike placed his index finger gently to her lips to silence her, and continued speaking.

"No 'but Spike's' from you right now. I'm going to call the Lil Bit and tell her you're awake, and then you are going to get some more rest while she's on her way here."

Buffy knew that arguing with him at this point was futile, so she consented to let him call home. But not before she insisted that he let her talk to Dawn before he hung up.

Spike dialed the number, and was thankful when Dawn answered. She was still pretty angry with him, but she was still a little easier to deal with than the others were. Buffy couldn't really hear what Spike was saying to her sister, but she could tell that their conversation was strained. Finally, Buffy could make out some of Spike's words, and she heard him say "…right then, well just get here when you can, and don't worry Dawn, I won't be here when you get here."

Buffy reached out and hit Spike on the arm, and motioned for him to give her the phone. Dawn was still rattling away on the other end, but Buffy took the phone anyway.

"Dawnie?" Buffy held the phone away from her ear as Dawn excitedly shrieked out her relief at hearing her sister's voice.

"Dawn, calm down," Buffy continued, as Spike listened to her side of the conversation. "I know, Dawn, I'm glad to be awake, too. But listen to me. Don't come up here right away. Yes, I want to see you, but I'm actually feeling a little tired, and I just feel like I need to rest. You can get Willow or Xander to bring you up here later…or Angel, if you really want him to bring you. Ok Dawn, that sounds good, you can have Angel bring you after sunset." Buffy looked over at Spike before continuing. "And Dawn, Spike WILL be here when you get here. I love you too, Dawnie, see you soon."

Buffy looked over at Spike, and studied his concerned expression. "Spike, you can't avoid her forever. We all have a lot to work through, and I think it's best if we try to do it together. Now will you come over here and sit with me until I fall asleep?"

Spike could hardly argue with the woman he loved so deeply. He walked over to her bed, placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, and held her hand while she drifted off into a peaceful, restful sleep.

***

Spike couldn't tear his eyes away from Buffy, even though she was sleeping. Even asleep, she was the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen. He wasn't really sure how long she had been asleep, but he had been watching her the whole time; watching the gentle rise and fall of her chest as she took slow measured breaths, watching her eyes flutter behind her lids (he wondered if she was dreaming), watching how every now and then her fingers would twitch and then stop when he made his hand available for her to hold. Just as the sky began casting brilliant orange and red shadows of sunset through the blinds of her room, Buffy awoke. She looked a little fretful until she turned her head and let her gaze rest on the bright blue eyes that were fixed upon her. A smile quickly spread across her face.

"You're still here. I was afraid it was all a dream."

Spike shook his head, and kissed her hand. "No, Pet, I'm never, ever leaving your side ever again."

"I know. Spike, I don't think this was your fault."

"But it is, Buffy. If I hadn't left on Thanksgiving you wouldn't have been out alone, and that demon wouldn't have attacked you."

"We don't know that, Spike. Corcoran was looking for both of us. So if you had been here, and we were out together, then… God forbid- we could both be dead right now. As it happened, we saved each other."

"Buffy- I don't…"

Spike was interrupted by a knock on the door. He and Buffy cast a sideways glance at the doorway, and saw a little balloon person walk in. Both slayer and vampire looked from the door to each other in amazement. The little balloon person was followed directly by Dawn, Willow, Xander and Anya. Dawn ran past the little balloon and rushed toward Buffy's bed. Spike moved away from the bed just before Dawn pounced on the bed to envelope her sister in a crushing hug.

"Oh, Buffy, you're awake. I'm so happy. You have no idea how worried we all were. I was so afraid. But you're going to be ok, right? Can you come home soon? What did the doctor say?"

"Whoa Dawn. Slow down." Buffy hugged her sister back, then pulled away to look at her face. "The doctor is coming by on his rounds this evening. He said he would tell me more then about when I can go home. I feel fine, though just a little tired."

Buffy giggled and motioned toward the little balloon, now standing near Spike. "Um, Dawnie, what's with your new friend?"

Dawn laughed. "Isn't he cute? We saw them in the gift shop downstairs. I just had to get you one. They have them for every possible occasion. Little balloon people that are pink and say "it's a girl" or blue ones that say "it's a boy" and all different colors that say "get well soon"… do you like him?"

"Yes, Dawn, he's quite cute. Thank you for bringing me a surprise."



Spike was observing the activity from the corner of Buffy's room, trying to avoid the icy stares from the Scoobies.

Dawn walked toward the door, and opened it again. "That's not your only surprise." She poked her head out the door and said "Come on in guys."

This time Dawn was followed by Tara, carrying a baby bag on her shoulder, and Angel, carrying Conner in his arms, all bundled up in a warm blanket and wearing a little infant-sized boggin.

Angel looked toward Buffy and said with a crooked smile "I hope you don't mind, he insisted we bring him to visit."

Buffy grinned, knowing that the infant couldn't really have insisted on anything. Then, she caught the look on Spike's face out of the corner of her eye. Angel walked over to the chair beside Buffy's bed and began to unwrap Connor from his blanket.

"Buffy, do you want to hold him?"

"No." Buffy answered a little too quickly, but tried to cover the hurt in her voice. "I-I mean, not just yet. I'm still feeling a little woozie. Maybe later."

Just then, Spike stepped out of the corner, his eyes wide and mouth open, pointing at the baby. "What in the bleeding hell is that?!"

Everyone stifled a laugh as they realized that Spike had not yet met Connor.

***

Buffy spoke before Angel could. "THAT is the reason Angel was coming to Sunnydale on Thanksgiving. His name is Connor."

Spike still had a look of shock on his face, and the fact that Connor was Angel's son had apparently not sunk in yet with him. "Well, where did he come from? Did Angel steal him and come running to Sunnydale for protection or something?"

"No, you moron" Angel threw in. "He's my SON. Mine and Darla's… and before you ask about that, just know that it's another story for another day."

The look of complete and total shock faded a little from Spike's face, and he glanced back and forth between Angel and Buffy. Spike felt a knot developing in his stomach as he had a great epiphany: that little speech of Buffy's that he found actually * was * meant for him. She was going to tell him that she loved him, and he jumped to the wrong conclusion and left. He left just like everyone else had, and brought Buffy's worst nightmare to life.

"Oh, bloody hell…" Spike gasped. "Buffy I am so sorry. You tried to tell me, and I just wouldn't listen…" Spike's words trailed off as treacherous tears started to fall from his eyes.

Willow, Xander and Anya noticed when Dawn started clenching her fists, but didn't move to intervene. They all braced themselves for the storm that was brewing. Dawn stepped in front of Spike and spoke in an even harsher tone than when she saw him his first night back.

"Yeah, Spike, you wouldn't listen, would you? You just barged into our house, and ruined Buffy's perfect Thanksgiving, and wouldn't even give her the chance to explain anything to you. I always thought that you would be different, that you would stick around when the going got tough, but what did you do? You just came in and said your peace and left. And look where that got us. Buffy almost got killed – I almost lost my sister again - and it's ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"Dawn, I think that Spike knows what he did wrong, it's not going to help any to keep reminding him why Buffy's here," Angel interjected.

Spike looked at Angel in disbelief. "Excuse me? You certainly can't blame all this on me. If you hadn't insisted on coming to Sunnydale in the first place none of this would have happened!"

"Well, Buffy really would be dead if Angel hadn't found her in the cemetery and brought her to the hospital!" Dawn was shouting at this point, not even caring that she was in the hospital.

"Right then. Let's just give him a great big 'Poof of the year' award then!"

"At least he stuck around to help. He didn't run off to God-knows-where and stay away while my sister was lying in the hospital dying!"

Anya decided to put her two cents in: "At least he came back when he figured out there was something wrong. She would still be in that coma if he hadn't come back."

Dawn turned on Anya. "I don't even want to hear what you have to say. You act like he didn't do anything wrong at all! When did you suddenly sprout emotions? Usually you're the one who's stating the painfully obvious, but now all of a sudden you're the one who's taking up for him and trying to be reasonable? Get over yourself Anya!"

Anya started crying and ran from the room. Tara followed after her, while Xander took the opportunity to get in a few words with Dawn.

"Dawnie, I love you, but that was totally uncalled for. All she was trying to do was get you to see that while Spike did handle this the wrong way at first, he came back and is trying to make things right. You didn't have to be so hard on her."

"Yeah, well, you're just afraid to agree with me because you know if you do then you'd be sleeping all alone on your sofa tonight instead of all snuggly with your ex-demon finance!!"

"DAWN!" Buffy, Spike, and Angel all spoke at once, in their most parental voice.

Xander rolled his eyes at Dawn, and walked out of the room to go check on Anya. Willow still stood silently by the window, taking in all of the action in Buffy's room.

Angel, still holding Connor, went to Dawn and tried to comfort her. "Dawn, I know that you are still very upset at the thought that you could have lost Buffy again. But she's going to be fine, and Spike understands what he did. Taking it out on everyone else is not going to make you feel any better in the long run."

Buffy felt anger rising in her gut, and felt her cheeks flush bright red. Spike saw it too, but decided to stay out of her way. She sat forward in her bed, and said "What did you just say Angel?"

"I was just trying to get Dawn to see that constantly reminding Spike of how wrong it was to leave is not going to change what happened."

"That's what I thought you said. So I guess you're just conveniently overlooking the fact that any of this is in any way your fault, then?"

Angel turned to face her with a look of total confusion on his face, as Buffy continued.

"You just call me up one day, and you're all 'I have a child now, and I need to come to Sunnydale to break the news to everyone and figure out what big bad evil might be coming for him'. Did you ever even stop to think about what that news would do to me? Or that I might have had a new life that I was happy with, and didn't want you and your baby to remind me of what I'll never have?!"

"Well, Buffy, you could have said no; told me not to come."

"No, actually I couldn't have. You never gave me the chance. You never once asked me how I felt about all of this. You just made your plans and carried them out. If you hadn't come here then I probably wouldn't be lying here in this bed, and I would have told Spike that I love him on thanksgiving instead of worrying about how to tell him about your child!"

Willow stepped away from the window; thinking that she should do something to stop them. "Uh- hey guys? Maybe it would be helpful if we all just took a step back and tried to be a little more reasonable. You know, be a little more with the understanding and a-a little less with the blame?"

Dawn and Angel snapped their heads around to look at Willow. "I hardly think you should be the one calling the shots, here Willow," Angel seethed.

"Yeah," Dawn threw in "You trying to be the voice of reason? HA! You've been flakier than a piecrust lately!"

Buffy could not believe what she was seeing and hearing. "Everybody STOP IT!!!"

Everyone still in the room stopped and looked at Buffy. She lowered her voice, but it was still dripping in a very slayer-like, authoritative tone.

"Dawn, you have really crossed the line tonight, and you should probably shut up before you say anything else you'll regret in the morning. You just better hope and pray that you still have a friend left after some of the things you've said tonight.

"Willow, thank you for trying to get us to stop and think about what we were doing. I just think it's going to take some time before we are all totally ok with everything that's happened. Will you please tell Tara, Xander, and Anya that I'll see them tomorrow?

"Angel, take Conner and Dawn and go home. I'll call you in the morning, and let you know what my doctor says."

Buffy looked over toward Spike who was sitting in a chair with his head in his hands. "You." He looked up. "Stay."

Dawn could not believe that her sister had just kicked her out of her room. She was opening her mouth to protest, but felt Angel's firm hand on her shoulder. "Come on, Dawn, I think we should just go and give Buffy some time." He looked back at Buffy. "We'll wait to hear from you in the morning."

The room was silent, except for the sound of Buffy's breathing. Spike looked up at Buffy just as she started to cry, and she saw the tracks of tears on his face as well. She motioned for him to come and sit with her on the bed. He went to her, and wrapped his arms around her in a comforting embrace.

The two sat there, holding each other in silence for a long moment. Finally, Buffy pulled back just enough to look at Spike. She remembered that in her earlier rant she'd let it slip out that she loved him. But that didn't count, not in her mind. She needed to tell him. She traced his cheek with her hand, and paused to caress the side of his face.

"Spike, I love you." She watched as fresh tears sprang to his eyes. "This is so not the way I had this planned. I thought that everything had to be perfect, but now I know that all I needed for this moment to be perfect was you. I love you, and I need you to know that I don't think any of this is your fault."

Spike looked at her with more tenderness and understanding than she thought she'd ever seen in his eyes. "Buffy, I love you too. But I guess you already knew that" he smirked. "But I can't not take some of the blame for what happened."

Buffy moved over in her hospital bed, making enough room for Spike to lay there beside her and hold her close. They spent the rest of the night talking about everything that had happened. Buffy confided in him her hurt and fears about Conner; she told him how just being around the baby reminded her that she and Spike would never have any babies, and how she didn't think it was fair that of all vamps, Angel and Darla got to have a baby together. She told Spike about her dreams, and he told her about the one where she came to him and told him she needed him to save her.

They talked until they were too tired to think straight, making their own peace with the events they'd just experienced. After all, they knew that as long as they were ok with each other, then the others would just have to come around. Buffy finally fell asleep, cradled against Spike's chest. The peroxide-blonde vampire, however, did not sleep. He just watched his slayer in her deep slumber, and counted his blessings on a belated Thanksgiving morning.

TBC…

A/N: Sorry this took so long to update, I had a little case of writer's block for a bit. Also, I wanted to say thanks to Christy, for helping me find the "voice of reason" in this chapter. Hopefully the next chapter won't take as long to finish…