Artemis Fowl the Second had a strange way of telling if someone had been in his study. He put a string on his door knob that attached to a floor sensor. When the string got yanked, the sensor was activated. The sensor scanned the feet above it and made an entry to the computer, noting the time the intruder entered his study and the sex and shoe size of the intruder. The only way to elude this system was to enter and leave through the non existent window. Artemis Fowl the Second knew it was foolproof.
When Artemis got back, he went to his study immediately. Before he could question his cousins, he needed to figure out his questions and how to work them into a casual conversation. Even a dog would be suspicious if he randomly asked it if it thought it's parents were magical. Artemis knew Amanda wouldn't be hard to question. She was normal. But, Chrissy was smart. Very smart. Perhaps almost as smart as him. You know what they say. Genius runs in the family. Okay, you probably haven't heard that before now, but it's true. Anyway, first he needed to check for intruders. There were 2 recent entries:
TIME SEX SHOE SIZE
1:15 P.M. FEMALE U.S W. 6
1:19 P.M. MALE U.S M. 6
He had bought the sensor in the United States, Boston to be precise, so it measured shoes in U.S size. He heard there was a bombing at a famous marathon in Boston. He didn't care much for sports, so he wouldn't know. Back to the intruder. It had smallish feet, female and probably was still in the Manor.
"Butler!" He... er... tried to holler.
I headed towards my 'security center' located in my office thingy type of room (O.T.T.O.R) I was thinking about a certain dead mother. My certain dead mother. She used to live here. She used to make spy cameras beyond her day. She used to navigate her way through the air ducts above me. She made a record of her journeys with her brother, my uncle. What else did she do that I didn't know about? Who was the real Illiana, Fowl or Finley? I pondered these 2 questions on the way to my room. Was she a spy no one knew, a technician of the past? Or was she the fashion designer that won so many natural beauty pageants I can't count anymore? Either way, I would probably never know who the real Illiana was.
"Butler!" I heard Artemis try to holler. I smiled. Would that kid ever learn to do anything normal? However, I speed-walked the rest of the way to my O.T.T.O.R to catch the action.
I entered and slammed the door, walking quickly to my desk where my laptop should have been when I remembered I left it in the twins' playroom.
"God dammit!" I muttered as I climbed into the ducts, figuring that would be fastest. I realized every room except for Artemis's lab had a hatch connecting it to the air ducts. At first I thought he knew, which would suck, before I realized the hatch was just locked for some reason and the key was nowhere to be found, strange. Of course, that didn't mean anything, except it's only his lab, not his bedroom or study. I figured he would but locks on all of his rooms. On the topic of locks, I am adding electrical ones to all of my rooms to and from the ducts. Yes rooms.
*Flashback*
"Really?" I asked incredulously. My aunt and uncle had given both Amanda and me a small hallway each.
"Yes." Uncle Artemis had said flatly before leaving, a happy Aunt Angeline on his heels. Each hallway consisted of a large room and a bathroom on one side and 2 small rooms on the other side. Now I had a large bedroom, a large bathroom, a small lounge type of room, and a small study. {I hate that word.}
*End of Flashback*
Yes, I hate the word study. So stuffy and whatnot. Now I call it an office thingy type of room, or O.T.T.O.R. Artemis hates it, so therefore I say it as much as humanly possible. Anyway, away from phrase-hating Artemises and back to air duct navigating. As, I neared the twins' playroom, I heard the slight whizzz of my laptop. It was so slight that a normal person could not hear it, but I was not a normal person. Everyone says that. I once overheard my male teacher say this, and I quote:
"She is beyond naturally beautiful, beyond being a natural learner, and had beyond acute sense. She makes some of my students think perfection exists and she is the face of it, which is kind of ironic, because she doesn't believe in perfection."
That's right. I was sorta being hit on by a male teacher, Mr. Funkles. I was flattered, but avoided asking him questions in privateish settings for the rest of the year.
Back to the story. The twins looked up briefly as I opened the hatch and jumped down. Apparently they knew. {Note to self: get those locks ASAP!} I walked over to the tiny table they had put my laptop on. I put one hand on the back of the twins' chairs, tiny chairs may I add. I leaned in close and watched the somewhat dramatic events unfold on the laptop screen.
At the same time Chrissy leaned in to watch, Butler barged into Artemis's study, making a new entry appear on the computer screen.
1:21 P.M. MALE N/A
Butler's feet were so big, they didn't have his size. He needed them to be hand made. Those are some BIG feet. Anyway, Butler ran over to his charge, pulling out his gun.
"What's wrong, sir?" He asked, looking around.
"Intruder."
"Where?"
"In here 6 minutes ago," Artemis responded agitated because the intruder could be gone by now.
"Oh." Butler said, bringing his gun down.
"I want you to do a look around though, just in case."
"Looks?"
"Size U.S. Women's 6 feet, female." Butler left, gun up again.
Back in the playroom, I only had one thing on my mind at that exact moment and I said it aloud.
"Fuck that shit. This better not be a joke guys." They shook their heads no. Aw, shit.
