Naruto and its characters © Masashi Kishimoto
Lee and Gaara sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
Gaara's POV.
This chapter contains ADULT LANGUAGE.
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STIGMA
Sette
Kankuro came into my bedroom one night unexpectedly. He was intoxicated but sober enough to find his way to my bed. He sat on the edge and slumped over me with his arm over my shoulder. The smell of vodka was on his breath was strong. It made me wonder just how exactly he could drink it like water. He leaned against the headboard, not saying a word. I thought maybe he thought this was his room. I scooted to the other side of the bed and reached for the phone. Someone needed to get him back to his own room.
"Gaara, you are not going to believe what I heard down at the club." He didn't slur but did speak louder than he needed to.
"What might it be?" Until someone came get him, I figured I could humor him. It was, unfortunately, the most bonding we had done in years.
"Get this, ha, get this. Some fucker said he saw you making out… and here's the fun part, he saw you making out with a dude." Kankuro laughed raucously, patting me on the back repeatedly. "The bastard was so fucking gone. Oh man, he had, like, five shots and he just started talking shit about everybody."
It finally hit too close to home. The secret rendezvous with Lee weren't secret enough. It was my mistake to take my influence for granted. There were many eyes around, every one of them looking for a way to break me. In that sense, I was trying to hide my relationship with Lee. It wasn't fair to him and it would only hurt him greatly if he ever knew of it. But I had to take precaution to protect my status in the underworld. My hand, consciously and unconsciously, slipped under the comforter, hiding my ring out of sight.
"I told him, look motherfucker, I told him, if my brother was a fag, you think he'd be the fucking Kazekage? Shit no! I would've kicked his ass. I told him, you think a cocksucker can run a family? Yeah? Am I right, Gaara? Shit, man, some of these fuckers are just unbelievable."
"Slander is a powerful tool."
"But I gotta tell you, bro, you should really get with that Matsuri chick. Oh man, she's totally hot for you. I bet you she fingers her pussy every night thinking about you. She wants you bad. I've seen how she looks at you." He nudged my elbow with a lewd grin. "Gaara, you should sample the product before you buy it, you know what I mean?"
I didn't give an answer to dignify his question. I had been seeing Matsuri, but only to please Temari. It seemed going out with Matsuri was the only thing that could get Temari to look at me without daggers in her eyes. I didn't dislike Matsuri, she was truly a good person and good companion. But there was no way I could develop feelings for her. It was both because she was a woman and because I found nothing about her that attracted me. What Kankuro said was true, Matsuri did have strong feelings for me, and she had said it a few times that she wanted to be closer. I only kindly told her that my schedule didn't permit much time for courtship.
"Think about it, bro. You need to get laid." Kankuro stood up from the bed and stumbled toward the door. "Marry her, pop out a couple of kids. Temari'll get off your back."
"Good night, Kankuro."
Kankuro slammed into the door once before he managed to find the knob to open it. Someone outside offered to help him but Kankuro shooed him off. They closed my door. I took my hand out from under the comforter and stared at it. I wondered if Lee had been wearing his without taking it off once. I sent a mute apology to him as I slipped the ring off my finger and placed it on the nightstand.
--
Lee was accepted into the training program without any obstacle, as we had both expected. For the past three months, his schedule consisted entirely of training and preparing for his new life as a law enforcement officer. The day he graduated, I took him to celebrate in a café. He didn't have time to eat dinner as there was a graduation party planned. He was exuberant and spoke of how excited he was to be part of the prestigious police force of Konoha. The more he spoke of the police, the sicker I felt to my stomach. The conversation became more unnerving when Lee switched the topic to the families.
"Is there a mob family in Suna?"
"Why do you ask?"
"I only found out the last few days that there is a prominent one in Konoha. I have lived there my whole life and I was not even aware of the illegal activity under my nose!" Ever since he enrolled in the academy, Lee's sense of justice and honor had been amplified tenfold. His morals were one of the many things I loved about him, but that was before I was the mouse and he was the cat.
"I wouldn't be surprised if there was one here. Suna isn't exactly the nicest place."
"They are despicable people, murdering, stealing, cheating, destroying the structure of our society. Now I will be able to stop them."
The way the legal system was constructed meant that I wasn't under the jurisdiction of Konoha, even if I was caught in its vicinity. They would need to turn me over to the authorities in Suna and I would be tried under Suna laws. And as I had been spending the past weeks to establish good relations with the officials, I was not too worried if I were arrested. I could only imagine Lee's reaction when he learned the news that his lover was the head of the Suna family. I wondered if he would still let me hold his hand if he knew what I had done.
A while ago, Tsunade had turned over the two men responsible for Ebizo's murder. They were indeed underlings of the previous Hokage, but Tsunade still took no responsibilities. I was outrage by her lack of respect for me and Ebizo. All her talks of diplomacy and alliance were insolent mockery. Fumed by Tsunade's action, I took my anger out on the two men. I had them paid their respect to Ebizo. Then they were taken to Chiyo and gave their condolence. In what was perhaps my cruelest act to date, I made them literally dig their own graves with guns pointed to their heads. When the deed was done, I had them buried alive. I could still hear their anguish screams and see the dirt moving as they tried to climb their way out. Once they were gone from this world, I had them unearthed and their bodies chopped into pieces. They didn't deserve a peaceful death, not after what they did to Ebizo.
"Gaara, when you said that there might be people who want to hurt me, what did you mean?"
"I have many enemies, Lee. But I promise you, if anyone touches you, I'll make them pay."
"What kind of enemies?" Lee furrowed his thick brows in concern. I always thought it was adorable when he did that.
"Business rivals. We don't always play nice."
Lee nodded his head, though I could tell that he didn't understand fully and wanted to ask more. I called the waiter over and paid the bill. As we left the café, Lee reached over for my hand, the emerald in his ring sparkling under the sunlight. I had put a chain around my ring so that I could wear it as necklace. It was hidden under my shirt. There were too many explanations to give if someone saw me with the ring. Lee's fingers touched mine as he tried to grab a hold of me.
I hated myself for doing it, but I slipped my hands into my pockets. Lee stopped for a second. I believed he caught a glance of my hand and saw the absence of the jewel on my ring finger. When he started walking again, he kept a distance between us. Neither of us said a word all the way to the bus station.
"Be careful. Don't do anything reckless."
Lee gave a salute, a gesture he had practiced over and over in the academy. "I will!" He climbed on the steps of the bus but stopped. "Gaara, if there was something going on, you would tell me, right?"
"Of course."
"Right… Please be careful too."
I wanted to touch him. I wanted to hold him in my arms and kissed him. But I only waved a small good-bye, which drew a disappointed grimace on Lee's face. We were both going to be very busy in the upcoming months. There wouldn't be much time to see each other.
--
I walked Matsuri to her apartment door. It was one of my mandatory dates with her that Temari had set up. I couldn't say why I agreed to go on the dates, only that the look on Temari's face held my logics in hostage. A glimpse of the sisterly affection she once had for me was present whenever I leave or return for a date with Matsuri. It made her happy, and it made me happy to know that she was happy. My personal real happiness was unimportant. The family was above me. My life was devoted to it. I was, in a way, starting to realize that my relationship with Lee was hurting too many people. I just wasn't ready to give up yet.
Matsuri invited me for a cup of coffee but I declined her offer. It was late and I had a meeting waiting for me back home.
"Oh, that's too bad. I had a really great time tonight." She smiled and pushed her hair behind her ear. She was wearing black pearl studs.
"The pleasure's mine. Good night."
"W-Wait, Gaara." She latched onto my arm and pulled me back.
I saw it coming, but I didn't react in time. She pressed her lips against mine. Her lip gloss was sticky and tasted like sugar cookie. I didn't kiss back and kept my body away from hers. She leaned away, a pink blush creeping on her cheeks. She smiled again, her hand automatically reaching for her hair.
"Wow… That was wonderful…"
I didn't answer. Matsuri had been mistakenly taking my silence as approvals. She took my hand and held it close to her chest. The coat she was wearing was thick enough that I didn't touch anything I shouldn't.
"I really like you, Gaara. I mean, you're the most amazing man I've ever met."
"I'm flattered."
Matsuri let my hand go. I doubted she realized that I had no interest in her and that my few words were my way of rejecting her. She unlocked her door, whispered a good-night, and went inside her apartment. As I walked back to the waiting car, I wiped the back of my hand against my mouth. The scent was sugar cookie still lingered.
--
Chiyo, Ebizo's elder sister and our housekeeper, knocked on my door. House servants were not typically involved in the business dealings of the family. They were considered civilians, and if they were to be present at the scene, they were immune. For that basic law, it still pained me greatly that Ebizo was lost in the time of chaos. I had not wanted Chiyo to know the cause of her brother's demise, but there were many things that I could not hide. She had never liked Konoha as her son and daughter-in-law were both killed by a highly skilled member of Konoha's family. Irony would have it that Konoha's White Fang would end up taking his own life. Now that her brother's blood was on Konoha's hands once more, Chiyo couldn't sit back anymore. She stepped into my office, a red-haired man trailing behind her.
"Kazekage, you've met my grandson, Sasori."
An old superstition in Suna once said that children with red hair were the seed of demons. Back in the days, a red-haired baby was killed quickly after birth. As science advanced and genetics became more understood, such gruesome practice was abandoned. With that history, redheads were rare in Suna even nowadays. Currently, Sasori was the only one besides me. I had met Sasori on a few occasions. He was in his mid-thirties but it was impossible to know that by his appearance alone. His skin was smooth and devoid of any blemish. His lips were soft and plump, and his eyebrows were thin and slender, perfectly matching his overall look. His eyes, with a gray tone, were captivating, though not because they were beautiful. Sasori was, in my opinion, a hollow shell. Even when he smiled, there was an aura of emptiness all around him. He was weary of the present and continuously looked to the past. In a brief conversation we once had, I learned that he had a haunted obsession for immortality. He had a strong desire to maintain, to sustain, to capture and freeze his most treasured moment; a belief, I believed, stemmed from the trauma of losing both parents at a young age. In short, Sasori was a complex man that both fascinated and bothered me.
"I'll leave him under your care, Sir."
"I'm glad to have you in our ranks, Sasori."
Sasori tilted his head slightly to the left and pulled the corners of his lips to form a smile. People who claimed my smile was strange had not seen Sasori's haunted smile. I dismissed them and felt a chill running up my spine. I was curious to know what the extend of "Scorpion of the Red Sand" was. Just as I was about to get back to work, another knock distracted my thought.
It was Temari and Baki. They walked in together. Temari sat down without saying a word. Baki went to pour himself a glass of whiskey.
"To what do I own the pleasure?"
"I want you to listen to what I have to say." Temari crossed her legs and put both fists on her knee. She was stern and down-to-business.
"Go ahead."
"I want you to marry Matsuri." It wasn't a request, but an order. "She'll be good for you."
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Boyue's Note: I didn't really like this chapter... x.x
I had thought up the ending to this story! The bad news is that I'm not looking forward to it… The good news is that it's still a long way off. xDD
11.22.08
9:24 PM
