Chapter 7: Cagalli and Rau-Crazy Hobos Marry Princesses!?

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters but the pairings and plot is all mine for this particular fic!

So far no one has correctly guessed who the hobo is and who the house belonged to, you have one more chance to guess who the house belonged to, I gave some hints at the end of this chappy. I'm sure you all realize who the hobo is by now, fitting, isn't it?


Cagalli Ula Attha was walking around the Mall after hearing of Stellar and Luna's visit before. She had long since learned that wherever Stellar went, she left free stuff scattered about.

She went into Victoria's Secret and came out with a few sexy lingerie items, hoping to get the attention of her wayward husband who pretended to be a crazy homeless person to sleep with the neighborhood whore…Fllay.

She also went into a make-up shop where they did her make-up and made her look sexy! Then she stopped by Milly's work to get her friend's opinion.

"Hey Milly!" Cagalli called to her friend who was getting ready to take a few pictures. "Oh hey Cagalli! What on earth are you wearing!?" Milly said and looked surprised to see Cagalli wearing lingerie and make-up.

"Uh, I bought this at Victoria's Secret and also had the nice women at Sears do my make-up. I want to try to impress Rau so he'll notice me more." Cagalli replied casually.

"Who are you and what have you done to my friend!?" Milly yelled and pulled out a switchblade. "Cool knife, he took mine and chucked it out the window the last time I threatened him with it." Cagalli replied.

"Oh okay she's normal." Milly told herself and straightened up. "Well, I'd say you look extremely attractive. Do some poses for me, Cags. Or else the effect won't work properly." Milly said.

So Cagalli did some poses while Milly snapped away with her camera that had no film in it…

"Do I really look good? Are you sure he'll like it?" Cagalli asked.

"Oh I'm sure he will! Now you'd better leave before my Boss comes, you know what happened last time. Besides, he's probably pretending to be a crazy old hobo to get Fllay to sleep with him again. I don't know how she keeps falling for it!" Milly told her.

"Yeah, that is kinda weird, but then again, she's dumber than me and I'm blonde!" Cagalli said and they laughed (No offense to blondes, AGAIN).

So she said goodbye and then strutted her stuff out of the studio to cat-calls and whistling from the men (and a few women). She got into her car and thought about where to go next…


Meanwhile…

"Hey baby, how's it hangin'?" Rau asked Fllay while he was disguised as a crazy hobo. "High and mighty, thank you very much." Fllay replied and then crossed her arms over her ample chest.

She turned her head and watched for anyone else coming down the street, ignoring Rau/The Hobo.

"Aw c'mon baby! I don't have a home, but I have a heart and plenty of cash!" Rau tempted her.

"Well, I do need some extra cash after going shoe shopping and getting my hair done yesterday. Okay you crazy hobo, pay up and prepare for the time of your life!" she replied and he gave her fifty bucks and then took her into a cardboard box…on the sidewalk…on the corner of a subdivision…in a city…IN DA WORLD!!!!! Ahem, sorry…


Back to Cags

"I know! I'll fill the house with roses and turn on some candles!" she said and sped off toward her home.

Luckily for Rau Le Crueset, Cagalli Ula Attha didn't see him and Fllay "doing it" in the cardboard box because it was facing the bushes opposite the road. However, she did wonder whether some raccoons were fighting in it because of all the movements.

So she went inside the house, put out all the candles they had (which surprisingly enough was a lot), lit them all (while trying not to catch the house on fire, which is difficult for pyromaniacs, believe me), then scattered some roses she "borrowed" from the neighbor's rose bush all over the house.

She then pulled all the curtains over the windows and turned out all the lights, so the only way to see was the candles (hey, at least she's smart enough to light the candles before turning out all the lights and covering the windows!).

Then…she waited. She turned on some sexy music and lay across the table with an apple in her mouth, watching the doorway to see when her hubby would come home.

Coincidentally, her "hubby" was just finishing up with Fllay and watching her walk down the street to her house. He also saw Milly drive up and let her have a ride. Then he took off his hobo clothes and changed into his normal clothes (inside the box, hehehe).

When he neared the area where his and the other's homes were he saw Andy Waltfeld playing Strip Poker with some nuns while pretending he was a priest through a slit in the curtains. Don't ask why he was peering into his neighbors house in the first place...

He decided to pop in and say "Hi.", but then he remembered that one cologne commercial and said instead, "Ya know, if you mess with the King's Queens you better watch your Ace, Jack!" and then ran out laughing wildly.

Then he heard…

BAM!

"WAHAHAHAHAHA!"

He raised an eyebrow and looked over at Yzak and Fllay's house, because that was where the noise came from.

He also heard some yelling, but couldn't make out what it was until…

"DIE MOTHER-,"

BAM!

Moments later Yzak came out covered in blood and carrying his Lucky Thirteen Sniper Rifle. He spotted Rau and walked over to him.

"Do you know of a Priest that I could use for a funeral ceremony?" he asked. "Uh, sure," Rau replied and pointed to Andy's house.

"He's not a Priest, he's a coffee maniac! Are you on drugs? I told you those kids on the street corner were amateurs! You want real drugs you talk to me!" Yzak yelled and poked his chest.

"Well, that's beside the point, Zacky, Andy is impersonating a Priest and won't ask any questions about how Fllay died, thus saving your –bleep-." Rau said and smiled.

"Did you just say bleep?" Yzak asked with a questionable look on his face. "Uhhh, oh look at the time I gotta run!" Rau said, and ran he did to his house where he slammed the door behind it and locked it twenty or so times.

"'Ey, 'unny." Cagalli said with the apple in her mouth. She tried to sound seductive but the apple was making it difficult to speak much less use tone.

Rau looked her over and asked, "Are you on drugs too? You know those kids on the corner are amateurs, you want real drugs you should talk with Yzak."

She rolled her eyes and took the apple out of her mouth. "I'm not on drugs; I just wanted you to notice me! You're always acting like a crazy hobo on the streets to get whores to sleep with you when you have a good enough wife at home!" she yelled and posed.

"Like my outfit?" she asked and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. He looked her over again and shrugged.

"As long as I don't have to pay you!" he said and grinned before jumping on the table….


Animal noises later…

"Oh hey, Fllay shot herself with Yzak's Lucky Thirteen Sniper Rifle." Rau said in the middle of sex.

"You pick the most random time to tell me that!? Do you even love me!?" Cagalli yelled and smacked him.

"Uh, define love." He replied and she growled and pushed him off her. "YOU'RE SLEEPING ON THE COUCH YOU WORHTLESS PIECE OF-,"


The next day… (Laugh out loud, LAUGH I TELL YOU!)

"We are gathered here today to pay tribute to a street corner whore who was married to a Highly Honorable Zaft Official." Andy the Impersonated Priest read the note Yzak slipped him…

And you all know what happened next, except whose house it happened at, which I demand that you guess!!!! I won't post the next chapter until I get enough guesses or at least one or two people guess correctly! Think people! You've requested this pairing before!

Special Hint: The house belongs to two guys…who died…in Gundam SEED…but are alive for my purposes…That was too many hints but oh well.


-Author's Note: I can hear the wheels turning now! Please remember to review and tell me what you think along with guessing: Whose house everyone wrecked after Fllay's funeral and if you wanna try to guess why they weren't there be my guest, wahaha I love confusing people!-