Chapter 6- Konstantin Eats Roberto's Pasta

Hayden woke up in Arthur's bed. No, sick freak, I mean, he's like eight years older than she is. No, the night before, Arthur offered his bed and slept on the floor. After seeing him do this, Alfred offered his bed to Hollyn, and China offered his bed to Night. Francis and Nevelyn did share a bed. But nothing weird happened. I mean, she just met him, and, while she is a slut, she isn't an uber-slut. Yet. Ivan didn't offer Stevie his bed at all, and she had to also sleep on the floor.

Well, Hayden woke up in Arthur's bed and smiled to herself. Rolled around for a tiny bit, and then sighed loudly.

"Are you up, Hayden?" Arthur asked from the floor. He had woken up an hour before but hadn't gotten up yet if that makes any sense.

"Are you?" Hayden asked with a perverted tone.

Arthur chuckled. "It happens to men in the morning," he muttered awkwardly.

Hayden sat up and quickly ran to the convenient bathroom across the room. On her way, she stole Nevelyn's drugstore bag.

In the bathroom, she managed to take a cold shower. However, when she got out of the shower, wrapped in one of the Egyptian cotton towels Nevelyn kept in her bag, something made her stop.

Congratulations. Congratulations.

She looked around. A hissing voice in her ear made her cringe. She attempted to interpret what the voice was saying.

Congratulations. Congratulations.

Hayden put her hands over her ears, making her towel fall to the floor. Yeah. She was naked.

Congratulations.

"Shut up!" Hayden demanded quietly. Quietly enough to not worry the people sleeping on the other side of the door.

The voice only got louder. Hissing. It made her shiver.

"Shut up!" she commanded a bit louder.

Congratulations. Congratulations. Congratulations.

"SHUT UP!" she screamed and slammed her fist into the mirror. It didn't shatter. Hayden growled in aggravation and sent her fist back into the mirror. It still didn't shatter. Them mirrors are shatter-proof.

Congratulations.

Hayden screamed in rage and flung open the bathroom door. Swinging herself back into the fortress room thing. Yeah. She was naked.

Everyone except Hollyn, Alfred, and Nevelyn, was up and either in the kitchen preparing breakfast or gathered around the table. However, when a naked, just-showered, screaming girl threw herself into the room, everyone had to stop.

She curled into a little naked ball in front of the bathroom door and continued to scream, "STUPID VOICE! SHUT UP! GET OUT OF MY HEAD! STUPID! STUPID!" In addition, the voice had disappeared. In other words, she was screaming over nothing.

"Mamma mia!" Feliciano cried, hiding behind a blushing Ludwig, "Hayden is naked. I'm a virgin. Don't scar me!"

Ludwig was used to naked women and, in all honesty, Hayden really wasn't much to look at.

Francis turned around in disgust. "How dare such an ugly feeb get naked before me!"

But, Arthur completely ignored the fact she was naked and wet (I know that sounds weird) and approached her. Kneeled down. "Hayden? Are you alright?"

"STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!"

"Did something happen?"

Hayden hesitated in silence. No more voices. No more congratulations. She looked up at Arthur and smiled. "I'm fine."

"You were screaming."

"It's just…"

"And you're in the nude."

Hayden looked down at her naked body. "HOLY CRAPSKI! I'M NAKED!" she darted back into the bathroom and cried. How stupid of her! Letting Arthur see her naked. Now she looks like a whore or something. Now she looks like Nevelyn.

Knock, knock on the door.

"What?" Hayden cried.

"Are you almost through in there?" Arthur asked from behind the door.

"Why?"

"I suddenly have the urge to… uh… take a shower."

"Oh," Hayden said blindly, "Alright. I'll finish up." She quickly redressed and dried her hair. Applied a bit of makeup and left the bathroom. Arthur was leaning against the wall next to the door.

"That was three whole bloody minutes."

"I'm sorry. Was that too long?"

"Too long? I don't need to take a shower anymore." He walked over to the kitchen with Hayden following him. "I made scones for breakfast. Are you hungry?"

"Do you make good scones?"

Everyone in the room looked up at turned in unison to look at Hayden.

"My scones are delicious!" Arthur cheered. Setting a plate of the burnt, just-baked-yet-somehow-already-stale, rock-like scones on the table.

"Uh… Hayden!" Francis shouted, "I made crepes for you and your friends! You like my crepes, right, Arthur?"

"Wait… what? You made crepes, too. Oh well. I suppose you can give Hayden your crepes. There are more of your crepes than my scones. Alright fine."

"Mon dieu! That was close. Thank you." He led to Hayden to the dining table and set a plate of crepes before her.

Everyone except the still sleeping Hollyn, Alfred, and Nevelyn sat around her at the table and ate all her crepes.

(Seriously, y'all, crepes are yummy)

After breakfast and once everyone was awake and impatient, Ludwig suggested they leave their happy home to investigate.

"Perhaps we'll find a key or something," Ludwig said rubbing his chin mysteriously.

"That's highly illogical," Hayden said angrily. She was happy here.

"Come on, Denny!" Hollyn squealed, "It'll be fun investigating the house and stuff."

"But, Hollyn think logically if we… did you just call me Denny?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"How… who… what?"

"Night told me to call you that from now on. She said you like it."

"Well! I do not…"

Arthur came over to Hayden and ran his fingers through her tangled hair. "Denny? Hm… that sounds pretty."

Hayden smiled at Hollyn. "On that note, call me Denny."

Night was watching all this unfold silently and jealously. What does that punk Arthur have that I don't? she was thinking, Now that Hayden met that asshole the story has been almost completely been about her and him. What happened to me? Hayden's supposed to be obsessed with me. Then she took a table knife off the table and stabbed herself in the hand. Nobody noticed.

Except Stevie. Who this whole time was talking about her ticklish parts and her favorite smells to a seemingly interested Ivan. "Night? What's wrong? There's a knife sticking out of your hand."

Night began to cry. "Nothing's wrong…" She put her face on the table.

Nevelyn was sitting in Francis's lap occasionally squealing and laughing. She was completely oblivious to everything going on. The fact that behind that door was an evil monster ready to kill them and do weird things to their dead bodies. All she could think about was Francis's hideous stubble and terrible breath. That's hot.

Francis was uncomfortable. He hadn't been pleasured by a female since a long time ago. It's usually Arthur or little boys on his lap. Not sexy Native-American teenage girls.

"All those in favor of going out and investigating the mansion further say 'ja'!" Ludwig called over the crowd of people sitting around the table.

Naturally no-one was listening. Continued their petty conversations about ticklish parts and nicknames and their petty thoughts about suicide and little boys.

Ludwig's little anger meter soared. No-one was listening. They were all being stupid. They didn't care about their seriousness of the situation. Even Feliciano who seemed concerned the whole time was trying to… wait, what the hell is he doing to that poor crepe?!

Finally, after twenty minutes of trying to shut everyone up, Ludwig stood up abruptly and walked out of the fortress.

For some reason, that shut everyone up.

"GERMA… I mean, LUDWIG!" Feliciano screamed running after him.

"West! Vhere the hell are you going?" Gilbert also screamed while… also running after him.

Kiku was the next to leave, quietly calling, "Prease, wait, Rudwig and Fericiano. Prease! I'm getting ord. My back isn't what it used to be."

"Kiku! Come back!" Yao ran after him, dragging a protesting Night behind him.

"Damn it," Arthur said, "I guess we have to go now." And the rest did hesitantly.

They all gathered in the main hallway in a tiny huddle. "Now!" Ludwig commanded, "I will take Kiku, Feliciano, and my brother to the fourth floor to investigate. Alfred! You are in charge of… er… Hollie… and Hayley… and Arthur, Francis, and Evelyn. You go to the first floor. Ivan, Stephanie, Yao, and Blythe will investigate this floor, the second."

"What about me…?" Matthew asked. He was in the fringe of the group looking lonely and transparent. (Honestly, I completely forgot Canada was there also.)

"ALFRED WILL NOT BE BLOODY IN CHARGE OF ME!" Arthur exploded.

"How did you get Blythe from my name anyway?" Night asked testily, "Blythe is a stupid name." (no offense if your name is Blythe)

"I don't care," Ludwig grumbled, "That's just go."

"All these damn doors are locked," Night retorted, "How will we investigate?"

"Rocked?" Kiku said, slightly shocked, "We find many keys and unrocked armost arr of the doors. What are you tarking about?"

"Unrocked? I mean, unlocked?" Night replied softly, just as shocked. She went to a nearby door she was positive was locked earlier. Of course, it was unlocked. "What the hell! It's open!"

"I tord you," Kiku muttered as Night returned.

"Now let's GO!" Ludwig exclaimed.

"What about me?" Matthew asked again, a bit louder.

"Go with Yao and Blythe! I don't give a shit!" Ludwig snapped, "JUST GO!" He took Feliciano by the arm and slogged away. Kiku and Gilbert followed behind awkwardly.

"Alright fine!" Night snapped, and her group headed for the newly opened door, "I hope there's something fucking good in here."

"Is our group ready?" Arthur asked.

"Dude!" Alfred rebelled, "I'm the hero of this group! I ask the questions in this group. Now! Are we ready?"

"Yes…" Francis replied playfully pushing Nevelyn around. "… We are very ready."

"Alright, dudes! Let's vamos!" He pull his arm around Hollyn and led her to the downstairs stairway with a huge, cocky grin. Nevelyn jumped onto Francis's back, and they followed, he carrying her.

Arthur and Hayden hesitated. She looked up at him, blushing. He smiled warmly and held out his hand. She took it. Fingers enlaced. Electric fingertips shot sparks up Hayden's arm. He led her behind Francis.

Hayden forgot everything. That stupid monster. Her dysfunctional family (more about that later XD). Her three restraining orders. Her one pending restraining order. Her inability to fit into society. Roberto.

But Roberto was not forgetting her.

He was sitting, cross-legged in front of his house's front door, waiting for his friends to come. He was there for the last three hours, wondering where they were. Yeah, he forgot to check his phone. And when he did:

from Konstantin: wut dafuq r u talkin bout? I guess ill b ur house 10.

from Wonho: I am not understanding. I will come to house at eleven in morning.

Roberto checked his phone at nine-thirty. "Well that was a stupid waste of three hours," Roberto said annoyed. He escaped to the kitchen and ate a cannoli. Then he prepared two more cannoli for his friends.

By the time his friends arrived said cannoli were gone. In Roberto's tummy.

Konstantin Khrushchev. He's Russian. More Russian than Ivan himself. But he was born in Wisconsin. His parents were both from "the factory", but he never clarified exactly what that meant. He was also fat. Seriously, he was practically obese. Light brown hair. Glasses. Face fat. Pretty handsome. But, still. He's SO fat. He knew Hayden well and tolerated her "special" behavior. Perhaps he could relate to her. He also was a bit neurotic. But then, all Russians can be. He knew her friends less. He was usually harsh but playful towards them.

"Hey…" he said once Roberto let him into his house, "What's this whole deal with Hayden?"

"Hayden is missing! Her friends, too!"

"What makes you think that? Seriously, do you have any food for me?"

"ARE YOU LISTENING TO YOURSELF? Hayden is missing! Her mother called my mother last night, and she hadn't seen her or her friends for two whole days! Forty-eight hours! Two thousand-eight-hundred-eighty minutes! One-hundred-seventy-two-thousand-eight-hundred seconds!"

"Good for you… you can do long multiplication in your head. Don't rub it in. Now give me some fucking food." Roberto tentatively led Konstantin to the kitchen and watched in disbelief as Konstantin ate all the pasta and pasta sauce in his house.

"So…" Konstantin mumbled while he ate, "What's this deal with Hayden again?"

"She and her friends all went to this abandoned mansion the other day, and they never came back! It's our duty and responsibility to make sure she isn't raped and dead in some alleyway in California or something!"

"Roberto! What the hell are you talking about? Why should care? You're the one who likes her so badly. Do it yourself!"

"You're her friend, right?" Roberto snapped.

"Well, yeah…" Konstantin said sheepishly.

"Then, you have to help! Anyway, look at me. I'm as brawny as MY pasta that YOU ate! But, you can lift a ton, right?"

Konstantin began to laugh heartily. "Roberto… seriously. This is all fat. Not muscle."

"STILL! Help me!"

"Just you and me? This is sort of gay, don't you think?"

"No. Wonho is coming to help find Hayden 'n' Friends, too."

"A ho? Hey, never mind!"

"Wonho. He's the Korean exchange student from my chemistry class."

"Why did you ask him? Does he know Hayden?"

Roberto blushed. Very manly, Roberto. "Well, no. But, I know Hayden has an obsession with him. He has an accent."

"You're probably right. Where is he?"

"He's coming in an hour."

One hour later. Wonho Lee made his debut. Short. Choppy black hair and two slits for eyes. Korean accent. Hayden once confessed to Roberto that she thought he looked like an anime character. (except for the eyes, of course.)

"Why am I here?" was the first thing he said upon arriving.

After Roberto explained the situation to him, they filed in Roberto's inherited Saab. He sped to the mansion. And he's Italian. So speeding for him… is like Nascar for Americans or something.

They arrived at the mansion (which was normally three-hours away) in twenty minutes.

"Honestly, Roberto!" Wonho said upon their arrival, "You drive much too fast."

Then he passed out in the passenger's seat.

Roberto exited the car and playfully tossed the keys in the air. He was ready to rescue his fair maiden—decked out in his red, black, and green soccer jacket with Italia printed across the front … and those shoes he knew Hayden loved so much. Now I shall describe to you the ugliest pair of shoes conceivable.

So, dear reader, imagine a pair of gray Converse high-tops. Now, imagine a pair of gray tennis shoes. Mash 'em up. The general format of a tennis shoe but with the shoelace style, soles, and edging of a pair of Converse. Aren't they just ugly?

Roberto wore these shoes once, knowing they were rather ugly. But that day, Hayden set time aside to comment on them: "Damn, Roberto, those shoes are… revolting!" Then she spat upon them and strutted away in her black, leather combat boots.

He was pleased that he found something that attracted her so much. So, he wore them every time he could.

In his pocket, he put his razor. It was a bit of a family heirloom as disgusting as that sounds. One of those old fashioned razors with just a blade that flips out like a pocket knife. Numerous times he had cut himself with it (NOTE: Roberto is NOT suicidal He ACCIDENTLY cuts himself in the face when he tries to shave his bare face). It was a perfect weapon to fight against… whatever he needed to fight against.

Konstantin rolled out of the car. Dressed in a red polo shirt, khaki shorts, and boat shoes. Stumbled a bit, then stood up hesitantly. "So this is your little mansion? Huh, Roberto?"

Roberto leaned against his Saab sexily; perhaps Hayden was watching. "Yeah…" he said, "Now, tell me, Konstantin, do I look handsome?" He flipped his well-oiled hair.

Konstantin: "What a question! I don't know, man!"

Wonho came out of the car, squinty eyes red and face white. "I think you look attractive Roberto," he joked, chuckling to himself.

"Now come on, let's go," Konstantin said lumbering towards the house, "Before I get hungry."

Roberto chased after him, trying hard to look as gorgeous as possible.

But Wonho lingered behind. "This house… I feel like I've seen it before…" he muttered to himself quietly. But, of course, he ignored these feelings and followed his friends.

Roberto and Konstantin approached the front door. They tried to open it.

"Mamma mia!" Roberto cried when it wouldn't.

"Let me at it," Konstantin said roughly. He ran squarely into the door. Now, his excess weight should have knocked that door down easily. But it didn't.

"What's going on?" Wonho asked. He slipped his small Asian hands into his black sweatshirt pockets. Wonho looked cool and Asian.

"This door won't open!" Roberto whined as he looked longingly through the dusty, barred window by the door, "Now how are we…"

"Are you sure this is the correct house?"

"Yeah! I'm positive." He flattened his face against the window the best he could. "I mean! Look! I can even see their bags in there. In that little niche near the door. They have to be here!"

"Maybe there's a door towards the back," Wonho suggested. He meandered around the side of the house. "The gardens are very nice around this house. It seems almost familiar."

Konstantin and Roberto followed with slightly more enthusiasm.

"What is this door?" Hollyn asked. They were crowded around a once-locked door on the first floor. It was around the corner from the bathroom and pretty close to the front door.

America chuckled. "That, Hollyn, is the basement."

"Basement?" Nevelyn asked, alarmed, "As in dust and dirt and… ew!... bugs?"

"It's surprisingly not that dirty down there," Arthur answered standoffishly.

Everyone but he began to laugh. Arthur couldn't figure out why.

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" Nevelyn cried out delightedly.

"What?" Arthur asked, befuddled.

"Nothing!" Nevelyn said ;3ing at him, "Can we go down there?"

"Well… the last time… well, I guess there's no harm going down now, right?" Arthur opened the door and held it open for Hayden, then slammed it shut just before Francis could enter. "Bahaha, cheese-eater!" Arthur taunted.

Once Francis managed to get through the door and beat the crap out of Arthur, they began to venture through the basement.

The basement of this stupid house is complicated. I'm not sure what YOUR basement is like or if you even have a basement. Well, I don't. BUT I imagine it's not as complex of a system as this stupid basement. What can you expect though, right?

Arthur kept his hand clasped around Hayden's as he led the whole group through a multifaceted labyrinth of concrete walls and floors and empty rooms and random tables and chairs and other crap. The whole place was cold and damp. And moldy. So, of course, Nevelyn's allergies began to act up.

"Er… Francis? Baby?" Nevelyn complained. She was still riding on his back.

"Oui?"

"I need to… I need to stop. My allergies are…"

Massive sighs resounded from Hollyn and Hayden. Nevelyn's allergies were back.

Francis set her down on the ground. They were in one of the rooms of the basement, conveniently storing a few long blue sofas and a meeting table. Nevelyn crawled onto one of the sofas and set her hand on her forehead.

"Are you alright, Nevey?" Francis asked, kneeling down beside her, taking her hand in both of his.

"I'm dying" was her weak answer.

Francis le gasped. "Le gasp!" He took her hand to his lips and began to lick them. "I won't let you die. I won't let you die. What's wrong with you anyway?"

"The mold… my allergies… I feel like… my heart… it's… weaker…"

"Oh my God, y'all!" Alfred exclaimed. He was surprisingly quiet up until now. But, now he was freaking out. "Dude! I can't let this chick die! What kind of a hero would I be, damn it?! We have to do something! Do something, Arthur dude!"

"Calm down, Alfy," Arthur replied steadily, "I know… um…" he glanced at Hayden. She didn't at all seem anxious about Nevelyn's dying. Hell, she's seen Nevelyn "die" almost every day.

Nevelyn's a major drama queen.

Actually, scientifically, Nevelyn was merely suffering from a spell of hysteria brought on by an uproar of sexual emotion brought on by Francis brought on by his total schmexiness. She wasn't going to die. Give birth to an emotional baby? Sure. Die? Nope.

Nevelyn's breathing quickened. Shallow. Sporadic breaths. "Tell… my… mother… she's… a… horrible… cook…" Then, she pretended to die. Which is difficult to do, trust me. But, Francis ate this crap up. In other words, he believed it all.

"Nevelyn?" Francis exclaimed. Then, he jumped to his feet and grabbed Arthur violently by the collar, "Angleterre! Arthur! You have to do something! Use your bullshit magic! I don't care! Save Nevelyn's life!" He burst into tears and crumbled to the floor.

"Magic?" Hayden asked, perplexed.

Arthur sighed, irritated. "One moment please, dear." He let go of Hayden's hand and stepped away from the others. Pulled a marker from his coat pocket and drew a circle on the floor. (Draw a circle. It's the Earth… sorry couldn't help it…) Then, he sketched out a large pentagram in the circle with other writings around it in old Celtic languages.

"What a stupid thing to do…" Hayden muttered, "This is destruction of property."

"SHUSH!" Alfred cried mockingly, "Artie is doing is magic!"

"Oh, shut up!" Arthur retorted, pulling a black cape around him. He took a step back from the circle and raised his hand above it, keeping his eyes down.

"Santra ba~dra winza~na~ wonpa~to~ rana intrakantera.

Santra ba~dra winza~na~ wonpa~to~rana intrakantera…

Look...! For the sake of my terrible revenge, I'll cast a curse with all my power!

I summon thee from the distant earth! Come forth!"

As he recited the spell, the circle began to glow bright green. Everyone held his breath. Something bad and evil was about to happen.

Yeah. Nothing happened.

The lights all dimmed down, and Arthur looked at it disappointedly. "Oh… well…"

"What was supposed to happen?" Hollyn squealed. She was mesmerized by the magic.

"Nevelyn was supposed to…"

"I was supposed to what?" Everyone turned to see Nevelyn sitting upright on sofa with a huge grin.

"I REVIVED HER!" Arthur exclaimed.

"What?" Nevelyn replied, panicking, "I… I… I wasn't really dead! I was joking around."

"Oh sure" Arthur retorted, "Don't acknowledge me. You wouldn't be the first!" He gave Alfred a death glare, took Hayden's hand, and marched away.