Chapter 7: Looney Havik
It was a Friday night in Outworld and Reptile was in his house reading A Midsummer Night's Dream. He was in his living room sitting on a fancy, red, velvet chair. He had a bearskin carpet and a nice, warm fire was burning in the fireplace. He was wearing a purple robe and a monocle on his right eye. He was sipping tea and eating scones. Mozart was playing on his record player.
"Oh Puck. What a shennaniganiser you." Reptile said chuckling as he enjoyed his book.
As he was reading his literature, a knocking sound came from the door. Reptile put down his book, turned of the record player and checked the door's peephole. It was no other than Baraka. He looked like he was about to go to sleep for the night with his striped pijamas, sleeping cap and a sharp fanged teddy bear. Reptile opened the door and the Tarkatan walked in with quite an excited look on his face.
"What's the matter Barry?" Reptile asked his friend curious. It was eleven o'clock at night.
Baraka just ran to the living room and turned on the T.V. He then sat down on one of the chairs.
"What's so special on T.V?" Reptile questioned Baraka as he sat down on his fancy chair.
"The best show ever! That's what! It's on right now!" Baraka told him as he flipped to the channel with the remote.
Orange rings surround a black void in the very center of the screen. Writing in the bottom says "Warner Bros. Presents". All of a sudden, a creepy, smiling, mutilated looking face zooms into the center of the screen. Some sort of strange cheesy jingle starts that sounds a lot like the theme song of a certain Rabbit. The screen then shows the same freaky man lyng on the words "Looney Havik in..." while carrying a morningstar. The screen then transitions to the words "All's well that ends not well". The screen then fades to black.
We see a lush forest full of birds and squirrels, but on the trees there are wanted posters with a picture of the same mutilated man that says "Havik season". We then see a man in green armor and two banners on his back creeping around carefully. We see him pass by several of the trees. He looks at all of the posters one by one, and then notices that one of them that one of them is a little three dimensional. The picture is a picture of Havik with one of his eyes squinted and sticking out his tongue. Mr. Bannerback looks at it for a moment then shrugs and turns away.
As he is walking deeping into the forest, he hears an effeminate "Yoo Hoo" from behind him. The guard turned around and noticed that the picture in the wanted poster was replaced with a huge hole in the tree. He dashes towards the tree but one of the trees magically lowers down and the banners collide with one of the branches, sending the man spinning through the air. the banners then impale into the ground, leaving the green guard trapped upside down.
While he's struggling, he sees something digging through the ground towards him. He inspected the dirt trail until it came up to him. Out of the earth came Havik holding a morningstar.
"Heeeeeeeey? What's up Ho-Tar-Ooooo?" Havik asked the upside down victim as he laughed like a maniac, hitting his head with his morningstar.
"Shut up you nut! Just surrender to the Law!" Hotaru shouted at Havik as he still tried to struggle out of his predicament. Havik just looked up chuckling.
"Looks like you need some help buddy boy! Need a hand?" Havik hollered as he jumped out of his hole, doing a quadruple back flip, breaking his neck. He then got up and walked towards Hotaru.
"Fine." Hotaru muttered to the Chaosrealmer grumbling.
Havik then ripped his arm off and tossed it to the Seidan. Hotaru grabbed it, noticed what it was and tried to toss it, but the hand held on. Hotaru then tried punching the hand but the arm just dodged and poked both of the guard's eyes. Hotaru and Havik's appendge struggled so much that the banners broke and Hotaru fell down strait on his head.
As Hotaru was seeing stars circle his head, the arm crawled back to Havik. He blew a raspberry, blurted out "meep meep" then dashed away, leaving a trail of dust. Hotaru soon got to his senses and got up.
"Oh you cracked up chaosrealmer!" Hotaru hollered out as he took out his naginata and pursued.
As Havik was dashing away, he soon saw Hotaru gaining on him. The chaosrealmer's eyes popped out of his eyes as he screamed in terror. He then spotted a nearby cave and ran in.
"You can't hide in there scum!" Hotaru screamed to his target as he sprinted for the cave. But when he dashed in, he found himself crashing face first into what turned out to be just a stone wall on the side of a hill. He once again was seeing stars as he stumbled back.
"But mommy. I don't want to be in the military. I want to be an astronaut." Hotaru bumbled to himself as his eyes rolled around looking at the pretty stars. He then fell over.
Havik then appeared from behind a rock laughing, with a black paintbrush in his hand. Another Havik then walked out of the "cave" and high fived himself before disappearing in a magical purple light. Havik then frolicked away.
Hotaru eventually got up dazed and confused. He then began his pursuit again.
Meanwhile, Havik was relaxing on a tree stump eating a shish kebab of squid, rotten eggplant, an eyeball and a tin can. He ate it all in one gulp. As he was satisfied of his feast, he noticed Hotaru again.
"You can't escape now!" Yelled the Seidan in anger and frustration as he ran towards the cleric of chaos. His face was red and steam was shooting out of his ears.
Havik screamed like a little girl and ran away. Hotaru pursued, swinging his naginata like a madman. Havik then all of a sudden stopped and faced his attacker with his hands up. Hotaru stopped five feet away from him.
"Now I've got ya you crazed chaosrealmer." Hotaru spat out to his target as he put his naginata to his throat.
The cleric just smiled and pointed downwards. Hotaru looked down and he noticed that he was in the air, over a high cliff. After a few seconds of looking at the bottom, he stared into the screen and took out a sign that read "HELP". He then fell all the way down without even screaming. Havik then walked in the air to the cliffside and put his hand to his ear to listening to the whistling sound of the fall. Eventually, he heard a loud thud.
At the bottom of the cliff, a hole shaped like the seidan guard is seen. Hotaru popped up from the top of the hole. His armor is damaged, his hair is messed up, he has a black eye, missing teeth and several bumps on his head. He is seeing little red tweeting birdies. He was laughing to himself. Then all of a sudden, Havik slaps a wanted poster of himself onto Hotaru's face. The poster has Havik winking to the audience. Hotaru is so dizzy that he doesn't even notice.
"Bye bye firefly." Havik told his victim in a giddy attitude as he is heard walking off.
Hotaru just falls over back into the pit. The screen the fades away.
The orange rings shows up again with cartoony music with a sign in the middle saying "The End". Havik then rips through the sign saying "TH-TH-TH-THAT'S ALL FOLKS!" as the screen once again fades to blackness.
Reptile was staring at the screen awestruck. What did he just watch? But Baraka on the other hand was laughing out of his seat.
"So how'd you like it? Hilarious huh?" Baraka asked the Saurian as he got up still chuckling a bit.
"It was...okay. Not my thing but nice." Reptile told him trying to be nice. He honestly thought it was annoying.
Just then there was another knock at the door. Baraka ran over and opened the door. It was Kano in nothing but his boxers.
"Hey mates! My commercial comin up!" Kano hollered as he ran to the T.V and sat on the floor. He then changed the channel.
We see Kano eating a bowl of red cereal. The cereal box has a cartoony face of himself. Some narrator began talking.
"Introducing the cereal of the century...Kan-O's! Makes your milk look like blood! The kids will love it!"
Kano then gives a thumbs up.
Reptile just rolled his eyes in annoyance.
