Chapter 7 : Darkrai's Fortress and Bad Wording

YAH ! New chapter ! We have humor, seriousness, and...the Viking Song (which I'm not sure if that is the name of the real song, but I made my version up...so...no suing...) Oh, and the Team Rocket motto is modified (mainly 'cause I forgot some parts of the Sinnoh motto...)


" Here we are. Rai's fortress, " Mewtwo muttered. " Oh, and watch your step. I think there's still banana peels on the floor. (She's not the best housecleaner). "

Max scratched his head. " Wow. I would've never guessed that pokemon have different personalities. "

T.T " And I thought that you were supposed to be smart..."

Molly huffed as she smacked Mewtwo's paw. " Don't talk to Max like that ! He's so smartical it's sickening. "

DX " THAT WORD IS SOOOO F--KING ANNOYING ! "

The group had finally made it to the cave. Mewtwo was in an emo mood, Roxanne and Conway were observing every plant and particle in the air, Reiji was just staring into outer space, and everything was just unorderly.

Ai scratched her head. " Where did that word come from again ? "

Mewtwo gave the blue haired girl an annoyed look. " Don't get the kid started, Ai. I'll cut myself. "

:D " Okay, then ! I can't stop you ! "

" Ugh... "

Max shrugged. " Yeah, let's just drop the conversation. Anyway, where's Darkrai at ? "

The purple pokemon pointed to the top of a pillar. " Right there. "

Max gawked at the coal-black legendary. " Darkrai...you're beautiful ! "

Ai nodded. " Yeah, no wonder Mewtwo has a crush on you ! "

Mewtwo started to blush frantically. " Well, she is my girlfriend. "

Molly gasped. " Really ? "

T.T " Yeah, really. "

Roxanne began to laugh. " Oh, that's so cute. You're just like Conway...or Uryu. "

" Uryu, as in from Bleach, Uryu ? " Reiji inquired.

Conway nodded. " Yeah. Caroline actually had triplets... "

Max's jaw dropped. " WHAT THE F--K ?! "

" Hey, he was fastforwarded, too, but before me. It's a very complicated process, and he has a hard life as a Quincy. "

" What's a Quincy ? "

" Well, Ai, basically a Quincy is a regular human with no powers to defeat evil souls, but with a giant brain and a very annoying personality. That's why there aren't too many of them. "

" So...are we Quincys, too ? " Max asked.

" Nope. You have to be very annoying to make it in the Quincys (oh, and also bribe Ichiro.) "

" I thought it was Ichigo..." Roxanne trailed off.

"...Right. I got him mixed up with Naruto. "

Mewtwo cleared his throat. " Hey, we're not here to discuss Maple's screwed up family and their genetics. We're here to see Darkrai. "

(Everyone else) " Right. "

" Okay, then. So...hi, Rai. "

Darkrai waved one paw lazily. " Hey, Marv. 'Sup ? "

T.T " Uh, we have a bunch of psycho people chasing us, " Mewtwo replied. " It's retarded, really. If I wanted to stalk someone, I would tap into their IP address and track them down to their mailbox. That's the new and hip way to do that kind of bullcrap. "

" Yeah...so...what are you asking me for ? " Rai inquired as she scratched the top of her head.

" Well, I'm pretty poor, " Reiji stated. " I need mone- "

STAB !

(Reiji) X.X

Rai placed her paws on her ...hips ? (I dunno. Equivalent of hips, I guess.) " Okay, one rule for all of you. Don't ask me for that. I have no problem killing people. "

(All the humans) O.o " Yes, ma'am. "

V.V " Good, very good. "

Roxanne sweatdropped. " So...what are we going to do with him ? "

" Eh. Bury him, I guess. I'm not one who revives people. It's retarded. "

Molly scratched her head. " I thought you were emo... "

SHADOW BALL !

" MEWTWO, YOU FLIPPIN' NOOB ! " Rai screeched. " I wish you would quit telling everyone my flippin' business ! "

( 0.0 ) " ...'kay. "

Rai nodded. " Anyway, so...what do you want ? "

Molly huffed. " We already told you ! A bunch of psycho people are chasing us, and stupid Marvin here thought to go to you for help ! "

" Don't call me tha- "

STOMP !

" SHUT UP ! "

Rai snickered. " I like her style. "

Ai sighed. " Molly, have you been staying up late again ? "

" ...Maybe. "

Conway fiddled with his glases. " Okay. So, are you going to help us out or not ? I have to try and get Dawn to go on a date with me. "

Roxanne glared at him. He sweatdropped. " Maybe not. "

The Darkrai rolled her eyes. " I guess I can help you, but I'll have to morph. "

-poof!-

In an instant everyone saw Darkrai turn from a pokemon into a five foot six inch morpher. Her skin was of a light black. Her eyeballs were teal with black eyes. She had dark black hair up to her chest with an ivory-colored hairpiece on top of her forehead and red barrettes on the sides. Her clothes were of a navy blue t-shirt and a black skirt. Her nails were of the same color as her hairpiece, and she also had a tail, but what surprised everyone was that she was wearing red glasses on her face.

Max sweatdropped. " Wow. "

" Don't make fun of me ! " Rai snapped. " I have bad eye vision, okay ?! "

Mewtwo fell over to the floor and started to laugh hysterically. " HAHAHAHAHA ! RAI'S A NEEEEERD ! "

" SHUT THE F--K UP, MEWTWO ! "

" Never ! "

" Oh, yeah ?! "

-poof!-

Mewtwo was poofed into a shorter morph version of himself. His skin was of a light purple, and also had a tail. His hands and feet only had two fingers/toes each. He was wearing a black sweatshirt with a bunny head on it, blue shorts, and black shoes. He had a shoulder-length blonde wig on his head with a fake goatee on his face. His ears were on top of his head, and his slanted dark purple eyes glared at everyone. " D...SHUT UP ! "

" What's with the bunny, Mewtwo ? " Ai asked.

" Uh...I like bunnies..." Mewtwo replied as he started to blush.

" Okay, then... "

" Uh, your legs are scrawny... " Roxanne trailed off.

" And...you also have a tail..." Max added.

" And...your shoes are retarded... "

" SHUT UP, CONWAY ! "

Conway shrugged. " Okay, then... Marvin."

PSYCHIC !

X.o " Ow. "

Rai cleared her throat. " Okay, here's the plan. We're gonna go and warn Shaymin. "

" Why not Phione ? " Molly asked.

" Phione and I are not on speaking terms, " the Darkrai curtly replied. " She stole my lawnmower and joyrided in it. "

" But...you don't like Shaymin, " Mewtwo muttered.

-.- " I know that, but I can tolerate her. "

T.T " You tried to eat her as a salad. "

DARK VOID !

" WHAT THE HELL DID I SAY ABOUT REVEALING MY PRIVATE BUSINESS ?! "

O.O " Not to say anything... "

Rai nodded. " Good cloned...purple thingie. Anybody else want to reveal my business ? "

(x5) " No, ma'am. "

" Good. Okay, so here's what we're going to do... "


" YAH ! YAH ! YAH ! YAH ! YAAAAAH ! I AM A VIKIIIIIING ! "

BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

It was a very bleak (yet hilarious) sight. Misty sat in the passenger seat, looking bored. Whitney, Jasmine, and Tracey were in the middle section, and Ash, Gary, Domino, and Mortimer were in the back.

Everything was screwed up. Whitney was reading every religious pamphlet she could find and popping Sudafed. Jasmine was humming to herself while she was knitting something (and was like the only sane person in the car.) Tracey was trying to sketch a roadsign (but was sucking.) Gary and Domino were arguing over who won in blackjack. Ash was spacing out (like the retard he is), and Mortimer was trying to sing all 541 verses of the Viking Song, but couldn't count pass three, so he kept repeating the same three verses over and over and over.

(Mortimer) " I AM A VIIIIIKING ! WE CHOP AND STEAL STUUUUFF ! WE DRINK LOTS OF BOOOOOZE ! Uh...I AM A VIIIIIKING ! WE CHOP AND STEAL STUUUUUUUF ! WE DRINK LOTS OF BOOOOOZE ! Uh...uh...I AAAAM AAAAA VIIIIIKIIIIIIIINGGGGG !... "

And of course through all of the commotion, once again Giovanni was banging his head on the steering wheel while driving.

Finally, after twenty minutes of senseless droning, Ash cleared his throat. " Hey, Mortimer ? "

The Deoxys tilted his head out of amusement. " Yeah ? "

" ...Could you teach me the Viking Song ? It's really neat ! "

" Su- "

PURSE' D x2 !

" NOT IN YOUR F--KING DREAMS ! " Domino screeched as her purse reached both Ash's and Mortimer's heads.

Gary tutted. " Well, this thing tops the list for the most annoying legendary. "

Misty nodded. " Yeah, and I thought Mew was bad. "

Ash shook his head. " No way ! Regigigas is waaay worse than Mortimer ! "

Mortimer nodded. " Yeah, he's always like, ' Mortimer, could you spare a dime ?' 'Mortimer, could you hide my weed ?' 'Mortimer, I need you to wire me two million dollars or the feds are going to kill me !' It's pathetic ! "

Whitney sweatdropped. " That's not a very good role-model (or legendary.) Maybe we should burn him on a stake. "

T.T " Whitney, please stop, " Jasmine murmured.

" Okay ! "

Tracey grinned. " Yep. "

" Yep, what ? " Domino inquired.

" Ash peed his pants again. "

" I DID NO- Oh, yeah...I did. "

The car slammed into a gas station abruptly. Giovanni glared at Ash. " One warning, Red, " he snarled. " Use the toilet or DIE ! "

" You can't make me ! "

" WHAT ?! Hell yeah, I can ! "

SHOVE OUT OF CAR ! -

Ash made fists. " I won't forgive you ! "

" Whatever. "

As Ash left for the toilet and then came back to the car, Misty sweatdropped. " Uh, guys ? "

(Kids and Mortimer) " What ? "

" Uh, does anybody have any idea why there's a giant fighting robot in the middle of the street ? "

" THERE'S A GIANT FIGHTING ROBOT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET ?! " Giovanni screamed. " GOOD GIRATINA, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE ! "

Ash put a hand to his forehead. " Way to go for making us happy our last few minutes, Douche, " he said sarcastically.

" You know what, Ash ? "

" Huh ? "

" I WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN ! "

Silence consumed everybody for a long time before the robot stuck out his tongue to reveal two people in white uniforms and a talking Meowth. It was none other than Jessie, James, and Meowth.

" Listen, is that a twerpish voice I hear ? " Jessie asked.

" It's speaking to me annoying, yet clear, " James replied.

" On the wind ! "

" Past the stars ! "

Meowth jumped up and waved a flag with a red R on it. " In your ear ! "

Jessie grinned. " Breaking speed with a neck-break pace ! "

James flipped his hair. " Dashing hope putting fear in its place ! "

" A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet ! "

" When everything's worse, our work is complete ! "

" Jessie ! "

" James ! "

" Meowth, now dere's a name ! "

" Putting all the do-gooders in their place and putting a pebble in their shoe ! "

" We're Team Rocket in your face ! "

" We're Problem Number Two ! " Meowth finished.

Jessie laughed evilly. " Ah, the twerps ! We're going to take this city over with our newly paid giant robot ! Oh, and to also get back at that bitch, Cassidy. "

" Go ahead. We're not gonna stop you, " Ash muttered angrily.

James smirked. " Damn strai- huh ? "

" I said, go ahead ! " Ash repeated. " We're not gonna stop you ! "

Meowth scratched his head. " Twoipy, have you gone insane ? "

" No. "

" Okay...so...why you actin' dis way ? "

Ash stepped out of the car and calmy walked over to the giant robot. Jessie sweatdropped. " Anything wrong ? "

" No...EXCEPT MY DAD IS A NO-GOOD NARCISSIST SON OF A BITCH BASTARD THAT'S A F--KING LOSER AND CAN JUST F--KING DIE ! " Ash roared.

He turned to the bumbling trio. " AND YOU THREE ! CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT ?! FREEZING PRIEST, YOU THREE ARE THE BIGGEST LOSERS I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE ! ALL OF YOU ARE AS BAD AS MY...DISOWNED FATHER ! STUPID, STUPID SONS OF BITCHES ! I'VE HAD IT ! "

And with a kick to the metallic leg, Ash threw his hat to the ground and stormed off in the opposite direction. James paled. " What did you twerps do to him ? He's usually just annoying. "

Domino sighed. " Ask Douchy. "

Giovanni glared at the backseat. " Hmph. So much for loyalty. "

" Uh, you just broke your own son's trust. I'm pretty sure you shouldn't get mad. "

" Well, it's true. "

Everyone stood in silence for a very long time, even Mortimer. Jessie was the first to speak. " That's the worst thing you could do to anybody, " she quietly said. " Say that your child was never born. "

" You heard what da Boss was saying ? " Meowth asked.

" Yeah. It's the worst thing you could do to anybody, " the redhead repeated. " I know. I remember it was a long time ago. Twenty-five long years ago. I was only two. Mom...my real mom...I still lived with her. She always acted and pretended to be nice to me, but every day I heard shouts from her own boss on how I was one giant failure to the business. "

Jessie's eyes started to water as she continued. " Then...one day, she said that to me. " I wish you were never born ! Then, maybe the Boss would have respect me. " She shattered my heart. It was the worst thing she could ever say. She would rather please her cold, heartless boss instead of her own daughter. I tried to win her love, but she stuck me in a home and just...went off to the Andes Mountains, never to be heard from again. I thought...I thought that if I joined Team Rocket, then...maybe I would be happy like Mom. But it wasn't anything like that kind of happiness. It was being with James and Meowth. Still... "

James wrapped an arm around her. " We understand. "

Everyone stood in silence until Misty spoke up. " Okay. All of us know that Mr. Ketchum is nothing more than a bastardly douchebag, so how do we get Ash back to his cheery, annoying, pants-wetting self ? "

Jessie sniffled. " Well, there are two options. Option Number One is the obvious one - an apology. "

" Which we all know that getting an apology from the Boss is very slim to none, " Domino muttered.

-.- " Right, and what I did was...binge on food. "

Tracey scratched his head. " So...all we have to do is to check at every restaurant is where Ash is eating at ? "

" Uh, yeah. "

Gary felt his head. " I think I may know where Stupid's at. "


(Arby's)

" Uh, Oaky ? "

T.T " What is it, Whitney ?! "

" Why are we at Arby's ? "

Gary moaned. " Jasmine, would you tell her ? Please ? "

Jasmine nodded. " We're looking for Ash, Whitney. Don't you remember ? "

" Oh, yea- GOOD GIRATINA ! WHAT IS THAT ?! "

She pointed with a shaky finger at a slumped down Ash with a needle stuck in his arm. Mortimer gasped. " My Arceus, Ash is Arby's roast beef comatose ! "

Everyone sweatdropped as Misty walked up to the food overdose boy, yanked the needle out of him, and started to slap him. " Ash, I don't care if you do have a giant stomach ! " she hissed. " That much Arby's can kill you ! "

Ash looked up from the table and glared at her. " So ?! Like I care ! Food makes me happy, especially Arby's ! "

(Gary) " No, seriously, dude. That much Arby's is not healthy for you. "

" SHUT UP, OAKY ! "

Meowth poked the black haired boy. " Twoipy, you're actin' like a kid. "

" I am a kid ! "

" Uh, you're fourteen, Ashy. "

" Hmph ! "

Tracey sweatdropped. " Well, we tried. "

Misty nodded. " Yep. Time for Plan B. Mortimer ! Bring in the douche ! "

The Deoxys shoved Giovanni inside the restaurant. Ash snatched back the needle from Misty's grasp and sighed. " Dad, you are the biggest douche I know, and you broke my heart today, but...I think we're even now. "

Giovanni sweatdropped. " Uh, what do you mean ? "

" Well, I have some discriminating evidence that you nearly killed Brock's dad in a drinking competition. "

O.o " What do you mean ?... "

" Behold ! The power of DVDs ! "

-several facefaults!-

/.\ " Okay, I'm sorry. "

Ash wagged a finger. " Not just yet. Before we do anything to continue the search, I need to do something first. "

" Whatever it is, do it. "


" WHEEEEE ! WHEEEEEE ! GIANT FIGHTING ROBOTS ARE FUUUUN ! " Ash cried as he picked up a tree with the robotic arms and threw it at some building...named...Silph Company.

Everyone's jaw dropped, even Mortimer's. Jessie, James, and Meowth looked at each other. James scratched his head. " Uh, maybe we should go... "

" Right, Jimmy. It ain't worth it to see Twoipy actin' like a 'tard. "

Jessie nodded. " Team Rocket's disappearing again ! "

-poof x3!-

Giovanni moaned and turned to the others. " Okay, absolutely nobody mentions this to Delia, or she will kill me. "

-everyone else- " Deal. "

" Good. Next time I'll make sure to choose my wording right. "

End


(Next chapter preview : )

" I hate being a morph ! " Rai hissed. " Where the hell could that flippin' hedgehog be ?! "

" Hey, Miss Rai ? "

" Huh ? What's wrong, Ai ? "

O.o " I do not like the look that that rock thing is giving us. "

Rai turned to see what Ai was pointing at and sweatdropped. " Oh, damn, not Regigigas. "

T.T " We're all screwed, aren't we ? "

" Yes, Marvin, we are. "

DX " DON'T CALL ME THA- "

PUNCH !

O.o " Never mind... "